Black Friday Survival and Demise

Authors note: I really wasn't planning on writing something else for the Winter Holidays Story Contest, but as I viewed social media with disgust as Black Friday unfolded, I had a sudden idea and churned out this short, sexy satire. It's completely different than my previous entry. Again its satire, so of course it's unrealistic (at least, parts of it). No minors under the age of 18 are involved in any sexual situations. Comments appreciated!

* It was 3:45 am on Friday, November 28^th, 2014; otherwise known as Black Friday in the States. There were already hundreds of shoppers crowded by the entrance of Big Box Mart, hoping to get the best deals. Flat screen TVs from $99.97! Tablets from 39.99! Buy two get one free blenders!

In the sea of suburbanite women with dyed hair, jeweled jeans, and purses the size of dog carriers, two Black Friday participants stood apart from the crowd. Technically, they were definitely in the crowd and fairly close to the front doors too, meaning they must've arrived especially early to guarantee getting the best sales.

Joe was one of the relatively few men in the crowd, towering above the others. Also different was the fact that you couldn't even tell what brand his jeans were, one of his shoes were held together by duct tape, and he was wearing just a plain blue flannel. Joe had messy short black hair and a 5 o'clock shadow. He was holding hands with a very attractive, thin woman, also appearing to be in her late 20s, with long, bleach-blond hair and eyes made up in three shades of purple that coordinated well with her plum lips. She was wearing a gray sweater dress with leggings, a decorative scarf, and knee-length, high-heeled black boots.

A few feet away stood a woman who also didn't seem to fit in. Gina was of a short, curvy build; wearing yoga pants, a State University hoodie, and tennis shoes. Her black hair was pulled up into a messy pony tail, which didn't look like it had been brushed at all, and she wore thick eyeglasses. She wore no make-up on her olive-toned skin, and was sipping coffee from a heavy-duty mug. She was accompanied by an older woman with similar facial features, who was a bit shorter and a lot thicker than Gina. Her black hair was streaked with silver, and she used a cane.

Joe and Gina stood next to their companions in miserable silence wishing they were still in bed, but now eager for Black Friday to just go ahead and get started and over with. It was finally 3:59 am and the Big Box Mart store clerks were unlocking the store doors with trembling hands and nervous glances at the crowd.

The crowd all rushed in at once to dire consequences. A shopper towards the front tripped and fell, leading to a chain reaction until nearly all the shoppers were in a huge mass of fallen bodies -- hundreds and hundreds of shoppers, all piled on top of each other. The pile of shoppers spanned the entire space of the large store lobby, from floor to ceiling, from the women's casual wear department on the left, to the women's dress wear department on the right, and to the women's sportswear department straight ahead.

Joe and his girlfriend landed near the bottom-center of the pile of shoppers, nestled right next to Gina and her mom. They were, perhaps, four to six body-widths up from the bottom. Gina's mom provided a nice cushion for Gina and Joe, who were immediately next to each other, while Joe's girlfriend was stretched crosswise above them. Extra arms, legs, and other appendages came in from all directions. Gina's right eye was dangerously close to someone's spiked heel, and she had lost her glasses somewhere. She squirmed a little closer to Joe, the best she could, to avoid getting her eye stabbed out.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" Joe complained loudly, "Who the fuck needs three blenders anyways?"

"Joe!" his girlfriend corrected, irritably, "We're not here for the blenders, we got those last year. I swear, you don't pay attention to anything. You're going straight to electronics for iPhone speakers while I go to the shoe department. Got it?"

"Oh dear," muttered Gina's mom, "Do you think I can still get a TV for a hundred bucks?"

"I don't even want to hear it, Mom. Ok, just shut it. This is it. I can't fucking believe it. This is definitely the worst I have ever seen Black Friday get. We've never been in a huge fucking pile of people like this before! I've had it. This is the last time I'm doing Black Friday with you, or anyone, and this time I mean it! You know, I even put my coffee in a spill-proof mug this year. But guess what, Mom, it spilt! Again! And this time, someone below us probably has a second degree burn. How do you feel about that, Mom? Huh, how do you feel about that? Is a cheap TV still fucking worth it?"

"Well, honestly, I feel a little bad about that, honey. Because you're so damn grouchy without your coffee -- talking to your mom like that. And you don't have to swear like a sailor in front of all these nice people."

