Blindsiding the Blind Guy

This is my entry for the 2023 April Fool's Day Contest and is a follow-on story to my 2022 On The Job Event Blindsided by the Blind Guy. Tam and Jake have been married 14 years, they have three boys ages twelve, eight, and four. Tam is now chair of the Psychology Dept. and Jake teaches several literature classes and has authored several more books. If you haven't read Blindsided by the Blind Guy, there are some spoilers in this story. Both of these stories use characters and locales from the We're a Wonderful Wife universe.

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Blindsiding the Blind Guy

Jake Johnson made his way down the hallway of the University of Minnesota at Bemidji in beautiful but blustery Bemidji Minnesota, and right now the only sound he could hear was the tapping of his cane. If you're a friend you call him JJ or Jake, if you're a reader of his books you call him J. E. Johnson, and if you're sitting in his classroom, you call him professor or Doctor Johnson.

Jake is a professor of American Literature at a small university in Minnesota and he loves his job, the staff is good to him, his department chair gives him the academic freedom to tackle projects far outside the scope of his academic purview, he has a bevy of teaching assistants, and his home is a short walk from campus. On the downside, he is in Bemidji Minnesota and his home is too far for him to safely walk when the weather is bad, it's near impossible for him to find his way home if there is ice or snow on the sidewalk which is over half the year.

When your way of "seeing" the route home was with a cane that you use to feel the edge of the sidewalk and the curb of the crosswalk, a half inch of snow was blinding.

Outside the snow was piling up in drifts and wind chills of minus fifteen degrees made walking home deadly for Jake. The conditions would make standing at a bus stop a suicidal undertaking for him, if there was a bus that would take him home. There is Uber or taxi cabs, he could afford that, but now he says a prayer of thanks every day for having a ride home and not having to walk. He has a wonderful wife who loves him and insists every evening on driving him to their home and three boys.

The building was much newer than his previous school, so his "Nav Aides" (as his Air Force veteran brother-in-law Donovan would put it) were fewer than what he used to navigate on the old campus when he taught at Washington County College in St. Paul. But there were Nav Aides in Bemidji, and he knew how to use them. Gone were the old sheet metal drinking fountains and waste receptacles that he would tap to determine his location, everything was turn of the 21st Century new and modern yet now over twenty years old. There wasn't much for the ball at the end of his red tipped white walking stick to tap against like in the old building, but he still navigated the same way, using clues to guide him. He counted doorways as he passed the classrooms, then the kick plate stretching across the hallway floor showing the joint between buildings. Here was the connection between Stauber Hall (literature) and Finstad Hall (Social Sciences) telling Jake that he was halfway to his goal.

Now he felt a chill on his right side, it felt like he was standing next to a block of ice, that chill came from the large series of windows overlooking the courtyard. He was running a bit late, but he didn't realize how late he was, he was enlightened to the time when the hallways became a cacophony of footsteps and voices, students filled the hall rushing, walking, congregating, and it seemed to Jake that all were talking as loudly as possible. The tsunami of sound confused and overwhelmed him, to a sighted person it would be the equivalent of a series of strobe lights flashing and obscuring whatever it was you were trying to see.

He reached for his watch to check the time, in the past he had braille watches where one would flip up the crystal and read the position of the hands with his fingers. At one point he had a talking watch, it was nice, one button and he knew the time right down to the second, but then so did everyone around him. That was not a good choice for checking the time at church. He loved his current watch, an extravagant gift from his wife, an Eone Bradley Compass, it had a face with no numbers, just markers for hours, and the hands were magnetized ball bearings in recessed tracks. The "hour hand" was in a track around the outside edge of the watch, the "minute hand" was in a track on the face of the watch. A gentle touch, look for those two balls, and damn, it's four thirty, he was incredibly late, and he was not happy with his reason for being late.

All he could do was rely on his cane and he swept it back and forth, continuously tapping on the wall to his right as his guide. A change in the sound that the wall made when he tapped it with his cane told him he was at the pair of doors that would lead out into the courtyard in fair weather. As he made his way past the doors his cane struck something unexpected. It was a crowd of students who weren't moving. Most people moved out of his way knowing, or at least using a few brain cells and deducing that he depended on the righthand wall for his navigation, not this group. They were either obstinate or oblivious. He continued tapping on shoes and ankles to determine the size of the group and give them a hint that he needed to get through and in response all he got was laughter and the cry of "What the fuck!"

