Blerd Lines

1.

Todd sat poolside and tilted his head toward the sky. He was finding it hard to concentrate. The error-laden essay in his hand left him re-reading sentences aloud and tapping out words with his pen. He took several breaks, his eyes frequently wandering away from the page. The warm weather didn't help. It also didn't help that the essay's author lay next to him in a bikini, taking advantage of the heat.

As Todd tried to read, Evie writhed around on a beach towel, eyes hidden beneath a pair of oversized shades, giggling at jokes she told to herself. She rolled the straps of her bathing suit off of her shoulders, shifted, and gave every inch equal time in the sun. Todd found himself transfixed on a drop of sweat threatening to fall into Evie's navel. He licked his lips, his body tense with anticipation as the drop descended down her torso like a melting pearl.

"So do you like it?" Evie asked.

"I do," Todd said in almost a whisper.

Evie shot up, ending the drop's journey. She flashed him a perfected grin. "You do? F'real?"

"For real," Todd said, recovering. He turned his attention back to the essay. He wondered how long it would take him to get through this one, copy it himself, decide what matters and discard the rest, make sure to revise it just enough, and to then explain to Evie what he had done in the hopes that she may pick up something new this time. The fact that she rarely did was ultimately of little concern to Todd. Nor was the time that he took out of his own homework to help Evie with hers. It kept him... useful.

"Omigod, you don't even know," Evie said, clapping her hands. "Like, I worked forever on it. I didn't even go out yesterday."

"You?" Todd said. "Staying in on a Friday night?"

"Oh no. I went out last night. Just not during the day."

Todd rolled his eyes. "What am I going to do with you?"

Evie shrugged and reached for her buzzing phone. She typed back and forth for several rounds. When she was done, she laid the phone screen-side down and let out an exasperated groan, running her fingers through her long, dark hair.

"Todd?" she said sweetly.

"Evie," he replied. His eager face reflected in her shades.

"Do you wanna cum in my mouth?"

Todd sputtered and choked on all the possible responses gathering all at once in the back of his throat.

Evie raised her sunglasses. "Are you OK?" she asked.

"I'm sorry," he said, beating his chest, catching his breath. "W-what did you say?"

"Do you wanna come in the house?" she repeated, pointing to the back door. "It's getting pretty hot out here. And besides," she added with a giggle, "looks like you could use some water."

2.

Todd had never been inside Evie's house. Their past collaborations had taken place largely in the campus library, and once or twice at a coffee shop dangerously close to his own house. Today's texted invitation to "kik it by da pool n HELP w my paper PLZ" had already been an outlier, one which he had ceased to question once Evie had opened the back gate in her bathing suit. Now, actually inside her family home, he was struck by the power and the intimacy of scent; how a home could project such a lasting, specific smell, that blend of a household's laundry detergent, hair products, and perfumes; how each member of that household carried their own version of that scent out into the world; and how that scent could bring back sights and sounds and feels for those whom they encounter.

Walking through Evie's house, Todd was transported back to the day they'd met in Prof. Wright's class, randomly paired for a "fun fact" icebreaker exercise: He'd learned that she'd seen Young Daddy in concert on five separate occasions ("Omigod, he is so choice," she'd declared.); and she'd learned that Todd was afraid of the ocean ("No sir," he'd said, "Full of monsters."), and this had made her laugh, full-throated, leaning into him, her hair sweeping across his hand, leaving that scent of hers on him throughout the day. Moreover, this confession had made him memorable to her, and (as usual) approachable, latchable, dependable, in that class and the others they'd taken together in the time since.

Evie brought her own assets to this relationship, and right now Todd followed a pair of those bikini-clad assets traipsing through the halls, as Evie wiped imaginary dust off framed memories of birthdays, graduations, and school dances. Her life, and that of her family, while perhaps overly-documented, appeared otherwise ordinary. Orderly. Suburban. The walls and mantles and table tops were covered with evidence that Evie, in fact, did not arrive fully formed out of the ocean foam, like some mythological beauty; she was a product of careful planning and the conflation of curated moments: Evie striking a pose in bows, make-up, miniskirts and form-fitting gowns; at the same time, Evie in action, sporting sneakers and jerseys, displaying trophies and slapping sweaty fives.

Who was this girl, really?

Evie stopped at a photo of what looked like identical twin boys, seven or eight years old, shaggy-haired, each with a soccer ball in their hand, wearing the colors of two different teams.

