Brenda's Learns the Truth

"So Brenda," Jake said, standing very close to me. "Why don't we go someplace more private?"

I felt myself reacting. Jake was charismatic, handsome and an athlete. In short, all the things I'd learned to be careful of when dealing with guys, but that knowledge didn't stop me from being attracted to him. Jake's blond hair and blue eyes didn't help either.

"Go away," I snapped, refusing to close the book I was studying from. We were in the library and I had my first set of college exams this week. I needed to cram. I was in no mood for Jake, but that wouldn't stop him.

"We can study together," he offered.

"Jake," I sighed. "You don't study. You've never had to."

"True," he smiled. "But that doesn't mean I can't help you." Did I mention he had a devastating smile?

I knew full well what Jake was after and it would never happen, but I couldn't deny that part of me loved the attention. The problem was that I didn't have the time for our usual games. I really needed to study or my scholarship would disappear.

"Come back to my dorm room with me?" he asked sexily, leaning closer. He presence was a bit overwhelming. I stood, but it didn't help much. I was trapped between the table and Jake. He was tall and broad.

You would expect that with someone as big as Jake standing so close and me being trapped that I'd feel threatened, but that was only a small part of what I was feeling. My body was reacting in ways I refused to consider. It would be easy to fall for his charms. I knew a lot of girls who had.

"Jake, you're in my personal space," I said, trying to slow my beating heart.

"Yes, I know," he said. If possible his smile became even sexier as his lips started to move toward mine. For a moment I found myself wondering what a kiss from Jake would be like. My body tingled in sudden need.

I shook my head and used both hands to push Jake back. He was all muscle and I wouldn't have been able to move him if he resisted, but he didn't, at least not fully. He took a single step back, but even that little bit helped and I sighed in relief. Jake tried to steal a kiss as soon as my body relaxed. I was able to turn my head just in time. His warm lips fell on my cheek instead of my lips. This time I pushed him harder. Jake finally backed away.

"You try that again and I'll slap you!" I cried.

"It would be worth it," he shrugged.

I looked at him in annoyance and shook my head. I was getting angry and a part of me wanted to let him know exactly what I thought of him, but I had too much studying to do.

"You are amazing," I sighed, and then knowing him added, "And I don't mean that as a complement."

"You know you want me," he said, not joking in the least. "I can feel your body responding. Hell, I can see it!" I watched as he grinned and glanced down at my breasts. I blushed, this time feeling the control on my anger slip. What is it with guys and being crude?

"Not if you were the last man on Earth!" I snapped. Maybe I couldn't control my body's reaction to Jake, but I could make it clear that it didn't matter.

"Can't you come up with something more original?" he sighed. "I'm awfully tired of hearing you say that."

"If you don't want to hear it, why not stop hitting on me?" I offered. I could tell from his expression that my words were pointless. "Jake, go away! You and I will never happen."

"We've got four years to find out," he shrugged, clearly not giving up.

"Oh what fun," I sighed loudly. Jake laughed and finally moved away.

"Men!" a tall blond girl sitting at the next table said. She was smiling in an understanding way. I didn't know her and I wasn't the type to make new friends easily, but right at that moment it didn't matter. I needed to vent and she seemed willing to listen.

"Jake is a jerk," I said. "He and I went to high school together. He dated Donna, one of my best friends. Donna swore she loved him, but it seemed obvious that Jake didn't feel the same way. He led her on and cheated on her constantly. I tried to tell Donna, but she wouldn't listen. It ended between them as badly as you might expect, at least for Donna."

"That's sad," she replied, and then added, "By the way, I'm Tina."

"Brenda," I smiled tentatively.

"I know," the blond said. "You're in my chemistry lecture."

"Really?" I asked. "I'm surprised you recognize me. There has to be over a hundred people in that lecture."

"You're noticeable," she shrugged, smiling once again. I blushed.

It wasn't my fault that I was built like I was, and to be fair, I liked it most times. The attention could be fun. The problem was that it also attracted guys like Jake who refused to give up even when I became rude about it.

My looks also had a tendency to cost me girl friends too because their boyfriends invariably hit on me. Was that my fault? I didn't ask for their boyfriends' attention.

"There's not a lot I can do about it," I sighed in response to Tina's comment. "I blame my looks on my parents."

