I guess I first knew something was up not long after my eighteenth birthday, when one afternoon when I was at home alone, I logged in to my side on the big computer and found some of my pictures open. They were from earlier in the summer, of me and Beth in our bikinis in the living room. We just took them with the computer cam. We were kind of prancing around and stuff, kind of dancing or whatever and taking pictures. There were eight or ten of them up on the screen, all the ones with 'bikini' in the title from my image folder. In the one in front when I logged in, you see Beth's face all big, smiling on the side of the screen; I'm standing behind her but you can only see me from my knees up to my nose; I'm holding one arm across my chest on the other arm, and my hip is kicked out to the side. You can see my hair hanging loose in it. I had just had it cut. I remember how it felt different, softer, loose and brushing on the skin of my chest after we'd sat out in the sun all day.
Of all those pictures, that's the one I thought I looked the best in, that showed my body best. Beth had confirmed it when she said I looked "damn sexy." She had been acting sort of strange and lezzy again around that time, too. It was an occasional thing with her. Funny girl. "This picture makes me feel like a man," she said. "I'm drooling like a man. I wish I had some Asian DNA. Such skin, such lips! Kyung, I want to be you!"
I don't know what to make of such things though. People always have this thing about Asians. "How do you know it's not the Persian in me instead of the Korean?" I asked. Anyway, because it was my favorite of those pictures, I thought maybe I had left it open there myself and forgotten. It had been a while since I'd even used that computer, since I'd gotten my iphone. But I just knew that I hadn't opened those pictures. I just knew it.
This was the one house computer we all three shared. We each had passwords but everyone knew mine since it's the same for the wireless and everything. So there wasn't really any mystery about that. At first I thought, how strange that Mom would be looking through my pictures like that, and I was annoyed. But the more I thought about it, the less sense it made; she barely even knew how to use the computer except for her email. Then it had to be...but I didn't dare let the thought in. But it had to be. It had to be Job.
Job. It's not easy for me to recall how I saw him then, at that distance. Mom's boyfriend. As close to my age as to hers. He was not even thirty, I learned, though he had seemed older when I met him. Cute, not my dream guy but he had something that grew on you and that took hold in the end (although I guess I'm biased!). Thin, tallish, a kind of charming way of carefulness about everything, always joking. Dark hair. He had lived with us for a year already then. I guess it sounds like an extreme situation in some ways, but we had all three gotten along well so far and things had gone pretty smooth. The worst thing to happen in that time was that I once came home and heard the two of them having sex, really loud. Mom was screaming like an animal. Jonathan had been with me too. So embarrassing. We had just turned around and left the house.
But now this with the pictures. I didn't know what to make of it. Job had been sitting in this chair and looking at these pictures of me. I thought about that. Suddenly I felt a thrill of something, something near and invisible, like walking in the dark and suddenly knowing there is a big hole in the ground in front of you even though you can't see it. I thought, is he looking at my pictures and jerking off? I kept thinking about it, then soon I was seeing it in my mind, seeing him looking at me, and the blood began to pound in my head. I flipped through the pictures that were open and imagined him looking at me showing my bikini bum to the camera, or leaning into Beth's arms with my head back against her shoulder, and he was rubbing his dick to it, squeezing his dick through his pants.
My nipples were pressing on my tanktop now, growing long. I felt every lacey move, they wanted my attention. Then my hand was tracing up my thigh, pulling up my shorts, my nails on my thigh. Beth and Job, a hand on my thigh. Beth's long nails, cool hands always sneaking across me, across my skin. Job's hand would be thicker, stronger. I pushed two of my fingers against my pussy and felt the panties soak around them. I moaned a little when I felt it. My eyes were locked on my own bum, in the picture, and I was getting hotter and hotter, thinking about this man's dick hard looking at it.
I pulled up one of my legs over the arm of the seat and started rubbing a finger over my clit through my panties. My legs were spread like some kind of slut in heat but I didn't care, it made me even hotter like that. A dirty show off girl, that's what I was. Imagine if he caught me here, I thought--Imagine him pulling his pants down grabbing his dick in his fist seeing my ass my little titties there wanting my lips around his cock I'd suck that fucking cock for him--What would he do if he walked in right now on me like this? Would he push his fingers up in me?
