Birds of Prey - Bisexual Edition

"I swear, it's like babysitting toddlers," Jaeger grumbled.

The aliens had been making great strides over the last couple of days, they had accumulated quite a large vocabulary just from their interactions with the crew as Evans had predicted. They were running him ragged, however. The only time that he got any reprieve was when they returned to the hangar periodically to eat or sleep. He had noticed that they did everything as a group, a flock, if you will. They seemed to take long pauses between activities to huddle and talk, and when they encountered something new or unexpected, they seemed to stop in their tracks, as if they had to reach some kind of consensus before taking any further action. They were more egalitarian than a Borealan pack, for example, or a military unit. There was no clear leader, at least as far as he could tell. The one who had taken off its helmet was the most vocal and the bravest, it was that one that interacted with him the most, it tailed after him wherever he went like a puppy. Today he was trying to teach them names.

"Jaeger," he said, slowly and clearly as he pointed to his chest. "My name is Jaeger."

"Human," it chittered.

"Yeah, I'm a human, but my name is Jaeger. Look, this is Baker."

"Today's menu is shepherd's pie and collard greens," the alien repeated, "get off the table!"

Jaeger cradled his face in his hands and groaned. All of the complete sentences that they spoke seemed to have been heard elsewhere. They were starting to form their own sentences now, and Evans said that he should try to encourage that behavior, but they were having problems with grammar. He snapped his fingers, getting the bird's attention.

"Concentrate, will you? My...name...is...Jaeger. Jaeger."

It cocked its head at him.

"Jaeger," it repeated.

"Yes, good! You remember good, right?" The alien beeped affirmatively. "Good, good. Now, what is your name?" he asked as he pointed at the creature. "I am Jaeger, this is Baker, you are..?"

"Maza'xol'natuih," it replied. Jaeger snapped to attention, that hadn't been mimicry, that word was new. It was oddly halting, each syllable clearly separated from the rest by a short pause.

"That's your name? Maza?"

"Maza'xol'natuih," it repeated, pointing to itself. "That's my name."

He shared a surprised glance with Baker. The alien finally understood names, and it had picked up some contextual words and phrases too. He wanted to test if it could differentiate between different people, turning to point at the alien who was currently perched contentedly on the Krell's shoulders like a giant parrot.

"What's their name?"

The creature cocked its head, looking to where he was gesturing.

"Ayau'pal'lea," it replied. Jaeger exchanged another glance with Baker. The aliens certainly had complex names, hard to pronounce too. How were they supposed to memorize them?

"I guess if you learn as fast as these things do, having complicated names isn't much of an issue," Jaeger mused as he watched the bird-like creature.

"Give it a nickname," Baker suggested, gesturing with his fork. "They split their names into sections, right? That's what it sounds like to me. So just call that one Ayau."

"I suppose that makes sense, it's certainly easier than trying to say Ayau...pal...whatever." He pulled out his phone, bringing up the edited image of the system again, with the extra circle that the reptile had drawn.

"And what is this called, Maza?" The alien cocked its head, brushing the touch screen with its fingers, not seeming to understand. He swiped and brought up a picture of Earth. "Its name is Earth."

"Earth," it repeated. It turned its violet eyes towards Jaeger, reaching out and prodding his chest. He watched as its pupils shifted and dilated, the colored irises were patterned like a nebula when seen so closely. "Earth'nay."

"Earth...nay?" he repeated, "what does that mean?"

It swiped back to the picture of its home system, pointing to the crude circle.

"Val'ba'ra," it said, then it pointed to itself again. "Val'ba'ra'nay."

"Oh!" Baker exclaimed, "I get it! It's a...fuck, what's it called?" he said as he snapped his fingers. "A suffix, that's it. It's calling you an Earthling, nay is a suffix."

"So their planet is called Valbara?"

Baker nodded emphatically, eating another forkful of pie.

"Valbara," Jaeger mused, "that would make them Valbarans. Finally, something I can report to Doctor Evans to prove that I haven't been goofing off."

"They're learning fast," Baker said, "it's a little scary actually. Imagine if they could learn to fly a ship, or field strip an XMR just from a single demonstration?"

