Boys in the Attic

By Friday of that week I was marginally over the initial grief at Jerry's leaving. I still thought of him constantly, but I believed I might just be able to move on and keep our week together as a fond memory. When I returned to the house from the university that evening, Joan handed me a large, stiff envelope. It was addressed to me and had no return address. I had no clue who it might be from. I took it to my bedroom and opened it.

Tears flooded my eyes as I pulled out a card with a giant heart on the cover. There was no writing on it, but I knew who it was from. More tears followed when I opened the card and saw, in giant, hand written letters, "I LOVE YOU!" Just underneath that was a large "J." I covered my mouth with my hand and let out a shriek of joy.

When I had cried myself dry I ran downstairs and told Joan everything. I apologized profusely for wearing her clothes without her permission, but she laughed and said that she was thinking of donating them to good will, anyway. I offered to pay her for the ones I had worn, but she told not to be silly. We hugged and cried and I spilled out all of the pent-up emotions and thoughts I had carried for years. Joan assured me that she was fine with me being who I was. She promised me that it would be okay for Jerry to visit and spend time with me.

Needless to say, I started spending my weekends in Buffalo! I would take the bus to the city and book a inexpensive hotel room for a night so that I could have time alone with Jerry. He had to live on campus as a freshman, and his dorm was never an option for us. Jerry paid for many of our weekends, as well. It turned out that his parents were quite wealthy. In addition to time spent up there, Jerry visited me in Binghamton many times. Joan was happy to see him, and Billy hit it off with Jerry right away. If Billy ever figured out our secret, he never mentioned it to me.

My skill at all of the feminine "arts" grew, largely because of Joan's support and assistance. She would take me into her room and go over all of the tips and tricks she knew. I became completely passable as a female. Joan even bought me everything I needed or wanted for my wardrobe, often at her own expense. She said that, being childless, it delighted her to have a "daughter" at last. I grudgingly accepted her generosity.

My grades suffered a bit due to my new, extracurricular activities, but I still made the dean's list when I graduated from Binghamton. Jerry spent the summer between my junior and senior year with Joan and me in her house. Billy moved out that May to study abroad. Joan gave Billy's room to Jerry and me as a love nest, of sorts. It was a wonderful arrangement. My lover and I spent day after day as boyfriend and girlfriend. I took a couple of courses during the days to add credits, and to justify my staying in Bighamton to my parents. It all worked out perfectly.

This spring will mark my 30th year as Jerry's partner. I went on to grad school at Binghamton and eventually earned my doctorate. I wound up teaching there. Jerry left college after his sophomore year, but soon became a highly successful salesman for a tool and die firm. His family's connections played no small part in that. I would never have guessed back then that we would be together this long, but the spark between us during that first encounter grew into a passionate love that still excites and amazes both of us. I have remained a man during the day, or in company, but when I'm alone with Jerry I'm Tracy. Every now and then we go out as man and wife, and no one is any the wiser.

Thank you so much for sharing your time with me. I wish all of you all the love in the world.