Bring Me to Life

I was slowly waking up, feeling warm and secure with someone's arm around me, when with a sudden jerk the arm was gone and, looking over my shoulder I saw Alexis almost cowering back by the wall. My heart breaking for how scared she looked I reached out to gently touch her arm, "Alexis? It's ok hon," I mentally kicked myself as soon as the endearment left my lips, "You had a bit too much wine at dinner last night and I didn't know where you lived. I brought you back here, but nothing happened... Alexis, are you ok?"

I strained to listen to her as I heard light muttering between sobs, "Not Sam... not Sam... not Sam..."

I was stuck, not knowing how to respond... I didn't know who Sam was, and without context I didn't know what she needed... so deciding to just give her silent support I moved over to her and pulled her, unwillingly at first, into my arms where after struggling for only a moment she broke down and started crying into my shoulder.

Alexis - Saturday, December 20th, 2014

I slowly came back to myself, the yawning black pit that constantly threatened pushed at bay for now, and looked up to see Mikaela looking back at me. Her eyes showed warmth without the slightest shred of judgement as she just held me and let me recover myself more fully.

Eventually I found myself starting to feel a bit silly as my familiar defenses started coming back up and I tried pulling away, but Mikaela wasn't quite done and squeezed me one more time tightly before whispering "I don't know what happened to you, but whatever it is if you ever need someone to talk to I would be happy to listen." Only after that did she relax her arms enough to let me get up if I wanted. I found myself lingering just a bit longer before releasing a long sigh and sitting back up.

"Ummm... I... I guess I owe you an explanation..." I started, but she stopped me before I could continue.

"Alexis, anything you want to tell me I will give you my full attention and confidence, but you don't owe me anything... I know we only met a month ago, but I would like to think we have developed a friendship and I've seen enough to know you're hurting. If you want to share, I'm here... but only if you're ready."

I felt my breath catch as I stifled a fresh sob and nodded, "Thank you... it's just..." I looked around the bedroom, "Did you know this is my house? I put it up for rent through an agency last month, I knew they had found someone quickly but I never imagined..."

Mikaela was silent for a moment, her eyes clearly showing her surprise at this revelation, "No, honestly I had no idea. I was just thrilled to find such a beautiful place within easy distance of the city at such a great price... but if this is your home, why on earth aren't you living here? Clearly it isn't the distance..."

I looked down at my lap, fidgeting a bit as I replied softly, "That would be where the story gets a bit longer..."

With genuine warmth, Mikaela reached out to touch my shoulder and, when I looked up at her, she simply said "In that case, why don't I put together some breakfast and you can tell me as much, or as little, as you feel like?"

"...remember how to live," the voice from my dream... Sam's voice, and her dying request, floated back in my mind as, for the first time in a year, the darkness started to shrink a little. It was still there, still threatening, but somehow not as strong. I look up to see Mikaela... Mikey waiting for my response, "I'd like that... Mikey."

The smile that spread across her face when I used the diminutive of her name as she preferred was a ray of sunshine stabbing through to the darkness in my heart, and she turned and bounced from the room, her black hair flying up as she did, the pink tips catching the morning sunlight.

Ten minutes later, a hot cup of coffee in front of me, I allowed myself to tell Mikey everything. "She was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of bone cancer almost two years ago. It spread fast and none of the treatments seemed to help. She wasted away day by day, and every day a little bit of me died with her. I didn't know how I'd live without her, I still don't, she was everything to me... we'd been together since college. The one thing I realized was that I was never going to 'keep on living' like she wanted if I lived here. She designed every inch of this place, imbued it with her spirit in a way... I wonder if..." I felt my voice trail off as I remembered hearing her voice as I woke up earlier that morning. It was only a dream, but... was it?

True to her word, Mikey listened attentively, freshening my coffee as needed and sitting patiently whenever I lapsed into silence. She hadn't asked a single question, but also hadn't taken a single one of my silences as the end... just waited for me to find my strength and choose my words. When I finally dared look at her face, her eyes were wet with tears and she was giving me the same undivided attention now as she had for the last couple hours.

