Breaking The Ice

"Maybe," David said honestly. "You were so handsome, and I'd grown...fond of you."

"It's OK to use the world love," Jerry said.

"If that's the word you want to use. There weren't many openly gay guys around back then. And besides," David said, "I thought we'd had a moment in the utility closet."

Jerry laughed at the mock seriousness of the statement. On a more serious note, he said; "The only reason I was so comfortable with my sexuality was because of my grandfather. He knew about me before I even really did, and he never made me apologize for it or feel bad about it."

"I know that," David said. "He had helped me with coming to terms with myself too. And he'd had a stern talking to with my dad after my abysmal coming out."

"Yeah?" Jerry laughed. "That was my old man."

"I'd always wondered how such a liberal, open-minded guy could spend his life in such a small town."

"My granddad lived in the wrong age," Jerry said after a moment of contemplation. "He was too liberal for his time. But his good spirit had saved him from the persecution many others would have faced from society with his views. I don't know what I'd done to deserve him, but somehow the universe had given him to me to take care of me," Jerry said.

"He knew you loved him," David said. "He was real proud of you too, he really was. He would go on for hours about you if I gave him the chance. I think he suspected that I'd loved you too," David said.

Jerry seemed surprised.

"He didn't mention me much?" David asked.

Jerry shook his head.

"He'd warned me off of you," David said. "Said that you weren't the settlin' down type, and he could see I wanted the mortgage and family life."

Jerry laughed. "It's true, I had worked hard to escape that, but I'm thinking those middle class aspirations had been what I was running towards all these years."

"Why did you want to get out of the small town with such urgency?" David asked.

"I've asked myself that question a lot more recently," Jerry said. "I guess I was afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Of being obscure. I never wanted to be simple," he said.

"What do you think constitutes obscurity?" David asked and lifted Butch to his lap. "Your granddad led a rather obscure existence by some people's standards, but he was the most extraordinary person I'd ever met."

David was happy that his grandfather had meant so much to other people and that he'd had such an impact on the life of David in particular. He's was only sorry that his wanderlust had ended up robbing him of much of the last decade of his grandfather's life.

"...millions of people won't remember his name in ten years' time, but his impact on the lives he touched will reverberate for generations," David said.

"You're right. But with age comes wisdom, and I'm seeing things differently nowadays."

"Like what things?"

Jerry stared at David's intense gaze but sidestepped that landmine.

"I've thought about you a lot over the years," he said. "You always remember your first kiss."

"You kept me company quite a few nights in my adolescence," David said.

Jerry smiled as recognition dawned and was thrilled that David was picking up on his vibes.

"But then you probably had more than enough real experiences to keep you busy after moving to LA," David said and petted a content Butch.

"It's definitely not as the movies sell it," he said.

"What? Big city life?"

"Everything," Jerry said. "Independence, adulthood. Truth be told," he said, "I never felt like I belonged there."

"I know."

Jerry looked surprised.

"...and so did your grandfather. It's what made him so sad, and why talked to me about it. He'd worked so hard in his life to give you what you want, to see you happy, and it saddened him that you weren't."

"I don't know why, but it never fulfilled me the way I thought it did. After spending more than half a decade in accountancy school only to go from one room to another and spend my days balancing other people's books and my evenings chasing skinny guys who weren't into me. Really when you think of it, what is there to belong to?"

"At least you have Butch," David said after a while.

"Seems like he's really taken to you."

Butch was splayed out over David's lap, contentedly snoring.

"How'd you end up buying my grandfather out?"

David talked about his years after high school, how he'd ended up helping his grandfather out at the store and ultimately taking out a mortgage and bank loan to buy the hardware store from his grandfather when he retired after the workload and demands became too much. He kept the old man company, or they actually kept each other company, and David still kept a few odd jobs around town open to keep his granddad busy so that he wouldn't feel entirely obsolete.

"I'm happy you had each other," Jerry said after a while.