Dr. Johnson recognized that voice, in fact the voice belonged to the reason why he was late and now trapped in a crowded corridor. The voice and the person it belonged to was both obstinate AND oblivious. "Ahh, the eloquent Mister Demmings," said Jake parking his cane under his right arm. "So good to find you here. We were supposed to meet in my office an hour ago."

"Yeah, well I had things to do," sneered Bart Demmings, a junior year football player with all the academic acumen of a small newt. He reads at a sixth-grade level, clinging to that level by his fingernails and he shows no desire to improve his standing. Some joker convinced him that Doctor Johnson was an easy A because he was blind, and the oblivious fool believed him!

"I hope one of those things you were doing was looking for a part time job," said Jake. "You will soon have the opportunity to invest your new free time in that. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm trying to get through."

"What do you mean by that?" shouted Demmings.

What Jake meant by that was Demmings' position of the football team was in jeopardy due to his poor academic standing. Intentionally Jake turned his body a bit, so he wasn't facing Demmings directly when he spoke. Jake never knew why but it drives sighted people crazy when you do that. "Trying to get through means that I'm trying to travel from here, to..."

"Look at me!" shouted Demmings.

"Mister Demmings, you just told a blind man to look at you, are you going to cure me?" that brought forth a few giggles so there were girls in this group. Jake realized that he was embarrassing the star football player in front of a bunch of giggling girls. It was wrong to do, but opportunities don't present themselves like this often enough. Sometimes life is very sweet.

"I mean the job!"

"By saying that you are going to have plenty of free time for a job, I was indicating that you're not going to be spending your time at sports. You may want to talk to Coach Herrell about that, I let him know that you missed our meeting today and he was not happy. Something about a required academic standing for his players? The coach knows more about that than I do."

"Aww God damn it you son of a BITCH!" The laughter and sound of retreating footsteps told Jake that Mr. Demmings was now sprinting toward the athletic side of campus.

A touch on his arm was followed by young female voice that came from Dr. Johnson's left side saying, "These halls are pretty crowded, would you like an assist?"

"That would be most helpful miss...?"

"I'm Victoria Baird, everyone calls me Vicky."

"Do we know each other?"

"No, but my boyfriend Shane is in your second period study of Mark Twain," said Vicky. "Here, take my arm, my grandpa is blind, he taught me how to guide him," and with that she began to guide Jake through the crowded halls.

"He taught you well Miss Baird. I take it that your boyfriend is Shane Yarmuth. The swimmer?"

"Yes, I'm on the girl's team myself."

Jake chuckled; it sounded like Shane was going ahead of them moving people out of the way. "I could always count on swimmers," Jake said.

"How is that?" asked Vicky.

"My wife's youngest sister was timekeeper for her high school swim team, and she coached two swimmers to state records. Then she married one of them, and her older brother married the other."

"Sounds like Diddy Mao," said Shane. "I swam against Grant Valley, and they still call out her name when they race."

Now Jake was having a hard time keeping from laughing. "Diddy Mao... exactly." Jake was sure that this would continue because "Diddy Mao's" brother was going to be coach of that swim team next year.

He allowed himself to be guided through the throngs of students whose only thought was to get out of the building because class was over for the day. Vicky did a great job of guiding him through the horde that truly began to panic Jake. With Shane running interference Vicky led Jake confidently through Finstad Hall, informing him of everything, "Coming up on the right will be the men's room followed by the drinking fountain... the fountain is recessed into the corridor wall about two feet... now here is the ladies' room... the stairs are across the hall to our left..." she made sure to keep Jake close to the wall so his cane could tap against the wall giving him a sense of location.

