Breaking the Ice Ch. 01

"Tess, I have to be honest. We've been seeing each other for about three months, and you've yet to really open up about anything." Grey eyes bore into me until I felt uneasy and turned to the window. Gregory Owen had a pleasant voice and a very serious demeanor, traits I probably would have found attractive if he weren't so damn nosy.

Though I supposed that was just part of his job, as he's one of the most sought-after psychiatrists on the East coast.

"I don't know, what do you want me to say? I'm fine. I'm getting A's in all my classes. I got accepted to all three of my top grad schools early. I'm eating. I'm taking my meds. I'm alive. I don't know what else to tell you."

"You've barely spoken about your mother -"

"Because she's been dead for three months. There's nothing to talk about."

He scribbled a note on his iPad before looking up again. "Are you still secluding yourself from your friends?"

A valid question. After my mother's funeral I shut my phone off and, other than class, had barely left my apartment. I dropped out of the sorority, had my cleaning woman start doing my grocery shopping, and did nothing but study. Sam stopped by every few days to make sure I was alive and then, I assumed, reported back to Sydney. Finally she had enough, coming to me herself and physically dragging me out of the apartment. "No, and not by choice. Sydney...can be very persuasive."

"It's good to have people in our lives to push us sometimes."

"If you say so, I just think she's psychotic."

Dr. Owen chuckled softly. "What about your boyfriend, Shane? Have you spoken with him recently?"

"Ex. Ex-boyfriend. And no." I hadn't seen or heard from him since the wake, both Sydney and Sam had an unspoken pact to not mention him around me. In my mind he found someone else, someone normal, was married with three gorgeous children, as illogical as it was given the timeline. "I'm sure he's moved on, and I'm happy for him if he has." Liar. Lying liar who lies all the lies.

"You mentioned before he was adamant on helping you through your mother's death, as well as any issues before that event. Why do you think you may have refused his help?"

I was chewing on my fingernails and had to use my other hand to grab them away from my mouth to stop. "I don't know. I was grieving, I guess. We had a fight, that night that...he believed I wasn't capable of taking care of myself. I thought I was getting way too dependent on him." I had replayed that argument over and over in my head for weeks until I decided it was just better not to think of him at all.

"So you pushed him away at a time you may have needed him the most to avoid seeming needy?"

I glanced at the clock, relieved the hour was up. "Something to think about for next time, I suppose." I rose off the leather couch and gathered my bag, weighed down with the books from the class I came straight from. "Same time next week?"

Dr. Owen stood and guided me to the door. "Good work today. The more you open up, the easier it gets over time." I said goodbye as I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked to my car, contemplating what he just said. Maybe. But closing myself off has been working out much better.

***

I was sitting on the floor of my living room on a Wednesday night, which was starting to look like a party planner's nightmare. Sydney's birthday was in two days, which meant she was throwing herself a huge party at one of the swankiest hotels in town, and as payback for dropping out of the Deltas she strong-armed me into helping her get everything together. She had just left, and I had finished making the final calls to the caterers and bartenders who would be helping out. Austin was lying on his lanky black legs next to my notebooks as I leaned over and snuggled him, ruffling his fur. "Why can't I stay home with you instead?" He licked my nose and I laughed, wiping his saliva off on the back of my hand when I heard a knock at the door. Damnit, Sydney, go home.

I uncrossed my legs and stood, tightening the belt of the champagne silk robe I threw on after she left. "Dude, I ordered the vodka you wanted, go home and stop obsessing." I yelled through the door while I unlocked it.

"Well, thank you, but I'm more of a bourbon man myself." Shane's towering frame filled my entryway, obviously entertained by my surprised expression. "Hi."

"Uh...hi." I barely got it out, my mouth gone dry at the sight of him. His hair was shorter than it was in August, but there were ringlets still curled over his forehead. A navy blue cable knit sweater hugged his upper body, paired with jeans and black work boots. He wore his glasses, which always gave him a sort of naughty professor look, but couldn't hide the brightness of his green eyes. "Sorry, I thought you were someone else. What are you doing here?"