"I can't wait to get my own place," Evie said absently. She turned to face Todd, who snapped his gaze upward just in time. "I just want something of my own, y'know?" She reached out to grab hold of Todd's hand.

Todd trepidatiously reached for Evie, so beautiful, awash in the well-lit glow of the foreyer. She locked his fingers and led him toward the kitchen. "Somewhere with some privacy," she said softly.

"Privacy, yeah," he said, so focused on their mated hands he barely missed bumping into the kitchen doorway.

Evie raised her voice. "This place gets little too crowded sometimes!"

A hand emerged from behind the open refrigerator door and gave Evie the finger.

"You'll have to excuse my sister," Evie said. "She's hella rude."

The door swung shut, and there stood a girl wearing warm-ups, carrying a basketball underneath her arm and a bottle of Gatorade in her hand. She threw a quick glance in Todd's direction and said to Evie, "Dude, I don't think mom and dad would like you tracking your boyfriends through the house while they're out of town."

Todd smiled to himself, savoring his favorite part of her statement. Boyfriend.

"Whatever!" Evie protested, blushing. "This is Todd. I told you about Todd."

He was excited at that thought of being "told" about. And yet he didn't love the way she repeated his name like that, from the back of her throat, like an aftertaste.

"Todd," she continued. "From my class. I told you he was coming over today. Y'know. Todd."

The girl gave Todd a longer, quizzical look, but no sign of recognition. She shrugged and took a swig.

"Todd?" Evie tried once again. "Todd!"

"She doesn't remember, OK!" Todd blurted out. He reeled it in and laughed nervously. "Nice to meet you," he said, extending his hand to Evie's sister. "Todd."

She swallowed a mouthful of Gatorade and stared at his hand, seemingly skeptical. Then she gave it a hard single shake. "Dawn," she said.

"Dawn," he repeated. And then it clicked, as soon as he said it aloud. Eve and Dawn. Todd must have worn the revelation in his face, because the girls rolled their eyes in unison.

"We know," they both said.

And despite their very disparate attire, Evie in her two-piece, Dawn covered from color to cuff; difference in hairstyles, Evie's cascading waves versus Dawn's tight cornrows; and the way each girl carried herself, Dawn an action figure, Evie a broken marionette, it was in that moment that Todd realized that the girls were not just sisters, but twins - identical twins. He thought back to the picture of the matching soccer players, and found it odd that Evie hadn't mentioned a twin, a "fun fact" he thought more notable than her devotion to Young Daddy.

"Todd is helping me on my paper," Evie said. She gave Todd a wink. "He's a genius."

"I don't know about all that," Todd said bashfully.

"I'm serious!" Evie said. She scooped up both of his hands with hers. "Why do you think I need you so much?" She leaned her whole body in Todd. His body locked up at the touch of her. There'd been days when he'd looked forward to the feel of her hair brushing him in the face as she tossed it over her shoulder. To be this close to her, her breasts pressed up against him so that they changed shape and appeared even larger; so that he could almost hear her heart thumping through her cleavage (but of course, that was his own heart pounding in elation, just as surprised as the rest of him), this was worth the price of admission. Todd didn't know the reason for this unexpected affection, but he was too distracted to ask many questions.

"'Genius,' huh?" Dawn said, looking Todd over. "And you go to the same school as her?"

Evie's face scrunched up. She blew a gust of wind through her nose like a cartoon bull, before her lips curled into a snide smile. "Todd," she said, viciously friendly. "Did I tell you that my sister 'Don' is a big time D..." she coughed, "...a big time D..." coughed again, and comically cleared her throat. "Whew, excuse me. A big time D1 athlete?"

"Ugh, whatever," Dawn said.

"Whatever," Evie said.

"Whatever," Dawn vollied.

"Whatever," Evie retorted.

Todd bounced back and forth with the rhythm of this clearly familiar battle between the twins. Eventually, the voices melded together, and Todd caught the differences in their tenors: Evie's, sharp, ringing in her throat; Dawn's, flat, drumming in her chest.

"Whatever," the girls said in harmony.

"I'm outta here, dude," Dawn responded.

"Then be outta her," Evie replied, dropping her voice way down low "Dude."

Stereo scoffs ended the dual in an apparent draw.

