Broken

"Hey Sutton, lets hurry up and get done. I'm starving and Ted's is calling my name." Ted's was this little place just down the road that was open 24 hours. It was our tradition to go eat there on the weekends after our shift.

"Yeah me too. Come help me back here when you finish the floor. I have hundreds of cups I need to wash."

Around 3:00 a.m. I pulled into my driveway. Thank God I was home. Today was rough. I immediately headed to my bathroom. I stripped and stepped into the almost scolding hot water. I let the water wash today away. I almost thought of bringing my knife, but a flash of green eyes in my head made me think otherwise. As I stood under the water, the only thing I could think of was Jace. For once I let my mind wander. What would it feel like to have his hands on me. Touching me. His lips on mine. Kissing me and making me forget everything. I moaned as I ran my hand over my breasts. He would play with them. Lick and suck my nipples until I couldn't take anymore. Begging him to touch me where I desperately needed it. I moved my other hand between my thighs and felt my own wetness. I started to circle my clitoris. He would move his tongue there. Licking me, bringing me to the edge, only to back off. I started moaning louder as my hand mimicked his tongue. Finally after begging, he would enter me. He slowly at first. Coming almost all the way out and pushing back in. I needed it harder. He would pull out, then slam into me, causing me to scream out as the sweet feeling of pleasure mixed with pain shot through my body. He sped up, his thrusts hard and fast. Daring me to ask him to go harder. I was lost in the pleasure. All I could do was moan and let it take over. I climaxed, hard. I was brought back to reality as I held myself up in the shower. I tried to control my breathing and waiting for the guilt and feeling of worthlessness to come. I toweled off and put on a tank top and a pair of boy shorts and crawled into bed. Those feelings never came. And for the first time in two and a half years, I slept in peace with the help from a knife.

I couldn't get Sutton out of my head. And it was showing. I kept sneaking looks at her. I hadn't been back up to the bar, it had gotten way too crowded. Ben had been placing orders through the other server. Each time I looked at her, my heart stopped, she was so beautiful, even when she was darting around the bar.

"J, what's up man? You've missed the last four shots."

"I'm just tired. It was pretty hot out there and I'm starting to feel it."

"Well it's just after midnight. Wanna call it a day? The races start at noon tomorrow, so we need to be at the tracks around 10:30."

"Yeah, okay. Let me go tab out." I turned to walk towards the bar. I wanted to talk to her again in all honesty.

"Already took care of that my man. Here's your card back." I cursed silently before I turned back around.

"Thanks man."

"No problem. Okay let's meet in the breakfast area around 9. We can grab a meal and then head out." Ben stated as we walked down the hallway.

"Sounds good. See you tomorrow." I went into my room. Ben and I decided to get different rooms. Mainly due to his awful snoring. Bless his girlfriend for tolerating that.

The room was incredible. It had a living area with a complete mini kitchen area, a bedroom area, and a huge bathroom. The bed was a king with hundreds of pillows and faced a large flat screen TV. But my focus was on the bathroom. There was a walk in shower with multiple heads, a huge jacuzzi tub, and a double sink. The whole room was covered in warm butter covered tiles that made you feel at relaxed. I made a mental note to keep this in mind for bitch client.

I turned on the tub and let it fill up with hot water. I sank down and let the jets work out the ache in my body. As I started to fully relax, blue-green eyes filled my head. I started to rub my cock that was now fully hard. God, she really was beautiful. Her skin creamy was a great contrast to her shock of red hair and pale pink cheeks. Her full bright red lips begged to be kissed. I pulled the bun out of her hair and ran my finger though the silky strands. She closed her eyes and parted her lips slightly. I captured them with mine. She tasted sweet. I wanted more. I pulled off her shirt to reveal her breasts. I palmed them, feeling their softness. She undid her bra, tempting me. Her bare chest on mine. My skin felt alive. I bent my head down to lick and nibble at her nipple while I rubbed and pinched the other until they were little rose colored pebbles. Her moaning egged me on. I moved downwards towards the apex of her thighs. Licking as I went. As soon as I reached her core, her hands were in my hair. Her back arched and she twisted and moaned. I needed to be inside her. I moved up to capture her lips again as I entered her. My thrusts controlled at first, but then they became faster and more erratic. She was begging me to go faster, harder. I screamed her name as I shot my climax into the water. My eyes were still closed as I came back down. Who was this women? She would be my complete undoing.

