Bind

I bought some collars and sometimes wore those, tightening them to the level of discomfort. I even bought a gag ball, which stayed hid in my closet. The collars were interesting, some had loops on them and I could lock myself in after tying them to the headboard making my confinement complete. Tied to the bed by my ankles and my neck, but again only for a short time, late at night.

You have no idea how wet I get just thinking about all this, it is so delicious and I know what this all leads up to. That next time, that morning of the most intense feeling, that morning that as I had 'feared' David came into my room.

Ostensibly he wanted a ride somewhere and his car was not working. He could not get it started. Could I take him or could he borrow the car. I was laying in bed, my ankles bound spread eagle and hands tied behind my back. My gags and collar were under my pillow, but carelessly I had left some of the scarves tied around the corners of my headboard.

He knocked as he does, and in mortal fear I woke tearing my arms apart from their garbage tie bindings just as he opened my door and stepped in. The motion of my arms from behind my back led me to basically throw the covers off my bed so that in a moment I was exposed from my waist up. My breasts exposed until I pulled the sheet back up over myself.

He backed slightly, saying "Sorry. Sorry."

The feeling of my spread legs, and my nakedness all flooded into me. I was trapped, my fantasies raging.

How could he not notice? In the light of my room the sheet was fallen over my legs, spread wide beneath, one ankle basically at each corner of the bed. MY feet practically touching the corners of the foot board. Could he see the ropes tied at the corners, the scarves tied at the top?

All this happened in a split second, as he stood there.

"You should wait until I say you can come in David." I tried to make light of it. I truly wanted him there.

He said again, "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt anything. I thought you were asleep."

"I was."

"I need to borrow your car, or could you give me a ride. Mine broke down."

I could tell he noticed the ropes. I could see his eyes, he was tracing the ropes at the corners and the path of my legs from the corner of the bed, but then snapped his eyes back on me.

I turned crimson.

"I can give you a ride. I'll need my car otherwise you could. . ." my words trailed off, he was looking at my legs again.

"Ok. That's what I thought." Pause, "You ok?"

"I'm fine, you startled me. Never woke me up like this before."

He smiled, glancing around my room again. My box was against the wall again. I was not being careful enough, but it had been such a long time.

I tried to get him to look at me again, "Can you make me some breakfast?" His eyes on me melted my body, my whole middle softening and melting. I began my fantasy, being trapped. Pulling back the covers. I cannot get away, my spread legs, my trimmed little pussy. I could feel myself leaking.

His voice, "Sure."

"Give me a minute I'll be right down."

----------

I'd finally figured out a pantie gag, made it myself. It is harder than you think. First you need the right panties because a pair too big will not fit all in your mouth and too small and you are not gagged. I worked out how to roll them up and close off my mouth, binding a scarf so it stayed.

I'd bought the ball gag but I drooled when it was in and so I read about pantie gags and one of the things I noticed is that they are absorbent, and you do not drool. One of those things a bondage aficionado comes to learn, ha ha.

Anyways, I had also bought some fishnet stockings and was heading to my room, and I guess I must have been too quiet because when I opened the door to my room, there was David.

He was sitting and going through my box!

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"You fuck!!" I screamed.

I clenched my panties and fishnet stockings in my hand before throwing them at him, only to watch in horror as they opened up revealing a pair of fishnet stockings and scarf and panties fluttering around his shoulders.

"My sisters into some kinky stuff." He said. But when he saw my eyes, he thought better of the joke.

I began to cry. "You shit. You have no right. No right to snoop in my room. Get out!!"

I was crying.

He stood up, "Sis. I'm sorry. Come on."

"You fuck."

"I had no idea, I didn't know." He was holding me by the shoulders as I swung my hands out at him, in some ludicrous attempt to hit him. "I had no idea. Come on. Come on."

It just made me go more wild. He knew. He knew. God damn it. What kind of sicko am I. I kept these things in my closet. So much stuff. I looked down, the box was overflowing.

He moved away from me and I fell on the bed.

"I am. I'm sorry."

"Get out!!"

--------------

Oh my God. He saw me in my bed, the ropes, the gags, he saw my vibrator for fuck sake. I held out a vibrator that I could rig to my bed and feel myself getting penetrated.