Dawn shook her head and made her exit, basketball in hand. "You better watch yourself," she warned, but to whom, it was unclear.

With that, Evie's brightness was back (Perhaps she had won this round). She took a breath and shook a smile back onto her face. "I am so sorry about that. She can be so..." She growled and pretended to pull out her hair. "Anyway. Water, right?" she said with a snap. She reached for a glass from the cabinet, balancing on her toes to reach the top shelf.

Todd sidled up behind her. "Here," he said. "Let me get that." He stretched his arm out ahead of hers and grabbed hold of a glass. She landed back on her heels and into Todd's arms.

"Nothing to it," he said, keeping his balance on weakened knees.

Evie pursed her lips and took the glass from him. "So I see," she said, seemingly surprised herself at this moment of physical compatibility.

She'd once told Todd that he could be "really hot" if he wanted to. She hadn't elaborated on just what he needed to change in order to reach the right temperature, but he'd made a masturbatory meal off of that comment for a month.

"Todd," she said, with a lilt in her voice. His arms formed a fence around her, so that she was close enough to give a whiff of a citrus lip gloss when she spoke. "Can I ask you something...?"

Todd swallowed hard. "Anything," he said.

And just then, the doorbell rang - intrusive, and unnecessarily loud, Todd thought.

"What time is it?" Evie said. She broke from Todd's light hold and checked her phone. "Shit," she said, typing. "Hey, Todd," she said sweetly. "Could you do me a favor and get the door? I just need to get dressed real quick. I'm a mess." She kept her eyes down on her screen as she asked.

Todd gave her a head-to-toe glance. "Not from where I'm standing," he said, wincing. This attempt at smoothness, the first direct reference, in fact, that Todd had ever made to his otherwise obvious attraction to Evie, sounded clumsy and smarmy coming out of his mouth. Thankfully, Evie appeared far too involved in her text exchange to hear him.

"I'll be two minutes," she said, finally. She looked up at him and poked out her bottom lip everso. "I hope that's OK."

Before Todd could reply, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. He gave into the embrace, quick as it was, before she danced out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

"Wait," he called after her, "Who's at the door?"

But by then she was already gone.

3.

The guy on the other side of the door delivered a double take so hard, you'd think Todd had shown up at his house. He looked down at his phone, then back at the address above the doorway.

"Hey, man," he said. "I'm looking for Evie?"

"You're at the right place!" Todd said, hating himself immediately for the perk in his voice.

The visitor lowered his sunglasses and cocked an eyebrow at Todd. "Oh word?"

"Word," Todd said. Again with the perk. "She's actually changing uptairs... I'm sorry I didn't catch your name."

"Malik," the he said, smiling at the sound of his own name. "Mind if I...?" he began, looking past the doorway and over Todd's head. Without waiting for a reply, Malik entered, forcing Todd to politely, and literally, step aside.

"Appreciate it..." Malik said with a snap and point at...

"Todd."

"Oh. Oh OK! So you are Todd," Malik said, removing his shades. He wore his t-shirt and jeans in a way that made Todd feel as though he'd fished his own clothes that day from the bottom of a hamper. He also sported a thick diamond chain, with a matching watch and a pair of studs that caught the light in every direction, popping hard off his smooth, dark skin.

Todd laughed nervously. "I am Todd, yes," he said, unsure how he ought to feel about that fact.

"Nah nah, don't get me wrong" Malik said, "Like, when E. texted me and was like, 'my classmate, Todd,' you know." He lifted his voice into a high, nasaled register. "Todd. You know..."

Todd, of course, did know, because this was not an unfamiliar exchange. Malik's surprise was shared by many who'd seen Todd only after first reading or hearing his name, and by those who'd heard his voice over the phone before meeting him in person. And Todd had gotten used to easing their embarrassed surprise with a disarming joke, if for no other reason than to get past the moment. But not this time. For some reason, he wanted Malik to just say it.

"You know," he said, finally. "I just assumed you was White."

Todd shook his head. "Nope," he said, awkwardly holding up a fist. "Black."

"No offense," Malik said. He flashed Todd a wide, bright grin, which Todd was sure Malik dropped readily and too often, like a credit card. He turned away from Todd, having explained all he needed to. He wandered around, taking in the house, picking up and perusing random items, none as expensive or as flashy as his own jewelry.

"So," Todd said, "You and Evie are... friends, or...?"

