Boys With Their Toys

Pop asked, "Did you camp right here in the middle of the road next to a swamp? I thought I taught you better than that."

"Dad, did you cut the chains on the gate for this road?"

"No, I see our game will be a little more interesting."

Pop and I talked over strategy. Then Pop drove the truck very slowly and noisily up to the old campsite. There were two of them waiting. Like dummies they focused on the truck and did not notice that I had gone behind them with the ten gauge. The idiots actually stood up to shoot at Pop and my truck. I would have liked talky prisoners but ... two blasts from the ten gauge, and they were garbage bag material.

Pop and I went to the State Park parking lot. I was betting that old Senator Brown would not walk all that far into the woods. I was right.

The bastard had set up a campsite about two hundred yards from the parking lot. They had a little hill between the site and the lot that would block easy viewing from the lot.

They had two gunnies with night vision binoculars but they were the ninety-nine dollar kind. Good for maybe fifty yards under the current low fog and no moon conditions.

They had decided that whoever was coming would arrive from the parking lot. They were dummies. I got within twenty feet and shot one with my twenty-two. The other one turned and Pop got him with the ten gauge. That put the hawk amid the chickens. They shot off flares and started yelling like it was D-Day or something.

Pop and I sidled off to our right and tried to watch the show and its players. Sheriff Connor was tied up and bleeding from his head. At least it wasn't spurting.

Carol and her parents were tied up in a bundle face to face. They could not even crawl away. Old Senator Brown was shouting a mile a minute like always. And three gunmen were circling the campfire like if they just keep moving fast enough we couldn't shoot them.

Apparently nobody was trying to rescue the men Pop and I shot, or their night vision goggles. It is great when your enemies make damn fool mistakes. Pop had carried a twenty-two rifle besides carrying the ten gauge. It had a little one and a half power scope.

Pop put a twenty ounce plastic bottle on the barrel of the rifle and took a shot at old Senator Brown. He missed Brown because one of the dancing gunmen walked into the bullet's path. The little twenty-two tore his cheek muscle and a tooth or two out. You would have thought he was gut shot for all the noise he made. Old Brown jumped into the campfire, which put that out, but with more than average pain on his part

This was better than a Three Stooges movie. The other two gunmen shot around in a circle. It got even better. One of the gunmen came running from the parking lot and was winged by a wild shot.

Pop and I damn near had to slit our throat to keep from laughing out loud.

Finally Old Brown squeaked out, "You come in and surrender or we will kill everybody."

The unhurt gunman said, "You idiot, I'm not taking no death penalty for no damn sheriff." He ran to the parking lot.

Old Brown sat up but his coat was charred and some of it was still burning faintly. This time Pop hit Old Brown right in the pisser.

I sneaked over and freed Sheriff Connor. He was not as bad off as I thought. The Sheriff told me, "It ain't legal but you should finish that bastard off while you got the chance."

"Damn, I'm just too soft. Besides with that wound, no woman and damn few men will listen to him." I knew the Sheriff didn't want the battle involved if he pressed charges.

I then freed Carol, and pulled the tape from her mouth. I asked her, "Are you old enough to marry me yet?"

Carol said, "Where did that come from?"

"Well, I'm new to proposing, but I want to marry you if you will have me."

Carol looked at her parents and then said, "If you can marry me before Christmas, yes, oh, yes."

Her parents looked at me like I had three heads, but my father jumped in with, "This is wonderful. I will rent Forester's Hall."

Sheriff Connor said, "I have marrying authority in this county. I can do for free just for you two."

Old Brown squeaked in, "I will ruin you, boy, for marrying that slut." I walked over to him and took my skinning knife out.

I suggested to Old Brown, "If you open your mouth to say anything like that about her again..." I stroked the edge of the knife suggestively. Sheriff Connor actually giggled.

Mr. and Mrs. Hobson said, "We would be grateful to join our family to yours."

Mrs. Hobson added, "Couldn't you lose that foul mouthed fool in the woods for the next century or two." Old Brown looked fearful at her words. At last he shut up.

Epilog

If you have friends in low places, any licenses or permits can be rapidly obtained. Two days later Carol Hobson became Carol Myers. It turned out due to changes in state law Sheriff Connor could not marry us, but Judge Wentworth could and did.

Judge Wentworth hated old Brown. Our ceremony had fifty attendees Carol and her mother were the only women present.

We went to Jamaica on our honeymoon but that story is really weird.