Shit.

I did not know what to do. How could I ever face him again? I carefully put everything back in the box, and slid it into the corner of my closet and sat down staring into the mirror, looking at my face. I was beet red, my makeup running down my face, my hair limp around my cheeks, my lips swollen my runny nose.

"Fuck."

I sat, listening to the house. Is he still here? I wondered. Had he run out of here. Who would he tell? He's left. He'll never see me again. I opened my door and listened.

I walked down the hall, and his door was open. I looked in and he was packing.

I stepped in and leaned against the wall wiping my cheeks, "What you doing?"

"Packing." He looked up at me. "Sara. I'm sorry, I never, never intended to . . ."

"You don't have to."

"You don't want me here, not after what I did."

He stood silently before me, and I hugged myself as I leaned against the wall. We just looked at each other.

"It's ok." I paused and added, "Your right about one thing. You got some sicko for a sister, huh."

"Don't even think that. Come on. It's . . . I'll admit, not anything I could have ever come up with."

I laughed.

He loosened up a bit, "I think of you more, less, uh." He was struggling for words.

"Less Sexual." I said.

"No. Less. Intense." was all he could say.

"Don't leave. I'll get rid of everything. I need to stop anyways. It's stupid, no big deal. I got a boyfriend that was into it and he turned me on to it a little bit." I lied.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. It was a joke. A joke. Look I don't care, you're not hurting anybody. Are you?"

"I'm not cutting myself, or choking myself if that's what you mean."

"Adults. Adults do . . ."

"Weird shit. Stay." I grabbed his bag and dumped it.

I sat on his bed, and we were like that a long time. "Look." He said. "I love you."

"Weird shit and all?"

----------------

There was definitely a certain awkwardness that came from our little incident.

A cautiousness in how we interacted. He did not want to anger me again nor bring up what happened, and he avoided my room like the plague. For my part I did not really know how to move around him now, I was so aware of my hands and body in his presence (where should I put them?), and meeting his eyes led me to blush crimson. When our eyes met, I had to look away, I was still so embarrassed. In part for what he knew about me, but also because of my knowledge of my own fantasies that were beginning to include him. It was this elephant in the living room that we did not want to talk about, but was likely also the only thing we were thinking about in each others presence.

Ugh. Why did this even have to happen?

David was continually being over nice to me to the point of irritation, until finally I said, "Look, I'm not fragile or anything. I'm not suicidal. I'm normal. It's all ok."

He looked at me after my outburst, "You're Happy?"

"Yes. Jesus Christ!" I swatted him with the back of my hand.

"I'll hold off on the 'normal' judgment just now, but ok. Happy." He said while frowning and rubbing his arm where I hit him. "I understand. Remind me to avoid unhappy," grinning.

"Call it the new normal," I interjected and we both smiled.

So, we adjusted, to OUR new normal. The only thing that had changed was this shared knowledge of a secret that had not been known before. It's truly weird what impact that has. Imagine if your deepest darkest secret were suddenly uncovered before an unsuspecting someone who saw you every day. How would YOU be?

As normalcy returned, I thought about how a person can adapt to almost anything. Aside from David looking at me a little longer than I ever remembered, we were falling back into our old routines.

I would be shocked if he ever came to my room again though, ha ha. I think he was afraid to even go to the bathroom now because it was so close to my door.

Therein lay a bit of a new found freedom.

My room became MINE, even though - and likely because - he did have that nominal knowledge of what I did in there by myself. At night we watched movies together the regular way we always did, sipping wine or drinking a beer, and then we would say our good nights; and there WAS a certain erotica about it now. Almost as if I were saying, 'Good night David, I'm going to my room to tie my naked cunt up now.' I think he felt it too. But it remained unspoken.

I went to my bedroom, and indeed yes - I tied myself up with a new freedom. Not every night, not all the time, but as the urge rose in me, this inexorable desire to be bound. The inability to move, the loss of control, the feeling of bindings digging into my flesh, AND happy that I was not doing so, utterly alone anymore. I was, in fact, having some affect on someone else by my actions. Someone did know! Albeit my brother. I imagined him actually masturbating to his thoughts - dare I say his fantasy - of me, and the fact he knew gave me a certain thrill I had never felt before.