"Hunh, something like that," Malik said slyly. He lowered himself into the wide, plush couch in the living room, facing the TV. He leaned back, closed his eyes, spread his long arms across the back and dug his fingers into the upholstery. "Damn," he said with a low, satisfied moan.

Todd's whole body chilled at the sight of Malik, licking his lips, taking pleasure in the plush. Who was this guy, he wondered. It wasn't long before his active imagination took him where he didn't want to be: in a parked car with the windows fogged, Evie buried beneath a Black frame grinding her deeper into the backseat; her fingers spread across his back, her panty-clad ankles in the air; the car filled with her passionate gasping as she cryied out his name...

"Oh Malik," Evie announced from the top of the stairs. "I didn't know you were here." With the addition of a very loose, very thin t-shirt, and a pair of shorts not much longer than her bathing suit, she didn't appear all that "changed" to Todd. That was fine by him.

Both guys raced back to the staircase to meet her. Evie sauntered down and lept from the last step into Malik's outstretched arms; he lifted her up high enough to leave her feet swinging in the air, nearly kicking Todd in the process. They didn't kiss, not exactly. But the way Evie purred when Malik buried his face in the crook of her neck, Todd might have preferred the alternative.

"Mm, you ready to go?" Malik asked.

"Hm hm," Evie replied, still holding onto Malik's arms.

Todd cleared his throat.

"Omigod, Todd! Right," Evie said, "Sooo, me and Malik have to go do this thing real quick. So the essay..."

Todd had to give it to her, she did her best to keep a serious face for what, she had to know, was an objectively shitty move. She wriggled free from (or further into) Malik's grasp. "Stoppit," she said to him, giggling.

"So the essay..." Todd urged.

"The essay, right!" she said. "So since it's due Monday morning, I was really hoping you could maybe get a head start on it while I was gone." She turned to Malik. "We won't be long, right?"

"Hm?" Malik said, back in the crook of Evie's neck. "Oh, yeah. Right."

"See?" she said to Todd.

"Yeah," Todd said. "I see."

"Just till I get back," Evie continued. "And then I'll do the rest. I just need you to get it started. Is that OK?" she asked Todd. "Stoppit," she said lightly slapping a handsy Malik.

"I guess I could..." Todd began.

"Omigod, thank you so much!" Evie finished. "You're the best." She moved in to give Todd a hug, but was intercepted by Malik reaching for her hand.

"Yeah, Todd" he said, pulling Evie back into his embrace. "You're the best." He winked and dropped that credit card grin of his again.

What Todd would have given to decline it and slice it in half.

Evie blew a kiss in Todd's general direction as she and Malik headed toward the door. "Help yourself to what's in the fridge," she offered.

"You just gonna let him hang out in your house like that?" Malik asked her on the way out.

"Why not?" Evie said, closing the door. "It's just Todd."

4.

If Evie's family home were the source of their scent, her bathroom was the lab where her own personal fragrance was concocted. Todd could smell its components in the silky liquid soap he used to wash his hands, in the fluffy towel he used to dry them. If he were so inclined to climb into her shower, where Evie's bikini hung cold over the rod, he'd smell it in the rainbow assortment of bottles stacked in each corner of the tub. He'd surely smell it in the contents of the clothes hamper standing by the door.

And as he headed to that door, he stopped all movement. He even held his breath, waiting, confirming that he was, in fact, by himself in the house. What came next was the fault of his hand, that's what he told himself; it was his hand lifting the lid of that hamper, not him; it was his hand reaching inside, his fingers combing through cotton mystery. His hand was the culprit, and the only reason that his eyes complied was to see how far his hand would go.

But a knock on the door interrupted his hand, and it, along with the rest of him, shot up in a panicked dart, the hamper lid snapping shut. He opened the door to find, to his surprise, Evie on the other side.

"Hey," she said with a pout.

"H-h-hey," he replied.

"Whatchu doing in here?" she asked. She entered, pushing on Todd's chest with one hand, her other pulling the door closed behind her; rather than ceding the bathroom to Evie, Todd stumbled backwards, leaving the two of them inside together. Alone.

"What happened to Malik?" Todd asked.

"Ugh," Evie said, rolling her eyes. "Don't even mention his name."

Todd smiled blatantly. "You know, 'mal' comes from the Latin word 'male,' which means 'bad.' So really, the red flags were there."