Book 02: A Match Made Ch. 04

"Lover? Are you there? Did you hear what I said, that I'm happy?!"

"Yes, yes of course baby; sorry. I'm so relieved you're happy. I really do need to get all of this out of me... figure out how to deal with what happened. Lissy..."

The way my voice tapers at the end, she knew. "Lover, stop. We have to talk about it and we will. Right now, you need to deal with all of these feelings. Until you do that, we can't be sure it won't happen again."

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry." The tears pour out. "It can't ever..."

"Kara Anne! You listen to me!" Her mom voice grabbing my attention, "You will not cry about it. I know you don't want to hurt me. That it wasn't on purpose. I'm here; I'm not going anywhere! Ever! Do you hear me?! Ever!" Her tone is ragged; she's barely holding it together herself. This is not an easy conversation, especially over the phone... at work! I'm such an idiot.

"Yes baby, I hear you. I love you Lissy. I'm pretty sure I always have and I know I always will." That did it, her dam breaks. The sobs are loud and deep. Nice job Kara, so much for reeling it in so she could get back to work. I can't help it though. These words, these feelings; I couldn't hold them in. It's all true; she's a part of me. I wait a couple of minutes, letting her get it out, feeling helpless.

"Shhh baby... feel my arms around you. I wish I could hold you. I'm a brat for doing this to you while you're at work."

Through her sniffles Lissy says, "Honey, I needed that cry and I needed to hear those words. I'm the luckiest girl in the world, possibly even the universe. We'll get through this and every other thing life tries to throw at us." I truly don't deserve her, but hell if I'm ever going to let her out of my life again.

"Yeah we will." That almost sounded confident. My smile permeates in my voice, "Now, get back to work! And get that pretty ass of yours home ASAP!"

Her laugh melts my heart. "Will do! Toodles!" She hung up before I can respond, which is probably a good thing.

We have this habit of saying goodbye at least ten times before actually going. It's called our 'ish' time... never mind. I need to get back to the selfless woman sitting on the couch in the next room. I put the phone back in my pocket and head into the living room. She's standing at the window, iced tea in hand, looking at something outside. I catch myself staring at the way the sun is playing on her black hair. She's stunning. Hey! I'm not dead. I can appreciate beauty, it doesn't mean anything more. She must sense my gaze; there's a light blush on her cheeks when she turns.

I feign innocence as I say, "I'll be right back. I think it's time to get out of my jammies." Yes jammies; don't judge.

"You do that and don't keep me waiting." Her sneer shows she's teasing. I throw a quick smile back and take hurried steps up the stairs. I literally throw on the first thing I find, some jeans and a mostly clean t-shirt. I forgot a bra; screw it. To the bathroom, a quick brush of my hair and wash my face. I look in the mirror, which I have avoided lately.

My breath catches at my reflection. It's me... but a much thinner (not in a good way) and tired me. Dark circles under my eyes; my jaw is more prominent and makes my face look serious. I force a smile, hoping to see me in there somewhere. There she is! I'm still in there. My eyes fall to a fresh bruise on my collarbone and I pull my shirt down a little off my shoulder. I just stare for a moment and my eyes close as I release the shirt and grab onto the counter. I feel woozy and my hands are shaking. Is this the drug withdrawal? It has me on a rollercoaster. One minute I'm okay and the next it's like I have no control. I have to have it... need it... want another pill. STOP IT!

I open my eyes, look in the mirror again and say, "You will NEVER take that drug again! You don't need it, they made you think you do... but you don't." I take a few deep breaths in and out. Okay! I'm good, but it did remind me I haven't taken the pills the hospital gave me. They are meant to help with the withdrawal, help me wean off the Oxy. I find the bottle, take one and swallow it with a handful of water. After brushing my teeth, I head back downstairs.

This time Destiny is sitting on the couch talking on the phone. I don't want to disturb her; I walk and sit quietly next to her. She grins. "Okay honey, I have to go. I'll talk to Kara and let you know. Mm hmm." She tries to hide her blush. "Yes, me too. Stop it. Get back to work; talk later." As she hangs up she stares and smiles at the phone, obviously hanging on to Shade's words a few moments longer. When she looks up at me, she's glowing. This must be 'that' look. I guess I know what love looks like too.