"Didn't you ever have a real, meaningful relationship in the last ten years?"

"I never fit into the gay scene in LA, obviously," Jerry said. "Don't get me wrong, we've got a fledgling bear scene, but I went through a strict twink phase."

"Most people do," David smiled.

"You never did?"

"I've always been into beef," David said, shamelessly cruising him.

"You really want to kiss me right now, don't you?" Jerry said.

David looked nonplussed. "Are you always this conceited?"

"Just admit that you want to kiss me," Jerry said.

"I won't," he said. "And who's to say it isn't you who want to kiss me right now?"

"Well it's all academic anyway," Jerry said.

"Why's that?"

"Because I'm not letting you kiss me tonight anyway."

"Let me kiss you?" he said. "Believe me, if I wanted to kiss you you'd know about it, and you'd probably not be able to do anything about it."

"Oh so you're that irresistible?" He considered David for a moment. He could see the smile behind David's eyes and knew there was a soft heart behind the tough exterior.

"Besides," David said, "the way I remember it, you were the one who was sweet on me in the youth center." Hi smiled smugly.

"What bullshit, I just had to fend off your hands. I barely escaped with my decency intact," Jerry said, aware how David was trying to get the upper hand.

"That's really not how I remember it," David said and moved over to him next to the hearth. "In fact," he said, "You were so horny for me, it was coming off you in waves," David said. He placed his hand on Jerry's thigh and cupped his package, leaning in closer. "I was just an innocent boy," he said. "You took advantage of me." David maintained eye contact before moving in for a tender kiss. His lips were soft, contrasted by his spiky beard that scratched with Jerry's own stubble.

"Just as I remembered," David said as he pulled away, leaving Jerry wanting more.

"You remember?"

"I never forgot," David said.

"I told you, you wanted to really kiss me right now," he smiled.

David kissed him again, this time far more searching. It felt as though all the pent up emotion, all the years of loneliness and frustration and unshared experiences culminated in that one kiss. The emotion and sentiment behind the kiss expressed more than a decade of conversations ever could.

"How hungry are you?" Jerry asked after the kiss broke.

"I'm starving," David said, "but not for food," he said.

"Want to take it upstairs?" he asked.

"No," David said. "Right here."

Jerry let out a breath and allowed David to take lead. He leaned into the kiss and didn't bother trying to unbutton his button down, instead ripping open the shirt and faintly registered the buttons hit the hardwood flooring. David was already trailing kisses down his hairy abdomen towards his rapidly swelling package and the anticipation in the air was palpable.

*****

Jerry woke up under his king size bedcover, the fire roaring away with Butch curled at his feet. A weak sunray entered the living room, with the promise of a sunny day ahead. The smell of fried bacon and the promise of coffee made him sit up steadily, his first night of receiving in a while reminding him of it as he settled in his seat.

David must've fetched the bedding after he'd nodded off and made a makeshift floor bed for them. He heard David opening and closing drawers and cupboards in the kitchen, already familiar with all the utensils' locations.

As sounds and smells of home filled the air, he remembered his and his grandfather's Saturday morning French toast breakfast ritual, and how it had offered him a sense of security. Realization hit him like a flying brick that the home he'd left to find in a big city had been right here where he started the journey all the many years ago.

*****

"Who was that on the phone?"

"The realtor," said Jerry. He looked at David, spatula in hand and felt the energy in the room shift. He kept his face stony as he collected his documents and got up from the desk.

"Good news?" asked David.

"Depends on how you look at it." He could hear the cogs turning in David's mind, and had to keep himself from shouting it out.

"How do you look at it, then?"

"I told her I'm not selling after all. I think Bloomington is in desperate need of a good CA, don't you think?"

David visibly relaxed and grabbed Jerry around the waist and pulled him into him, possessively placing a on his beefy ass and pulling him into him.

"In that case," David said, "I look at it very favorably," and kissed him.

*****