I awoke the next morning still feeling a sense of peace. It was a wonderful feeling. I was able to sit at my table and eat breakfast and enjoy the taste of my coffee without a sense of failure looming overhead. Maybe I was getting better. Maybe something woke up in me last night that will make the old me come back. Maybe.

I looked at my clock. 11 a.m. I had just enough time to get in a small workout and shower before work. My workouts usually consisted of an intense Pilates set followed by a run. Runs were cathartic for me. I could just plug my ear buds in and forget the outside world.

As I was finishing up my run, my phone went off.

"Hello?"

"Sutton? Hey it's Chelsea. Why are you panting? Anyway, a bunch of us are planning on going to lunch Tuesday to celebrate Jess's birthday. We all want you to come. We miss you S. I know it's hard for you right now, but it's been two years. Please come back to us. You really need to rejoin the land of the living."

Tuesday. I had it and Wednesday off. My bosses way of trying to make up for this hell of the last three days. It's the small things in life, right?

"Sure. Sounds fun. When and where?" I really did want to go. In all honestly, I missed Chels so much. She was my best friend in high school and college. She was there for me during the break up. She was one of the few people that didn't give up on me. And she was the only person that know what I had starting doing. I remember when I first told her. She went from sad to pissed to understanding all under a minute. She made it clear that she absolutely didn't agree with what I was doing, but she wouldn't tell. And she knew I would get past it.

"Really?! Oh I'm so excited! Jess will be too! It's going to be small. Jess, her boyfriend, who if you ask me is a complete douche, Nicole, Austin, me, and you. We are planning on going to that swanky new Mediterranean place downtown. So, dress up. I'll swing by and pick you up at 10?"

"Sounds perfect. Chels?"

"Yeah?"

"I miss you too. Thanks for not giving up on me."

"You are worth it. Love you. Bye!"

I am worth it? Maybe I was. Maybe I was worth it.

Time passed so slowly during the day. All I wanted to do was to leave the tracks and see if Sutton was working again. She was all I could think about. I started in a daze at the track to try and make and make it look like I was paying attention. But Ben knew me too well.

"J seriously man. If this girl is making you this love sick and you only know her name, she deserves you talking to her. Let's leave the tracks a little early. The bar opens at 5. We can grab dinner and then head there. Maybe it won't be too busy and you can actually converse with her."

"Converse? Really? Just say talk. Do you think she would ever talk to me? I'm sure she gets hit on every time she works by some drunk loser. She will probably just indulge me to be nice."

"Maybe. But you are a smart, funny, awesome drunk loser."

"Gee, thanks."

"It's 4:30 right now, we can head out and grab an early dinner. And off to see your girl.

My girl. That had an awfully nice ring to it. My girl. Maybe if I played my cards right.

Since the bar opens at 5, I got to work around 3:30 to set up. Scott was already there. As usual. He has a knack for being at work all the time. He gets there early and sometimes stays late. He is dedicated. I'll give him that much.

"Do you think they will be here?"

I closed my eyes and racked my brain trying to figure out who "they" were. Nothing.

"Who?"

"You know. Them! Blue shirt and black shirt!"

Jace.

"You really have a thing for Mr. Blue Shirt. Why don't you talk to him? He was pretty cute. Definitely your type. Tall, blonde, muscular. Most likely rich considering the drinks he was ordering."

