Brash and the Schrodinger Snare Ch. 06

"In gnomish it does!" Mr. Wrench said, thrusting his finger dramatically into the air.

"About the UN officers!" I said, my hands going to my thighs, feeling a slow throbbing starting to click in my brains. It was getting really tempting to start actually getting a little tiny bit cross at this gnome maybe if I wanted to get cross at him. But I decided instead to not be cross. Instead, I was merely mildly bemused.

"They burst into my office. They're lucky I didn't use the acid gun!" Mr. Wrench said.

"You have an acid gun!?" I exclaimed.

"Of course I don't. Terribly ingnomumane! Also, a fright to clean up," Mr. Wrench shuddered all over. "I was working on a portal gun. But it turns out, portals have a huge downside."

I paused, then slowly rolled my hand to get the next part of the sentence.

"You can't filch the corpses for loot!" Mr. Wrench laughed. "Hah!" He slapped his knee.

"That's not a nice joke!" I exclaimed, my hair ruffling back in distaste. Since, remember, I was a dragon. I could shapeshift my hair however I want.

"Whose joking?" Mr. Wrench asked, his brow furrowing.

Outside, I could hear people starting to exclaim in shock. P90, who was looking out the front window of the store, frowned. "Brash," she said. "What does a bunch of United Nations marines look like when they're about to royally fuck everything up?"

"Oh, they're in blue uniforms, with laser rifles and-"

P90 drew her fireball wand. "A bunch of United Nation marines are going to royally fuck us up."

I leaned forward and peeked out the window, blinking slowly as I saw that the marines were running towards the store. I looked over at the hanging UN officers. I gulped. "Well, uh," I said. "I'm sure we can solve this with diplomacy!"

And that was when the gnomes in the flaming, four wheeled armored tank-car came roaring around the other corner, firing guns into the air, while a shirtless, white painted gnome held a red painted gear above his head, screaming at the top of his lungs: "Death to the infidels! Purge all the heretics of the gear! PAX MACHINAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Sue Lee!" Mr. Wrench said, clapping his hands twice as machine guns and lasers started to fill the air as the UN Marines and local gnomish citizenry went fleeing for cover. "Do the thing!"

I looked at him, excited to see the cool techno-gadget he'd whip out. Sue Lee stepped over to Mr. Wrench, whose hands were on his hips, his chest puffed up bravely. Sue Lee picked him up, tucked him under her arm - his spine remaining straight and firm despite being horizontal now. Then Sue Lee sprinted out of the back of the store, moments before the front nose of the tank-car smashed in with a spray of glass and chunks of metal.

I sighed as the rain of debris ruffled my hair and the girls ran for cover.

"Guess I get to be a hero again." I paused. "Yay!"

TO BE CONTINUED