"Evans said that they seemed to have photographic memories," he replied, watching the alien as it peered back at him. No, not the alien, its name was Maza. He wondered if it was male or female, or indeed if their species made such distinctions at all. None of the creatures had taken their camouflaged space suits off in the presence of humans yet. Was that for modesty, or perhaps some other reason? Due to the flashing color panels on their forearms, he had surmised that they likely had feathers there too, just like on their heads. The plumes certainly seemed to express emotion, but they must have other purposes too, nobody would install a massive LCD panel along the side of their ship simply to convey their mood.

"Jaeger," Maza said, leaning closer and staring into his eyes. It made him uncomfortable, but he didn't avert his gaze, the alien seeming to stare into his soul. "You Beewolf. You kill Bugs, you and I have something in common."

The voice that the reptile was mimicking was that of the Borealan that it had encountered in the gym, course and gruff, with that rolling accent that almost made it sound Russian. Again, he wondered if the alien knew what it was saying. It certainly seemed to be associating the words in a way that made sense, even if they were a patchwork of disconnected voices and accents.

"And what do you know about Bugs?" Jaeger asked.

"Bugs, get off the Val'ba'ra!" it chirped in response.

"We can probably help you out on that front," he replied. "Here, look at this." He opened the intranet browser on his phone and pulled up information on alien species. "Borealan, Krell, Broker. Borealis'nay, Krell'nay. See? We work together," he said as he set the phone on the table, meshing his fingers together. "Coalition, a team."

"Coalition kill Bugs."

"That's right, that's what we do."

The alien picked up the phone, swiping through the pictures. Jaeger reached out to take it back, but the reptile pulled it out of reach, scurrying towards the center of the table and sitting there as its eyes scanned the pages.

"You think giving it access to the intranet is a good idea?" Baker asked. "There's a lot of info on there, amongst other things..."

"I mean...it can't teach itself to read, surely? What's the worst that could happen?"

Baker shrugged, shoveling another forkful of shepherd's pie into his mouth.

***

"I have to shower," Jaeger said, the aliens that were trailing behind him in an orderly line cocking their heads and looking up at him like curious puppies. "Just...hang around out here and wait until I'm finished. Stay out of mischief."

He opened the sliding door to the communal showers, and he was immediately met by a wall of steam, the sound of water hitting the tiled floor echoing through the room. It was large enough to fit maybe twelve humans at once and tall enough that a Borealan could stand inside without having to crouch. There were a good number of these showers spaced out around the carrier, and even then it was sometimes an ordeal to find one that wasn't occupied, considering that there were more than six thousand people living on the ship.

This one was fairly empty, occupied only by a solitary Krell who was lying on the floor like a giant alligator basking on a shore, taking up one entire side of the communal showers as it let the water cascade over its scales. They liked water, being amphibious creatures, and there were no pools that they could lounge in onboard the carrier. It seemed to be sleeping, its eyes were closed, and its massive body was rising and falling subtly as it breathed.

He began to strip off his jacket and shirt, stowing them in a nearby locker, but he soon stopped in his tracks. He could feel eyes on his back, and when he turned around, the aliens were standing nearby and peering up at him. Jaeger was used to showering with other people. Men, women, aliens. It hardly mattered, maintaining one's sense of modesty in such a cramped professional environment was basically impossible, you just had to get used to showering with women and seeing the occasional alien junk. The staring of the Valbarans was putting him on edge, however.

"Shoo," he said, waving his hand at them. They just stared at him. He sighed, then shrugged and continued to remove his clothing. Who knew, maybe they wanted to see his anatomy. The one named Ayau went off to bother the Krell, rumbling in an approximation of the alien language as it clambered up the creature's back.

"Oh, leave him alone," Jaeger grumbled. "What is it with you and Krell?"

It wasn't listening, and he noticed that it had closed the visor on its helmet. Did they not like water? He stripped down to his underwear, then hesitated, deciding to keep his shorts on. Something about exposing himself in front of these little creatures felt...odd. The rest of the aliens set off to explore the room, playing with the dials, changing the temperature and the flow of the water as they frolicked beneath it. They also closed their helmets, and he supposed that he wouldn't like to shower with an open helmet either, maybe it would flood the inside of their suits.

