Brand New Tennessee Waltz

The auditorium was resplendent in green and red streamers and silver bells and papier-maché ornaments of every color, and the student volunteers were all in great spirits as they made the final preparations for dress rehearsal the next day. As Patti surveyed her charges and their lovely work for the Christmas pageant, she was almost happy. The melancholy that had been her constant companion since June was at low-ebb at last, and she could almost sense her victory over it at hand -- if only she could forget the empty apartment she'd be going home to in another hour or so, or the near-certainty that she would be reminded repeatedly of the reason why.

As confident as she'd always been in the bedroom, Patti never had been half so upfront when it came to taking the first steps toward all that. Not even before last June, never mind afterward! So as she watched the kids and listened to their cheerful prattle, she wasn't surprised to find her resolve to finally ask Tom the librarian out slipping a bit once again.

Toby, from her senior English class, was among the last of the students to finish, and he looked unusually glum as he packed up the leftover garlands. "I guess we take these back to the supply room?" he asked her.

"Yes, please," Patti said. "Great job, by the way. The theater looks great!"

"Thanks." Toby sounded as sad as he looked as he said it.

"Toby? That's not very Christmasy, is it?" Patti commented.

"I guess it isn't," Toby said. "Just seems like an awful letdown now that it's almost over, you know?"

"It always does, Toby," Patti agreed. "But that's why special occasions like this are so special, don't you think?"

"I guess so," Toby said. "It's just, we've been working on it all these weeks and doing practically nothing else, and -- I mean besides our homework of course! And..."

Patti laughed. "Nice save there, Toby," she said. "But really, I know just what you mean about being sad when something is over that you've been so involved in. And yes, it is hard."

Toby, who had been looking adorable in the colorful sweater Patti suspected his mother had knitted herself, suddenly looked horrified. "Oh my God!" he exclaimed to Patti in a minor panic. "I didn't mean...I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking of..."

"Toby! I know you weren't!" Patti was relieved to realize her smile was genuine as she tried in vain to calm down her beloved pupil, who looked near tears. She wanted with all her heart to take him in her arms and stroke him like a puppy, and gave serious consideration to violating her own rule about no contact with the students -- it was Christmas, after all. Cooler heads prevailed, and she settled for an affectionate touch on his hand. "Toby, it's perfectly all right," she said. "I've worked at a lot of these events, since I was your age and younger, and I've felt what you're feeling nearly every time. That's all I meant."

"Th...thank you," Toby stammered. "I hope you've been, you know, okay. Everyone knows we're not supposed to talk about it, all my friends say so."

"So do mine," Patti said with a laugh that was only partially forced. "And I have been fine. Time heals all wounds, and I do love my job. That helps a lot."

Toby was rescued from any further comment when his fellow pageant committee member, Sally Jean, appeared with another bag of supplies they didn't need on the stage. "He's not getting all mushy on you again, is he?" She said it with a grin whose meaning Patti had known for weeks, and which Toby once again failed to notice.

"Oh, I think mushy is okay at Christmas, Sally Jean, don't you?" Patti asked.

"I certainly do," Tom chimed in.

"Maybe a little," Sally Jean conceded. "It's just, all week, it's been 'aren't you sad it's over?' and I'm like, 'no, it's Christmas!' But I guess he doesn't see it that way. I mean, yeah, it's almost over, but then you have the holiday at home with your family for nine days off school! Who'd miss that?"

"Not everyone enjoys that time with their family, Sally Jean," Patti reminded her gently. She realized as soon as she'd said it that she'd have been better off saying nearly anything else.

That was still a moment too late, for Sally Jean had the same reaction Toby had had a moment before. "Ohmigod, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean!"

"She knows you didn't," Toby interrupted. "Is there anything else to clean up in the auditorium?"

"No, it's all set for dress rehearsal," Sally Jean said. "But, listen, I promise, I --"

"No apology necessary if you drop the subject now, Sally Jean," Patti said firmly. "Toby's right, I know you didn't mean anything by it."

"Oh...okay," Sally Jean said. "Good. I mean, thanks."

