Breaking Out Pt. 02

It was food for thought and speaking of food we had a barbecue, just because Cassie suggested it. We have an old barbecue that sits in the shed gathering dust and providing shelter for spiders, it was a Christmas present from mum while I was still married but if it was meant to save the marriage it was a dismal failure. My ex hated barbecued meat and I could think of better ways to cook chops and sausages, or snags as we call them here. There was a minor drama when Cassie carried the old barbecue outside and promptly dropped it when a huntsman scurried out from underneath it. Sarah heard her scream and picked the spider up with a tea towel and flicked it out over the back lawn, prompting Cassie to wish she'd filmed it.

"I'd have got a million likes and shares."

Her spider whispering abilities certainly got a like from me. I can face up to drunken yobbos but a spider puts a chill down my spine. I can kill them because I'm not about to call my ex husband in just to kill a spider but I'm still very conscious that a huntsman has sharp fangs. When the story was related to Fiona a little while later she also looked suitably impressed!

We were going to eat outside as well but about the time Sarah and Cassie finished cooking we felt the first raindrops and decided to head inside with our food. Melbourne is one of the few places in Australia where you can barbecue outside but be forced inside to eat your food.

Nevertheless, despite everything that happened that day I was no further forward in my response to Sarah. I knew I was subconsciously shifting the boundaries, giving her and I room to move but in the end the thing that pulled us together took both of us by surprise.

***

My mum was born in Moree in Northern New South Wales, not far from the Queensland border and came south to Melbourne to do her nursing degree. She was following her boyfriend at the time, Little Mick on account of his great height, it's an Australian naming tradition! I've been to Moree twice in my life. The first time I was a scrappy little Primary brat who spent much of her time playing in puddles and fishing for yabbies, the second time I was sixteen and my parents had just broken up. Mum's parents invited us home for Christmas and they tried to talk her into coming back home to live. I recall my grandparents saying, "you can take the girl out of Moree but you can't take the Moree out of the girl."

To which my mother retorted.

"We'll see about that."

She never went back until the day of her dad's funeral, he died suddenly. I was heavily pregnant with Cassie and unable to get out and about, they were talking about inducing me because she was late. Probably reading a book now I think about it! Mum came back with even more determination to stay away from Moree and I guess you have to understand that life in a small town is so much different from the way it's portrayed on tv shows and movies. You can strip out all the romantic bullshit for a start. It's a small town so everyone knows your business whether you like it or not and they will offer up their opinions. Granted they will put their bigotry aside to help a neighbour in trouble because that's the nature of country life.

One of the things many of my grandmother's generation struggled with was homosexuality. It was on the news and there were gays coming out of the woodwork. My mum wasn't so bigoted but she'd been 'infected' by the city. She'd even stopped going to church and I remember when I was younger seeing her out in the back yard smoking a joint and trying to tell me it was just a rollie, it was a phase she went through when her marriage was disintegrating.

She had two sisters and three brothers. The oldest brother died of a heart attack a few years ago but the rest are all still alive and for the most part I think they're decent enough people. They worked hard all their lives and had families but to be honest I wouldn't want to be in close vicinity to them for too long. Healesville was rural enough for me and I couldn't live there again, I think Moree would be the end of me! There is one aunt however who is my favourite aunt. Vickie is eighteen years younger than mum, which makes her quite close to my age. She's also a qualified veterinary surgeon, a lucrative vocation out in the country.

Two years ago however she chucked it all in and moved to Sydney to work at a surgery in the northern suburbs and I heard rumours on the grapevine about something she'd done that caused the rest of the family to fall out with her. The only one who stood by her was mum, probably because she's so far from Moree that she can take a more objective outlook. I knew she'd had an affair but I always thought it was with some guy. It was only when she and mum turned up at my joint on the Sunday that I found out her affair had been with someone else's wife.

