Brief Preamble On Feminism and BDSM

A quick disclaimer:

I've decided to attempt a (possibly very slow to develop) blog series based around domination/submission. Before I even publish the initial prologue, so to speak, I feel it is important to cover a few bases. Before just about anything else, I consider myself a feminist. Beyonce says that a feminist is a person who believes in the political, social, and economical equality of the sexes. I'd take it further and say that women should also be equal sexually.

We live in a society where women are taught to be less than men, inferior to, and that is not proper or right. We are all humans, and we all have choices we can make. None of us should be expected to behave a certain way based on any factors that are out of our control. In short, we don't have to give in to stereotypes and cliches. A woman has every right to do something a man does, except maybe like pee standing up in the bathroom (or at least pee standing up WITHOUT MAKING A MESS). As a by the way type thing, this applies also to any race, religion, sexual preference, or any other thing else that would serve to devalue one group for the benefit of another group. No bigotry, no judgments, essentially. At the end of the day, bottom line, if you want to do something that doesn't hurt yourself or others (assuming you or they don't want to be hurt, that is), do it. You do you. My motto in life is basically 'I do what I want.'

But with all that being said: gendered stereotypes aside, some women like to be controlled, and some men like to control. Obviously some women like to control and some men like to be controlled, but this piece is more specifically geared toward a male D/female s. There are certainly positives and negatives involved here. I've never been involved in a full time D/s type situation. For me it's always been sporadic, but engaging for all that. I see the arguments against such an arrangement. Does this power structure as I've described it (me as dominant and a woman as submissive) support the stereotypes Beyonce refers to above? Certainly. But do some people want, maybe even NEED, that power structure in place? Also certainly. And people are going to continue to play with those roles. I think it's important to not deny the validity of these arrangements; rather, if you are going to proceed sexually in any type of BDSM setting, do so with an open mind and do so positively. Some love humiliation and that's fine. I'm more what I would consider a positive Dom, though. I'm far more interested in telling you you are a good girl (or other more racy names) than telling you what a disgusting piece of shit garbage cunt you are.

Just because I am in control doesn't mean that I should seek to diminish a woman's self-confidence or diminish the importance of her role in the D/s game by telling her how terrible she is. That's not what I want my D/s to be about. If that is what a woman wants, by all means go for it, but I couldn't ever feel comfortable with it. I could maybe do it a little, but I'd always end up being happy and pleased and couldn't think to continue degrading a sub even if she'd done everything I asked her to with poise and alacrity; or with a nasty mouth and obedient body, there are many possibilities. I think D/s = control and acceptance, pleasing and being pleased, knowing what someone wants even though they may beg for something else, knowing it is all a part of the game. Communication beforehand, so what is wanted by both parties can be provided by the other. Playing a role that is in many instances not true. I know that when I go into my 'pretend dom mode,' there's a high likelihood the things I say are not really things that I may mean.

It's all a role to play, a role that will be played. And as a positive feminist, I can play that role without resorting to many of what I consider to be the negative aspects of domination/submission. To repeat: these roles WILL be played. I can have D/s experiences and approach it from an outlook that makes my (female) partner have equal if not greater input and decision making power on the whole process. And since women are going to be in situations like the one I've described, isn't it better to have a man who values and respects the woman's role as opposed to degrading and humiliating her role, degrading and humiliating HER?