Bringing Out the Bitch

"Um, where's the...?" I began. She crossed the floor and silenced me by putting a finger over my lips.

"Every time you looked at that thing, it made you sad," she said. "It's been months now. It's time to move on."

MC had on a swim suit with a long shirt that was apparently one of mine over it. I smelled just a hint of perfume on her. For the first time in months, I let some of my anger over what Denise had done go.

That evening was perfect. It was a family night. It was the kind of thing that I hadn't done in so long. Ever since Denise had started pulling herself away from me and the boys, I'd been trying with all of my heart to get her back. The boys settled onto the couch with their popcorn, which only left the love seat for MC and me. We ended up squeezing in together and the contact was heavenly. She put one of her arms around my waist and her head on my shoulder and sighed.

Like most men, I absolutely hated the idea of snuggling on a couch with a young beautiful woman who was interested in me. I continued to pine away over my fat assed, bitchy wife who cheated on me. (For those of you who missed it - that was sarcasm.) Seriously though, we didn't kiss or anything that night but sitting there with our arms around each other felt so good that I didn't see much of the movie.

As late summer turned to fall and MC and the kids returned to school, we didn't see much of Denise unless we went to visit her and her new family. This pregnancy was harder on Denise and she often blamed it on my absence. "That fucking Stewart is useless," she brayed. "He's going to be the worst father ever. I'm a thirty six year old pregnant woman. Why the fuck am I sleeping in a basement? I don't have anything."

Denise was becoming more and more bitchier as time went on. The kind and caring woman I loved was gone. MC and Stewart's parent's often told us that she was only a bitch because she was pregnant. I wasn't so sure. I think that during the time that we were together I was always so busy trying to please Denise that she never had anything to bitch about. My putting my foot down and refusing to take her back really had brought out the bitch in her.

Denise and Stewart constantly argued about everything. They clearly hated each other and blamed each other for the state of their lives. Denise hated Stewart because in her eyes, he'd cost her our marriage and her lifestyle. Stewart believed that Denise had cost him the ability to socialize with all of the other nerds and hold his Dungeons and Dragons parties in the basement.

His parents had grown tired of supporting Stewart over the years. His father had begun telling Stewart that he should be nicer to Denise because if it hadn't been for the baby they'd have kicked him out of the house.

Stewart's parents were also treating my kids like their grandkids. It wasn't unusual for me to drop by with MC and the kids to visit Denise and have the kids run to MC's parents for hugs and treats. They were beginning to look at the two of us and pass knowing glances too. MC would always turn two or three shades redder when she noticed it.

In fact, we were all sitting on the back porch talking about a subject that bothered MC's dad when we found out the tragic news. MC's dad had called us to come over because he was fed up. He made small talk for a while as the kids rolled around on the grass with his wife.

"So Mary Claire, does he know that you can't..." he asked casually.

"Yes dad," she said quietly. "Perry knows that I can't have kids, he doesn't mind."

"So when are the two of you getting hitched?" he smiled.

MC as usual turned bright red and looked away from her dad. "Dad, we're not like..."

Before she could finish he pointed down and towards us. "So why are the two of you always holding hands and stuff, then?" he smiled.

"I just don't want him to get lost," she said. "This porch is pretty big."

"Yeah sure," he said. "Surprisingly, until now no one has ever gotten lost on this porch. Maybe I should have a map or a chart of the porch drawn up and posted on the wall so no one gets lost." We all laughed but MC and I didn't let go of each other's hands.

"The reason I asked you guys to come over here is because I'm fed up. MC you're twenty five years old. You have your Associates degree and you're working towards your Bachelors. You have a job, your own apartment that you don't live in anymore and whether you see it or not you have a family and a man who loves you. Don't deny it Perry, I've seen the way you guys look at each other. I don't want to talk about the two of you. I'm proud of you, Mary Claire," as he said this, he reached out and gently touched her cheek.

"But I want to be proud of your brother too," he snapped. "That boy is thirty two years old and he still acts like a fucking teenager. He's been in college for fourteen God damned years and I'm tired of supporting him. I'm pulling the plug and I need you two to help me do it. MC since you're never at your place anyway, would you let me sublet your apartment for your brother and Denise? I don't want my grandbaby living in that damned basement. And Perry you're already like my son in law, so technically that makes Stew your brother in law. Could you get him a job where you work? I mean, anything you could get him even sweeping floors would be better than nothing. The boy has been in college for a lifetime. He has to be able to do something."

It was then that a very pregnant Denise waddled out of the house holding a piece of paper in her hand and screaming.

"That fucking Bastard," she screamed loudly. She was crying and cursing up a storm. As I watched, I noticed that MC immediately crossed to the boys to try to cover their ears from their mother's tirade. She looked at Denise and reminded her that the kids didn't need to hear that kind of language.

Denise broke down and dropped the paper on the ground. MC's parent tried to comfort Denise.

I picked up the note and after glancing at it, I was shocked, so I asked MC to take the boys inside the house and get them something to drink. She offered them soda and their eyes lit up.

I read the note aloud after they left.

"Denise, I can't take this shit any more. Not one more fucking day. I wish that I'd never laid eyes on you. You are a first class bitch and you've really ruined my life. I don't understand why Perry was so upset at the thought of losing you. The way I see it now, I did him a favor. And you'll notice that he hasn't wasted any time replacing you with my sister. For her part, she's always had a crush on him, remember her party? She may have been drunk, but she was telling the truth.

