Book 02: A Match Made Ch. 05

The drive to Connie's is more of the same. I lean my head back and try to tune everything out. The last thing I want to be is a drag; it's frustrating I feel this way. My thoughts are deceiving me, trying to convince me that getting high will make me relax. It's then I realize I've been rubbing the outside of my pants pocket. Those two round bumps are sending jolts of anticipation through my body. Maybe just one? It's been awhile, I can handle just one.

We pull up to the restaurant; the temptation is quashed. The full parking lot shows we're hardly one of the first to arrive. I follow the two lovebirds, the music pouring out into the night as the doorman holds open one of two glass doors. The main dining room has been turned into a night club. Some of the tables and chairs have been moved to the edge of the room while the others have been removed completely. Most of the guests are dancing in front of the make shift stage setup at the far end of the room. A decent all female cover band is rocking out, engaging the crowd. Lights bounce off the walls and ceiling to the beat, and the bass is thumping.

Destiny tugs me towards the crowd and I pull away. She spins around, face plastered with concern. She has to yell, "What's wrong?" I shrug. The people, the music, these fucking pills in my pocket, it's all unbearable. She senses the apprehension and adds, "Let's go sit and people watch for a while." Shade is already mingling and starting to draw her own crowd.

"No, please go be with your lady. I'll sit down and let myself get adjusted." She starts to argue but I interject, "Please. I promise to come find you soon." I force my face to show calmness I don't feel. She gives me kiss on the cheek, a quick hug and trots off towards the stage. Phew. Crisis adverted. I find a chair near the bar, making sure my back is to the wall.

Looking out into the crowd, everyone appears carefree. It seems ages since I remember being 'normal'. At the moment I'm failing to even breathe normal. The air feels dense, the music and voices are melding together into a deafening hum. Damn it, I need one. I won't ruin the night for Destiny, not after all she's done for me. A convenient lie, I ignore that bitch in my head. Waving over a waitress, I take a glass of white wine from her tray. Fishing out one of the green devils, I push it onto my tongue before I have a chance to think about it again. A deep drink and it's down the hatch. It won't be long now.

It starts with a warmth that slowly envelopes you. Then your mind begins to let go, releasing you from your cage. Finishing my wine in one gulp, I set the glass down and get up to join Destiny on the dance floor. Now the music calls to me. My body responds, hips swaying as I walk, arms reaching into the air. Shade smiles and nods her head to let Destiny know I'm standing behind her. She looks over her shoulder at me then backs up until her body is moving against mine. Sandwiched between her lover and me, I keep my hands off but my body close.

The song comes to an end and I scream out, "Woohoo!!! Yeeeah!!"

Destiny spins around. "What's gotten into you?"

Laughing, I say, "Let's go get a drink!" I turn while taking her by the hand but she plants her feet. Party pooper, I let go and hurry to the bar. She yells something after me; I don't bother to go back and find out.

"Shot of tequila," I say as I lean over the counter, making sure I'm heard. The cute, silver-haired bartender grins as she puts the glass on the bar and fills it generously. She sets a bowl of limes and a salt shaker down next to it. I wink at her; she has cute dimples. Lick, drink and suck! "Wooow!" My lips pucker as it leaves a trail of fire on the way to my stomach. "It's been a while." She giggles and waits with the bottle at the ready. I nod and she pours another. I like this woman! I wonder if she'd call herself 'Experienced.'

"How is it you're here without a date?" Before I can answer she's summoned to the other end of the bar.

I feel electric. I knew I could handle taking the pill. I'm totally in control.

You're lying to yourself again.

How many of these do I need to drink to shut you the fuck up? No response. That's what I thought bitch. I down the next shot. Damn, I can feel it all the way to my toes!

Destiny comes bopping up to the bar and plops down next to me. "I think you need to slow it down, sister." Who the hell is she to tell me that?

"I think you need to go. I'm having fun; I need to have some fun." The bartender is back, she wiggles the bottle at me and I nod. Destiny places her hand over the glass. "What the fuck?" I push her hand away and she puts it back.

"Kara! Come dance with me. Please stop this." I want to lash out, hit her, but her soft greens reel me back to sanity. She smiles, knowing she's won. As she drags me out to the dance floor, I catch someone in the corner of my eye. I'm in disbelief but my heart beating out of my chests says it's true. LISSY!!! She's standing with Connie at the front door. I run to her, shrieking so loud my own ears are ringing.