"I had somethin' to talk to you about, and I figured you wouldn't pick up if I called. Is this a bad time?" He nodded toward my attire, eyeballing the curves of my body through the thin material. I folded my arms over my breasts, trying and failing to hide the fact that my nipples were hard. "Yes. I mean, no. Come in." I stepped aside as he strolled into the living room, the apartment feeling so small around his immense stature. I shut the door, cursing my body for reacting so strongly to his presence. "Can I get you anything?"

"A beer would be great, thanks."

I pulled two Heinekens from the fridge, taking a moment to collect myself. Just find out what he wants and then he'll leave. Then you can go get off and get back to work. Calm down. Keep your panties on. Wait...definitely not wearing panties. Damnit. I walked in to the living room where he was wrestling around with Austin. The sight of them being playful made my heart drum loudly in my chest. Down, girl. He took the beer I offered and took a lengthy sip. "You been doin' okay?"

I followed his lead, taking a swig from my bottle before answering. "Yeah, just busy. You?"

"About the same." He pointed to the piles of papers on the floor. "Sydney's party?"

"Among other things. Finals are in a couple of weeks. The stuff for her party is but a small stack in that sea of crap."

He chuckled, and the low-pitched rumble shot to my most intimate of places like a bolt of lightning. "That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. She called me a couple weeks back and invited me. I don't know if she told you I was comin', but I didn't want to catch you off-guard."

"Um...no, she hadn't." Sneaky bitch. "Thank you for letting me know."

He set his beer on the coffee table and gripped the back of his neck apprehensively. "I also thought...maybe, if you wanted to, we could go together." I gathered my hair over one shoulder and started fiddling with the ends, suddenly as nervous as he seemed. "I'm not sure going on a date is the best of ideas right now."

"Didn't say anythin' about a date. We'd go as friends."

"Friends?"

"Yeah, friends. You know, that stage we skipped when we went from strangers to fuckin' in all of a few weeks." My mouth gaped open and he laughed. "I'm sorry, I couldn't resist."

I glared at him but couldn't hold back my grin. God, I missed his smile. "Asshole. This is a terrible idea."

"Yeah, probably." He stood in front of me, grabbing the end of my belt, feeling the soft texture between his fingers. "Look, I know dating is out of the question, but I miss hangin' out with you, kid. If we're gonna be at the same place, we should try to keep it civil, right? Strictly platonic. I'll keep my hands to myself."

"Like you're doing right now?"

"Well...fuck. Look at you. A man can only take so much." He dropped the belt and ran his hand down the length his face, stopping at his mouth as he mumbled. "Go. I should go. I'll pick you up Friday. I'll take a cold shower before I get here, or just dip my balls in a bucket of ice." I followed him to the door, holding it open as he turned back to me. "I'll be here at nine."

"I'll be the one in the dress." I propped my head against the edge of the door, craning to look at his face. "You know this whole 'friends' thing is going to predictably crash and burn, right?"

He intimately ran his thumb across my chin, just below my bottom lip. "What can I say? I'm a glutton for punishment."

"So I'm a punishment now?"

"Only the very best kind, sweetheart. I'll see you Friday." He released my face and left down the hallway. I shut the door and locked it, then put the deadbolt on, as if that would somehow keep me from chasing him down the hall and flinging myself at him. I decided it would be better to fling myself at the books instead...after I had a date of my own with my showerhead.

***

The next 48 hours passed like ten minutes. Everything was set for the party, even though Sydney was deliberately ducking my phone calls. I relayed messages through Sam because frankly, I was a little pissed she didn't tell me about inviting Shane. The damage was done, I couldn't do anything but try to enjoy our friend-date. As the minutes ticked down the butterflies in my stomach fluttered anxiously, an indication I was failing miserably at not getting excited to see him.

I was checking myself out in my full-length mirror in the closet, completely feeling myself. Sydney had chosen a "devilish" theme for her party - red and black. Dark. Sexy. I was wearing a silk babydoll dress from Versace, with a bold metal waistline and a pleated skirt. My full C's were practically spilling out of the bust, but I had lost almost twenty pounds since my mom died so I had to buy a smaller size. I strapped on my spiky four inch heels and turned around to see the back of the dress. There would definitely be no bending over tonight. You sure about that? I debated changing when I heard a knock at the door. Grabbing my clutch off the bed I trotted to the door, opening it to a sight that would remain in my dreams until the end of time.