As luck would have it, Sarah had dropped in to see me. I'd decided to put my time off into cleaning up the back yard. Rastus likes to leave his treasures around the yard, everything from sticks and chewed up balls to dog shit. My lawnmower was on the blink and Fiona was out with her sisters at the pub for a Sunday roast, so Sarah brought her lawnmower around and promptly started mowing the lawn while Cassie and I hurried on in front of her to clear away sticks and balls. We kind of left the dog shit for the mower blades. Rastus thought it was part of a game and kept dropping a ball at Cassie's feet. Mum and Vickie turned up just as Sarah was finishing up and I took them inside to the kitchen. Cassie was still outside.

"So, you couldn't find a guy to do it for you?" Mum asked me.

"No, Sarah just came around and volunteered, she's quite capable. She got rid of a huntsman yesterday with her bare hands."

"My Helen is like that as well," Vickie stroked her chin, "I had a funnel web in the house and I just jumped into her arms and that was all she wrote."

"You're?" I stared at her, "with a woman?"

"Have been for the last eighteen months."

It was only then that it came out, the affair with a married woman and the sudden need to leave town and never come back.

"There were people who saw it coming, in the end though I decided the town was too small for two dykes and moved south to Sydney. Elaine broke up with her hubby and then got back with him and broke up again, three times in a row. The last time I heard from her she was in Surfers with some woman she'd met in Brisbane, so I suppose all's well that ends well."

"So, why did you have an affair? If you don't mind me asking."

"The short answer is love. She gave something to me that my husband hadn't given me for years, she listened to me without interrupting or changing the subject or burying her nose in a book. We didn't set out to have an affair, we both loved our husbands at the time but the more time we spent together the more we just found we couldn't do without each other."

It wasn't the answer I wanted to hear considering my ex husband's affair but it was the right answer, we all too often associate love with warm fuzzy feelings and romantic getaways but love plays by its own rules.

The topic of conversation moved onto other matters but I was still intrigued and impressed, it takes guts to do what she did and while the family have kind of made up in their own way, there's still that thing she did.

Mum was there that day for two reasons. The first was obvious, she wanted to see if I needed help with anything but the second was to see if Cassie wanted to spend the night out at her joint in Olinda. Mum has a beautiful little cottage in Olinda that she shares with her partner, Jake. I was kind of put out at first but Cassie seemed okay with it, which made me suspicious. It was like she was removing herself from home while Sarah was there but I didn't protest much.

"Are you sure?" I looked at her.

"Yeah, I'm sure," she pushed her glasses further up her nose, "it's not like I see much of auntie Vickie," she left the rest unfinished but the implication was there in her own clumsy way.

"Okay," I shrugged, "I'll pick you up tomorrow."

I felt a lump in my throat as mum drove away with Cassie some thirty minutes later. She hadn't actually suggested anything about Sarah and I but it was almost as if she was giving me room to make my own moves. I just didn't know what those moves were going to be.

"So what do you feel like doing?" Sarah asked me.

"Buggered if I know," I leaned against the bench, "it's almost like I've been set up."

"Set up for what?" Sarah looked at me.

"You know."

"I can't and won't read your mind," Sarah replied, "so, out with it."

"You sure you want to hear this?" I ran a hand through my hair.

"Better out than in."

"The truth is I'm on the edge," I stared at the wall. On the other side of the wall I could almost picture that book Cassie had suggested I read.

"On the one hand I can admit to feelings for you but that doesn't mean I'm about to let anything happen between us."

"Go on," Sarah sat down at the table, "I'm all ears."

"I have responsibilities," I started, "I have a teenage daughter who hasn't shown interest in boys yet but it's coming and I want to prepare her for that. I did go out with a few guys when I broke up with her father but that lasted all of nine months. She was coming up for nine at that stage and I just made a decision to dispense with my love life and focus on her," I looked out the window.

"And while I've been lonely from time to time, I can't say it's been a bad decision. She's really come out of her shell since she started secondary school and I want that to continue."

"She's a good kid," Sarah offered.

"Cassie is my life," I replied, "nothing comes between us."

"And now?" Sarah leaned on the table, "how do you feel now about your love life?"

"A little bit out there," I replied, "yesterday, Cassie actually told me I needed to find someone, she says that loving her isn't enough, I need another kind of love."

"Okay," she raised an eyebrow, "very intuitive. You don't mind if I offer my opinion?"

"Please."