** December 31st **

Lissy

The greeter's stand was much closer to the door tonight than normal. A beaming Connie saw me.

"Hi Connie, you look spectacular tonight." We kissed after I took my coat off.

"You're pretty sexy yourself, Lissy. Destiny already told me what's going on. Do you want me to take care of your luggage for you?" A lifesaver - that's what she is.

"Yes please. I'd really appreciate that. There's the suitcase and the smaller bag. And can you arrange to have my coat be wherever Kara's is please?"

She nodded. "Not a problem at all; I'll take care of everything." She smiled and touched my arm with her hand. "You better get going. Kara is going to be excited out of her mind when she spots you." We both heard a screech.

"Lissy!! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god -- you came home for me on New Years Eve you wonderful bitch." Kara had come running as she talked -- well, it was quite a bit louder than talking. She threw her arms around my neck, pressed me against the wall, and pushed her hips against mine as we kissed. I was happy to see her too; she looked fine -- gorgeous actually. Those hands came down from my neck and began to grope me. And I mean there was determination in them. I got the feeling she wanted to fuck me -- crowd or no crowd. Something was definitely off here.

Using nearly all of my strength, I pushed her away from me. Angry, wild blue eyes stormed at me.

"What the hell did you do that for?" There's something in those eyes that I've... oh dear god! Is she high?

"Lover, this isn't the time or the place for that." I smiled brightly. "Do you feel okay?" She looked away.

"Yes, of course I do! What kind of question is that?" The kind you ask when you're worried your lover is high.

"I don't know, Kara, you seem a little... too excited perhaps." I took her hand. "Let's go wherever the rest of the crowd is, blondie. I can tell you about my day and some of the other stuff about the trip." I looked over my shoulder at a very startled and concerned Connie. "Thank you for taking care of my things, Connie." She smiled but it didn't make it all the way to her eyes. I turned back to Kara and said, "Come on, sweetie, let's find the others."

I was concerned about my honey. The conversation with Destiny didn't do a damn thing about calming my nerves. Plus I'd been in an airport or on a plane -- well, since late morning. And then there were those blue eyes. Warning bells had gone off when I'd looked into them; add to that the fact she had looked away when I'd asked how she was feeling.

Squeals, kisses, and hugs were the order of business when the rest of the group spotted us -- me, specifically, coming to join the festivities.

"Mom, you weren't coming home till Thursday morning I thought." Rachel gave me a kiss and hugged my neck. I kissed a delighted June as well. She gave me a thumbs-up and winked. I'm never exactly sure what to do with my kid's kid.

"Sweetie, your sister wasn't thrilled with my decision but she didn't squawk much. At the end of the day my decision had to do as much me missing my honey as it did her missing me." I smiled brightly at blondie, who pulled my head down and gave me a kiss. Turning back to Rach and a now frowning June, I said, "What's going on with the two of you?"

"We're moving in this weekend. We've got a bunch of people, boys mostly, to help with furniture, boxes and other stuff. We're nearly finished packing -- other than last minute stuff."

June chimed in. "We can deal with that crap tomorrow, you. Let's party!" I noticed her eyes weren't on her honey or me but were on Kara instead; she seemed not to notice. The two of them headed to the dance floor, heads close together.

Shade and Destiny, who had waited patiently while we talked to the girls, came over to us.

Curious, I asked, "Are Kim and Honey here too?"

"They sure are," Destiny replied. "They're on the floor. How are you, Lissy? Hey, have you had anything to eat?"

"All I had was a Big Mac and fries about an hour before I finally got on a plane. Why? I can't get food here tonight."

Shade and Destiny looked at each other and smiled. "Kara, would you mind if I borrow your sweetie. I'm going to find Connie and see if she can't help get Lissy something to eat."

I saw a shadow pass over her face before she smiled. "Nah, you go ahead." She gave me a kiss before adding, "I'm going to go powder my nose. Don't be long, beautiful." I saw Destiny make eyes at Shade, who nodded.

"Come on, Lissy, we need to talk while we're finding Connie and get you some food."

"Did you see her eyes?" Destiny jerked her head around to me and nodded. "Is she on something?"

"Let's find Connie; we'll go sit near the bar and talk." I ate my chicken Caesar salad while we talked. Yes it had bacon.