Tonight I bound my torso with two 12 foot lengths of silk binding rope each folded in half and threaded through a brass ring. The ring was set at my navel and each length was pulled tight around my waist, with the cord threaded back through the ring and then down between my legs so that they lay tucked inside my labia and then up my back in a criss cross pattern over my back and around under my arms and then across and between my breasts and under my arms again, beneath my breasts, over the top, and down to be tied back to the ring. It created this wonderful criss cross pattern over my torso which I would cinch tighter like shoelaces in a shoe, until my breasts ached and my flesh protruded from where I was trussed with the black cords.

I clamped weighted clips to my hard nipples and let them hang, the ache had sent this delicious tingling up my spine, just right. I next bound my ankles in a new way I had once seen in a magazine but never dared try, allowing for my feeling of being left alone in my room.

I bent my ankle back as far as it would go and bound my ankles to my upper thigh, wrapping the binding up around my bent leg toward my knee and then up around my back on each side and tugging until my legs were forced open wide, as wide as I could. It was impossible to either straighten or close my legs bound in this way, and my gaping pussy was impossibly exposed. I was trussed in the most vulnerable way possible. It was wonderful, the feeling of air on my sopping wet puss. Oh god, fantastic.

From any angle my cunt was held open to be fucked and there was no way to stop anybody. I loved the feeling, especially when laying on my front because the way I was tied left me kneeling on the bed with my ass high in the air, and my legs wide open.

Before my little session I had set a chair at the end of my bed that had attached to it a broomstick with a vibrator taped to the end, and as I lay forward on the bed I could slide down and with legs open to impale myself on the dildo. Blindfolded and trussed up I could rock myself on the dildo, let it penetrate me deep and be fucked to abandon pretending that it was not I, but some stranger in the room. The dildo fit perfectly, a giant vibrating cock, and what was amazing about this position too was the way the clamps on my nipples moved and dragged on the sheets of my bed as I thrust up and down, dragging my breasts and fucking. Exquisite.

The only disconcerting thing about the whole exercise was that I could not stop thinking about David, who as down the hall no more than ten feet away through the wall. I could imagine him there, while I was bound, helpless. He had to know what I was doing, knew I was bound, he could come in and take me. Nothing I could do about it. I would lay thinking this as I undulated my hips, thrusting onto the dildo, feeling this 'cock' press up inside, it was his cock I began fantasizing about.

No! No!! So big. No. Stop. "David! Ahhh!"

I let my moans out, probably louder than I had ever been. Loud enough to leave the confines of my room. Could he hear? I told myself no, and besides, he would know anyway. Would he not know?

My regrets in solo bondage:

I could not bind my arms behind myself at the elbow. I regretted that my knots had to always be done in a way that could be easily undone, and that meant I was not truly bound. Nor could I harness myself to the bed completely. I had not been able to figure out a way to tie my ankles to my wrists from behind as I imagined it. I wanted hooks, hooks in doorways on the ceiling, to hook myself to, but could not come up with a way. These things I wanted more and more, and my thoughts of their intensity and the pleasure of being truly bound remained in the background.

Worst of all, I kept trying to recreate the two most intense orgasms of my life, which strangely enough had both involved the presence of David.

--------------

A third night was coming that would prove to be the most amazing sexual peak yet. Like nothing I had ever ever felt. It was truly the craziest thing ever.

I was getting 'ready' for bed, and had reached a point where I really could not fall asleep unless I was bound in some way. Some nights it took nothing more than to have my ankles tied. Sometimes a belt pulled tight around my waist was enough, but it had to be something. Other nights were more elaborate depending on the intensity of my yearnings.

Tonight I needed something more, was in a total heat. Stripping naked I tied my ankles spread eagle to the foot posts on my bed, ironically the very position that I lay in when David came in that time and probably my favorite position for that reason. I tied myself low on the bed pulling my legs as wide as they could go. Then I had rigged up a way to reach back and slip my hands into ropes that could be tugged tighter giving my the feeling of my wrists being bound from behind, though I could still escape. My torso truss was on, tied nice and tight, just enough to restrict my breathing, with silk cords running between my legs tucked nicely up inside my labia and pulled tight.