Once again Patti could have smothered Toby in affection, for he put a stop to the awkwardness and put an end to weeks of obliviousness in one fell swoop. "Say, Sally Jean, want to go get a cocoa at Sammy's?"

Sally Jean's delight was palpable. "Yes! Thank you! I mean," she paused and looked at Patti, "If you don't need us..."

"I don't, and I think cocoa is a wonderful idea for the both of you!" Patti reassured her. "I'll see you both tomorrow for dress rehearsal?"

"Great!" Sally Jean said, collecting her coat from the pile in the last row of seats where all the kids had left theirs.

"Thanks," Toby added, and he held the theater door open for Sally Jean.

Patti gave Sally Jean a conspiratorial wink and a smile just before the door shut behind them, and the smile only grew as she enjoyed the relief of no more awkward comments for the moment. Once again she felt awash in the frustration and humiliation that had been her near constant companion since June -- even the kids pitying her, for heaven's sake! -- and she very nearly made up her mind to forget about asking Tom out. Nearly...but hadn't she suffered long enough over George and Jolene?

Patti would remember getting dressed that bright summer morning with George, the usual endearing way he admired her as she fastened her bra, the way he once again feigned needing help with his tie so he could smell her perfume as she stood up close in her underwear and helped him with it -- joking one last time about how she'd rather tie him up and him looking more than willing -- and how she let him zip her into her bridesmaid's dress even though she was perfectly capable of fastening it herself. A bit pedestrian after three years together and him having done just about everything she'd wanted to try at least once, but safe and secure and still with the muscles she'd fallen in love with while cheering at his football games back at Emory.

She would remember walking with him to the church, hand in hand and ever so proud to be so resplendent on a summer's day in her hometown, to which she hadn't wanted to return but now she was glad George's job had brought them there. She would remember Lucy's wedding, and being able only to wave to Jolene in the pews with her anonymous date from work because she'd refused to wear the royal blue bridesmaid's dress, and thinking it just wasn't right that the three of them weren't all together for this one last adventure as single gals, and wondering if now George would finally propose to her, and wondering what sort of 21st century woman she was if she still felt the need to let him take the lead, and once again giving in to the hopeless romantic that had fallen for the sensitive linebacker in the first place.

Of course she would remember the waltz at the reception, joyful and secure in George's arms as they glided across the floor, and the moment when Jolene happened to float by with her date. It would have been so easy to simply finish the dance, but no...

"Jolene! Here he is! So glad I can finally introduce you!"

"Hello, Patti. This is...erm...Adam! This is Adam. Hello, George, so lovely to finally meet you!"

"Enchanté, Jolene," and a kiss on the hand. "Would you care to finish the dance with me?"

"Would I ever!"

Patti couldn't help but remember the awkward silence in the car when they finally drove home that night, and the many questions about Jolene, and the flimsy excuse of a business meeting he had the next afternoon -- on a Sunday -- that he'd forgotten to tell her about, and the little voice in her head that had persuaded her to get in her car and drive downtown and find his car parked outside Michelangelo's, and the sorry look on the bartender's face when he saw Patti at the door and nodded to the booth all the way in the back, where she caught them.

She remembered all that, but the long days and weeks that followed were a merciful blur to her by the time school started again in September.

Jolene had had her hair and nails done that morning back in Nashville, and had managed to keep everything pristine through the long drive. Looking resplendent (if not particularly Christmasy, but who gave a damn about that over the age of twelve?) in her tailored blue-gray pantsuit, she harbored no doubt that she would knock George's socks off -- and everything else for good measure! As she gunned the Mercedes Benz coupe her father had bought her down the exit ramp into the snowy streets of her hometown, her imagination ran wild with what was to come. Ultimately she had to force herself not to think too much about George just yet, for she could feel her panties getting moist and she didn't want to stain her clothes before he had the opportunity to tear them off her.

George was damn lucky he was so irresistible, Jolene groused to herself for perhaps the twentieth time since leaving Nashville, for he knew perfectly well how much she hated coming back here. They both knew Jolene was persona non grata among her old friends and neighbors, ever since Lucy's wedding -- even Lucy hadn't spoken to her since then -- and likely would be for years to come. But George had driven out to Nashville without complaint every other weekend since June, and he'd been patient as could be in explaining to her that this one time he had business in town that he just couldn't get away from, and after all, were they planning to leave the house at all through the holiday week anyway?