They didn't seem to mind Gina's swearing, but they also didn't seem to truly grasp the severity of their situation. Shoppers from all sides expressed concern about the sales they were missing. A woman at Joe's left side was in tears because she just knew she wouldn't get the 12-piece cookie press set, which she explained had the only Christmas cookie cutter shape she didn't already own - baby Jesus himself.

A young woman near Gina was freaking out that she couldn't reach her iPhone to text her bestie. She became more hysterical with every second she couldn't wrestle her phone out of her back pocket, desperately pleading, "Anyone, can anyone text my bestie for me, tell her I want 5 pairs of those $2 leggings -- in black, purple, nude, teal, and pink -- hot pink, not soft pink. Please, anyone, please? Help me!"

Gina was getting more pissed by the minute, especially about her spilled coffee and lost glasses. She could barely see a thing - only those closest to her. Joe was also credulous, but at least appreciated the position of his girlfriend, Ashley, laying prone above him.

After a few minutes of such complaints, the Big Box Mart speaker system announced, "Thank you for shopping at Big Box Mart. We value your business. Do not worry, we prepared for an event of this sort. This is not an emergency, we repeat, this is not an emergency. But to be on the safe side, we are supplying extra oxygen into the crowd."

"It's a clusterfuck, not a crowd! A big fucking pile of sweaty, crazy shoppers!." Joe bitterly interjected. Gina thought Joe was the only person who made any sense.

The store announcement continued, "Safety Associates have arrived and will assist women and children first. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused for you. To show our appreciation for your patience and patronage, we are extending our Black Friday specials by one hour and shoppers today will get an extra 10% off of all holiday items. We have increased the volume of our holiday music so that even those in the center of the crowd can continue enjoying the holiday cheer while you await further assistance."

The pile of shoppers cheered.

"Safety Associates?" questioned Gina, "Try, rescue workers. Ugh. At least I'll never, ever, have to do this again. Got that mom -- never, ever again!"

"I hear you, Gina. Geez. You're such a poor sport anyways. Agreed, but on the condition that we stop by the holiday section before leaving today. An extra 10%! And they already had all the Christmas tree ornaments buy one get one half off!"

"Mom! We're Jewish!"

"I know that, Gina. Geez Louise. But I always kind of admired Christmas trees and an ornament or two would be a nice neighborly gift for the Robbins, don't you think?"

"This is not acceptable," complained Joe's girlfriend.

"I know," he moaned, "women and children first, I'm never getting out of here."

"Speak for yourself, Joe. They advertised that they only have 45 of those brown suede over-the-knee boots in stock! Time is of the essence, I am not waiting to be rescued!" She began squirming her way through the crowd.

"Ashley, no, I'm putting my foot down. Or up. Or sideways. I have no fucking idea which direction I'm facing right now. But that's not the point. It's dangerous and you'll get manhandled your whole way out of this pile! Don't do it!"

"A small price to pay for $24.97 boots. I've gotta go, Joe."

"I like her attitude and drive," quipped Gina's mom, "Can I join you?"

"Sorry, I can't have anyone slowing me down, old lady."

"Slow you down, p'shaw, young lady. I've got a cane to move people out of the way"

"You do! Then lead the way, Grandma."

"I'm not a grandma yet, but I think I'll swing by the baby section to get something for my new niece. I'm afraid I'm destined to remain a great aunt and never a grandmother," the older woman said in an accusatory tone, and then more sweetly, "Gina, I'll get an associate to load the TV into the car and I'll meet you back in the parking lot! Bye hun!"

Joe's girlfriend informed him, "I'll need you to meet me by the cashiers' lanes, sweetie, to help with all my shopping bags."

Without further ado, Joe's girlfriend and Gina's mom squirmed and bushwhacked their way through the pile of bodies. A few others followed behind, including the young woman frantic about the sale leggings, declaring, "I'm outtie." Joe and Gina were left together, face-to-face and bodies tight in the human pile, still surrounded by hundreds of other adults who choose the path of least resistance.

A single tear dropped from Joe's eye.

"Oh, what's a matter, Joe?" Gina inquired, having picked up on his name.

"Ashley, my girlfriend - I may never see her again," Joe shared, very sadly.

"Yeah, she may have underestimated the severity of this situation and she's a scrawny little thing. She might get squished to death. But, to be honest, Joe, she doesn't seem your type."

