Brash and the Schrodinger Snare Ch. 08

"Wait, wait, wait!" I said. "A frigate this size needs a whole dang crew - a living crew - to get itself into subspace. Which is why I think you think that you captured us." I scowled. "How the flying flip have a bunch of brain dead zambles done it? Zambles can't fly ships. Unless they're smart zombies. But these were not very smart zombies. I mean, you'd think they'd figure out to not try and chew on a megadamage capacity creature like moi!"

Lord Darkeye chuckled, stomping forward. Each movement of his body radiated a kind of strength that would have once been amusing but was not kinda scary, since I could no longer be stronger. I gulped and then forced myself to stand perfectly still as he drew closer and closer. This meant I got to learn something about Beholders that I had never learned before: They're flipping huge. This guy loomed over me, his single eye swiveling down as all his eye-stalks flared around him like a constellation of murderkillers.

"The answer is quite simple, Brash the Dragon," Lord Darkeye said. "Do you know that drow ships, like many elven vessels, are partially organic in nature?"

I blinked, slowly.

"What happens when a ship dies, Brash?" Lord Darkeye hissed.

"...oh." I whispered.

A low, crackling laugh started to echo from each of the PA speakers in the cargo hold. They echoed and bounced off the walls and even the orctroopers looked a bit uncomfortable. The door leading into the cargo hold from the depths of the ship hissed open. We all looked at the darkness - and it was a darker that seemed to grow darker and darker with every second. It had gone from the absence of light to something that was present. It was a thing and it was concealing something far...far worse. A thin crescent of white appeared in that darkness.

It was a smile.

A pair of eyes shimmered into being above that disconnected smile - and each element of the face bobbed and moved at a slightly different pace, as if the whole construction was a big fake placed onto a rippling curtain. I shuddered - and then it got worse. More eyes started to open as that rasping, hissing, dead-thing voice came from the PA speakers.

"I would like my payment now, Lord Darkeye..." the Lich King hissed.

Lord Darkeye nodded by bobbing his eyeball. Then he snapped his eye-stalk around to glare right into Alex's face. A reddish light flared across her face and she opened her mouth, her hands clenching. She shuddered and I shoved her out of the way, leaping at her. The two of us hit the floor and I scrambled to my feet, glaring at Lord Darkeye. "I'm going to rip you apart!" I growled, a psi-sword flaring to life.

"Brash!" P90 shouted.

I spun around.

Alex, her face slack, her eyes unfocused, was walking towards the wall of blackness and the dozens upon dozens of gleaming eyes. I yelped, then sprinted after her. I grabbed her wrist - but Alex still had all her vampiric strength. Every step forward she took dragged me. "Alex, Alex, Alex!" I hissed. "Snap out of it! Come on!"

My feet dug against the metal. I'd have once been able to punch my heels through steel and root myself like an anchor. Now? Now my bare feet skidded along the smooth surface of the cargo hold without finding purchase. I snapped my psi-sword out and slammed it into the deck, trying to anchor myself this way. But that just left a furrowed red line on the ground behind me as the blade effortlessly melted the hull plating.

"Alex! Babe!" I said, my voice desperate. "It's your husbando here, I'm gonna need you to make that will save! Now! Right now!" I tugged harder.

Alex kept walking forward. The door was terrifyingly close to us. Tears of desperation blurred in my eyes and I yanked my psi-sword from the ground. Vampires were tough as hell. They could take a lot of damage. For example...losing their feet. I readied my blade as Alex started to walk without dragging me behind her. My muscles locked up...and I...I couldn't do it. The humming blade crackled near my ear as I hefted it up.

Come on, Brash! Greater good! You've done this before! I thought. But it was one thing to fling yourself between a doom-beam and an entire planet. IT was another thing to hurt someone you loved. My entire brain and my entire heart screamed at one another.

Then...

My brain won.

I swung the blade.

And a tentacle of black gristle and jutting, rotting hands emerged from the blackness, wrapped around Alex, and dragged her in. She didn't even make a sound.

She was gone.

Lord Darkeye started to laugh.

My left eyeball...twitched. Twitch. Twitch. Twitch. The world was starting to go...very red.