That thought once again opened the floodgates between Jolene's thighs, and she gave up on trying to hold it back. It was about time George tried getting a little messy anyway, after all. For six months she had been fairly vanilla with him to help wean him of the plain-jane sex she was sure Patti had stuck him with for all that time; but enough was enough. Really, it was a wonder he'd stayed with Patti all that time when she was so very straight-laced and demure. Why would any man settle for that?

Poor Patti -- Jolene did feel sorry for her old friend. Of course, Patti had been a damn fool to come back after college and an even bigger fool to think a prize like George would ever marry her; did she really think it was all going to have a storybook ending? It undoubtedly had been hard on her, but Jolene knew she'd done her mousy, retiring ex best friend a favor. She'd only set Patti free to find a man more her class and her speed. Anyone could see that.

Anyone could, but Jolene knew that wasn't how small towns worked. They hated her. But there was nothing to be done about it now; and after all, she had been smart enough to stay the hell away once she was out. With any luck, George would propose to her this week and she would finally persuade him to get a transfer to some bigger branch of the bank, and then she'd never have to come back at all.

Anathema or not, Jolene was confidence itself as she parked the coupe outside George's house and stepped outside into the frosty mountain air, wrapping her mink coat tightly around her as her heels clicked on the pavement up to his door. Mildly relieved to find no one out and about, she stretched and collected her overnight bag and the bouquet of carnations from the passenger seat, and beat a hasty retreat to the one house in town (other than her mother's) where she knew she was still welcome.

Patti's mood lightened a bit as she noticed that the kids had tied the red and green balloons into bundles using the knots she had taught them. Once again she wondered what they would think if they knew just how their unassuming and ladylike English teacher had learned to tie those knots! She worried a bit that some parents would guess that particular secret, but there was no way any of them would reveal their own knowledge of such things. And then there were the many of them who had tried much too hard to offer their condolences since Lucy's wedding -- perhaps they would prefer to imagine just what Patti would do if she could get near George with her ropes now!

That idea made Patti laugh out loud. Thank heavens the kids were all too far away and making too much noise to notice! Deep down, of course, Patti really didn't want to know just what she might be capable of doing to George at this point. He had, of course enjoyed it more than he would ever dare admit -- even to her -- on the few occasions when he had let her tie him up.

"What's tickling you, Patti?" came a male voice behind her.

"Oh, nothing, Mr. McCollister," she said, thinking how appropriate it was that the subject of her wildest teenage fantasies should be the one to ask. Back in tenth grade she had spent every day in world history class imagining everything from holding his dick while it peed to tying him to his bed to have her way with him. A decade later he was still gorgeous -- but still happily married, too. That had not stopped Patti from revisiting some of her old favorite fantasies since her desires had finally started perking up again lately.

"For heaven's sake, darling, call me Jim!" he told her yet again. "I'm your colleague now, not your teacher."

"Aw, sorry, Mr...I mean Jim," Patti said with the innocent grin that, she had long since learned, did the trick to ensure no one in their conservative little town ever had the foggiest idea how kinky she was. "I'm sure you can appreciate it takes some getting used to, being in this place as a grown-up. To the extent I even am!"

"Oh, Patti, you certainly are," Jim said. "The way you've carried yourself since June...listen, it's none of my business, but I just want you to know I'm really impressed." After an awkward pause, he added, "And nice earrings."

Now Patti's gentle laughter required no explanation. "Thank you!" she said. Reaching up to touch the green ornament hanging from her right ear that matched her sweater -- the one on the left was red, to match her skirt -- she confessed, "I've been hoping Tom would notice, you know?"

"Oh, he has, Patti. The man worships you. But he's afraid to reach out to you just yet."

"Really?" Patti didn't know Jim was even friends with Tom, the school librarian; but she couldn't help but trust a guy she had once wanted so to give her virginity to in a series of different filthy ways.

"Since I've been working with you on the pageant, he's been asking me how you're doing, and hinting at it about as strongly as a guy can. He doesn't want to bother you if you're not ready yet, that's all."