Dressed in a deep burgundy shirt and black dress pants, I was already starting to regret this whole friendship thing. His top buttons were undone, giving him a more casual look, though the look in his eyes was anything but. "Hi."

"Hi." He remained still, staring intensely at my outfit. "Eyes up here, buddy."

His eyes locked with mine and he gave me a guilty smirk. "You're not making this friendship deal easy on me, are you?"

"That's funny, I was just thinking the same exact thing." I pulled my coat on, freeing my shoulder-length curls out of the collar. "We could cancel this whole thing and go separately."

He adjusted his cufflinks, the same blood red as my dress. "I'm not complainin', believe me. I promised I'd be on my best behavior." He placed his palm on the small of my back and steered me out of the door. When we reached his truck he opened the door for me, waiting until I was settled before closing the door and walking around to his side. We pulled off, the tension thick between us. "You look very handsome tonight."

"Thank you. You're beautiful, as always. And...you were right."

I turned toward him, making out his silhouette in the dark car. "About?"

"About...can we pause on the friend thing for a second?"

"That depends entirely on what you're about to say."

"I was bein' controlling. I kept pushin' you to talk to me after your mom died, even after you asked me to stop. I pulled us at a pace you weren't ready for, and while I think it was really shitty for you to break up with me the way you did...I should have listened when you said you needed space. I fucked up, and I'm sorry."

I sighed and started playing with the buttons on my coat. "No, I'm the one who fucked up. I'm sorry I broke up with you, and pushed you away. After she died, I think I just freaked. I didn't want you to feel obligated to make sure I was okay. I don't know, I was being self-involved, and I'm sorry. Can we just start over and forget about everything? I promise to be a much better friend than I was a girlfriend."

"Stop that. As for starting over, I'll try as much as I can. I keep picturing you naked, and that dress isn't helpin'. If we're just gonna be just friends you gotta start wearing baggier clothes." He pondered his suggestion for a second then shook his head. "Never mind. I'll still picture you naked."

"Well, stop it. Friends don't picture each other naked."

"Friends who fuck do." He glanced over and saw my no-nonsense face before returning his eyes to the road. "Just kidding. Sort of. Have I mentioned how smokin' hot you look tonight?" I smacked him on the arm. "Feisty ass girl. Let's go get drunk."

***

Sydney's birthday celebration was in full swing by the time we arrived to the ballroom. With 12-foot ceilings and crystal chandeliers, the large room was engulfed with a sea of people in dark clothing, drinking champagne and conversing loudly over the R&B quartet she'd hired for entertainment. I spotted her, a dramatic vision in a floor length red ball gown with a diamond tiara on her head, laughing with a group of my former sisters. I was all but ready to chew her out when Shane captured my hand in his and kissed the back of it, the intimate gesture distracting me. "It's her birthday, you play nice."

"How did you know I was going to say anything?"

"I can see the wheels turnin' in that pretty lil' head of yours. It'd be unfortunate for me to have to take you over my knee for misbehavin'."

"Yes, I'm sure you would just hate that. Give me my hand back and stop flirting." He bit my knuckle lightly before releasing me, my mind going blank right before we approached Sydney. Shane gave her a sweet peck on the cheek. "Happy Birthday, Princess."

"Why thank you, Big Red. You two look awfully nice together." I rolled my eyes hard as he bent to my ear. "Be a good girl and I'll return with alcohol." I held up two fingers as he headed to the open bar. Syd stuck her bottom lip out and opened her arms wide, inviting me in for a hug. I wavered, then gave in and embraced her tightly. "Happy Birthday, you meddlesome bitch."

"Thanks, you lovesick pussy. So are you two back together or what?" I stepped back and shook my head, dark curls flowing over my shoulders. "No. Friends."

"Bullshit. Bet you five bucks you two end up fucking in the coat check closet by the end of the night."

"Darlin', that is one bet I'd be happy to lose." Shane reappeared, balancing two tumblers of a dark liquid in one hand and a glass of champagne in the other for the birthday girl. We cheered and downed our drinks quickly.

And another.

And another.

After a couple of hours of steady alcohol intake I started feeling incredibly warm. It could have been all the bourbon I'd downed. Or when Sydney and I got a little silly and started dancing on tables. Or it could have been the non-stop foray into foreplay Shane and I were engaging in. I'd run my hand through his hair while he'd run his on my thigh. We'd dance close while his hand was on my lower back, whispering in-depth all the dirty things he missed doing to me. He'd penetrate my heart with the increasingly darkened emerald gaze he stared at me all night with.