"We're both lucky ladies," I say with a knowing smile.

"Indeed." We both giggle. I could get used to this easy way about us. It's been a long time since I've had a close friend, and since it will take our lifetimes to repay these two, something tells me I'll be seeing a lot of her. That sounds fabulous. "What are you thinking about, Kara?"

Busted. "I was thinking about how comfortable I am talking to you and how I hope we can become good friends after all of this."

Her eyes fill. What did I say? "Sweetie, we're already friends. It's never been easy for me to make friends, let my guard down. There's something special about us, at least from where I sit. We connect, we're easy. Know what I mean?"

I think I screeched. "Yes! I can't believe it, I feel the same way. I mean, I was seriously just thinking the same thing." Each grabs the other's hand; we shake them up and down as we laugh. This is definitely teenager-like giddiness. We giggle some more. This time, our tears are from a laughing fit that took several minutes to get under control. No idea where it came from, but what a tension release. Only drawback is, I hardly feel like delving back into the emotional abyss.

Have I mentioned how expressive my eyes are? I obviously can't see my eyes, but many people have told me throughout my life. I guess I'm the shining example of 'the eyes are a window to the soul.' Lissy was an expert from the beginning. It's almost like she had the Kara guidebook, with a special appendix for my eyes. Right now, Destiny can see I'm hesitant about getting back to our earlier serious conversation.

She stops our hands, gives mine a squeeze, and says, "I know we have some difficult stuff to talk about. Let's ease into it." I nod, that's fine by me. She continues, "How about we start with what Shade and I were thinking about for tonight?" It isn't really a question that needs an answer. "I was telling her how much progress we've made in such a short time. She's thrilled by the way. Anyway, I was saying how I'd like to come back tomorrow as well. That's if you want me to?"

"Yes, I'd really like that."

"I thought so too." Another shared smile follows. "She got to planning, like she loves to do, and thought it would be nice to bring dinner out to us tonight and some clothes for me. Maybe I could stay the night?"

It burst from me, "Yes! Yes!" The teenager in me is back. What has this girl done to me?

Destiny grins. "You are too silly." Shaking her head, she says, "Great! It's a plan. Do you need to talk with Lissy first?"

Do I? "I doubt she'd have a problem with it but let me check. I can at least ask if Rach and June will be eating with us."

"You call yours and I'll call mine then." We giggle. This is out of control. Wink! We turn our backs as to not compete with our conversations, and I dial Lissy again.

"Hi lover, I wasn't expecting to hear from you so soon. What a nice surprise."

"Hi baby. First, everything is fine." We laugh. "Second, Destiny wants to spend tomorrow as well and talked to Shade about it while I was upstairs changing out of my pajamas. I know; it was after one. Anyways, Shade loved the idea and wanted to bring dinner for all of us when she brought Destiny's clothes and things. Of course only if it was okay with us. Of course I said it probably would be but I'd need to see if Rach and June would be here tonight as well. So she went to talk to Shade while I'm calling you." I don't think I took a breath during that whole time. I'm actually a bit winded.

Clearly amused, Lissy says, "Well don't you sound happy? Make sure you remember to breathe, lover. Of course Destiny can stay over and Shade is welcome to bring dinner. I feel kinda guilty since they've done so much for us, but something tells me Shade doesn't take no for an answer."

"Me either. Plus, it would be nice to have them over. I really like Destiny, and after all you've said about Shade and how Destiny beams when they talk... well, I just think they're good for us." I did breathe as I talked, speaking calmly now.

"Oh, me too. I'm not sure about Rach and June though. I don't want to put them out any more than necessary, so let's say they won't be here for now. If they show up, there's bologna in the fridge." Eww. I hope she's kidding, but I get the gist of it.

"Sounds good baby. Hey Lissy?"

"Hmm?"

"I miss you."

"I miss you too. I'll be home soon. You girls enjoy your afternoon."

"I will. Love you, bye." My turn to hang up. I turn around and see Destiny is still on phone. She looks up and questions me with her eyes, while giving me the thumbs up sign. I nod and return the thumbs up. She smiles and turns briefly as they say their goodbyes. Shade must be attempting to make her blush again. I hear hushed whispers and her flushed face says it all after she hangs up. They're cute. I let her save face by pretending not to notice. "So, it's all settled then?"