As I started to say something more, I was suddenly overcome with an incredible sense of tiredness, but also a peculiar lightness. It was as if a large part of the weight I had been dragging, not all of it, but enough, had suddenly vanished and I was just now allowing myself to realize how tired I was. Yawning widely, I felt a blush creep up my cheeks.

Mikey, bless her, as always demonstrated that keen insight that seemed to let her know what I needed even before I did yet again as she commented, "That was hell that you went through, Alexis..."

I almost stopped myself, but something forced the word out of me, "Lexie."

She paused a moment, a flash of confusion, and then, "Sorry, what was that?"

My throat constricted briefly and I swallowed before pushing through, in for a penny and all... "My friends... call me Lexie."

Mikey's face immediately lit up as understanding dawned, "Alright, well then Lexie, this morning has clearly taken its toll on you, so why don't you lie down a bit and take a nap. I'll clean up and when you're ready we can figure out what to do later?"

I smiled, surprised at the ease of it, and nodded simply, "Thank you... I umm, well I guess I know my way around. I'll..."

"Shush, go lie down, talk later."

I felt my eyes tear up again, but this time it was gratitude at how well she understood my needs instead of the oppression of the darkness that always threatened.

*****************

Alexis's Dream

I was walking through our home, everything was familiar yet different. I was looking for something, but didn't know what.

As I walked into the bedroom and looked out the windows, I saw someone standing on the patio and somehow knew this is what I had been looking for.

Stepping outside, I closed the door behind me. The noise made the person turn and look up, my breath catching as I recognized her, "Sam?"

"Yes love, it's me."

"But... how? I've been looking for you for so long and couldn't find you."

"You weren't ready," Sam answered, "you needed time."

Angry, I snapped back at her "I didn't need time Sam, I needed you!"

"That's why you needed time, my love... you can't have me anymore... I'm gone, and you need to remember how to live... to go on living without me."

"But... you're here now, why can't you stay?"

"I can't stay, because I'm not really here... I was waiting until you were ready to hear this, because I only get one shot at this. After today, I won't be able to speak to you again... there are rules."

"Rules? I don't understand..."

"Sometimes, my love, fortune favors us with a last chance to say goodbye... I made you promise me to go on living after I died, now I need to tell you that I meant it. Watching you this past year has torn me apart, I can't bear seeing you in so much misery. You have a chance, and I want you to take it... for me, please, try and remember how to live without me."

"But... I love you... that should be enough..."

"It's enough for me. But not for you. I will always love you, but you must live, not just survive, and you need to let yourself love again. Because you can - remember your promise."

*****************

Mikaela - Saturday, December 20th

'Well, you definitely understand why anyone who knew her said it was her story to tell Mikey', I thought to myself, 'she's been living with so much hurt, I'm amazed at her strength to keep moving on. As if there wasn't enough about her to fascinate you already... just be careful, Mikey, that's a fire just waiting to burn you if you're not careful.'

I was finishing cleaning up and had just made a cup of tea when a sound from upstairs caught my ear. Moving up quietly, so as not to wake her, I approached the bedroom and heard it again... Lexie was crying. I quickly moved in and wordlessly wrapped my arms around her, holding her close as she cried in my arms. With my free hand I brushed her hair back and caressed her cheek.

Eventually her tears ran dry and, with a light sniffle she looked up at me, "I seem to be making a habit of this, don't I?"

With a wry smile as I looked into her eyes, I pulled her in close, "I'm not complaining. Do you want to talk some more?"

Alexis - Saturday, December 20th, 2014

"No," I felt Mikey stiffen slightly as I rested my head on her chest, "I mean... just not right now. I can't express how much I appreciate you listening to me, but... I need to work some things out for myself."

I felt her relaxing under me as I continued, knowing she understood I wasn't trying to shut her out again, I just needed time to process.

"I understand, and when you're ready..."

"When I'm ready, you'll be the first to know." I felt her arms tighten around me and I allowed myself to enjoy the comfort, for the first time since Sam's passing allowed myself to lean on someone else, even if only for a moment.

