Blindsided Ch. 04

It's funny, I suppose. When you've changed so much, you don't expect anything else to remain the same. I drove around the town square and nothing had changed. Well, I had changed, quite a lot.

I had arrived in town the night before and stayed with Evie. Truth being stranger than fiction, we had spent the night in unsullied chastity, even if there was only one bed at her place and we had both slept in it. The spark between us that had flared up so brightly for that one evening had pretty much burned out.

The experience had left us friends again, thank goodness. Evie had been keeping tabs on the goings-on at the company, especially what Ivan and his little sweetie Lynn were up to. What she had found out didn't surprise me much.

I had spent the morning running errands and seeing certain people. The early afternoon had been spent with one person in particular. I had assembled all the information that I had collected, made some phone calls and visited the courthouse. I wanted to be sure I had all my ducks in a row.

I plastered a confident look on my face. I knew darn well I was pretty queasy about what was coming but I was determined not to let it show. I drove to my old house, parking down the street and walking back to sit on one of the two white painted chairs on the front porch. There I waited, trying to keep my mind resolute.

Finally Ivan's car pulled up. I had half expected him to park in the garage. That would have meant I would have had to ring the doorbell, but he simply stopped the car in the driveway and walked to the front door. His head was down and I had a moment to study him as he approached.

Damn, he looked awful. His face was drawn, he had lost weight and the lines etching his face made him look ten years older. Good.

For a second I thought he was going to trudge up the stairs and walk right past me without noticing I was there. He realized someone was sitting there and turned his head. It took a moment for reality to set in. He frowned for two seconds, as though he was trying to place me. Then his eyes opened and he turned a very nice shade of pale.

"Marie?" He tried, I'll give him that. He attempted to strike a balance between "long suffering injured husband" and "Thank God, you're alright" as he began to babble about how much he had missed me and how glad he was I was home and he thought he could forgive me but how dare I worry him and what possessed me to sign the divorce and..."

"Oh for God's sake, Ivan, shut up."

He sputtered. "What? You can't talk to me like that!"

"Oh the hell I can't. Maybe if I had talked to you like that long ago you wouldn't have had that affair with Lynn and then decide to set me up with a fake affair of my own."

Ivan kept trying. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Any so-called affair with Lynn only took place after what you did to me. I was ready to forgive you and you ran out on me."

"Damn, you do hang in there. Let's cut through the bullshit. I've talked to Evie, I've talked to Lynn, I've talked to David. My attorney, and yes I have one of my own, has been in touch with yours." I held up a file folder. "I've got copies of their statements, copies of the charge card bills and bank statements you hid from me that pretty well detail your little goings on with Miss Richardson, starting from your hotel rendezvous almost two months before that night. Now, do you want to go sit down and have our discussion or would you prefer I start yelling out here?"

Without another word he opened the door and I followed him into the house. I marched over to the easy chair in that same room where I had been so distraught nearly a year ago. I carefully placed my purse and the thick folder I had been holding onto the small table beside me and looked at Ivan.

He perched on the couch and I was struck by the irony of our reversed positions. Now it was Ivan who had to clear his throat before speaking.

"What do you want Marie?"

"I guess the first thing I want is some kind of explanation, if such a thing exists. Ivan, if you were that unhappy with me, why didn't you tell me? I knew we were drifting apart and I was trying as hard as I knew how to solve that. But if you didn't want that, why didn't you file for divorce? And for God's sake, why did you do to me what you did that night and then treat me like the slut I thought I had become when you knew the truth?"

"Marie, you have to believe me when the whole thing began I had no intentions of hurting you."

He stopped as I bounded to my feet. I actually took two steps towards him, my hand raised. "You didn't mean to hurt me? I don't have to believe any such nonsense." I managed to master myself and returned to my seat.

"Why did you start that affair?"

"For no good reason at all, Marie," he answered. "She flirted with me and I flirted back. I put the energy I should have put into our marriage into pursuing her. I was enjoying the feeling of being the 'man about town' again. I shoved you into the back corner of my mind. I made a conscious decision to cheat on you."

"But I didn't want to lose you," he went on. "I thought it would be a one-time shot and then I would find a way to make it all up to you without you ever knowing why. Then I found myself enthralled. The sneaking around, the knowledge that I was 'putting one over on you' became as exciting as the sex."

I needed answers. "But why the set-up? All that elaborate trickery, just to make me feel as though I was the worst excuse for a wife on the face of the earth? And then, the way you treated me. You KNEW I was innocent and yet you seemed to positively enjoy rubbing my face in the dirt."

