Breaking Out Pt. 01

She eventually went back home after her husband called to say he was back home now. My parents broke up when I was sixteen and mum remarried when I was nineteen. I get on okay with Ron but he can be a bit of a shit when it comes to any disruptions to the normal routine. I know you get more settled in your ways as you get older but he does take it too far.

Now that mum was gone I had time to take it all in. I'd had a lucky escape and while I'd be off work for a few days, more procedure of course, I would have to get back into the saddle again but while that was good I'd been reminded in a very dramatic fashion that life is fragile. My job is not like other jobs. When I leave the house to go to work, there are people out there quite willing, ready and able to shoot me for no other reason than the fact that I wear a uniform. You can't let that get to you though, it's part of the job and so you get used to it. What is hard however is dealing with family because they are often only too aware of that as well and a knock on the door from police is very often a bad thing.

I know Cassie would be looked after if anything happens to me. We've kind of discussed it in a roundabout sort of way, she'd go to mum or my sister but there are other factors at play here. My mum is quite conservative and has voted Liberal all her life, I'm the black sheep for voting Greens. Ruth is just as black for voting Labour. Being more liberal than my mum means that Cassie has more freedom to read and watch things that her peers can't get access to without resorting to other means. I was actually shocked when her best friend's mother asked me not to let Long watch Game of Thrones on telly because of the graphic violence. She also passed a comment about the fact that Cassie has books that are not appropriate for a teenager, which got my back up. I might let her read adult books but what Long's mother didn't realise was that we also discuss what she's read. In that way I'm not like my mother, I won't hide behind a false morality, nothing is off limits and that night my daughter tested those limits with a bold question.

"Do you think Fiona is gay?"

"To be honest it never occurred to me," I stared at her, "why do you ask?"

"It was the way she was looking at Sarah."

"You noticed that," I managed a tired grin, "and here was me thinking it was a hallucination."

"It wasn't hard to notice," she pushed her glasses further up her nose, "I do notice these things you know," her eyes shifted to the telly and then she glanced at her book for a moment.

"Do you like her?"

"Who? Fiona or Sarah?"

"Both," she looked at me.

Twelve months ago I might have come up with some lame excuse or changed the subject but my daughter is getting to that age where I'm thinking about the birds and the bees talk and wondering if fourteen and a half is too young or old enough. There's a part of me that tries to wriggle out of it because she's still my baby and I get that too, it's always been like that for mothers. Because she's such a bookworm though I kind of hope she'll stumble across books about it, and as I thought about my answer I finally decided to come clean.

"Look, I find them both attractive but in different ways. Fiona is my best friend and even if she was that way inclined, which I doubt, I don't think I would allow anything to happen and if it did I have the feeling it wouldn't last."

"Why not?" Cassie kept her eyes locked on me.

"Because there are unexpected consequences when you get involved with your best friend, if you break up you also lose your best friend. You've taken the friendship to a place it shouldn't have been, it might work in the movies but they aren't real life. There was this guy I was involved with when I was nineteen. Gary was a great friend, we did everything together except the nude bit and then one day we did and everything changed. I felt embarrassed, he felt embarrassed for me and we couldn't look at each other. We started fighting over stupid shit like borrowing each other's CDs without asking and one afternoon we had a massive fight and broke up."

"That sucks," she replied.

"Yeah, big time. We made up eventually but it took three years, I invited him to our wedding when I married your dad but at the last moment his brother was in a bike accident and strung up like a puppet with wires and pins in his legs."

"Could you ever see him again?"

"Kind of hard," I sighed, "Gary was killed in a car accident out in Thomastown, it's funny, his brother survived the most horrific bike accident. Every bone in his body was broken apparently and he even had a metal cage around his head because of the skull fractures. Gary lost control on a wet road and slid into the path of an oncoming truck."

"So, what about Sarah?" Cassie asked.

"Sarah?" I reached over and picked up my half empty mug of coffee.

"She's cute in another kind of way but it's not like I'm going down that path any time soon."

"Why not?"

"Why are you asking the question? Do you think I should start seeing someone?"

"Well, dad is married and I know you get lonely."

"I've got you, I'm never lonely."

"But it's not the same, I'm just saying," she sank back into her seat and pulled her legs up onto it, "there's nothing wrong with it. I know you won't bring home any creeps."

There are times I can see the woman she'll become one day, thoughtful, intuitive and generous, it always brings a smile to my face and while I didn't say yes to anything that night, I did go to bed with Sarah on my mind. Which was odd because until Cassie brought the subject up, I don't think I'd given any relationship with Sarah much thought at all.

***

Being shot is no fun, but it had its advantages and one of those was a four day long weekend, I even kept Cassie home from school on the Thursday. What the hell, I am her mother and it was a brilliant excuse I have to admit. I took her into Ringwood and left her at Eastland while I ducked across the road for my obligatory debrief. I recalled Sarah's earlier comment about the debrief as I sat down on the other side of the desk from my superior and gave my account of the incident. Tom McIntyre isn't anally retentive, he's a decent man who understands what we go through and won't ride roughshod over you for minor infractions. He wasn't happy about the odd angry shot fired by my partner though.