"From what little I've seen of you, it seems you're like a lot of single mothers. When your partner leaves, you find yourself being mum and dad at the same time. It's a perfectly normal reaction and some women excel at it, some suck at it and some can do it for a while but find themselves reaching out without knowing what they're reaching for. I put you in the third category. You could soldier on regardless and probably do quite well, for the most part but you don't strike me as the kind of person who was meant to to live alone. You're a social person but maybe you feel a little rusty and out of sync when it comes to dating and that too is normal but sooner or later you're going to have to take the first step and step outside your comfort zone."

I blinked and looked away for a few moments.

"How can you know so much about me already?"

"Ah, now that is just good training and experience," Sarah chuckled, "it's what I have to do in a situation where I'm trying to get someone to put a weapon down. You have to figure out what's driving them and what it's going to take to resolve the situation peacefully."

She propped her chin in her hands.

"All I'm going to suggest is you take it one day at a time and keep an open mind, I'm not going anywhere in a hurry."

It was a comforting thought but I still had the feeling there was a time limit although she'd quite clearly stated she wasn't in a hurry. What would I do if some other woman caught her eye? The thought came to me as I was getting ready to have a shower.

"Why don't you come back in a couple of hours, I'll cook dinner and we can talk some more."

"Okay," she took a couple of steps forward and kissed me lightly on the cheek, "see you at six then," and with that she was heading for the door leaving me a little flushed. It was a bold step on her part and yet it was a turn on as well. For the second time in years someone had made an open pass at me but what was I going to wear for a dinner date with a gay woman?

Oddly enough, the book Cassie had encouraged me to buy gave me inspiration. One of the women was wearing jeans and a white shirt. All right, she was skinnier than me but I had jeans and a few white shirts. I opted for a pair of jeans and an oversized white shirt that hung over my hips, a black belt around my waist held it all together, dark blue sandals completed the outfit. It was smart casual wear but not overly provocative.

With my outfit sorted out I then went to work in the kitchen. I'm a reasonable cook, actually scratch that, I'm a bloody good cook because I'm determined to give Cassie an eclectic palate. Her father's other kids are such fussy eaters. I hear horror stories about their refusal to eat anything they haven't eaten before, getting them to eat fried rice apparently took bribery. My meal that night was goulash, I made it with mutton and flavoured it with red wine and with the addition of roast potatoes I was pretty impressed!

Sarah arrived just before six with a cheese cake straight from the freezer. She looked more than a little sheepish as she presented her offering.

"I'm not a gourmet cook."

"You'll pass," I gave her the once over, "nice dress."

"Thanks," she looked down at the red dress, "I thought I'd be the lady in red tonight."

It was a nice dress with wide straps over the shoulders and a low neckline, it was cinched at the waist with a wide belt and the skirt flared outwards as she executed a slight turn.

"Whatever will your colleagues say if they knew?"

"Please don't tell them," she smirked, "they think I'm a tomboy."

"Your secret is safe with me," I inclined my head and nodded at the table, "providing you set the table, dinner will be served soon."

"That I can do," she smiled.

I was still trying to get used to the sight of Sarah in a dress as I served up dinner and picked out a half decent red wine. I almost felt under-dressed.

"So, what are we having tonight?"

"Mutton goulash," I replied, "kind of like Hungarian goulash but there are different varieties of it, I had the left over mutton and decided to experiment. Cooking is one of those things I do to relax."

"I cook to survive."

"Ah, so you might learn something from coming around more often," I started serving up.

"Mum tried to teach me but I'm afraid I was a lost cause. I was only too happy to order a takeaway pizza or chicken and chips."

"Maybe I'll serve home made dim sims next time."

"Would you?" Sarah rolled her eyes, "I love steamed dim sims. I do buy the frozen ones."

"That's cheating," I replied a few moments later.

The dinner was entertaining enough but there was that undertone of sensuality that kept me on edge for quite some time. There were moments where we'd lapse into silence before launching out onto another subject and yet inevitably it was leading towards sex and more pertinently my total lack of experience with a woman.

"There's no right or wrong way to be honest," she eventually conceded. "I mean you work it out as you go, it's the same with guys but with women we have a better understanding of what turns us on or off. The crucial thing for me is communication, I can be a bit butch at times even though I look like a bloody model tonight."