"Yep; Shade will be here around 5:30 with the goods." No wonder why I like her; she's silly like Lissy and me.

"Oh crap! I forgot to tell you not to plan on Rach and June being here."

"No worries. Shade always brings enough for extras, it's her way. Either way, if they don't come, we'll have yummy leftovers for tomorrow." Hard to argue with that logic. I sit back down; it's time to get down to business. Destiny sits and tucks her legs under her. I turn, face her and follow her lead, bringing my shorter legs up and under. She waits patiently, knowing I'm either trying to figure out where to start or getting up the courage. It's probably a little of both.

After a few moments and a couple of deep breaths, I begin again, saying, "I don't remember exactly where I left off, but I think it was after I got free of Alexis." She nods. "I hadn't met many others in the lifestyle, but one in particular had made an impression on me. She exudes confidence and power. Does that make sense?"

"I know exactly what you mean. I live with one of those women. You'll see later." It makes sense with all I've heard about this incredible woman.

I smile softly and continue my thoughts, "Her name is Mistress Kelly. I met her at a club Alexis took me to a few times. We never spoke directly, with one exception, before that night. I'd sat in on many conversations between her, Alexis and other Dommes, but was never permitted to speak. I could tell the others looked up to her and she took that seriously. Leading by example, I guess you'd say. The other subs always talked about how they admired her, were drawn to her. I was one of them. Her own subs were very tight lipped about their Mistress, but you could see their love for her. You knew that what others said about her firm but kind ways were true." I bite the inside of my lip as I think back. It's hard to believe Destiny didn't ask any questions; she just sat attentively.

"One night at the club, Alexis and I did a public session. Everyone at the club was able to watch but not join in. I was beyond nervous, but at that time I trusted her implicitly. Once it started, my only focus was on her, everyone else melted away. I don't want to shock you, but our 'specialty' was pain tolerance and how pain can turn into intense pleasure. I'm telling you this because I think it explains how it all started." I pause and wait for a response.

Her hand meets mine as it lies on the back of the couch. "Go on Kara." I stopped and said what I did because I was thinking to myself 'Why are you telling her all of this?' But it was true, without the beginning, it would be hard to understand the end.

I went on, "Our session began with basic principles we had practiced and experienced together many times before. When I think back on it, I think it was the crowd that incited her. She took it to a new level and not gradually. At first I was shocked. Without a slow build-up, the pain was crippling. I screamed, which is not normal for me. The scream only seemed to fuel her. The crowd thought it was part of the 'act' and cheered. I didn't remember much after that; I had passed out from the pain.

"When I woke, I was on a chaise at the back of the club. Alexis was nowhere to be found. I began to panic until a soft, confident voice said, 'Rest now. You're safe.' I looked all around; when I saw who it was, a sense of calm enveloped me. It's inexplicable but it happened. A lot is still fuzzy about that night. After all of this time, I can remember even less, which is probably for the best. I do remember Mistress Kelly though and how she protected me.

"When Alexis made her way back to me, Kelly stood like a lioness between her cub and a predator. I had never seen Alexis back down the way she did then; she cowered. I didn't hear what was said, but I was positive it was a warning of some kind. Kelly came to stand at my side before she allowed Alexis to speak to me. She slid a card into my waistband, under my shirt, and whispered, 'If you ever need me, I'm here.' I nodded and she was gone, just like that. Alexis and I didn't speak that night. She acted like it never happened and I wanted to forget it. I need some water." Like magic, Destiny hands me a glass. My eyes squint with surprise as I ask, "When did you get this?"

"I'm sneaky like that," she says with a smirk. I just need to stop wondering when it comes to her. I drink large swallows as I think about what came next. Sometimes water tastes so damn good; this is one of those times. Nearly the entire glass is empty by the time I'm ready to continue.

Destiny's soft greens urge me on. "Next, fast forward to me, running for my life from Alexis. I ran to Kelly. I don't know what was more amazing; the fact that I kept her card, or that I had it with me that night. I like to think of her as my guardian angel, always watching over me. Ready and waiting when I needed her. When I showed up at her door there were no questions, only understanding. She didn't have to ask, she knew. She must have known that night at the club that Alexis would take it too far someday.