"Here you are Doctor Johnson, we're at Doctor Nguyen's office." Both students have taken sociology 101 and were used to the staid and serious Doctor Tam Nguyen, the iron maiden, a woman who wouldn't crack a smile if you tried to chisel one on her face. She stepped out of her office a breathtaking Asian beauty, from her thick ebony tresses to her tiny feet she was perfect, a tight athletic body, her skin clear, wrinkle and blemish free. As usual the look on her face was an expression of bored annoyance, but when she saw Dr. Johnson she melted! She suddenly became all smiles, and he was touching her! Gently tracing his fingers over her face before they kissed. It was a complete shock for both sophomores. The terror of every psychology student in the university was smiling and laughing like a schoolgirl in love.

"I was so worried that you got turned around!" she gasped.

"Miss Baird did a remarkable job guiding me through the crowd. Darling, this fellow here, Mister Yarmuth says they memorialized your sister at Grant Valley."

"Which one?" Tam could just imagine what kind of memorial they would erect for Kim-ly, she was only there for two years and left a legacy of practical jokes that lives on until today.

"Diddy Mao!" said Shane brightly.

"Hmm?" said Tam as she clung to Jake's arm.

"Her name, Diddy Mao, they chant it at all the swim meets," said Vickie.

Tam buried her face in Jake's sleeve trying to stifle her laughter, but Jake was never one to let sleeping dogs lie. "Did they mention her brother N'yen Yen?"

"They chant that too," said Shane who fully realized something was up.

"Stop!" said Tam as she gave Jake's arm a swat. "You're awful. No wonder why your students think you're hilarious." She fought back the laughter and said, "My sister's name is Lanh Campbell, professionally she uses her maiden name like I do, she's Doctor Lanh Nguyen. When she was coaching a swimmer, she would yell Nhanh lên as they swam, that is Vietnamese for "Hurry Up." When the swimmer hit the last length she would yell "Đi đi mau!" which is roughly "Move your ass." Pretty soon everyone was yelling đi đi mau at Grant Valley swim meets."

"I can see Coach Mach encouraging the rumor that Diddy Mao was her name," chuckled Jake.

"I can too," said Tam who thanked Shane and Vicki, locked her office and guided Jake out to their car. "Speaking of Diddy Mao, she's going to watch the boys tonight, so we have an hour to get ready then drop the boys off at the farm."

At home they said their hellos to the boys who were excited about going to spend the evening at the farm with Aunt Kim-ly and Aunt Lanh. Tam's sisters learned the secret of mellowing out the three boys, if the boys each brought a book to read or color, they would be allowed to run crazy in Grandpa's hay loft for an hour or two, climbing the mountains of hay bales then afterward drink as much fresh milk as they could hold. After dinner they would unwind and read or color in front of a fire in the fireplace. Dinner would always feature "Grandpa" Ralph's grassfed beef and vegetables from "Grandma" Sandy's garden, and the boys would devour every bite. The boys loved it, Jake and Tam didn't question it, and it was better for the boys than anything on TV.

"So, we're really going to do this?" Jake asked as he got out of the shower and dried off. "We haven't gone out for a nice romantic dinner since Chip was born." Chip was their first-born son who made his appearance in the second year of their marriage. They splurged with what little money they had. They went to a truck stop and had dinner back in the corner. Coffee and French fries with gravy and newborn Chip. A financially broke academic couple who thought they knew it all, but when Charles "Chip" Johnson was born they realized that all their knowledge was just an introduction to what is really important.

Chip was their key to unlocking the mysteries that lay ahead of them. Living and loving each other for three years it all became brand new when Chip made his presence known in Tam's womb. When he was born, they handed him back and forth, cuddling and caressing their tiny infant and wondering what other mysteries lay ahead of them and will they ever learn it all? Who cared if they toasted their love with expensive imported wine or inexpensive truck stop coffee?

Chip unlocked a universe that they didn't realize existed; he was courageous, always willing to explore. Their next, Liam, was their little skeptic, always eager to find out the truth about any subject. Their youngest, Arlo, is their little bundle of love, a walking talking echo of their emotions happy when they're happy, upset when they're upset. When he's with his one-year-old cousins and they start to cry because they're hungry or wet, he cries along with them, broken hearted because his cousins are sad.

