Billy Ch. 01

As I listened, I began to see that this was more about Billy and her needs than anything else. I had known Billy over five years, four of those as husband and wife. I knew very well that she was a little selfish and very self centered. She believed the world revolved around her and she expected so much from everybody else. I had tried hard to make her more reasonable in her expectations but she got her back up when I wouldn't see things her way or do what she wanted. Normally she argued and complained but if I wasn't around to fight with, it seemed she went toward something else. In this case, it was Mark and cheating on me behind my back.

As we talked it became more and more clear to me that all Billy thought about was Billy. She had to take action if things didn't fall the way she wanted or if she didn't get her own way. I thought back to the car. She didn't want a car and she didn't like driving but one of the girls got on her about being driven everywhere so she had to have a car. Not just any car; the two seat sports car that we never drove. And the clothes. She bought far more than she could ever wear just so she would have something new when she thought it would be noticed.

There were many other things like the trips. Both the trips she spoke of were quick trips with no time for anything else but business. I explained that but she refused to listen. She thought Europe, therefore shopping and sightseeing. I had to attend to business. Other things I turned a blind eye to because I could afford them and they seemed to make her happy. Now I understood that this was nothing more than an expression of her need to be in control. Mark was nothing more than a means to show her control over me when I didn't give her what she wanted.

We went to our separate beds that night, her feeling that things were slowly coming back to normal and me believing that I finally had enough information to make my decision. I slept well that night.

The next morning I left for work feeling better than I had for some time. I knew what I was going to do and today was the day for it. No more indecision, no more wondering, no more trying to decide. I had decided and now I just had to carry it out. I was going to divorce Billy and make the move to Denver by myself. I knew that she was not able to be faithful to me or to any man. She was too wrapped up in herself and her needs to ever have room for anyone else. I had known it all along but now I was forced to face it head on. Billy had no room for me in her life. She would not understand that but it was true nevertheless.

That day I called a lawyer that I knew quite well and filled him in on the details. I told him to begin the proceedings and to make the division of assets fair to Billy. I didn't want to hurt her any more than possible but I wanted it done. I wanted to complete all of the preliminaries before I left for Denver. I wanted that to be the start of a new life for me and hopefully for Billy. I asked him to call me when he was ready to file the paperwork. He gave me a tentative date of two days later and I made my plans to turn everything over to Mark by then. He was almost ready and would do whatever I wanted. Mark was actually quite competent in his job and that was the only reason I didn't fire his cheating ass. But, one day his time would come.

I told Billy my decision that evening and it was as unpleasant as I expected it to be. She was crying and trying desperately to make me change my mind but I tried to explain it to her as I saw it. To stay together was asking for more pain and anger. She couldn't accept it but it was true never the less. After two days of crying and screaming and pleading, the papers were filed and I had all of my clothes and necessities packed and ready to leave. I told her to have her parents come over to stay with her but she was still trying to save what was left of our marriage. She wasn't going to accept this until it was forced on her by the courts. Well, than so be it.

There was one unpleasant moment when her father and mother came to see me. Billy was not home and Violet and Ben Delong, Billy's parents knocked on my door. I let them in against my better judgment and invited them to sit in the family room. I sat down and asked them what they wanted. Ben began.

"We have to ask why you are being so unreasonable with our daughter. She's admitted she made a mistake and she's promised that it would never happen again. Why are you not able to accept her at her word? Why are you so determined to punish her?"

While this question was absurd on the face of it, I kept my cool and answered as calmly as I could.

"I'm not punishing her Ben, and she did not just make a mistake. What she did is just one of a number of actions she's taken when things didn't go her way. She is not able to accept anything that is not to her liking. I did something that she didn't care for and she punished me by sleeping with a man who was at the time my best friend. She did it not once, but three times, the third time I caught them together. But there are other things she's done that finally convinced me that Billy was never going to be able to be faithful to our marriage."

Violet decided to take a crack at me, a crack that showed her feelings for me.

"You are being very judgmental, especially when you have been anything but perfect yourself. Are you saying that you have never cheated on Billy? Never in your travels have you not spent a night with someone else? I think not!"

"You may think whatever you like about me. I will not discuss my failings with you except to say that I was always faithful to Billy. I would never have done that to her. I loved her too much to do that. I'm afraid she can't say the same about me."

Ben gave Violet a look that spoke volumes. I wondered how he tolerated that woman.

"Is there no chance that you can reconsider your decision? I know that Billy sees the error of her ways and wants nothing more than to try to make amends. Will you not let her try?"

I looked in his eyes and I could tell that he was actually upset about this. Apparently he loved his daughter very much and the fact that she was hurting must have overcome his dislike for me. I could respect that at least.

"Ben, I'm very sorry. If I believed there was any chance for Billy and I, I would take it in a heartbeat. But there is no chance for us. Billy knows it deep down in her heart. She is what she is. I thought I could live with her as she was, but I was wrong."

Violet looked like she wanted to say more but Ben stopped her. They rose and I showed them to the door. As they left, Ben turned one last time and shook my hand. He knew, I believed then, that he understood his daughter and who she was.

I left that weekend for Denver and let my lawyer friend act on my behalf in the divorce. That was the last time I spoke with Billy or her parents until years later. I began my new job the following week and settled in my new apartment.

I remember saying at one point during a phone call to Paula that this was the first day of the rest of my new life. (I was mistaken but I didn't know it then.) She just laughed and said that she was ready to move if I still wanted her. It was too lonely without me. I told her to make it quick and we hung up, her to make arrangements and me to begin my new life.