I pushed my own fingers around my panties and in past my lips, with a shock I felt myself stretch tight to let the two in together. My back arched off the seat. It felt so fucking good. I was soaked too, I felt a drip of my juice run down around the curve of my bum. I clicked to a picture of me bent laughing, Beth's arms from out of the frame pulling on my hips--you like the curve of my ass baby, you want to bend that sweet girl curve?--Maybe he wants to fuck me and Beth together, I thought. He likes us touching in the pictures, her hands on my stomach--oh yeah you know she wants to watch you fuck me Job she wants to put her hands all over me In me and you fuck me for her then fuck her mouth--Ah god, my hips shot up, I was slamming my pussy now, grinding down on my hard little clit, kneading my breast rough. "Fuck," I whispered heavy, "fuck fuck me, fuck me, yeah, fuck your good girl."
From then on Job became a part of my fantasies, in the shower, in bed at night, the usual places. I even filmed myself in my bed once, with the idea that I could leave the video for him to find. I ended up deleting the footage as soon as I was done, but doing it, watching myself get off was an amazing turn on. I got up on all fours and spread myself, pulled my nightie up around my belly and bent over right in front of the camera, exposing everything. I pushed my thighs wide apart and reached around to myself from behind. Soon my hips were bucking back against my hand, and I felt palm slapping against my own asshole. I loved it. I came harder than I'd ever come before. Running all down my thighs, all over my hand. I tasted it too, watching myself on the screen. I sucked my dirty hand into my mouth, pushed it all the way in to the back, thinking I would email it to Beth. Things I'd never dreamed of doing before.
But in the rest of my life the incident was forgotten, a kind of dream. Certainly I never tried to make any special contact with Job about it, to let him know he'd been caught or anything. I was too scared of the whole thing to even pay any special attention to how he acted, to see if anything was up. Until one day an opportunity arose, and I had the guts to take it.
Mom, Job and I were eating dinner together and talking about swimming. They had just been to our local lake that day and Mom was surprised that Job had loved it there. It's far too lowbrow for her. She barely even lets me go there. I had to have Beth's mom call her to convince her that everyone goes before she'd say yes. She thinks the water's dirty, though its tested every year and everything, and she thinks the people are too "vulgar" there or whatever. I guess she had assumed that Job would feel the same, since he usually seemed to agree with her. But he came back all excited, saying it reminded him of the little town he grew up in and how great the little boats were and everything. Mom just laughed and said, "I'm not going back this year, though."
"Oh, yeah, well, I sort of figured that," Job said. He was acting a little deflated, but in his jokey way.
"We should go together," I spit out. It was like the words turned me to wood. I was looking right at Job, and when he looked up from his hands at me I felt my cheeks flush hot. Why did I say that? Suddenly I was thinking of all my dirty little fantasies, but I was afraid as though they could read my mind.
"Yeah," he said quickly, equally wooden, "let's do that." There was just a moment of quiet, with Mom looking from me to him. I thought it was an intense moment but I couldn't be sure. It's like we were in it and then it was over and nobody wanted to look at it. Just pass it over.
We didn't talk about going to the lake anymore, but I thought about it. I hoped for it, without knowing why. I had no clear idea about anything. I just wanted to see what would happen, alone with Job, out of the house.
And sure enough our chance came, and we took it. Towards the end of summer, Mom had to go to New York overnight to order things for her shop. Job and I were to be home alone for one night. She would be back by dinner the second day. Nothing unusual, we'd done all this before. He makes dinner. We sit and eat and talk. It's nice, we have a different rapport when Mom isn't there. He's more outgoing. He can talk about whatever he's interested in forever, and he doesn't need me to talk too much, which I like. I like listening to him too and he knows that without me having to say. Then after dinner we go our separate ways. I'll get online. He'll be reading in their room or whatever.
Now it's true that we hadn't been alone for a night since the pictures thing started, but I was pretty sure everything would be as usual. I had no doubt that I intended it to go that way myself. And it did. It was a totally normal dinner and a totally normal evening. Except when we were cleaning up, and he asked me in a weird quiet voice without looking at me if I wanted to go to the lake the next day, and in the same awkward wooden way I said yes, I would like to go.