"I thought you were catching on. I was sure that I had given myself away somehow. I knew I had left clues as to my behavior. Of course I was guilty so I saw them, even though now I realize that you didn't. So I concocted the scheme to make you think that you had cheated. Then I let that too get out of hand."

I nodded, almost sadly now. "I'll say you did."

He shook his head. "Unbelievably, I began to believe my own propaganda. I brooded on it. I managed to convince myself that maybe you really HAD cheated on me with David. I guess it was a case of thinking if I was cheating, then maybe you could have been also. It eased my guilt. As long as I could in some twisted way make myself the victim it was simple to go on with the affair."

I changed the subject. "Do you know why I left?"

"I thought you had taken all you could. I thought maybe you had run off for a little bit, that I had pushed things too far. But I thought you would be back. I was all set to 'forgive you' and hope that everything would somehow return to normal. You didn't come back and you didn't come back. Then I got the divorce decree." He snorted. "The clerk never even told anyone she had filed it. I had never even dreamed you would do that, I never thought to inquire. The whole thing was another stick to keep you from seeing what was really going on."

"By the way, when I realized what you had done I rushed to Lynn. I confessed the whole scheme to her. She didn't know all of what I had done. She might have the morals of an alley cat, but she was horrified by my actions. She threw me out of her house and has never spoken to me since. About me I'm sure. I'm avoided by the women as thought I have the plague. Not that I don't deserve it."

I said bitterly, "I can agree with that. But I didn't leave because I had taken all I could. I would have taken more, a lot more. I'm the old school 'stand by your man' woman. I left because I was pregnant." Ivan's jaw dropped. "Your set-up made me sure that David was the father. I know better now. I SHOULD have known better then. David is too much of the real 'man about town' that you wanted to be for him to be having sex with a passed out housewife. He never would have wanted me at all, at least not back then, anyway."

Ivan looked puzzled at my last comment before returning to the first revelation. "You mean, you mean we have a child?"

"I have a son," I retorted. "You, I don't know what you have. As far as I'm concerned your participation in Cliff's birth was that of a donor, no more than I could have accomplished with a tube of refrigerated sperm and a turkey baster."

Ivan was so excited that my words went right past him. "Don't you see, Marie? This changes everything. You can come home now. It will be just like it was before."

I looked at him, contempt oozing from every pore of my body. "You mean, now that Laura has dumped you, you want someone like me back? Well let me tell you something buster. If you think I'm still the woman that you set up, that you almost destroyed so that you could continue a sordid affair, well, you're wrong."

I was wound up now. As big as Ivan was, he flinched and retreated into the couch cushions as my voice rose to glass-shattering decibels. "Now then," I continued, "You sit down, shut up and listen to what I have to say."

"You abused me. You abused the love I felt for you. Physical abuse wouldn't have hurt as much as the anguish you put me through. Fortunately I was able to get some pay back earlier this afternoon before coming here."

"What do you mean?" Ivan's voice shook as he stared at me.

I smiled sweetly, leaning back in the chair and stretching my legs out. "Haven't you figured it out yet, Ivan? I told you that before I came to see you, I stopped to talk to David. And a wonderful talk it was, although I do confess there weren't many words exchanged."

Ivan's eyes were bugging out. He gave me a look filled with disbelief, which turned to horror as I continued.

"You know Ivan, hell, if you had wanted me to have an affair, you should have arranged David for real. Do you have any idea how hung that man is? 'Twelve inches of prime Mississippi Blacksnake' is what he boasts, but I've never seen a snake as thick as his." My legs had parted and my hand had slipped between them. Ivan watched in growing astonishment as I began to rub myself.

"He told me he never, ever would have believed that I could have wrapped my lips around that cock. But I did. When I was deep throating that hot black cock he kept moaning and telling me that if he had known what a cocksucking slut you had for a wife, he would have taken me away from you long ago. He never dreamed a plain old white housewife could blow him like that." By now I was shifting back and forth in the chair as I continued to press my hand between my legs.

"Of course he liked it even better when he fucked me. He had to pound that old blacksnake hard to get it into my pussy, even after the kid. God, we looked so hot, his shinning ebony body pinning my ivory one to the bed as I screamed for him to never stop. His muscles drove him deeper and stretched me wider than any man has ever done. And his stamina! Holy SHIT! Let's just say I was begging him to stop before it was all over. I thought he was going to split me in two and I loved it."

"Oh, by the way," I tried to stifle a moan as I ground my hand against myself. "Speaking of babies, this time I think he impregnated me for sure. Damn, he must have pumped a quart of cum into my womb. And I'm at the most fertile point of my cycle."

"Oh God, no. "Ivan buried his face in his hands. "I can't believe you did that."