"Good," she replied, and then fell silent holding me close and stroking my hair. I must have dozed off again because the next thing I knew the room was a fair bit darker and looking out the window I could see the sunset. Mikey was sitting against the backrest, still holding me in her arms, and I blushed a bit as I sat up.

"Umm, sorry about that..."

"Don't be, you looked like you needed it. Are you hungry?"

A growl from my stomach answered her first and, with another blush, I replied "I guess so... but I probably need to get home for a shower and change of clothes..."

With her trademark impish grin, Mikey shrugged, "I believe I recall you saying this was your home, so check on that, and we're about the same size so I can lend you a change of clothes. That just leaves a shower. Why don't you go ahead and hop in while I put something together for dinner?"

I shook my head ruefully, and smiled at her "I suppose this isn't up for debate?"

"Nope, now go on while I get dinner sorted," and with that she gave me some clean clothes and left the room.

It seemed odd, just a month ago I'd felt like this place would drown me, now it still felt like Sam but... Sam wasn't here anymore. I headed into the bathroom, stripping off the t-shirt and my underwear as I went, and stepped straight into the shower.

Adjusting the familiar controls, I closed my eyes as the hot water poured over me, imagining that I could see it literally washing away so much of the shadows that still clung to me. Looking to the soaps I picked up the shampoo and smiled as the smell of lavender mixed with the steam. I took my time washing up, feeling more alive than I had since before Sam got sick... a twinge of sadness flicked through me at that thought, but it no longer overwhelmed me. "Unpredictable," I muttered to myself as I thought about how Mikey had changed everything.

I dried off and padded back in the bedroom, my hair wrapped in a towel, and looked at the clothes Mikey left out for me when I heard the door open. Turning around it took me a moment to realize I was standing naked before I managed to grab the shirt and held it to my chest.

****************

Mikaela - Saturday, December 20th, 2014

I went back up to let Lexie know dinner was ready, I guess I expected her to get dressed in the bathroom, what I certainly hadn't expected was to walk in to a view of her gorgeous, naked backside... and even less so for her to turn around and for me to see everything else. When I had helped her out of her dress the night before, I had been prepared and the room somewhat dark so I hadn't seen much of her body. Caught off-guard now, and with the lights shining brightly, I couldn't help myself. My eyes traveled of their own accord down her neck, taking in her firm breasts, her nipples stiff and pebbled in the cooler air of the bedroom, over her flat stomach and down to the neatly trimmed vee of pubic hair on her mound which seemed to point the way lower towards her lips which were shaved and appeared to pout from between her thighs, begging to be kissed. We stood like that for seconds that felt like an eternity, her frozen in surprise and me drinking in her beautiful body before time suddenly sped up again and she grabbed a t-shirt and covered herself.

I found my voice, stammering out an apology, "I'm sorry, I should have knocked, I didn't think..."

She turned back to me, the shirt just barely covering the tops of her thighs, 'stop staring Mikey,' I silently berated myself, but my eyes refused to listen, "It's ok, I umm, was just looking through what you set out. I don't suppose I could wash my clothes if you plan to keep me here?" Her smile, warm and open (so unlike what I'd come to expect from her), indicated to me that she was joking, "the clothes are fine, don't get me wrong, but I'd rather like to have underwear..."

"Oh, yeah, of course. I just went shopping recently... I should have some packs of new underwear in the top drawer that might fit you... I just came to say dinner is ready, whenever you want to come... uh, come down... I'll be downstairs."

I made my escape before I could do anything stupid, but the image of her standing there was seared into my brain and I knew I'd be revisiting that memory more than once in the nights to come, "Get a hold of yourself Mikey... she needs a friend, not someone perving out over her..."

Alexis - Saturday, December 20th, 2014

I watched Mikey running out of the bedroom, face flushed... with embarrassment, or something else? I could swear she was checking me out, and a part of me was secretly happy that I had flustered her, but my mind was such a jumble of emotions that I couldn't dwell on that thought. Instead I quickly finished dressing, even finding a pair of underwear that fit nicely enough, but the bras wouldn't work. My chest wasn't especially large, but still fuller than Mikey's apparently. I considered putting my bra from last night back on, but something held me back, and before I could second guess myself I went downstairs as I was, conscious of the stiff buds of my breasts peaking the t-shirt enough to betray the lack of bra.