Now it seems that if Jake and Tam go out, it's always faculty functions. Wine and cheese mixers with the new recruits, and as department chair, Tam is expected to host four of these gatherings a year. She does host them, but she spends most of her time with Jake. Tam has cultivated an image of an aloof, stoic, mirthless Vietnamese beauty who appears to only say yes if you asked her if she wants you to leave. One year they brought Arlo, their youngest son. When asked why they brought Arlo she merely said that he was breastfeeding when the truth was that he was a convenient excuse if they wanted to leave early.

She's not much fun at these parties anyhow, she always wears the same dress, avoids the same conversations, and drinks the same iced tea in a glass that makes it look like she's tossing back whiskey. She'll chat with the new hires, congratulate those on the way out, and keep an eye on those that are keeping an eye on her. They can't have fun at those quarterly faculty gatherings, they would prefer a picnic with the boys back in the trees, or a concert in the park on a warm summer evening.

"I laid out everything for you to wear tonight, it's on the bed," Tam said as she pushed Jake away.

"There's no underwear," he responded as his hands gently explored her body. "We're going commando tonight?"

"That's right, now let me go, I need a shower."

He couldn't see her waggle her eyebrows at him, but he felt it in her words. "Hot damn," he muttered. She clearly had something up the sleeve she wasn't wearing at the moment, and he couldn't wait. She had a wicked imagination.

Not long later the "Terrible Trio" were dropped off at the Campbell farm and Aunty Kim-ly was ready for them. "Can we go play in the hay loft?" asked Liam.

"I have something even better than the hayloft," said Kim-ly, "let's go sledding!" There is a distinct lack of sledding hills in northcentral Minnesota, what hills there are usually have a highway at the top and a stream at the bottom, which probably explains the boy's lack of enthusiasm. The barn on Don and Lanh's farm has an earthen embankment on the back that gives tractors access to the hayloft. Life is easier when you don't have to carry each fifty-pound bale of hay up to the loft when instead you can simply drive up there with a loaded hay wagon in tow, and this 20-foot-tall mountain is now their sledding hill.

Nearby Tam and Kim-ly's youngest sister Lanh had the hay wagon hooked up to their antique John Deere tractor which sputtered softly waiting for its call to duty, Aunt Lanh and Aunt Kim-ly were planning a hayride later. Tam's youngest sister, Dr. Lanh Campbell, a practicing speech pathologist as well as a farmer, hopped off the tractor seat and came to welcome the cheering boys. "Where's your hubby?" asked Tam.

"Don is working at the restaurant tonight; he'll be making your dinner," said Lanh as she also explained to the boys that they're going sledding right here on the farm.

"What are we having?" Jake asked.

"It's a recipe he's been dying to try at the restaurant," said Kim-ly.

"It's called Pho Chien Phong," added Lanh.

"Oh god!" gasped Tam, "that stuff drives me out of my mind!" She hugged Jake from behind, "it is so good, you're going to love it!"

"Does it make you horny?" said Jake loud enough for Lanh to hear.

"On occasion it's been known to have that effect," and she whispered in his ear, "and you embarrassed Lanh."

"Mission accomplished, what happened with the boys? It got quiet... a little too quiet."

"They grabbed their sleds and are running up the hill," said Lanh.

"I think that is our cue to go," said Jake.

"Ok, you ready? Where's your cane?" said Tam as she turned Jake towards the car.

"It's in my pocket. It doesn't work very well in the snow."

"Good, let's go." Jake grabbed her arm and followed but Tam was looking down and back at how Jake was handling the snow more than watching where they were going, it's very difficult for Jake to walk in the deep snow. They developed a unique way of walking; she'll shuffle along clearing a path for Jake to follow. Soon she got him in the car, and they were heading into town.

"So, what makes Pho Chien Phong such a powerful aphrodisiac?" asked Jake.

"It's the everything of it combined..." said Tam at a complete loss for words. "The crunchy, the soft, the juicy, the crispy, the sweet, the savory... it's a symphony of all tastes, textures, and flavors."

"You know Asian food is hard for me to eat..." All his life Jake has been practicing with a fork and knife, now with Asian food everything is either cut or can't be cut, it's a messy struggle. And pho is especially difficult because the noodles are so long, who puts foot long noodles in a bowl of hot broth and then gives you two sticks to eat the soup with?