Big Girls Don't Cry Ch. 03

When Lizzie mentioned that she was anxious to get home so she could ring dad, Lena suggested she call from here, which surprised me and definitely caught Lizzie off-guard. She looked at Lena as if unsure she'd heard her right, and Lena handed her the 'phone with a small smile on her lips.

"Darryl, Emma, let's go and have a coffee, I think Lizzie needs a little privacy!"

The three of us retreated to the Dining Room, making small talk as we sat around the table with our coffees, mostly Emma telling me about her brother, my biological father. I was curious; a few weeks ago I'd never heard of him, the man who'd contributed 50% of my genetic heritage, and while I didn't consider him a parent in any way, shape or form, it was interesting nevertheless to find out about a side of my family I'd never encountered.

While we chatted, the subject of his death, at such a tragically young age, came up, and Emma asked if I would like to visit his memorial at Arnos Vale. I didn't see any harm in it, although Lena balked at first; I had to explain to her that he'd done nothing wrong, he hadn't abandoned me, he never had the chance to even see me, and perhaps this was one way to close that book once and for all. Lena agreed, bless her, and Emma offered to take us, but without Lizzie in tow; she'd never been there, it was still too painful, and always would be, and it would serve no purpose to open that old wound again.

Emma also told us about her two younger sisters, my aunts, and their families. One sister, Ellen, the youngest, lived in Australia with her husband and three children, and the other sister, Lois, two years younger than her. She lived with her two children, Julie and Mark, somewhere in South London, but Emma wasn't sure where, she'd been out of contact with her for years.

Emma herself had a son and a daughter, both at university; her son, Ian, was studying Marine Biology at Plymouth, and her daughter, Shauna, had just been accepted at City University, London, to study Mechanical Engineering. She was obviously extremely proud of them, as was her husband, a chef at the Royal Hotel, just a few yards from where Lena and I had dined the previous night.

As we were chatting, there was soft knock on the door, and I opened it to see Lizzie, her eyes red and puffy, but she was smiling.

"Dad asked me to come and see him, and to bring the kids; I said I would, as soon as I could get the money together for the tickets. He sounds just the same, just like I remember, he was...it was..." she faltered as a tear spilled down her cheek. To my great surprise, it was Lena who put her arm around her, and Lizzie began sobbing softly into her shoulder. I looked at Emma, who shrugged, as taken aback as I was; this was a bit of a sea-change for Lena, given her earlier hostility, but I held my tongue; maybe it was a good thing...

The two of them sat together in the old twin-seat couch, Lena murmuring something while Lizzie snuffled into her shoulder and whispered back, her tears gradually easing-off as Lena whispered urgently in her ear. Eventually Lena handed Lizzie a tissue, and waited while she wiped her eyes and blew her nose. When she'd regained her composure, she smiled at Lena and me, and nodded at Emma, who stood up.

"We'll be going now, but I'll call you and we'll do that thing we discussed, okay?"

I nodded agreement, as did Lena, and Lizzie stood up to leave, then stopped, smiling at Lena.

"Lena, can I ask a favour of you?"

Lena shrugged. "Sure, what do you need?"

Lizzie took her by the hand.

"Come with me, please, there's something I have to do."

As she led Lena from the room, I followed, ascending the stairs to the second floor, where our old bedrooms were. As Emma and I trailed behind, she led Lena into her room, to the walk-in closet.

"This used to be my room; I'm guessing it's your room now?" she asked, Lena nodding in reply. Lizzie walked into the far corner of the closet, and knelt down, feeling around until her hand found something under the loose carpet in there. She pulled back the carpet and prised-up a small section of floorboard underneath with her finger through a knot-hole, and groped around inside the cavity there. She pulled her hand out, dropped the piece of board back into place and pushed the carpet back down before standing up and dusting her hands against her jeans. Lizzie held out her hand to Lena, offering her a small tissue-wrapped packet.

Lena looked at her quizzically, and Lizzie smiled.

"Go on, take it, please, I want you to have it!"

Lena took the little packet from her and carefully opened it, finding a small gold St. Christopher medal on a fine gold chain inside. She looked questioningly at Lizzie who smiled sadly.

"Robbie gave it to me for the baby; his dad gave it to him, and he wanted the baby to have something of his while he was away. I want you have it for your baby, a gift from both of us; I think Robbie would have liked that."