He was so smooth, so calm. He was making jokes like always with everyone and soon I felt relaxed too. We motored out to the middle where we were far from everyone, spread out our towels and stuff on the boat's deck. My arm had been brushing his as we drove out, but otherwise we hadn't so much as touched. But I could feel his eyes on me now, like they'd never been before. His eyes were bold, watching me undress. I felt them burning on my tummy as I pulled my shirt over my head. I put a hand on his bare shoulder to balance when I pulled off one shoe, then the other, then I turned from him and pulled down my shorts, bending at the waist. Thinking about my video I wondered if he could make out my pussy beneath my bikini panties, the way I was bent for him. I shuddered. I couldn't believe that I was parading my body so blatantly in front of a man I had imagined masterbating to my pictures.
"Nice bikini," he said in that jokey too much way.
Of course I don't have to tell you which one I had chosen that day. I hadn't turned back to him. His eyes were on my back where it curved when I stood straight, I could feel them there like hot hands. I shifted from one leg to the other so my hips gave a little shake for him. "Thanks," I said, still facing away. Then I dove off the boat.
They say that cold water is supposed to calm you down, sexually, but I know now that that's a stupid cliché. I'll never forget the way the cool water took hold of me that day. Like a lover it lifted me, and I spread for it. It cupped my hot pussy with the sure of sex, arched me, rolled my nipples hard in its icy fingers. That water made me wanton.
Not only could I not believe it, I could not even think to wonder if I should believe it or not. But there I was lying beside her, my arm pressed...yes, pressed against her soft arm. Her amazingly soft, thin, firm brown arm. We were both looking at our books, but I was concentrated on that arm, and on the side of my vision, in which I saw her profile, the nose I knew well, on her mother too, the intelligent eyes, and above all the lips. Pink and full, rich as roses, the fullest of her budding body but for her beautiful bottom. That ass. God. I had thought I wanted it once, but not till now, when I had it so close, did I allow myself to even acquaint with the brutal lust. That pert little fruit of ass, hung off those precocious shifting womanhips, long thin legs, thin shoulders, thin arms, the body so light, so small and brown, absolutely built around that ass. Sun bleached hair, taut tummy, thin little feet, little Mom's nose and those fantasy lips. Of all her friends she is the youngest-looking, the least developed. She is about to go to college but she has only nubs for breasts, while most of the others are oozing sex, throwing their eyes around. But she is the one I want above all. She is wet beside me, dripping wet. Her skin is cold against my dry arm. I hope she feels the dry hair on my arm. I'm a man here next to you, warm, of hair, thick. Strong.
She just laid down, carrying the cool smell of the lake on her. She fell against my arm and stayed there. She didn't move herself away. Now is the moment. Goddamnit now is the moment.
I turned over onto one elbow then. I broke our contact, but now I was looking at her, facing her, smiling. I look at her face and I can really understand this girl. I can know her well. I hadn't planned anything to say but I was ready to speak. I pulled off my sunglasses but she didn't turn to me like I expected. She just kept her eyes locked on that book, in profile. Okay, I thought, okay.
So I didn't say anything. Instead I put a hand on her back. Below the string of her bikini, on the side, where the ribs show a little, where the her flesh fell into shadow. I put my hand right on to those beads of water, drawn tight on that peachflesh. Her mother even was still a peach. And yes I did feel guilty then. But she didn't move, didn't even shift her eyes. She was probably just looking at one word. I felt her cool skin. She would like my warm dry hand there. It was the first time my palm had ever laid on her. It was right on her naked flesh, the most beautiful perfect skin I had ever laid hand upon.
I slid it across her back, felt the divet of her spine pass beneath my palm, felt the rise that led towards her hips, her ass. The touch alone was heaven. Her skin alone, under my hand, it made my mind glow pink. And she didn't move.
I slid my hand to her opposite hip--the only little fat on that body round the hips--slid over the bikini string and pulled myself toward her. I pressed my chest to her shoulder, squeezed her to me by that hip, which I kneaded a little bit, not for her but for me. I didn't say a word, just leaned in and kissed beside her mouth. She turned to me then, turned to meet my second kiss. She gave me her mouth fully. I didn't even think twice to push my tongue into it, where hers waited for me. I didn't think twice either to pull her against me by her hip, thrust my hardening dick against her hip like she was an experienced girl. At this she seemed to open even further, so that my tongue was almost sucked into her mouth. She gave a little moan. I heard the book fall away.
But she didn't throw her arms around me. She just lay there propped on her elbows, letting me push into her smoothest mouth with mine. Letting me squeeze her wet light body against my rock hard dick.