"I know, we don't really have a lot in common, but I've never met another girl that can give head the way Ashley can. I'm really, really going to miss her."

"Ha!" exclaimed Gina, who then licked Joe's tear away, as her hands were currently immobile and therefore could not simply wipe his tear away, "Have you ever been sucked off by an anarchist?"

"Huh? No, I don't believe I have. Do you recommend it?"

"I do, in fact. They don't follow any rules or conventions, you know. It's time to stop grieving Ashley. She can be replaced, probably any third Wednesday evening at that Amy's Fair Trade Coffee. The Anarchists Social Club actually follows calendars quite well, and I think you'd quickly find someone who appreciates your attitude and good looks. And think of the plus side -- maybe you'll never find yourself in a Black Friday cluster fuck again!"

"That's true, there is that. I feel better already and I'm very interested in meeting some anarchists. Hey, aren't you worried about your mom?"

"Nah, she comes with her own padding, in addition to her cane. Not only will she be just fine, she's certain to find the best deals. Yeah, so, I'm just going to wait this out."

"Agreed. It's going to be a while before the rescue workers get to us, though. I'd say we're about 125 people deep on all sides, except below."

"If not more. Well, we'll just have to find other ways to keep occupied," Gina replied with a sly smile and a wink.

"You know," Joe responded, "Black Friday isn't so bad if you just ignore all the unfettered capitalist consumption and focus on what really counts -- love."

"Or just sex," Gina added.

And with that, Joe and Gina engaged in a heavy kiss. They groped and fondled each other the best they could, in light of the limited body movement they had available from within the mass of bodies. In fact, they were pretty much stuck in position for some time. Fortunately for Joe, Gina happened to have her hand right on his junk and she petted him up and down from outside his jeans, although her left hand was stuck high above her head on what felt like someone's ankle. Unfortunately for Gina, one of Joe's hands was also stuck on who-knows-who in the crowd, and his other hand was only on Gina's shoulder. But he got to know her shoulder and collarbone very well, and after several minutes of Joe and Gina wiggling and squirming next to each other, this hand eventually found a pathway to one of her ample breasts.

For the most part, the shoppers piled around them took little notice, as people continued to discuss the shopping deals that brought them out at such an ungodly hour. Bath towels -- 3 for $10. And not those little thin ones either -- the big fluffly ones the size of beach towels. And in 7 different color choices -- can you fucking believe it? 3 for $10! A couple middle-aged women nearby began to get into it over the limited stock of electronic cat litter boxes advertised at a rock bottom price. Neither of them ever wanted to scoop cat shit again, and things got a little vicious as they slowly inched out of the crowd in a race against each other.

A few shoppers, on the other hand, caught onto Joe and Gina's antics and did their best to join. The main couple felt gropes and squeezes from other hands and in other places. Further off, a few others appeared to occupy their time in a similar manner to Joe and Gina. The crowd in general become more wiggly and fluid, and passionate moans provided a back drop to all the shop talk. It was literally becoming a cluster fuck.

Gina managed to undo Joe's fly and release his cock from captivity, even though the rest of their bodies, and all the others, remained entrapped. She continued stroking him, while Joe wiggled his body down more, eventually succeeding in aligning their bodies perfectly. Gina was significantly shorter than Joe, so she now faced the task of gaining access to his chest beneath the sweaty flannel. One hand still busy on his dick and the other still confined who-knows-where, she worked on undoing his shirt buttons with her mouth. It wasn't going well, as Gina still hadn't yet gained sufficient movement of her neck -- so instead she just bit through the button threads with her teeth. She was able to wiggle slightly to the left to take one of Joe's nipples into her mouth, with a bite and suck.

Meanwhile, Joe could hardly believe his Black Friday luck and was pre-cumming all over Gina's yoga pants. He had to get those pants off of her, or more realistically, at least down a few inches. He worried that if he asked Gina to release her grip from his cock to lower her own pants, they'd come detached forever in the human pile. The pile was shifting more, as shoppers continuing being freed from the periphery and others engaged in debauchery. Joe still wasn't sure exactly whose arm (leg?) his other hand was on, but decided to pinch that person to help free his hand.

His tactic worked, as someone about three bodies over yelped and wiggled away the best they could. This chain reaction provided Joe and Gina with slightly more space in general, and Joe's newly mobile hand quickly found its way to and into Gina's waistband. He was delighted to find there were no additional barriers. Joe gave a little laugh of approval, as Gina explained, "Still in my PJs. At 3 in the morning, all I could handle was brushing my teeth and putting on deodorant. Looks like I needed that more than panties!"

