Blood from a Turnip: Is Cheat Back?

As I put on a shirt I asked, "What happened to that moose Randy? Didn't look like he did so well."

Lisa smirked. "Why don't you ask him yourself? He is right down the hall." She laughed seeing the look on my face. "Don't worry Tommy, he is in police custody handcuffed to the bed. Even if Randy could move, with all his broken bones, the only place he is going is up the river. You know, to the states' correctional Institution."

"Couldn't happen to a nicer guy" I muttered, pointing at my cast.

Lisa waved some slips of paper at me. "Don't be such a baby, Tommy. I got half a dozen phone numbers from ladies here at the hospital." She picked out a slip, chuckling. "Plus one guy, all volunteering to come to the house and give you sponge baths,"

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Some years have gone by since that day. (I do admit to taking advantage of some of the sponge bath offers-but only the females!)

Ole 'Coach Tommy' has grayer hair and is thicker around the waist now, but that does not seem to have stopped the ladies. In fact I seem to have more date offers as I get up in years.

The NR-1 Nuclear submarine was decommissioned and parts of Wallace's work were declassified. It had something to do with tracking submarines by examining tiny changes in ocean bottom sea life other subs had passed over. Apparently this was a big deal in marine biology circles, as it landed Wallace a Department Chair at one of the country's leading Universities. We still see Wallace when he comes into town to visit his grandson.

Both my boys and nephews are long gone from the house, but close by with families and careers of their own. Vince and I continue to live in the same house and Lisa is still around. I could not understand why Lisa just did not just move in. She spends most of her time here anyway. Lisa and Vince had not remarried, but Vince rarely dated anyone anymore, and I know Lisa never did. I guess their relationship has evolved to a level of 'friends with benefits'.

Today, I marveled as Lisa and Vince hefted countless bags onto the kitchen tabletop. Our latest Doberman rescue, a red female named 'Tri Candy', whined as she anticipated doggie treats in one of the mounds of packages.

"My God Lisa." I said surveying the myriad of boxes and bags covering the tabletop and overflowing onto the floor. "We are only babysitting the twins for the weekend. Not adopting them and their whole preschool class!"

Vince put up his hands, in the universal male sign of surrender all guys make when shopping with a female.

"Oh hush you." Lisa replied. "Or else I won't let The Great Uncle Tommy teach the toddlers how to kick a curveball into the hoop."

Vince and I groaned. Because Lisa, despite years of being at almost all her sons' and nephews games plus a former volleyball star, never had really picked up on the various sports and their rules.

"Tommy, guess who I saw today?" Lisa said breaking into my thoughts.

"The Pope buying socks at Walmart?" I ventured.

Lisa threw a box of baby wipes at me. "No, it was Anna, Carlos' mother. She wanted to see pictures of her grandson's baptism."

Oddly enough this type of 'meeting' was not uncommon, but very sad. In all the time since his 'fractured arm event', Carlos had never ever spoken or had any contact with his mother. Every card, letter or package Anna sent to Carlos's home or work was returned back unopened. Any gift Anna bought for her grandchild was instantly donated to the local hospital charity. If Anna was in any location and Carlos saw her, he would bundle up the family and depart immediately. Anna was left to stalking her only child and his family with her grandson from afar.

"Yeah, Anna cornered me in the drugstore last week about that," I said breaking open a box of dog biscuits and having Tri Candy go through her tricks. "Anna thought since I was her grandkid's Godfather I would have more pictures."

"She make you an offer you couldn't refuse?" Vince asked, repeating the old classic Marlon Brando movie line.

"Hardly," I said shaking Tri Candy's paw. "Anna always has that haunted guilty look. It's almost tragic."

"I wonder what it will take for Carlos to let his mom back into his life," Lisa mused. "Just holding her grandson would be heaven for Anna."

I petted Tri Candy on her head. "I think BB King said it best. 'Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but no one wants to die to get there'."

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If you got this far, thanks for reading. The NR-1 "Nerwin' was a vessel both loved and hated by its various crews. NR-1 was built by Admiral Rickover using budgetary sleight of hand in 1969. Her time undersea crawling on the deep ocean floor was limited only by the amount of solid human waste its crew produced. Unmatched, even by today's vessels, she was scrapped in 2008. Some parts are on display at the Navy Museum in Groton, Connecticut.

Judge Reynolds in "Turnips" is based on a current elderly judge, still sitting on the bench. He was famous for giving child custody to a drunk mother, who had passed out in his courtroom. Attorneys repping the mothers, fight to get on his docket. Lawyers for Dads, delay and do everything they can to avoid his court. Sad but true.

Several local judges, accustomed to running their own little fiefdoms, have been incarcerated by the Feds after defying edicts concerning government witnesses in WITSEC or other government programs. This is according to a book by an unnamed retired US Marshall, detailing his long years in the service.

Shielding assets from a spouse in an overseas corp. was upheld in former GE Exec Jack Welch divorce case when it was ruled any funds Mr. Welsh had in GE not yet brought to the US for taxation were not part of the couple assets that could be disbursed by the US court system.

And thanks to the anonymous poster whose comment on my story 'BURN', gave me the idea for this tale.