Let me set things straight right up front. I'm not one of the truly beautiful people. I know that. I'm worse. I'm what guys liked to call 'hot'. Oh, I know it's egotistical for me to think that, but they tell it to me often enough that it must be true.

I have deep brown eyes that guys say are sexy. To me they look like every other brown-eyed girls' eyes. I also have lips that I feel are a little too thick. I don't want to discuss what some guys have said about them!

My brown hair is long because I like it that way, but I typically wear it in a ponytail to try and dissuade attention. It doesn't work. Nothing works. You see in the end, their attraction all comes down to one thing. It's not my hair or my lips or my eyes. Sometimes I wish it were. For some reason it seems to me that an attraction to one of them would be more meaningful. I'm not really sure why.

Of course, guys being guys, the thing that attracts them to me is exactly what you expect. In short, I'm very well endowed and there was no way to really hide it. I tried the bulky sweatshirts, but they made me feel fat. Besides, guys still noticed anyway. I tried a lot of things, but none of them worked. I gave up trying to hide my breasts a long time ago. It was impossible.

I also had what I felt was a big butt and had worked out religiously to try and shrink it down. All I ended up doing was making it firmer and a bit rounder, which of course set me up to receive some more crude comments. Like Tina said earlier, men!

"I was talking about the questions you tend to ask at the end of the lecture," Tina said. "They're very helpful."

"Oh," I said, blushing worse than before. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be embarrassed," the blond said. "I can't say I wouldn't have noticed you anyway because of your looks. I just probably wouldn't have known your name."

She was being kind. I appreciated it. I smiled and looked at her closely for the first time. I shook my head. How had I missed it at first? I might not be one of the beautiful people, but Tina definitely was. I guess her friendly smile and my anger at Jake blinded me to the fact at first.

"I'm surprised I didn't notice you," I said without thought. "You're beautiful."

"Thanks," Tina smiled. I sighed to myself.

Why couldn't I take complements as well as she did? Of course, the ones I received tended to be a bit cruder most times, but not always. Some guys called me beautiful, only I knew what they were really saying.

"You want to talk about it?" Tina asked. My mind was racing and I guess it was obvious.

"No thanks," I answered. "The pressure of exams is getting to me and I'm feeling bad for myself. My mind is focusing on the silliest stuff. Let's just change the subject."

"Sure," Tina said. "Do you still need to study for chemistry?"

"Yes," I replied. "Right after I'm done with calculus." There must have been something in my tone.

"You having problems with it?" the blond asked.

"You have no idea," I sighed. "I've always been good at math, but calculus is beyond me. I'm having nightmares!"

"It's not that bad," Tina laughed. "Who do you have?"

"Mr. Collins," I replied.

"No wonder why you're having bad dreams!" she groaned. "He's a terrible teacher! Mr. Collin's is some kind of genius in math, but he has no patience and hates teaching Calc 1."

"Why does he then?" I frowned.

"Because everyone in the math department has to take a turn teaching the introductory courses," she replied.

"Great," I sighed. "Well, at least that explains a lot."

"Let's see if I can help you figure some of it out," Tina offered. "I had calculus in high school, so this year is really just a refresher." I wasn't one to ask for help, but Tina was offering and God knew I could use it.

"Thanks," I said.

"Don't thank me," she smiled. "You're going to have to help me with chemistry afterward. It's not my best subject."

"That sounds fair," I said. Tina moved to the chair next to me.

The next few hours flew by. I was amazed at how much Tina cleared up my confusion in calculus. I hope I helped her nearly as much in chemistry. She said I did, but I wasn't sure.

"I need a break," Tina sighed as she closed her chemistry textbook.

"I'm hungry," I smiled. "Why don't we go get some lunch at the student union?"

"Sure," the blond smiled.

We dropped our books off in my room since it was closer and walked across campus together. My roommate Kelly was there, but we didn't say much. Kelly and I didn't get along, but we had learned to cope with each other.

"Don't look now," Tina said as we walked toward the student union. "But there's a cute guy over there following you with his eyes."

"He's looking at you," I disagreed.

"No way," she laughed. "He's drooling. He'd drag you into the woods if he thought he could get away with it."

"Tina!" I cried.

"It's the truth," the blond shrugged, ignoring my outburst. "Guys don't look at me that way, at least not until they get to know me."

"Oh, and how do they look at you?" I asked, surprised at where the conversation was going. Tina looked around and spotted another guy.