** December 31st **

Kara

Who even says powder their nose? It just came out. What I meant is I need to get away from this crowd; somewhere I can think. The noise is deafening. My euphoria is short-lived, is it the tequila? I take the hallway next to the kitchen; the first door is locked. Damn it.

Squinting my eyes, I see another at the end. As I stumble towards it, the hallway is getting longer and the floor is shifting back and forth. I see my feet but I can't feel them. My hands are numb too. Definitely the tequila. How much did I drink? Hell if I remember. It doesn't take much.

Almost there, just a few more steps. My hand reaches out, fingertips tingling, all I grasp is air. The door knob moved! Oh come on! I close one eye, that's better, just a tad blurry. The knob is cool, please be open. I close my eyes and turn, it opens with a click. Thank you. Okay, there's a sofa just a few steps away. I lean forward and let gravity take over.

Phew. This is better, quiet. It must be Connie's office.

Kara, you are royally fucking this up. Lissy is home and she's already left you.

She went to eat! Shut up.

No, she left to get away from you.

Did she? Oh god, she did. I was desperate to be close to her, to show her how much I miss her, need her. She pushed me away. I choke on my tears as they burst to the surface. The realization is a knife in my heart, each sob twisting and stabbing.

She knows, Kara.

Knows what?

That you'll never get better.

No! I will, I am.

Look at yourself, you know that's a lie. This is you, the true you.

Stop bringing me down, let me go. I didn't even realize I grabbed it from my pocket. Without hesitation I put the pill in my mouth and swallow it down with my tears.

Close your eyes, the pain will be gone soon.

Lissy, I'm sorry.

'GET UP!' It's Kelly's voice, but I can't see her. 'Fight Kara fight.' She's in my head; this is all in my head!

What have I done? I can't let her see me like this. I try to stand but fall to the floor.

'Kara, don't be afraid.'

Wait, what? That's not Kelly.

'Stop struggling and sleep.'

Alexis? Oh god, no! "LISSY!" I crawl frantically towards the desk.

'She's gone, she doesn't love you.'

That's not true, you're not real. This isn't happening.

'I'm the only one that understands you.'

No, no, no. I use all my strength to pull myself into the desk chair. My eyes are weighted down; I don't want to sleep.

'That's it; you'll be with me soon'.

NO! Frantic, I look around for something to help me. Zeroing in on the scissors, I snatch them up. My hand is shaking so badly, it's difficult to keep from dropping them. I'll prove this isn't real, that she's just in my head.

Before I can change my mind, I open the scissors and push the blade against my arm. Do it! Dragging the edge from my wrist to my elbow, it scrapes the skin leaving droplets of blood in its wake. I can't feel it, it's true. Exhaustion finally overtakes me. Slumping, I slip away.

** December 31st **

Lissy

I don't even know how long Destiny and I talked. It couldn't have been much fun for her to tell me and I promise you it wasn't much fun to hear about it. It had only been 3 days since I'd left. I couldn't believe how 'weak' Kara was.

"I'm so upset with myself, Destiny. It feels like I should have stayed home. She's much worse off than -- well, it's looking like she's worse than any of us thought." Her face reflected my concern. "The time we were apart caused way more of an emotional problem than any of us could have guessed; it's as if she's falling apart in front of us."

A few minutes passed before she said, "Lissy, it's really not my place to pass judgment on this situation or the two of you. I thought Kara was flying a little too high coming out of the meeting with her boss. I'm not sure she even heard the part about rehab; that's how excited she was about getting her job back." I saw green eyes shift over my shoulder. "Hi babe, how are you?" The hair stood up on my neck.

"Have either of you seen Kara?" Oh my god.

"We've been sitting talking while Lissy is having her salad. You haven't seen her?"

Shade shook her head, saying, "No, I asked the girls as well. They haven't seen her either."

I stood and walked to Connie. "Would you please come here for a minute, Connie?"

"What's the matter everyone; is there a problem?"

Shade said, "No one has seen Kara; I have no idea how long it has been. She said she wanted to use the ladies room."

Connie wasted no time. "Come on, let's fan out and see what we find." Looking at me, she added, "Why don't you and I start in the washroom and work our way back." Looking at Shade she added, "A minute or two later the two of you come join us." Heads bobbed in agreement.