I let my other hand grip her under her breast. I liked her this way best. If she were too willing, too knowing, she would lose purity. Instead she asserted nothing, but gave herself up to me with obvious pleasure, delirious-making pleasure. She thrust out her tongue into my mouth as I squeezed her breast in the wet cloth. I yanked down her flimsy little triangle of bikini bra and pawed her freed tit. I was surprised at the nipple beneath my palm, so long and so hard. It was longer than her mother's by twice, and smoother too. So young. When I squeezed her breast again she spread her elbows and leaned up, opening her chest to give herself to me more fully. I opened my eyes, and saw the long crimson nipple spring out between my fingers. Her breasts had swollen too, I saw, pressing now at the tiny bikini. I found her nipple between my thumb and finger and gave it a squeezing roll, knowing what her mother liked. She threw her head back at once, showing her lips parted wet, her long neck. Her hips bucked back too under my other arm, inviting me in. She met my eyes then with her closing ones, and it was like a go ahead. Go ahead and have me. I glanced out of the boat across the lake; there was no one around.
Now I palmed her. I slid my hand right in those panties and set a finger in her wet pussy, driving her legs apart. She wasn't resisting so much as unsure. I probably should have drawn that out more, teased her some, but I couldn't wait. I felt her take me in. God her pussy was so clean and tight. I wanted to put my tongue in it above all, but that would wait. Leave her some surprises. But I had acted too quickly anyhow, I could see that now. She started squeezing down with her hips, trying to hold me out. I was moving too fast. She doesn't know anything.
I pulled my finger away and turned her hips towards me, so that our bodies could meet. Her stomach was still cool from the water, pressed against me. She was more willing than ever now. Even thrust a little on the thigh I pressed into her. I slid down and took that nipple into my mouth. "Oh my god," she said, "yes. Oh yes Job." She was arching that ass again, inviting my hand. Then I don't know what inspired me but I gave her little firm ass a slap.
"OH," she yelped. Then she gripped the back of my head and pulled me to her breast, squeezed my hair. The genes of her mother. God what a turn on. I sucked her whole breast into my mouth. I felt the long nipple tickling the back of my throat. Thinking she'd never had that done before. I kneaded her full ass in my hand now, going nowhere near her pussy. But she wanted it, she wanted me there now. She was thrusting now at intervals, twitching her hips. Her panties were already rode halfway down around her ass, loose and bunched around her cunt. But I had learned my lesson, I didn't take that bait; I just kneaded that full golden ass cheek, sucked that nipple and bit it, squeezed that wet body thin and light in my arms. She was looking down at me now, her brow knit by pleasure at watching me have her. That brow hardly ever yet knit, knit now for me, for what I took of her. I pressed my dick on her lithe thigh.
This went on, and then I couldn't wait any longer for more. I rolled myself over on to her back. My fangs dove into her neck, her ear. She gave these things to me, turning her hair aside like a woman. I propped up at that and looked at what I had. She was beautiful and writhing beneath me. Not the girl I knew. A girl who was a woman. I yanked down her panties, yes I did. Roughly. I probed a finger into her pussy now and watched her accept it gladly, hair aside, eyes half-closed, lips puckering for the coming. I knocked one of her knees open with mine, but the other one she did herself, proning herself. The panties pulled tight at her knees. She thrust her full waiting perfect young ass up at me. I wanted to call her a good girl like I would her mother but didn't have the courage, in spite of it all. I should have, though, I thought, because after a moment of my staring in heaven she let it drop again, squeezed it to. Something like shyness, I knew.
I was fucking her with my finger anyway, making it happen. With the other hand I pulled off my trunks, letting my dick bounce out. I wanted her to see it but didn't wait. She knew. I knew she knew because she had her own hand on her breast now, rolling her nipple, head on the boards, lying all flat on the boards. She would take gladly whatever I wanted to give her. I was tempted to fuck her right then and there, knowing she would love it. But I didn't. I knew what would be better, wiser. I switched my hand around now, bringing it around her hips and up under her. She obliged me by coming back onto her knees some, giving me access to her pussy. I started rolling over her clit, watching her moan and writhe for me, then I ripped her panties off. They slid right off her flexing little nymph knees. Then I took hold of her hip with my free hand and I crammed my hot hard dick right into her ass crack, putting my weight on her.