I got to the dining room just as Mikey finished serving, a simple dinner of pasta accompanied with garlic bread and a bottle of wine.

"That smells delicious," I commented as I slid into the seat opposite her, "I... thank you. For everything."

Mikey threw me a dazzling smile as she looked over at me, I caught the slight freeze as her eyes flicked across my chest and was sure I saw her swallow before she forced her eyes up, "Think nothing of it Lexie. I... I'm just happy you trusted me enough to open up... I'm no shrink, but I think you needed that?"

I smiled ruefully and dipped my head, "That's putting it mildly. I... guess I hadn't realized just how bad it was. I'm not saying I'm suddenly fixed," a slight frown at that, "but... I think I'm moving in the right direction? If your offer still stands... I do need to think through some things, but I would like to talk about it some more with you soon?"

Her face lit up and, reaching across the table, she took my hand in hers, her thumb lightly caressing the back of my hand, "Any time you need someone to listen, and I do mean any time, you just call me, OK?"

"OK, I know I can trust you, but I feel like we do need to discuss how..." I paused, uncertain what word best fit whatever this was between us and continued a bit lamely, "this affects our work?"

"The way I see it? It doesn't. There are no rules concerning relationships between colleagues, and while you may have a lot of say on my day to day, you're not my boss, Marc is."

I didn't know how to respond to that so I just nodded, though I had felt a flutter at her use of the word 'relationship'. I arched an eyebrow, "Seems like you've given this a lot of thought!"

Mikey blushed in the most adorable way as my words stopped her mid-chew, "Kind of had to," she mumbled through the garlic bread, a cheeky smile emerging, "I accidentally walked in on you while you were naked."

Now it was my turn to blush. I grabbed a piece of garlic bread and stuffed it in my mouth. Mikey chuckled and poured us each a glass of the Pinot Noir de Bordeau she had selected, "I think we both need some of this...".

I felt compelled to get her back, so I took a sip of wine, delightfully light flavored with almost none of the dry after taste I typically associated with red wines, and gave her a wink, "Are you sure it was an accident?" What are you doing Lexie, do you even know?

Mikey almost choked on her wine. I laughed, loving her reaction. I picked up my fork and pointed it at the pasta, "Truce, Ms. Young?"

Mikey recovered from her coughing fit and touched her fork with mine, "Truce."

We ate in silence for a while, shooting each other shy smiles across the table, "This is wonderful, thank you." I meant it - I'd forgotten the joy and comfort of sharing a meal with someone like this

Mikey chuckled at that, "You must have been hungrier than I realized, it's just bottled pasta sauce, but I'll accept the compliment." She paused in thought for a bit, chewing her lip as her eyes clearly showed she was debating what to say next, before continuing, "I assume since you own the property you have a key?" I nodded, not sure what she was getting at, "Whenever you need someone, you're welcome to come over... and before you worry about imposing, I want to assure you that being there for a friend will never be an imposition for me."

The offer took me by surprise, and after a moment of thought I forced myself to reply, "What if you had a date, I wouldn't want to intrude..."

She just shook her head at me, "Don't need to worry about that." Changing the subject before I could inquire further, "I was thinking after dinner, would you mind going with me to the station so I can pick up my car? You're welcome to come back after, I'd just rather not leave it there all weekend."

"Of course. I uh, appreciate the offer, but I need to get back home. I've got a dog that I need to get back to. My neighbor checks in on him twice a day because of my work schedule, but..."

Mikey smiled at that, "I get it, it's not the same as his mama being around?"

I laugh at the accuracy of her comment, "Yeah, he's always been attached, and it only got worse after Sam passed. There were many days where he was my reason to keep going, but... I know it's ridiculous, but I think he worries."

"I don't think it's ridiculous at all. Next time you come over, you should bring him."

Next time... I felt my lips curving up at that thought... "That would be nice, th..."

"And no more of this thanking me, ... that's what friends are for right?"