Maza stayed with him, however, watching him intently with its violet eyes. It must be curious, it had never seen a naked human before, after all. Nor any alien for that matter. He felt strange referring to the alien as it, he hadn't asked the creature its gender yet, or if its species even had genders. Right now didn't seem like the right time to broach the subject.

As he moved beneath the stream of the nearest showerhead and set the temperature to his liking, Maza reached up and sealed its helmet. He couldn't see where it was looking beneath the opaque visor. He squirted some shower gel into his hand from a wall-mounted dispenser and began to spread it, coating his arms and upper body in the soapy suds. He was facing the wall, but he could still feel eyes on his back, his instincts informing him that he had an audience.

When he turned around, Maza had taken a few steps closer, the water splashing on its insulated suit and rolling down its helmet in sheets. The snout of its helmet was only inches away from him, a little below chest height. As he watched, the alien reached over and fumbled with its right wrist. The bulky metal pressure seal popped open with a hiss, and it removed the glove to expose its bare hand. The two fingers and its thumb were tipped with dull claws, covered in the same green scales that were present on its head. Their entire bodies were likely scaly too.

It reached out towards him tentatively. For a moment, he considered batting it away, but he had no idea if this was appropriate behavior in their culture or not. They didn't seem to have much concept of personal space, and he didn't want to frighten the creature or risk insulting it.

Its fingers brushed his abdomen, sliding slowly across his soapy skin as if testing its texture. He was suddenly aware of how much he was moving. His abdominal muscles tensed where its fingers roamed, his chest rising and falling, his heart beating as the alien explored him. He noted that its touch was warm, not cool like a Krell. Did that mean that the Valbarans were warm-blooded, like mammals? With the visor closed, he couldn't read its expression, couldn't gauge where it was looking.

It reached up above its head and took his wrist in its gloved hand. It was surprisingly strong, it had a grip like iron, but it was gentle with him. It guided his hand down and opened his fingers with its ungloved hand, stroking his palm, tickling him. It watched his digits flex, inspecting them, perhaps surprised by the number. After a moment, it placed its palm against his, comparing their two hands. Its scaly skin was as smooth as glass and oddly soft. He hadn't expected it to feel like this, he had assumed that their scales would be rough and dry. It was so small, the span of its fingers just barely filled his palm.

It was an oddly intimate moment, it made him feel...strange.

"W-what are you doing?" he mumbled, not knowing if it could even hear him inside that helmet. After a moment, an external speaker crackled to life, and its high-pitched voice came through.

"Coalition," it said, interlocking its mismatched fingers with his. "Together."

"Uh, yeah..." He drew his hand back, resuming his shower as the little alien watched him. After a moment, it reached out to tug at his shorts, but he gently pushed its grasping fingers away. "Nope, if you want to learn about our anatomy, you can do that on your own time."

Maza took a step back, letting him resume his shower, wiping its hand dry on its suit and then locking the glove back into place. Jaeger was accustomed to getting his shower over with quickly, as he was usually on call, and so it was only a couple of minutes before he was drying himself off. Once he had gotten his clothes back on, minus his wet shorts, he noted that the gaggle of little reptiles were all soaked. He sighed, preparing his towel, memories of his attempts to wash his rowdy childhood dog flashing through his mind.

"Alright you little monsters, line up, you can't go running around the carrier when you're soaking wet."

Incredibly, they actually did as he asked, lining up in a row. He dried their suits off one by one with the towel, the sleepy Krell watching the odd scene with one eye open, apparently not interested enough to dedicate two to the task. Their camouflaged clothing was thick and insulated. He couldn't feel much beneath it, and so he was unable to tell if their wide hips and narrow torsos were a result of their biology, or if it was just the shape of their suits.

When he was done, they followed him out of the room dutifully, off to their next adventure.

***

"Valbara?" Doctor Evans asked, giving the aliens a concerned glance as one of them rummaged through a metal tray of medical tools. She walked over to it and pulled its hand away, the alien chirping its displeasure as it scurried away to examine a rack of lab coats, vanishing into the fabric with only its long tail visible.