"Brash the Dragon. Savior of the universe, huh?" Lord Darkeye asked. "Now. Dismiss your psi-sword, or else-"

The doorway was empty - the blackness that was more than blackness was gone. Alex hadn't even left behind a single shoe. My hands clenched. The handle of my psi-sword started to creak. Which was kind of impossible. Huh. Like. It's made of psychic energy. The blade was growing wider and more...incoherent. Flames crackled and licked along the edges of the ruby red blade, while two hissing streamers of red energy thrust out of the hilt, like a cross guard made of pure...fucking...INCOHERENT FUCKING FURY.

I had roared, as a dragon. A few times.

But I had never roared like this before. I turned and sprunted at Lord Darkeye. He shut up - and his eye-stalks swung. A beam of pure black light shot at me. I twisted aside and the beam bit into the deck plating behind me, leaving a massive, gaping hole where metal had been. The gravity generators underneath the metal vanished, and with it, the artificial gravity. I kicked myself off the floor and, for just a few moments, I flew, corkscrewing through the air as the roar turned into a scream, and that scream had a single name.

"Darkeyyyyyyyyyyyyye!"

I hit the the ceiling of the cargo-hold, then kicked off, shooting out of the null-gee field and straight at Lord Darkeye. His stalks were retargeting. Red light washed over my face and the urge to be friends with him evaporated like water on the sun. A teal beam skimmed along my shoulder, but my flesh didn't stiffen and turn to stone. My sword-tip angled right at his eye.

Run: //D._SHUT_DOWN.PRG (Admin: *******)

I hit the deck, face first, my entire body feeling like nerveless soup. My jaw hung open and my tongue lolled out and my eyes didn't focus. Everything had become a wild blur. I wasn't even breathing. This would have been bad, if I had needed to breathe. But it felt like everything I could be and do was...gone. And then, slowly, I felt a reddish fuzz start to grow over my whole body. Soon, I only saw red.

"I see it worked," Lord Darkeye said, his voice sounding muffled and distant.

"Oh, yes," a female voice I didn't recognize purred. Faintly, I heard a faint click click click. "Do move aside, Beast. I wish to see my darling Brashy properly."

Something pushed against me and rolled me onto my back. I was trying to be angry, and it was absolutely working. I wasn't scared at all. Nope. It was all fury. And then the reddish moss over my face retreated. A few clicks sounded and my eyes focused themselves and I saw that there was a drow-elf looming above me. Her face was pinched and narrow, and she had a pair of glasses that perched atop her ears, which had been replaced with cybernetic antenna. Her eyes were pale red, and her chest was covered in a lab coat, which flared out around her hips. Because her hips weren't girl hips. They were spider hips. They flared out into a huge red and black spider body, and two of her narrow spider-legs were planted against my shoulders. Others were resting near my back.

"Oh, yes..." she murmured. "He developed just as I promised them. Though with a worrying habit towards independence." She tapped a device on her wrist. "Unit BR-45.H, subdesignation, Va'Lamp A-Thoris, I do have a great deal of questions for you."

I glared at her. Well. Tried to.

Lord Darkeye loomed over the both of us, his huge eye focused on me. "He's pacified, Dr. Palladium?"

"Without a doubt!" Dr. Palladium said, then grinned. "But you, Brashy...you can call me..." She reached down, pinching my cheek. "Mommy."

Orctroopers dragged me up and slammed me - none too gently - into a restraining tube. As I was now upright, I could see that P90 was struggling against five orcs who were using every bit of their enhanced strength to hold her in place. She was also crying - tears of glittering candy, dripping from her eyes as she glared at Darkeye.

"You piece of-" she started.

Darkeye swung his disintigration beam around and blasted her. I wanted to scream - but I couldn't. In a single instant, P90 was reduced to so much bubbling, hissing pink goop. As Darkeye turned and started to stomp away, Dr. Palladium waved one of her hands, her drider body moving in to walk beside my containment tube. "You two, proles, collect up that goo. I've wanted to study how those damn gnomes get their golems to be so...feisty." She chuckled. "Now, Brashy, I'm sure you're wondering where I've been your whole life?"

I'm actually wondering how best to fucking kill you, I thought. The Beast had started to grow inside of the tube, which meant I was now firmly propped up inside of the containment unit. Which did mean I had a great view of the cargo hold as the orcs trundled me along with Dr. Palladium.