"Kelly nursed me back to health. A few days later, she got me back on my feet and even put in a good word with a bank officer she used for her investments. Soon I found myself with a job, a condo and away from the poison that was Alexis. Kelly is truly a fabulous woman and I owe much to her, possibly my life. We talked here and there over the next year but never saw each other. She made me promise that if I ever wanted back into the lifestyle that I would come to her first, which I did. Oh god, she would be so disappointed in me." I had to stop. The realization makes my stomach knot, I feel sickened.

"I think you could use some hug time." Hug time? Kara, just shut up and go with it. Destiny leans back on her end of the couch and extends her arms to me. I move slowly towards her, not sure if I'm comfortable with it. Once her hands touch my shoulders and begin to pull me closer, all doubt flees. I sink into the couch next to her and lay my head on her shoulder, my front pressing to her side. Trust me, it's innocent. Her arms wrap around me, one of mine gets lost in the cushions and the other lies across her tummy.

"Is this okay, Kara?"

I adjust a smidge and say, "Yes, it's nice. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I don't want to interrupt your train of thought, but I do want to say something before you continue. What happened between you and those two women is not your fault. They manipulated you and took advantage of your sadness. Kara, they drugged you so you couldn't keep a grasp on reality or stand up for yourself. I'm in no way an expert on the lifestyle, but that doesn't sound like anything I've heard before. It was flat out kidnapping and torture." She strokes my hair. "Okay, now I'm all ears. Tell me as much as you're able, it really does help to get it out."

"Yes, more than you know." I snuggle closer. "Destiny, I'm scared. The night I went to jail, I attacked Alexis. When I saw her just casually cooking dinner while I had been tied up downstairs with Veronica or Becky, I snapped. It was as if I left my body and became a spectator. I couldn't reason with myself, or control it... the anger I felt. I wanted to hurt her, punish her." My chest is tightening. My next words are labored. "When she was tied up, helpless, when I was pushing the knife into her skin..." The words stop coming. There's suddenly a disconnect between my brain and my mouth. All I can do is lie here. Destiny's arms tighten slightly. I try to relax but I can't, I'm trembling.

"It's okay Kara, I'm right here. You don't need to talk, just close your eyes. I'll keep you safe until your honey gets home." My honey - Lissy. Yes, I'll just close my eyes for a minute. I hear her whispers, but not the words. It doesn't take long for me to drift off. She soon follows. It's been an exhausting day, and tomorrow we'll do it all over again.

** Lissy **

As luck would have it, Shade and I pulled up to the house at the same time. We said hello and headed in, talking and laughing as we did. We took off our coats, Shade put the bags on the floor, and I hung up our coats. I saw the new best friends in a sleepy heap on the couch, down for the count.

"Lissy, if I was a jealous woman." What could I do but laugh. "Let me put dinner in the kitchen; we'll let them sleep a little while longer." That was easy enough.

"Follow me." Once we were in the kitchen I finished my thought. "I didn't want to wake them. It looks like things went really well." I turned and faced the tiny, slender woman. "Shade, I know I keep saying this but I don't know how to begin to thank you two for all you've done, you're doing."

"Lissy, don't worry, I'm sure I'll find a way." Her sarcasm wasn't lost on me. I knew she was teasing but it doesn't change the fact that I'd do whatever, whenever for either of them. I smiled.

"Would you care for anything to drink?" She shook her head. "I'm going to pour a glass of wine. We can go talk in the family room and let them rest." I did; we did.

"How was your day?"

I put my drink on the table in front of me, sat back and said, "It started off very oddly. We showered together like we do. Kara was playful, smiling. When I finished dressing and came out of the closet..." I laughed. "Nice choice of words wasn't it?" She smiled. "Anyway, something happened. Kara's face was drawn and pale. She wasn't able to articulate what it was that was bothering her." I explained what happened when Destiny showed up. "Destiny was able to settle my nerves so that going to work wasn't too much of a worry." Shade had listened intently while I spoke.

"Maybe I'll have that glass of wine." I poured it and handed it to her when I came back. She took a sip and said, "Thank you. I'm glad Destiny settled you. She has that way about her; it's quite remarkable."

"I mentioned to Destiny this morning that Kara and I had talked about the notion that she might have days like that. Things could turn for her, sometimes completely out of left field. This morning was one of those times."