"That's what Maza said," Jaeger replied with a shrug, "that's the one that took off its helmet for us. It also implied that there are Bugs on their home planet, or maybe there were, it's hard to be sure. They're making progress with the language, ask them something and see for yourself."

"Very well," she said, clearing her throat. "Maza, come here." The little alien trotted over, its head bobbing with every step, looking up at the physician expectantly. "Do you know where you are?"

"Rorke, carrier of Earth'nay," it replied.

"Earth...nay?" Evans asked, turning to Jaeger and raising an eyebrow.

"I think it means Earthling, or from Earth, that's their word for us. They call themselves Valbaranay."

"And what is your name?" Evans continued.

"Maza'xol'natuih."

"How many fingers am I holding up?" she asked, extending two fingers.

"Two finger," Maza said, followed by a beep.

"I have to admit, I had my doubts when the Captain ordered us to let them loose on the ship, but it seems to be doing wonders for their vocabulary. None of them have fallen into a waste disposal chute or been sat on by a Krell so far, so I guess I have you to thank for that, Lieutenant."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Doc."

"I wonder if they'll consent to a physical examination now?" she pondered aloud.

"Worth a try," Jaeger said, "they've not taken their suits off as far as I know. Not outside their dropship, at least. I'm getting pretty curious about what they have hidden under there myself."

"Maza," Evans began, crouching down to eye level with the creature as it stared at her with its unblinking eyes. "Would you remove your clothes so that I can examine you? Do you understand?"

She mimed taking her clothes off, and Maza cocked its head.

"Nope, if you want to learn about our anatomy, you can do that on your own time."

Evans stood rapidly, scowling at Jaeger as he laughed.

"Did you teach it to say that?"

"At least it understood the question," he chuckled.

"I suppose so. You know that these aliens mimic the accents and mannerisms of the people they copy, right? If someone teaches them to curse as a joke, we'll know who did it."

"I promise not to teach them to curse, Doctor."

"If they won't consent to an examination then there's not much more that we can learn from them," Evans grumbled, clearly disappointed by Maza's reaction. "With a little more practice, perhaps we can simply ask them what we want to know."

"Yes, Ma'am. By the way, have you heard anything about Scratcher?"

"Who or what is Scratcher?" she asked.

"He was the Beewolf pilot that got brought in recently, Captain Fielding told me that he was undergoing evaluation in the sickbay."

"I'm not aware of any-"

"This your female?" Maza asked, interrupting Evans as it thrust the phone that it had swiped earlier into Jaeger's face. On the screen was a picture of a Borealan taken from some kind of fact sheet, showing its internal workings like the bone structure and placement of the organs.

"My female?" Jaeger asked, confused. "I don't have a girlfriend if that's what you're asking. You should ask Scratcher about that when he gets out of the infirmary."

"No," the alien chirped, frustrated. "You species female."

"You're asking if the Borealans are the females of my species? Of course not, why do you say that?"

Maza seemed surprised, examining the picture again.

"You smaller."

"So? Should a male be smaller than a female?"

"Males smaller than females."

"Not for humans, nor Borealans for that matter," Evans added. "Our genders are about the same size. Is that not the case on Valbara? Your friends all seem to be about the same height," she said as she glanced at the other aliens who were currently exploring her office. Again Maza seemed confused, cocking its head at the humans.

"No males."

"There are no males with you?" Jaeger asked. "Why?"

"Male can't fight."

"That's plural," he corrected, "males can't fight."

"Males can't fight."

"Better, now why can't males fight?"

"Males is for..." Maza thought for a moment, "raise young."

"Strange, so your gender roles must be the reverse of ours," Evans wondered. "I'm somewhat surprised to see that kind of attitude prevailing in such an advanced species."

"Don't make judgments just yet, Doctor. Their males really could be three feet tall for all we know."

"It wouldn't be unheard of," she said. "In fact, mammals are quite unusual in being a patriarchal species. In most animal classes, it's the females who are larger and more dominant than the males. In insect and fish species, the female can sometimes be many times larger than the male counterpart, and quite anatomically distinct. If you were to see a male and a female golden silk spider side by side, for example, you could be forgiven for assuming that they were entirely separate species. The female is six times the size of the male. Perhaps we can forgive our guests for making the same assumptions about us."