Mmmmm, fucking god, yes.

I lay like this my naked skin on fire, the sheet pulled up to my neck before going to sleep. I left a night light on so that I could just see myself in the mirror.

Before drifting off to sleep there was a light knock at the door. I jumped. My initial reaction was panic, needing to hide. David?? Untie myself.

His voice calling, "Sara?"

He was not opening the door, knocking again and calling.

"Sara?" Only this time, the door opening a tiny crack.

"You asleep already? I thought we could . . ."

My instinct was to call out 'No! Don't come in! I am in bed already.'" But that is not what I did. Would he come in? I lay a moment silent. Saying nothing. My heart beating so hard, I let out a breath with no words. I did not want this moment to pass without him.

Finally I said, "It's ok. Come in."

He pushed the door open, his eyes were saucers in the low light. I was fully visible from where I lay tipped a little on my side with the sheet pulled up high. Knots were clearly visible on the posts at the foot of my bed.

All he said was, "Oh!" Almost a gasp.

There was silence in the room. I let him look, melting inside. Laying limp. Yielding. What was he thinking?

"I see you're in bed."

"Hmmm. Hmmmm." I felt myself growing warm.

He turned to leave, then pausing, "Can I turn on the light?"

"Yes."

He turned it on and the room flooded with light, my eyes adjusting. I looked down trying to see what he saw. My legs were spread wide and the sheet was pulled up just like the last time. I was completely covered, but the outline of my spread legs were clearly visible beneath the sheet. A perfect outline of my bare cunt beneath the sheet. My box sitting at the foot of the bed stuffed full.

David was looking at me up and down, I letting him, when finally he asks, "Sara. Can I see?"

He was asking to see me. Oh my God!

"I don't think so. I'm naked right now."

He went a shade of red with those words. I could not believe what I had just told him.

He could barely get the words out, "Oh, sorry. Sorry. I thought, thought maybe we could see a movie or have a . . . that's all, I didn't know you were. Sorry."

I was smiling at his rambling on, liking my affect on him, and I still did not want him to go. The adrenaline in my body was on full, I was crazy, this feeling of being watched, bound and watched. It was like last time, only now he knew, I could feel his arousal. Electric.

He was turning to go again and I blurted out, "David. Wait. IF you promise me, IF you do exactly as I tell you." He paused at the door. "Everything. You can, See me I mean, some. You already saw me topless once right?"

"Yes. Ok. If its ok?" He was intrigued and nervous, turning to the bed and stepping nearer. "What do you want me to do?"

"You can pull the sheet down, but no further than my waist." He grasped the sheet and began pulling it lower, exposing me. My shoulders sliding free, lower my trussed breasts. Lower. His hands were trembling.

I repeated, "No further than my waist!" I was naked, and began turning myself away now so that he was looking at my bare back, with my arms tied behind, the curve of my lower back, the black cords crossing my torso. He moved down the bed with the sheet in his hand, tugging it slowly lower, and lower, letting it slide along my bare skin rising up my hip.

"No further, than my waist!" I could barely speak.

I felt like I was on fire, I was unable to move. If he continued there was nothing I could do. My arms pulled back behind me, I could not move, imagining myself wildly trapped. Unable. Bound. I wanted to be bound and trapped for real, this fantasy taking over. I kept watching his hands so near to my skin. The way he stood he could see my breasts from the side, my arms pulled back, the curve of my hips. Touch me.

His voice, "Yes. I hear you." disembodied.

Lower, a little lower. He stopped, and I could feel him there looking at me. He breathed out, "Oh my god Sara, this is real. Where do you get something like that?" His eyes on my torso, the black silk stood out against my bare skin. I could see that it was pulled so tight that it dug into me.

"I do it myself."

"What do you do? How?"

He had the sheet down farther than I wanted, just past my hip and at the right angle I imagined he could see down to my thigh and the curve of my abdomen, but I did not object. I was still turned from him, so the fabric lay draped down my backside. I could tell my puss hairs were barely covered. I had the sense that he could see the crack of my ass.

I answered, "It's two lengths of rope folded in half and here, its just looped around my waist and then over my shoulders, under my arms, under and over my breasts. I tug it until it feels nice and tight." I left out the crotch tying.