"He's looking at me," she said. I watched him for a moment.

"So, guys who look at you look like they're worshiping a goddess while guys who look at me want to drag me off and have sex with me," I sighed. I couldn't help adding, "Care to trade?"

"I wish," Tina replied, shocking me again.

"You can't be serious?" I asked.

"I am," Tina insisted. "You have no idea how frustrating it is. Most guys are too afraid to even walk up to me. The ones who do are typically so tongued tied it's almost embarrassing."

"And most of the guys who walk up to me never even look me in the eyes," I complained. "I've had full conversations with guys without them once lifting their eyes."

"Well, your boobs are spectacular," she shrugged.

"Boobs?" I laughed. "Most guys use much cruder words."

"You mean tits? Jugs? Bazooms? Knockers?" she joked. "Or my personal favorite, fun bags?"

"That's terrible!" I cried.

I'd never met a girl like Tina before. I wasn't sure how to react, but I was still happy about the help she gave me in calculus and this was college after all. I'd gone away to school to experience new things, and Tina was definitely that. She was as beautiful as any of the Greek goddesses and as I was starting to discover, had the mouth of a dockworker.

"What do you prefer guys to call them?" Tina asked.

"I don't!" I cried. "I prefer them not to notice."

"You don't really mean that," Tina said confidently. Our eyes met for a few moments before I finally had to look away.

"Okay," I admitted. "I prefer them not to notice all the time."

"So," Tina smiled as we selected our food, paid and sat at an empty table. "What else do guys call them?"

"A lot of things I refuse to say," I answered. "Although one of my old boyfriends liked to call them the girls, or the twins. It used to make me laugh."

"What does your current boyfriends call them?" Tina asked.

"I don't have one," I replied. "I've decided to focus on my studies and make sure I keep my scholarship. I may start dating next semester if my grades show I can handle it."

"That's very well thought out," Tina said, looking at me oddly. "But can you really last that long without a guy?"

"Sure," I shrugged. "You can't?"

"I don't know," she grinned. "I've never tried."

"Wow!" I said. "It's like you're two people. The one I met at the library who studied with me and this other one."

"Too much for you?" Tina asked. I could feel her pulling away and I didn't want that. I needed a good friend here and she could easily develop into that. I wasn't sure why I felt that way, but I did. Besides, with her looks the jealousy thing shouldn't be an issue. I reached out and touched her wrist.

"Just give me a chance to get used to you," I said softly. "You're not what I expected after studying together, but that's fine. I'd like to be friends."

"I'd like that too," Tina smiled. The look she was giving me made me uncomfortable, but I didn't know why. I pulled my hand back and focused on eating for a few minutes. Tina settled back into her chair and did the same.

We finished our meal and started walking back to my room. We were halfway there when I noticed Jake walking toward us with Bobby and Tyler, two of his friends. I quickly turned down one of the other paths. Tina frowned, but followed me.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"I'm not in the mood for Jake," I answered. "Especially not with Bobby and Tyler with him. The three of them together can be so obnoxious."

"That's college guys for you," she shrugged.

"He's a jerk!" I cried.

"You're just angry because he's very sexy and you don't want him to be," Tina said knowingly. I couldn't argue, but she didn't give me a chance anyway. Tina added, "Don't you think you're being silly? If you want to and he wants to, why not just let it happen?"

"Never!" I cried adamantly. Tina glanced back the way we came.

"If that's so," she said. "Then do you mind if I see if he's interested in me?"

"Not at all," I said, meaning it, but feeling a little jealous just the same. It was ridiculous and I knew it. I pushed my feelings back and added, "In fact, you'd be doing me a favor. If he was focused on you, he'd leave me alone!"

"Don't bet on it," she smiled. "I'm not talking about dating him. I just want to sleep with him. He'll be back at your door tomorrow."

"Tina!" I cried in shock once again. She shrugged.

We arrived back at my room and thankfully Kelly wasn't there. Tina saw my sigh of relief.

"So, what's going on between you and your roommate?" she asked as she sat on my bed.

"I don't know," I sighed. "She's considerate enough, but she barely talks to me. We just don't seem to be able to warm up to each other."

"Hmm," Tina said thoughtfully.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm pretty sure I know what's going on," the blond said. "But I don't think you'll want to hear it."