"My only red line is Cassie," I spoke up, "come between me and my daughter and it's war."

"Something I wouldn't do under any circumstances," Sarah replied, "I think she's a great kid but she's your daughter not mine."

"I've had a few guys over the years but it always came down to Cassie. They either wanted to avoid her altogether for fear of being seen to be too interested or they were too interested. There was this one guy who Cassie really got along with, I can't remember his name," I stared at the wall.

"Funny, it'll come to me later but Cassie really took to him but every time she sat down next to him he'd suddenly have to go get another coffee or a beer, or go to the toilet. It got really obvious after a while but I could never get him to talk about it."

"So what happened to him?"

"Andy," I came to with a start, "I knew it'd come to me. Andy ended up with another woman and then breaking down and confessing he'd cheated on me, which was fucking hilarious because it's not like we were an item. We saw each other for about three weeks, mostly at the weekends," I propped on my chin.

"If I could be bothered writing about my love life since my marriage broke up it would be called, my shit love life."

"And mine would be, 'does this mean we're breaking up?' I've had some crazy women in my time and I'm not even that old. Would you believe one woman broke up with me because I hired When Harry Met Sally? I was standing with this fucking DVD in my hand and Belinda is staring daggers at me, like so, you prefer Meg Ryan to me? For fuck's sake, it's a movie and yeah, now I think about it, Meg is hotter than you so fuck off and let me watch it in peace."

"Quite right too, you'd never get me ending it over a movie," I took another sip of wine, "even leaving the dunny seat up isn't a cardinal offence."

"Something I don't do."

"Ah," I kicked her gently under the table, "so you stand up for a piss?"

"Now that would be a neat trick, I almost envy guys for that trick."

Our coming together was slow, easy banter and teasing that led to more serious teasing as we sat on the couch with fresh glasses of wine and cheese cake, which was delicious and I assured her that I probably couldn't do much better.

"I could live on cheese cake," she leaned forward to take a sip of wine.

"Yeah, me too," I reached out and slid my hand up her back and felt the slight shift as she let me work my way up to her neck, "Cassie nearly bought me a book on cheese cakes for my birthday but then changed her mind and got me a computer for dummies book because I can't seem to negotiate my way around a computer without calling for my daughter."

"I'll get you one for your birthday."

"Don't," I tapped her back lightly, "seriously, it's just nice to have you here. Besides, now that I'm a bit more computer literate I can find my cheese cake recipes for free."

My hand dropped to the zipper at the back of her dress and I hooked my fingers behind the soft satin material, I felt a slight resistance and then I was unzipping her dress to expose more of her back. The garment parted and Sarah exhaled slowly and spread her legs as I tickled her back. I was going on instinct now because this was what I'd do for a man and I knew what came next but Sarah just stayed where she was and let me keep tickling her.

"That feels nice," she eventually murmured.

"So can give a good sensual massage?"

"A woman of many talents."

I shifted position slightly and Sarah turned towards me. I felt her hand on my shoulder as I looked into her eyes. A few moments later I leaned over and brushed my lips against hers, I pulled back a split second later and she licked her lips. The next thing I knew she leaned over to kiss me and I cocked my head to one side as our lips met, I experienced a moment of panic and then instinct kicked in as I pushed back and she parted her mouth slightly.

I swallowed as I registered the quickening pulse and dry mouth. I licked my own lips and moved on her again with a soft, sensuous kiss. She moved back with me and I felt her hand moving up to cradle my breast. I moved in closer and placed my hand on her breast, she wasn't wearing a bra and I squeezed the nipple gently. We broke free, both of us were panting and I finally caught my breath and looked past her for a few moments.

"We shouldn't be doing this," I looked at her, "here," I eased off the couch and held out my hand. Sarah took it and also rose, her arm slipped around my waist and she leaned forward for another long lingering kiss and I closed my eyes to savour it all the more. Her breasts pushed against mine and I took a couple of steps back, taking her with me as we headed around the couch. I bumped my knee against the arm and broke free as Sarah put her hands against my breasts, pushing them up and out at the same time.