We were sucking at being friends, basically.

I stepped out onto a dimly lit balcony, leaning onto the railing for support as I focused on the twinkling lights below. The snap of the cold winter air felt good on my flushed skin, which increased back to the fiery temperature as soon as I felt a steady arm grab me around my waist. "Runnin' from me again, I see."

I leaned back into his solid chest and sighed. "I'm just trying not to lose five bucks to Sydney tonight." I felt his muscles vibrate with silent laughter as he bent to bite my bare shoulder. "There are plenty of other places for us to fuck in this hotel, if that makes you feel better."

"What happened to keeping your hands to yourself?"

"All you have to do is say the word, sweetheart."

I wrestled with my emotions versus my desires in my head before turning around, gently pushing him away. "I'm going to regret this later, but...not like this. I don't want to sleep with you when I'm drunk and take it all back in the morning. If we do this again, I want to be all in. You deserve someone who's all in. But...I also want you, so badly. I'm not sure of what to do." He tapped his fingers on his lips, considering what I'd confessed to him. He came to me, face mere centimeters from mine, humming softly. "Pause?"

My head was swimming, my body was buzzing with arousal, and all I wanted was to lose myself in him again. "Pause."

***

I groaned unhappily, the light flooding the room through the window painfully bright. I gradually sat up, head pounding, mouth dry, my whole body aching. It was hands down the worst hangover I'd ever had, and I felt like death. No more alcohol. Ever. Need coffee. I took stock of the refined hotel room, only vaguely remembering how I got here. I looked down and discovered my dress was nowhere to be found, an oversized dress shirt covering my naked body. Uh oh. I looked to my right, a lightly freckled back facing up, muscles flexing with every breath he took. I didn't sleep with him. Did I? Fuck. Coffee. I need coffee.

I picked up the phone on the nightstand next to the bed and hit the button for room service. "Good morning, Mrs. Thomas, how can I help you today?" It took me a moment to find my voice, my heart momentarily dropping into my stomach due to the moniker the cheery voice used. "Um...yes, good morning. Can you send up some coffee, please? A lot of coffee."

"Water." Shane croaked out beside me, still on his stomach. "And a couple bottles of water? Thank you." I put the phone back in its cradle as he slowly rotated onto his back. His auburn hair was wild, sticking up in all directions as he reluctantly opened his eyes. "I'm getting too old for this shit, Riggs."

I sat back against the headboard next to him. "You and me both, Murtaugh. We didn't...you know. Did we?"

"Didn't what, have sex?" He threw off the comforter to reveal he still wore his pants, belt buckled. "We were way too drunk. Makin' out on the balcony was about as far as we got before we started drinkin' again."

"Then where are my clothes?"

"Probably on the floor where you left them, you started strippin' as soon as we got in here. You're an aggressive lil' thing, you know that?"

I closed my eyes, trying hard to recollect any of that happening. "Shit. Sorry."

"You getting naked is nothin' you ever have to say sorry for." He rolled over between my legs and buried his face into my stomach, sliding his hands underneath my bottom to smash us together. "Um, what in the hell are you doing?"

"You're soft, and you smell good."

"Thank you, but this isn't exactly friend territory here."

"Calm down, it's not like I'm eatin' you out or anything." He sighed into my belly button, gently massaging my behind. "I miss you."

Ah, screw it. I'm too tired to fight with him. I scooted down the bed, hooking my arms and legs around him while he snuggly wrapped his arms around my back. "I miss you, too."

He nudged my neck with his nose, breathing heavily into my skin. "Oh...Jesus, sweetheart. I am dangerously close to fucking you right now."

"I am dangerously close to letting you. Hey, why did the room service attendant call me Mrs. Thomas?"

He ran his hand from my thigh down my leg, stopping to tickle my ankle. "Probably assumed from the name on the reservation. Though I have to say, I don't hate the sound of it. Now, gettin' back to this whole 'missing each other' thing..." The knock on the door interrupted him. "Saved by the bell, Mrs. Thomas. Go get the door, I need a shower." He rose off the bed, holding his head as he walked to the bathroom. "Goddamn bourbon."