I sat up straight in the chair, bracing my balled fists on my hips. "Of course I DIDN'T do that you fucking idiot! How damn stupid do you think I am? I just survived a scare that lasted for months and you think I'm going to start the cycle all over again? Besides, David, if you haven't heard, has met a wonderful girl at his church and is getting engaged. We talked and he apologized again and again for his part in your trick. He said, and I believe him, that he had no idea you would go so far."

I stood up. "Doesn't feel good does it? And I suffered that for months and months as opposed to your five minutes of misery."

I let the anger shake me for another minute. Then I took a deep breath and held it until I stopped shaking. When I let that breath out, I let all my rage flow with it, leaving me calm and centered.

"Enough. Ivan, I've considered a couple of elaborate schemes to get my revenge on you, to make you hurt as bad as you hurt me. I know I could make you lose your job. I could file criminal charges against you. Those blood tests you made me get? All sorts of things show up, including drugs. I wondered why the memories of that night were so disjointed. And that settlement? My friends include a very sweet high ranking police couple in my new home town. They had me talk to the DA there. Does the word 'Conspiracy' mean anything to you? I assure you that David and Evie and anyone else would testify in a minute."

I picked up the folder I had brought in with me. "But that's not going to happen. Not because I have any feelings for you, but if you're out of a job or in jail, you can't make child support payments. Besides," my voice grew reflective, and a bit sad, as I thought again how things with this man had turned out. "Besides, I'm not going to waste any more of my life on you. I've wasted enough heartache and anguish for a lifetime. I'm going to live in the future, not dwell in the past."

I handed him the folder. "So here. Our new and improved financial agreement. I get the full 50 percent of what we had at the time of our divorce. I'm even giving you credit for the ten thousand dollars. However you're going to pony up for the expenses of your little cruise and all the other amenities you showered on Lynn. In addition, you agree to pay the usual ten percent of your pre-tax salary as child support until Cliff reaches 18, or until he finishes college. You can go over it with your lawyer, he has a copy. He will suggest you sign it. He doesn't like the "C" word much either."

I gathered my things and looked at him. "Any questions?" He shook his head without a word. I nodded and walked to the door.

"Goodbye, Ivan." And I never looked back the entire drive home.

A year has passed since I confronted Ivan. I still talk to Evie sometimes. I don't ask about Ivan and she doesn't tell me. That's a page of my life that has been turned. I still sometimes wonder how things would have been if Ivan had been strong enough to resist the urge to cheat or even not fallen for that wild plan to cover his tracks. But I don't waste a lot of time with those thoughts.

I still live in the coach house, with Cliff's wonderful adopted grandparents. I still work at the grocery store. Yes, I could buy a house and I could probably get a more prestigious job, but I'm happy where I am. I have many friends in this warm town. When Cliff and I go out we spend half our time waving and calling greetings across the street and talking to the people we know.

The child support that Ivan pays every month goes into a trust fund for Cliff and his college education. I did use part of my new settlement to buy a mini-van and I've redecorated the coach house and, with Stan and Muriel's permission, converted the upper floor to additional bedrooms.

Why would I need additional bedrooms? Because I'm still hopeful. I mistook Ivan. I didn't understand that although he was physically strong and handsome, he was weak in the clutch. So be it. I don't hate him, I just feel vaguely sorry for him. Because he'll never have me again, and I've decided that I'm a pretty darn good catch.

Not long ago we talked on the phone. He'd like to see his son someday. That's good, not for the world would I keep him from doing that. He even asked about possibly having Cliff spend the weekend with him when he's older. There's a wistfulness in his voice when he talks about the things they might do together. That's wonderful. A man SHOULD take his son to the ball game, fishing (not that Ivan is a fisherman), camping, the things a boy and his father need to do together.

I'd like to have more children. I'd like to find someone to share my life with again, someone I can trust. That may take a while. I have dated. Of all things, that charming ER Doctor and I went out several times. Nothing serious, although she spent the night a couple of times. She recently met this guy she really likes and now we just wink at each other. She did introduce me to an EMT who works at her hospital and he's pretty darn cute. I'm thinking that Cliff may need to spend Saturday night and his "grandparents" again.

"Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." It has for me. When I look in the mirror now I see a woman who can stand on her own two feet and live her own life. So until I find that person I can walk with, I won't be afraid to walk by myself.

(The End)

(Thanks to my friend RPSuch for his wonderful story "Too Far" which gave me the idea for this one. Thanks as always to Marian, my editor and my friend. She does a wonderful job. I continue to work a story up to the moment I submit it so she doesn't always see everything. In any case, the responsibility for errors is always mine.)