Patti's heart leapt. "Thanks! You know, Jim...the truth is, I'd have probably been ready months ago if people didn't keep reminding me. I keep waiting for the day when no one feels the need to ask me how I'm doing as if they expect me to say 'Gee, I only tried to slit my wrists twice last week' or something." She shook her head. "George and Jolene broke my heart, but they're not worth moping over forever!"

"Well, Patti, listen," Jim said. "If you want my advice..."

"Go ahead, Jim."

"If you show people you're over it, I think most of them will get the hint. But Tom won't, he's just too darned shy. I'll tell you what, though, shy guys are the best. I know, I was one!"

"I don't believe that!" Patti recalled his gregarious personality all too well from when she was his student, and had been barely able to pay attention to his lectures because she was lusting after him so much.

"You only knew me after I'd been a teacher for years. You have to learn to play the part if you're not outgoing by nature like you are, Patti. Give Tom a try, you'll see." He picked up the box of extra lights that the student volunteers had left in the seats. "Well, I have to go pick up Sally at ballet. Merry Christmas, Patti!"

"Wait." After all these years, Patti just had to touch him this once -- he had, after all, quite possibly just saved her from spending the holiday alone. She surprised him with a hug and a chaste kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, Jim, and Merry Christmas."

Patti had made up her mind long ago -- back when she was a student right there in that very same school, terrified that word might somehow get out about the crazy fantasies she had not yet acted on back then -- not to be just another demure Southern belle. Time to stop wallowing and start taking the bull by the horns. Patti turned on her heel and headed for the exit, but her mobile phone rang just before she got to the door. She checked the caller ID: Lucy. Probably calling with another invitation to dinner out of pity, Patti mused, stuffing the phone back in her purse. Even if it wasn't that, her dear friend could wait and would certainly understand, and probably applaud, her newfound-at-last resolve.

George's house was dark and showed no sign of what time of year it was, except that it was chilly inside. Jolene was annoyed, but not surprised. He'd made it clear enough on the phone that he wasn't even going to bother putting up a wreath. "I'm never there anyway, am I? Besides, are you really planning to spend our holiday looking at the Christmas tree?"

"Well, it'd be nice to have one to admire when we snuggle on the couch and watch TV, wouldn't it?"

"I'd rather you be watching me than a dead tree, Jolene."

That had mollified her enough to drop the subject -- but not to give up her fight to inject some holiday cheer into the house. And so as soon as she had the door locked safely behind her and the heat turned on, Jolene set about doing all she could to spruce the place up. The moron hadn't even cleaned up the living room, but that could wait. First priority was the bedroom.

Jolene was annoyed, but not surprised, to see it was a mess as well. The bed was unmade and the sheets smelled as though they hadn't been washed in a month, and his dirty clothes were strewn all over the room. Wanting to keep her pantsuit crisp and clean for his arrival -- due in under an hour, she confirmed with a glance at her watch -- she stripped down to her underwear and hung the suit carefully in the closet, to be retrieved once she was done cleaning.

It took just a few minutes to gather up the dirty clothes and wrap them in the dirty sheets, and she even deigned to throw them in the washing machine, though she didn't bother to sort them first. Finding clean sheets took a bit longer, and getting them on the bed was a bit of a chore, but the improvement was worth it. Somewhere in the midst of her work, Jolene caught a look at herself in the mirror in her turquoise lingerie and began to consider not putting her suit back on. As hot as she looked in the suit, she felt absolutely smoking without it, and of course George would agree. Maybe he would even be persuaded to be a bit more aggressive for a change. Six months after he parted ways with sweet and innocent Patti, it was about time, after all.

Once Jolene had the bed made, turned down, and strewn with carnation petals (she hadn't been willing to pay for roses only to rip them apart), there was still plenty of time to clean up the living room before their agreed-upon time for him to beg off work and come home. She remembered a moment too late that she hadn't drawn the curtains, but on arriving in the living room in her underwear, she decided she didn't care who might see her from the street. They might hate her, but George loved her, and now this was her home too, nearly, after all. In any event, she soon had the living room just as tidy as the bedroom, and there was no sign that anyone had seen her.