Breaking Obsession

I was confused momentarily. Why was she saying these things? Nate wasn't her boyfriend any more. I wanted her to be quiet. I shouted for her to stop the car. She continued on her rant. I spoke over her shrill tone. I told her that I fucked him for her. I fucked Nate to be with her. She looked dead in my eyes and slung a blow that left me without the ability to speak.

"You sick whore," she exclaimed.

The car began to veer into the next lane. She corrected it in time to avoid colliding with an oncoming truck. She slammed her foot into the brake and the car slid down the embankment through a grove of trees. A fallen tree brought the car to a forceful stop. The seat belts braced us tightly against our seats. Adrenaline made the world around me pulse and glow. I remained looking forward, listening to her attempts to catch her breath. Her words had been thick with venom.

My brain skipped and I heard her words echoing in my mind. They blared over the angry hiss of the engine. I felt her eyes on me. For the first time I didn't want to look into her eyes. She spoke slowly, softly as she reconnected with her hate. Her tone increased and she was shouting again. The words bounced off the car's interior and landed in my lap like an unwelcome gift. I had to let her know. I told her softly, but with as much feeling as I could muster, that I loved her and wanted her.

Laura let out a disgusted laugh. She asked me where I ever got the idea that she could be interested in a skanky psycho like me. I felt drained, weak from fighting my own impulses. For a year I had kept my feelings tightly concealed. Her words cut through all lines of my self-control. You know how people say they "just snapped"? Up until that moment, I had no idea what they meant. I actually heard the restraints holding my will, my self-control break! They snapped!

I screamed at her from the top of my lungs. I told her what a bitch she was for treating me the way she was. Laura remarked that she treated me just the way a slut like me deserved to be treated. I told her that I couldn't believe she could treat me, someone who loved her, in this manner. She was leading me on, casting me aside and making me feel like a pervert for wanting to share my feelings openly. It was all something that she was completely incapable of ... feeling.

"Do you feel anything? Do you?" I asked her over and over.

I was beginning to get angrier the longer she went without answering me. I looked closely at her. Her eyes read supreme terror. Laura was so terrified of me that her pale eyes shook in their sockets. I watched closely as the color rose in her cheeks. It was the shame. She was embarrassed about treating me like dirt, me, the one who had exalted her above anything in this world.

Finally, she was moving her mouth to speak, but no words came out. I could feel her pulse in my fingers, pounding, pounding. Its current traveled up my arms straight into my heart. Her pulse pounded, pounded. My chest swelled welcoming her message, the quickened pounding of her heart. I closed my eyes to listen, to her hear closely. It pounded, pounded. I felt my own heart make a half beat and then beat again in unison with hers, slower now, pounding, pounding. I felt elated. She changed her mind. She was finally speaking to me in a way I understood. She was speaking with her heart.

Its message pulsed into my fingers. It was a way no one else had. I loved her and now I knew she loved me. All I had to do was show her. Tell her and she answered. My eyes flew open when her heart's message cut off. I stared into her pale eyes. I read her expression. Her pretty lips lay open in a sweet invitation. I leaned in and pressed mine against their warmth.

Ten minutes may have passed. I just sat and watched the sunlight flicker through the leaves of the trees while I stroked her hand. I left her there to reflect on the moment we shared then walked back to town. I pulled down the sleeves of my sweater to keep private the love letter she had scratched into my arms.

* * * * *

"I'm going to stop the tape now. We need to take a break. Are you sure of the way the events occurred?"

I reached for another cigarette from the pack. I took a long slow drag allowing the smoke to fill my lungs. I exhaled directly into the detective's face. I watched his expression become challenging. I leaned across the table.

"How much more detail do you need. I happened to have seen you squirm in your seat a few times." The color rose in his face. He stood and nonchalantly adjusted his crotch.

"We'll take a break right here." He looked into the mirror over my head. "When I get back you can talk to me about the others."

I stroked my arms, feeling the tingle just below the surface.

"Yeah, the others."