Mary Claire now has the perfect life and the perfect man that she's dreamed of. They used to be yours. But while she's happy in her heavenly life, I'm trapped with the Harpy from Hell. My parents are no help. They moved you into the basement with me without ever asking me if that was what I wanted. They've tried to mold us into some sort of pseudo couple for reasons that I can't begin to fathom. This isn't the way I wanted my life to go. I don't want a child. I don't want to be a father. I don't want a wife and I especially don't want you.

You aren't even the type of woman that appeals to me. You're fat, you're unattractive and as mentioned before you're a bitch. Even if you had other qualities (I haven't discovered them if you do) one thing sticks out. Even if I loved you, and I don't, my parents don't seem to realize that I couldn't ever trust you. Let's face the truth. Perry is a good looking guy. He's the daddy type. He has a great job and he loved you. You were married to him for over ten years and he busted his ass trying to support you and you still cheated on him. How could I expect you not to do the same thing to me? I don't even think the baby is mine. I'm sure aliens have planted my DNA in your womb as some kind of experiment.

I also don't intend to work myself into an early grave like Perry or my dad. I'm not the worker bee type. I have no intention of working like a slave to support you and your kids just because of two sloppy fucks and a blow job. I'm far too smart for that. (See, college has taught me something) So, it is with a not so heavy heart and a much lighter step that I get the fuck out of here and head for greener pastures. Don't bother looking for me. I won't be anywhere that you look. And tell my dad he can be happy now. I'm finally out of his basement.

Sincerely, Stewart."

As I finished the note Denise just started bawling. MC's parents tried to console her and tell her that everything was going to be alright, but she wasn't buying it. Life has this funny way of biting you in the ass when you do bad things. But I have to say in this case things ended up the right way even after all of the lying and scheming. A few bad things happened but we moved on from them.

"So," I said, looking at the couple. "Do you want to buy that gaming system or not?"

The woman was obviously reconsidering it. The man was beginning to nod his head. At about that time their eyes were drawn to a female form as she came out of the house with two small boys trailing behind her. "Mommy, I want to go in the pool," said my son Johnny. She picked him up and gently kissed him on the nose.

"You have to wait a while, Johnny. You just had lunch," she said.

"That child called her mommy. So, you and your wife got back together?" asked the woman. "She doesn't look fat to me. What did she do, go on a radical diet?"

Before I could say anything a beat up and sputtering 1980's Yugo with obvious signs of rust and body damage pulled into the yard. The windshield was cracked and all of the wheels on the car had excessive camber, as if the car was beyond its weight limitations.

An ugly fat woman got out of the car, leaving it running. A much bigger, fatter man with no chin and huge glasses got out of the passenger side of the car and started looking around my yard at the things I was selling.

Both of their eyes settled on the gaming system at the same time.

"I married MC," I said to the couple I was talking to. "The woman that just got out of that car, if you can call it that, is Denise. I wonder what she's pissed about now."

As we watched, Denise ran around the yard until she found a baseball bat. She reached into her purse and brought out some crumpled bills which she handed to MC.

"Here's fifty bucks," she said loudly. "It's mine right?" MC smiled and nodded.

"No," screamed Stewart, hysterically.

"Fuck you, Stewart," hissed Denise. "I bought this piece of shit so it's mine now." As we watched she raised the baseball bat over her head and brought it down on the gaming system as hard as she could. She repeated her action until chunks of plastic and circuit boards were all over the yard. Denise was laughing maniacally as she destroyed the once state of the art gaming system.

"Ruin my life will you?" she screamed as she landed yet another blow on the unit.

"I guess you guys will have to buy something else," I smiled. "I think the game system has been sold."

"Wait," said the woman. "I can see now that you married MC, but how did Denise and Stewart end up back together?"

We sat back down at the table and I told them the rest of the story. "Over the next few months, things happened and nothing ended the way we foresaw it. Denise had her baby. She had a little girl who unfortunately looks just like Stewart. DNA confirmed the child's paternity. She's still living in the basement with her daughter but as you can see, they're not alone.

About a month after she had the baby, Stewart called his mom and dad and pleaded with them to bail him out. He'd run out of money less than a hundred miles away from home and had gotten caught trying to steal food. He'd gotten into even more trouble when the sheriff tried to arrest him. Stewart had attempted to run and accidentally knocked one of the sheriff's deputies down. Even thought it was an accident, it's a felony. MC's parents had to pay a lot of money to get Stewart released. So now Stewart, Denise and Betty, their daughter, are all not so happily residing in the basement. Denise rarely visits our kids anymore because they're kind of afraid of her. They started calling MC mommy soon after we got married.

The jail time only made things worse because with Stewart having a felony conviction on his resume, it's even harder for him to get a job. Denise watches him like a hawk. His parents insisted on them getting married to give his daughter his name. They still argue constantly. But things really are looking up for them. Denise got another waitressing job. It only pays minimum, but most of the waitresses take home a lot of money in tips. Denise is such a bitch though that she rarely brings home any tips at all.

She recently bought Stewart a push lawn mower and he goes all over the neighborhood cutting the grass for their neighbors. Of course, he has to compete with most of the neighborhood kids to do it but one of the things he studied in college was marketing. He's planning on expanding into shoveling snow during the upcoming winter and perhaps raking leaves during the fall.

MC came over and brought me another Pepsi. She leaned down and kissed me and went back to the boys.

"So things turned out great for you?" asked the guy. I nodded my head.

"Buying that game system was the smartest thing I ever did," I said. Right then Denise's car stopped sputtering and died. She stopped slamming the bat into what was left of the game system and tried to start the car. It refused to start. She just started pounding on it and crying.

The end.