Lena looked at me.

"Darryl...?" she asked, and I took the medallion from her, turning it over to look at the back, seeing the initials 'RDF' engraved there. I looked enquiringly at Lizzie.

"Robert Darryl Fraser, that was his full name," she said, sadly, "that's where your name came from, I thought you should know..."

Lena lifted up her hair, and I passed the chain around her neck, doing up the clasp as she held her hair out of the way. Lena smiled at Lizzie.

"Thank you for this, I'll give it to the baby when she's old enough to wear it safely, I promise; I'll tell her it's a gift from her grandfather!"

Lizzie grinned at her.

"She? You can't know yet, surely!"

Lena smiled back, winking at me.

"I've decided I'm having a girl, I want a girl, so a girl it is! Any objections, mister?"

I just grinned, knowing better than to stick my foot into THAT particular bear-trap; Lena has a way of weighing you down with reasons why she's right and you're not, and when she says something's so, then that's the way it is, Full-Stop, Amen, The End.

Lizzie laughed and took Lena's arm as they walked downstairs together, the barriers between them finally down. I'd been a little surprised at the speed she'd changed, perhaps she'd tell me later, if she felt like talking about it, what had brought this about. At the door, they hugged one more time, Emma promising to come back soon and take us to see Robert's memorial at Arnos Vale, and Lizzie exchanging numbers with Lena so they could arrange a time for us to meet those two adorable children.

As we watched them drive away, Lena wound her arm through mine, her fingers drumming gently on my upper arm. I knew she was thinking about something, but also that she'd talk to me when she was ready. I closed the door and led her back into the living room, pulling her down next to me on the couch. She pulled a cushion onto my lap and lay down with her head on it, looking up at the ceiling, her eyes far away. After a few minutes of this I coughed to get her attention.

"Baby, a penny for your thoughts!" I murmured, and she turned to me, giving me her full attention.

"Dar, we did the right thing, right?" she asked me, and I shrugged and nodded. There was one thing I wanted to clear up though...

"Lena, that was a pretty quick attitude re-adjustment there, I thought you were angry with her?"

Lean looked up at the ceiling again, obviously gathering her thoughts.

"When she first came in here, I had an almost overpowering urge to belt her one, then kick her where it hurts! After she told us the truth, and it couldn't have been easy, I saw and understood how it might have been for her; I think I'm strong-minded, but she's not me, she's Lizzie, and I realised that I couldn't hold her up to my standards for myself because she's not me. Maybe being pregnant is making me less judgemental, or more tolerant, I dunno, but I saw those kids, I saw daddy in them, I saw me in them too, and suddenly I saw how much alike we were in other ways, how much we have in common."

She smiled at the ceiling.

"You were right, you know; daddy wasn't mad at her, I had no right to be either, and the few little suspicions I had lurking at the back of my mind about why she was really here disappeared as she talked. When she put me in my place, I didn't know whether to smile or slap her, but I think that's when I changed in how I thought of her; she really was a grown-up, and she was acknowledging what she'd done; that was enough for me, there and then; the rest was just pushing her to see what else she'd tell us! After my baby is born, I think it would be good for her to know her family, her cousins, and he aunt; family is what's important now, that's what daddy said, now I really know what he meant."

I grinned at her.

"So you're sure you're having a girl? What if you're wrong, what if it's a boy?"

Lena reached up and poked me in the eye, grinning as she did so. "There's no 'wrong' here, it's still our baby, still my baby, and I love her, or him, just as much. Does that answer your question, Doctor Smarty-pants?"

I stroked her forehead, then her tummy, where our baby was nestled, Lena still looking at the ceiling, her mind on something else.

"Dar, I meant what I said, about taking her to daddy once she'd faced me; fact is, I told her we would; she and the kids, I hope you don't mind; her husband doesn't give her much, and she only works part time, and I want daddy to see them before it's too late. Are you angry?"

"How could I be angry with the love of my life?" I grinned, "Say when and we'll get it organised. The kids should still be on their Summer Holidays, so it better be soon."

Lena sat up and kissed me.

"Thank you Dar, thank you for understanding. And now, take me upstairs, I feel like being ravaged; you've rested, fed, and had a chance to get your wind back, I want you to do things to me, in fact, I insist!"