"You see, I was hired by Lord Xosh, the late, lamented Lord Xosh to design him the perfect weapon. I did manage it, after I created you." She smiled. "You were my little prototype. Slightly stronger than the average D-suit, slightly more flexible in terms of your shapeshifting. But far too independent and far, far, far too prone to self-reflection and that pesky sentience thing." She waved one hand. "But you had one feature Lord Xosh was rather excited about."

Maybe a boot to the head? I thought. The corridors beyond were wheeling past and Dr. Palladium was walking backwards, beaming at me.

"You had the ability to manifest psionic and arcane powers. A side effect of sentience. This meant that I could tie control routines to the other D-Suits into your brain."

I know all this. This is how humanity kicked Lord Xosh's scaly butt when he tried to take over the earth! God! Shut up, you fucking TRANCH!

"But what Lord Xosh didn't know, my darling Brashy," she said, cooing quietly. "Was what this psionic feature could mean when paired with that marvelous head computer I designed." She tapped my forehead. "Which is why I am going to give you some little muscular control, and I am going to ask you some questions, okay?"

She tapped her wrist. I wriggled my mouth, stuck out my tongue, said the word 'ahh' and 'oooh' a few times to make sure that my mouth bits were working. This pleased Dr. Palladium, who beamed as we came to an airlock, which hissed open to reveal a bright red corridor. Lord Darkeye and his cronies strode into there.

"Have you been having some weird dreams lately?" Dr. Palladium asked.

"Oh, totally," I said, nodding. "Like the dream where I rip your head off and punt it out of a fucking airlock so you get to enjoy the sensation of your eyeballs exploding before your brain dies."

Dr. Palladium clicked her tongue. "Brashy! Do your kidnappers let you talk like that?"

I growled. "My parents never fed my FUCKING WIFE to a FUCKING LICH!" I snapped my teeth, trying to jerk forward and bite her nose off. But Dr. Palladium was a good distance away and I couldn't move my neck enough.

Dr. Palladium shook her head. "Brashy, darling-"

"Don't call me that!" I growled. And...Dr. Palladium actually looked slightly frightened. She tapped at her wrist console - and everything went black.

***

I was in the mansion, running away.

And you know what?

Fuck it. I turned around and saw the huge, machete carrying, welding mask clad maniac, advancing towards me. And I leaped at him, snarling as my wings flared behind me. I eschewed all tactics, all shifting, all teleporting, and just relied on the impact of my body against the mask. My hind claws bit through metal and my fore claws grabbed onto his scalp. I tore and bit and snarled furiously as the massively built figure swung his machete wildly, trying to chop at me. He knocked over a vase, he slashed a portrait in half, and then collapsed as I managed to get my teeth onto his spine and cracked it. I leaped off his body as he collapsed and landed on the small pedestal that the vase had been on.

The maniac was dead.

"And stay dead and stay out of my dreams!" I shouted.

A thumping of footsteps announced the arrival of the guy in the fedora-

"It's a trillby!" he snapped at me.

"I don't fucking care what fucking hat you wear!" I shouted, leaping off the vase stand, shifting as I did so. I landed, my body humanoid, and started to advance on him. "My wife is dead, one of my girlfriends got melted, I've been kidnapped, and I'm losing superpowers at an increasingly rapid rate. And you know what?" I grabbed him by his fancy lapels. "You've been telling me since day one to avoid something that you can't even FUCKING explain!" I started to shake him. "So tell me, Trilby, how the FUCK do I get out of this FUCKING situation, you POSH PRICK!" I shook him even more, his head bouncing against the wall. His hat was knocked askew, then off, and his collar started to come undone under the force of my grip.

His eyes closed and he held up a hand, palm facing me.

"Brash," he said. "The progenitor's proximity to the nexus point makes everything far, far, far more serious." He shook his head. "We don't have time for your snits. You need to get out of there before they open the Hoard."

"They don't have Kira-"

"They don't need Kira! They just. Need. You!" Trilby hissed the words at me. "That's what I've been trying to tell you this whole time. That's what Kira discovered. That's what she's been keeping from you."

I blinked slowly. "Keeping...but...I..."

"What? You didn't notice?" Trilby grabbed my wrists and shoved me backwards with his hands. My fingers felt as if they had lost all their bones and their nerves. Trilby adjusted his tie with one hand, frowning a bit. "I can't believe someone so astute as you wouldn't notice something that a princess, trained from birth to manage the Great Game of intergalactic politics, wanted to keep secret. But why do you think she sought your help. Not the help of any of the elven kingdoms, not the United Nations, not even that of her own father. She looked to you."