Joe found Gina already moist, but increased her wetness with expert handwork, slipping two fingers into her pussy and massaging her clit with his thumb. They were both moaning now, and Gina took the initiative to run his cock up and down the folds of her labia, having inched her yoga pants down slightly. Joe was able to move his hand away from her sopping pussy and force it around to massage her ass, and Gina then helped guide his thick cock deep inside her.

They were still knee-deep in shoppers, but the pile continued loosening and they shifted closer to ground level as the rescue effort went on. An occasional hand, foot, or face invaded their space, some more intentionally than others. As they gained more wiggle room, Gina and Joe were able to shed some clothes and Joe gained valuable capacity for long, deep thrusts, "Gina, babe," he said in between kisses, "I swear I'm clean, but are you on the pill?"

"No, Joe, you're going to have to pull out -- can you do that?"

"Absolutely," Joe answered, but a few other shoppers around them protested.

"No, yuck!" exclaimed one woman, "I've had enough of this, have your fun but keep your jizz off of me!"

"Hey, bro," offered another shopper, possibly gay, "I understand your predicament and will not interfere!"

Having identifying a workable solution to their quandary, Joe fucked Gina with mad fervor as she begged for more, "Faster, Joe, there's a blue light special deep in aisle-oh-FUCK!" Gina's orgasm pulsated through her with a full body shudder and a loud, long moan. And just in time, as Joe pulled out and finished off between their bellies, not getting too much of his cum on the fellow shoppers.

As the pile continued to shrink, Gina and Joe enjoyed more of each other's company. They were among the last in the pile, along with a few other embracing couples and triads. The rescue workers never returned for any of them, but they survived the giant Black Friday cluster fuck on their own. Cluster fucks weren't such a bad thing, after all.

Although the Big Box Mart was still exceptionally crowded, they now had a lot more space to work with. Joe and Gina sucked and fucked in 69 different positions, as they moved from the clothing to the kitchenware and then the home & garden departments. They couldn't believe the specials they found. There was a mega sale on batteries, so Joe and Gina agreed to meet at Lady Priscilla's Adult Boutique on small business Saturday.

The crowds rushing past them didn't even notice their exhibitionist antics -- most likely because they didn't have a single sale sign or price tag affixed on or near their bodies. Actually, at one point an elderly gentleman turned the adjoined couple this way and that, trying to find a price, but gave up after he couldn't find a barcode anywhere or an available store clerk for a price check. The associates were far too busy getting fucked by their employer to care about the half-naked couples and triads dispersed throughout the store. In fact, some of their asses were so sore from their relentless rape by corporate America, that they took an extended lunch break to talk, and make, unionization.

Gina's mom and Ashley must've managed the rest of Black Friday on their own, as they were not seen again at Big Box Mart by Joe or Gina, not even in the shoe section. Gina and Joe, as well as a few others, lost many of their clothing items throughout the store, for good this time, likely sold to someone else for the low, low price of $1.88.

Eventually, the Black Friday crowds dissipated and a Big Box Market security guard finally took notice of Joe and Gina, plus a few, who were all thereby banned from Big Box Mart forever. At first Joe and Gina were very disappointed. After being dragged to Black Fridays for years on end, they realized that sometimes hot deals really could be found.

But then they realized they were only banned from Big Box Mart, and so they had Super Imports the next year. The year after that was Shop Shoppe; and so on it went, for years. They had unintentionally started a new form of social protest, although security guards began to move beyond only stereotyping shoplifters to also be on the look-out for lovers. Joe and Gina managed to always stay one step ahead of security, for example, when they infiltrated cyber Black Friday with webcams.

Unfortunately, many, many years later, Joe and Gina died tragically in an unusual, offseason hurricane. The hurricane was most likely the consequence of climate change, which was in no small part caused by consumerism, which in turn was fed for decades by Black Friday hysteria. Joe and Gina were lovers to the end, but it was a slow, miserable death as Gina drowned in the rising sea waters and Joe caught a secondary infection from an injury. Unfettered consumerism brought Joe and Gina together on that fateful Black Friday, but in the end, consumerism also led to their demise. If only they convinced more people to consummate instead of consume, they may have saved the world and fucked happily ever after.