"He'll get wrapped over the knuckles for that one, keep that in mind if it ever happens again, if that shot had gone wide or ricocheted it could have resulted in an unlawful death," he leaned on the desk and pushed a piece of paper across the desk to me.

"That's it, take the next few days off and if you feel shaky, you've got my number. Call me any time, day or night."

"Thanks, sir," I signed the form and gave it back to him.

I got out of there and went across the road to Eastland and just purely to keep Sarah in the loop I sent her a text telling her I had four days off. I sent two more texts to mum and Ruth as well and by then I was in the bookstore next door to Sportsgirl. I didn't need to be told Cassie was in there, it's one of the few stores she ducks into every time we go there, even if it's just to leaf through a book on one of the bargain tables.

Cassie was sitting quietly in a seat with three books on the table in front of her and a book on her lap and I raised an eyebrow at the top book, one of those books about grieving. Okay, I was going to have to tread carefully now. It was an adult book talking about dealing with death and tragedy, it looked like challenging reading even for me but I knew Cassie would devour the book in a few days, in that way she's a human sponge. It comes out in conversation and school essays and book reports.

Her vocabulary is so far advanced that one teacher actually accused her of plagiarism in front of the whole class. I came home one day to find her lying in bed just staring at the ceiling not saying anything, even when I asked if she was okay. It was only when her best friend, Long came back from the toilet that I found out the truth, much to Cassie's embarrassment but Long wasn't about to step around the situation. I went ballistic at the teacher the following day at a meeting to discuss the incident. The poor principal was trying to intervene between these two women and I let her have both barrels, the fact that I'd detoured to the school on my way home from work was 'coincidence' but I've discovered that people fear an angry police officer.

That leads me to an aspect of Cassie's personality that does worry me, her inability to fight back. Cassie is an intellectual not a fighter. In that way I see a lot of her father in her, David would rather crawl naked on broken glass than argue. His father was a violent alcoholic who put his mother in hospital several times before blowing his brains out in a fit of remorse. Cassie has inherited the peace at any price and when she was falsely accused her of plagiarism she internalised it. Long's frankness embarrassed her but Long is a bit of a guardian angel.

Long is second generation Vietnamese Australian and she and Cassie became best friends when she correctly interpreted the meaning of Long's name, Dragon and perhaps the meaning is apt because Long is like a fire breathing dragon if anyone insults or attacks Cassie and my daughter does get a bit of trouble at school because her mum is a cop. Long has been known to punch girls who attack her best friend but she also has a razor sharp tongue and it's what she usually uses to fight back. She has a reputation at school for being a tough chick but Cassie's gentle nature has had a mellowing effect on Long's rather tough nature.

"Found anything you like?" I sifted through the other three books.

"Yeah," she looked up and touched her glasses briefly, "all of them, but I can only buy one so I want to read the first chapter of each one."

"Bugger that," I nudged her, "let's get the bloody lot, I'm off work until Monday, but you'll be back at school on Monday."

"No I won't, it's an in service day, sorry. Kim and I are going to sit and watch Vikings," she closed the book, "so, all of them?"

"Yeah, why not, it's not every day."

The phone beeped then and I took it out to read the message from Sarah.

Sarah: Awesome! Looks like the gods are smiling on us. They owed me three days from the Queen's Birthday weekend and I added one of my annual leave days.

Gail: Fantastic, nice when it goes your way, I had to get shot to get that.

Sarah: Sucks for you, do you feel like catching up over the weekend?

I looked at Cassie before replying.

Gail: Yeah, I'm not going anywhere in a hurry, I actually feel guilty having time off for a flesh wound, poor old John got wrapped over the knuckles for saving my arse. Come for dinner tonight if you feel up to it.

Gail: Okay... protocol is a bitch, sorry, gotta go now... will text you later. X.

"Who you texting?" Cassie asked.

"Sarah," I answered, "she's coming around to catch up."

I tried to sound as laid back as possible and a few years ago it would have worked but as I've found out to my cost, she's very intuitive. Cassie took the wind out of my sails.

"So, do you like her as well?"

It was the way she said it that caused me to blush and she seemed to take some kind of twisted pleasure in my discomfort.

"I, um, yeah I do."

I digested this in silence and she looked past me for a moment. She was frowning as if picturing something and then she glanced at the pile of books I was going to buy her and taking the bottom one away she rose and stepped away.

"Wait here, I'll be back." She returned with a lesbian romance novel and handed it over.

"You may not be gay but at least be open minded."

I stared at the picture that showed two women in silhouette with their heads touching and arms around each other, titled, Loving Jane.

"What about the other book you wanted?"

"You said you would buy three, I can save up for the other one."

I felt the lump in my throat, she has that effect on me and I came to another decision.

"Then get it as well, and thank you. I will try to be open minded."

I felt a strange lightness in my step as we made our way to the food court. I'd not reacted when Tom casually referred to my gayness as being inconsequential. Ordinarily I would have put him straight but I hadn't flinched and over the next few days I would see more of Sarah. Now I'd just bought a gay romance novel and my daughter had just told me to keep an open mind.

To be continued...