"What?" I repeated. "Tell me. I need to figure out how to get along with her better if possible."

"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you," Tina said. "I saw the way she was looking at you when we dropped our books off. Kelly wants you."

"She what?" I cried.

"Relax," Tina said in a tone meant to calm me down. "It's not the end of the world. Your roommate is attracted to you and she doesn't know what to do about it."

"But she's a girl!" I cried dumbly.

"Of course," Tina agreed. "And pretty cute if you like redheads."

"You're wrong!" I insisted.

"So, she's not cute?" the blond teased.

"Not that!" I snapped. "I meant your wrong about her liking me."

"So then you do think she's cute?" Tina asked.

"You're twisting my words!" I cried.

"Of course," she replied in the same calm voice. It was starting to annoy me. "But only in an attempt to get you to admit the truth to yourself."

"And that would be?" I asked.

"I don't know," Tina shrugged. "But like you said, you came to college to try new things."

"Not that new!" I cried.

"That's too bad," Tina said, standing up. "I guess it's time for me to go."

"I do have more studying to do," I said, trying hard not to sigh in relief.

"All work and no play, make Brenda a dull girl," Tina teased. I would have laughed, but I wasn't sure what she meant by play anymore.

"Why don't you go and find Jake?" I said. "See if you can keep him distracted until after this set of tests is over."

"Anything for a friend," she grinned. This time I couldn't help it. I laughed.

"I'll see you at the chemistry exam," I said.

"Sure," Tina smiled as put her book bag over her shoulder and opened the door. She stopped before exiting and added, "By the way, if you change your mind about experiencing new things, Kelly isn't the only one interested."

I swallowed hard and nodded, not in agreement so much as to get her out of my room. Tina was smiling sexily as she closed the door.

To say I was stunned was an understatement. Now I knew what Tina meant by play and it frightened me. Not just because it was wrong, but because of the sudden realization that the thought didn't totally disgust me. It went against everything I was brought up to believe, but that didn't seem to matter at the moment. Tina was a beautiful girl and her confidence drew me to her.

"Maybe it was a mistake to decide not to date guys this semester," I said to myself as I shook my head. I wasn't sex starved or anything, but it had been a while since I even let a guy kiss me. Maybe that was affecting me.

My mind was too distracted to focus on my studies. I puttered around the room for a while and finally decided to go to sleep. I'd wake up early to study some more. I put on my pajama top and kept on my panties. I typically didn't wear my pajama bottoms to bed because the top was long and it was still warm out this time of the year, but I thought about it tonight because of what Tina said about Kelly.

"She was wrong," I grumbled, refusing to change my routine as I reached under my shirt and released my bra. Wearing one was necessary during the day for the support, but I always felt relieved at night once I freed myself from it.

My breasts were heavy and without the bra they sagged a little. They had to. Gravity demanded it. I rubbed under them where the wires pushed all day long. It felt good.

I turned to the mirror on the door almost without realizing it and lifted my shirt. My breasts were full and my nipples were starting to jut out. I smiled as I caressed myself. Despite my desire for guys to notice them less often, I couldn't deny I was proud of what I had.

I had a flash of Tina's sexy smile and found myself imagining her watching me. My nipples stiffened considerable.

"No!" I snapped, pulling my hands away. "I am not that way!" I shut the lights and climbed into my bed. The only problem was the picture of Tina's sexy smile wouldn't leave my head.

In desperation I allowed myself to think about Jake. He might be a jerk, but at least he was a guy! A handsome, well built one too. I remembered how it felt when he had me trapped against the library desk. I once again felt his presence frightening me, but in an oddly enjoyable way.

I was attracted to Jake. Tina had said it and I couldn't disagree. The truth was that at this moment I decided it was better to admit to myself just how hot Jake made me feel then to focus on Tina.

I couldn't help myself. I once again started rubbing my boobs, as Tina called them. I moaned. There was a tingling between my legs that I knew I'd have to deal with before I'd be able to sleep. I wasn't one to take care of myself all that often, but tonight I needed release.

I allowed one of my hands to drift away from my breasts and toward my center. I couldn't hold in the moan that slipped out as my fingers brushed through my panties. The room was starting to fill with my scent as my panties went from slightly damp to soaked in moments. I thought about teasing myself a little, but I needed relief too much. I quickly pulled my panties off and was about to drop them, but instead I brought them closer to my face.