Destiny said, "We won't say anything to the kids; we don't want them involved or concerned at this point." Good point.

I did my best to put my fear out of my mind, which was a spectacular failure!! The first stop was the ladies room. Only one of the three stalls was closed.

"Excuse me, miss, did you see a blonde wander in or out of here in the last five minutes or so?"

A voice very definitely not Kara's replied, "No, and I'm not blonde either." Connie thanked her and we left.

"Let's check the supply closets."

Absolutely nothing was found. Connie opened locked doors and turned lights on to be sure. Shade and Destiny joined us.

"Nothing yet?"

"Nope. My boss's office is next, then mine." She did have a key for a well furnished office that proved to be empty. "Not too many places for her to be if she's not here -- unless she's outside." I shuddered. Last was Connie's office. The door was unlocked and the light was on. Kara!!! I screamed and ran to her.

"Somebody call 911!! Her arm... there's so much blood!!"

Connie took charge. "I'll call. I'll be sure to have them come around back to keep this as private as possible."

A napkin appeared; I pressed it to the wound, trying to stanch the bleeding as I screamed her name. Oh, there's not as much blood as I thought when I first saw her. Thank god.

"Kara!! Please wake up." I knew I was crying. "What have you done, damn you!!! Please don't leave me. God help me... not now, not after all this!!"

I wasn't the only one crying; Destiny was as well. We hugged as the EMTs rushed in and began working on Kara.

"Why did she do this? I just don't understand. Everything was fine earlier."

I could barely stand to watch. My words were as much to myself as they were to Destiny. "Why would she do this? Why didn't she just come to me? She was so dejected when I pushed her away." Destiny's eyes showed her confusion; I tried to make sense of it. "It felt like she wanted to molest me right there by the front door." Connie didn't say anything but her eyes showed her alarm.

Destiny turned and found Connie, who nodded. Turning back to me she said, "She was dancing and wanted us to get a drink. She tried to take me with her but I told her I didn't want to." Destiny stopped to take a breath, gathered her thoughts and continued. "Aggravated, she walked away by herself. When I found her a short time later; she had just had a shot of something and was motioning for another. She was very angry when I told her not to."

"Dammit Destiny, you didn't mention the incident at the bar earlier. It was a mistake to leave her alone to get something to eat." My mind was racing as I replayed each minute since I arrived. "Kara must have gone downhill quickly from the moment I walked in and pushed her away."

Shade, naturally, was the one to put things in perspective.

"Let's not play the blame game here, you two. We may find out more when she wakes up." Good point!

It may have been 15 minutes, it may have been longer. The office was essentially a crime scene - or at least it felt like one. A still unconscious Kara was hustled out on a gurney, her hands in restraints. The EMTs had been told that there was a high probability that she was high on oxycodone. Destiny made sure to add that one or more shots of liquor had been consumed. A raised eyebrow and a glance at her partner by the female EMT was part of the fast evolving drama.

The EMT asked Destiny, "Are you with Ms. Thornton?"

"No, Lissy Stone is." I stepped forward. "Ms. Stone, the wound on her arm is little more than superficial. I'm not sure they'll even set stitches -- possibly on the uppermost part of the arm. We're concerned about the drugs and liquor. Do any of you know how much oxy she took and how much alcohol she had?"

Destiny and I looked at each other; she shook her head.

"I'm not sure; that's for both, actually. I didn't know she even had the damn things, let alone that she took them -- however many there were. I got here around 10; I was in Minnesota visiting family and came back tonight."

I knew from her eyes the dark haired woman couldn't have cared less about my itinerary. She turned back to Kara.

We were told the nearest hospital was not very far -- only a couple of minutes away. It was time to gather the troops and head out. The girls would ride in the back of Shade and Destiny's car. I rode in the ambulance -- it was grim! That's all I have to say about that. The woman I love, unconscious, in an ambulance, on New Years Eve. Happy New Year -- not by a mile I'll tell ya!

Kara and I weren't 'immediate family' so I wasn't allowed into the ER suite as she was being examined. That was said by a pretty but firm nurse. I knew that this wasn't someone I could sway -- she was accustomed to chaos.

"I understand your concerns, Ms. Stone. Either I or someone on staff will come find you when Ms. Thornton is taken to her room after her eval."

Cutting her heart out seemed to serve no purpose so I responded as graciously as I could.