"B-Because-"

"You are quite powerful, but an army would have done better at keeping her safe," Trilby said, lifting his narrow, horse-like face. He glared down at me. "An army and a fortress, squirreled away somewhere in the multiverse. No. Kira wants to use you to get at the Hoard."

"W-Why?"

"I don't bloody know! I'm not a mind reader!" Trilby pinched the bridge of his nose, then sighed. "I am a Guardian, Brash. Sent by certain forces that want to ensure that the Hoard is not opened."

"Great! I won't do it!" I said.

Trilby arched one eyebrow.

"...somehow!" I said. "I'll figure it out."

Trilby sighed. "I am filled with confidence," he said, in the kind of tone of voice that meant he was absolutely not filled with confidence at all. I scowled at him, but then he continued to speak. "After all, you're a dragon who has forgotten they have a bloody-"

***

I snapped awake. Bloody what!? Bloody what?! My eyes widened and I saw that I was strapped to a medical table. I was buck naked...and I wasn't covered in red moss! I was in a laboratory. It was a sleek, beautiful looking place - if you could call an evil laboratory owned and operated by a sociopathic drider a beautiful place. But it really was! The walls were smooth and silvery, and the apparatus were all appropriately futuristic. There was a small chemical dispensary on the far side of the room and a large bucket of pink goo.

P90...

And, of course...there was Dr. Palladium. She was looming over me, beaming at me with alarmingly sharp teeth.

"Hello there, Brashy," she said. Her finger started to slide along my chest, causing goosepimples to flare to life. She licked her lips. "I must admit, this human form you have chosen is quite...attractive. I appreciate the magnitude of your endowments."

"Dude!" I yelped - glad to see I had control over my voice.

"What?" she chortled, then stepped backwards. I saw that one of her hands held a syringe that was full of glowing red spores. Seeing my look, she chuckled. "The Beast has served its purpose. I've removed the spores from your body - though I have still shut down your shapeshifting powers, so don't even try." She waggled her finger at me. I glared at her. Seeing that glare, she smiled. "And, Brashy, I see no reason why the fact I'm your Mother should dissuade me from wanting to have you fuck me."

"Because of all the reasons!" I yelped. "Specifically, the fact you're an evil drider whose working with the man who murdered two of the people I care about most in the universe!" I strained against the restraints. The hardened metal that my wrists were clad in refused to budge.

"...and?" Dr. Palladium cooed, turning. She lifted her spidery rump to me and I saw there was a thin slit at the base of her curved backside. It glistened with arousal and she purred. "The fact it's so utterly depraved only makes it better. Besides..." She reached back, caressing her red and black carapace. "Don't you know driders are smooth as silk?" She grinned. "And tight as a virgin..."

Okay.

Have you ever had an un-erection?

I was having the hardest one of those right now. It was so un-erotic that my cock was actually shrinking slightly and my balls had gone running for the hills. And it wasn't the fact she was a drider! Heck, her being half spider was, by far, the BEST thing about this evil, evil person. In fact, I would go so far as to say that Dr. Palladium was a perfect example of a 'butterpersonality.' Which was like a butter face, but for personalities. My expression must have made what I thought of that and her clear...because it made her grin even wider.

"And you know...nothing is quite as much fun as an unwilling male..." She licked her lips. "I could bite your neck, fill you with some paralytic venom..." Her cold palm cupped my cheek. "And then get you worked up with some proper contact drugs. And once you're practically insane with lust, I can mount my beautiful baby boy..."

My eyeball was twitching again.

You're the dragon who-

Her finger slid from my cheek to my neck. Her palm pressed to my chest. "Such a pretty baby boy..."

You're the dragon who has forgotten-

Her palm slipped past my belly button, and slowed inexorably as she started to get closer and closer to my un-erection. She applied just a bit of fingernail pressure, which made me want to squirm. My arms strained and I gritted my teeth as hard as I could, trying to think of what it was I could have forgotten. I tried to teleport. No dice. I tried to fly. Still nope. Wings? Hah! I couldn't even flipping shapeshift. Roar? Wasn't going to help here. What the flip kind of dragony thing had I forgotten?

"By Lloth's tits, I'm wet right now," Dr. Palladium crooned.