"Ugh. I wish. He's totally straight. You can see it in the way he presents himself. Such a shame. All the good ones are straight. What about Black Shirt. He seemed pretty into you last night. And he is absolutely your type."

"Oh, uh, yeah I don't know. I think he was thought I was weird. He kept staring at me. He probably has some hot model at home anyhow."

Scott kept on talking, but I tuned him out. Tried to focus on setting up the bar and making sure all the beer was stocked and the dishes clean. If tonight was going to be a repeat of last night, we needed more of everything. I looked at my watch. 4:35.

"Scott I'm going downstairs to grab more rocks glasses, martini cups, and bar naps. Need anything?"

"Uh, yeah. Some more candles. Thanks!"

As I headed off downstairs, I took my time. Scott could handle anyone that came in for the time being. I headed off towards the hotel kitchen to search for more cups. I collected what I needed, snuck a huge plate of fries, and headed back upstairs.

"Hey help me unload these and then go to the back room. I have treats!"

Scott and I sat in the back room. We could outside from there, so it would be easy to tell if people came in.

"So S, you seem different today. You look happier. Did you get laid?"

"If by laid you mean 'had a incredibly hot fantasy about black shirt guy that me gave the best orgasm ever while in the shower last night' then yes." Why did I just say that? Out loud.

"So you do like him! Yay! You deserve to be happy. I don't know why you haven't been, but I am glad to see you smile. And mean it."

"Thanks Scott. That means a lot."

"So tell me! I need details about your fantasy. But leave out all the gross bits about your vag. I want the guy!"

"You are such a perv! You know that right?"

Ben and I we headed back to our rooms after eating at a small local joint. I love homestyle southern cooking. Nothing beats it.

"Alright J. I'm going to shower and change. I'll meet you at the bar?"

"Sounds good man."

I went back to my room to shower as well. If Sutton was there, I sure as hell didn't want to smell like sweat and fuel. When I left my room, I didn't see Ben. He must be at the bar already. As I walked through the doors, I didn't see him. Or anyone for that matter. Everything was set up but no workers. I walked towards the bar to sit and wait when I heard soft voices coming from the back room.

"So S, you seem different today. You look happier. Did you get laid?"

"If by laid you mean 'had a incredibly hot fantasy about black shirt guy that me gave the best orgasm ever while in the shower last night' then yes." Why did I just say that? Out loud.

"So you do like him! Yay! You deserve to be happy. I don't know why you haven't been, but I am glad to see you smile. And mean it."

"Thanks Scott. That means a lot."

"So tell me! I need details about your fantasy. But leave out all the gross bits about your vag. I want the guy!"

"You are such a perv! You know that right?"

That voice was definitely hers. I felt bad for listening in, but I am glad I did. Sutton got herself off in the shower yesterday. That is something I will have to picture later. And I will picture it later. But why was she sad? What happened to her? I still had this incredible urge to make her happy. I wanted to see her smile. The most important thing I got out of hearing that was Scott, the other server, was gay. Not her boyfriend! I think I might have been a little too excited when I heard that because I pushed back in my chair making a sound on the floor. The voices stopped. Shit. They stepped out of the back room, Scott giving Sutton a weird look, causing her to blush. Her face became more beautiful as her cheeks turned pink. She looked beautiful. Her hair was up again. Probably protocol. She had the same look from yesterday. Light black on the lids edge and bright red lips. She looked delicious. Something was different though. Her eyes looked brighter. They didn't seem to hold the same sadness and weight as they did yesterday.

"Hey." She looked at me and smiled. I could look at her smile for the rest of my life.

"Hi. Did you want to see our snack menu? I know it's around dinner time." She didn't remember me. She showed no sign of recognition. I was an idiot to think she would.

"Oh. Um, no. I just ate. I'm waiting on my friend to get here. I don't know what's taking so long. We were at the races today. Guys weekend. We were actually in..." I stopped as when she placed a drink in front of me.

"Jack and coke." A small smile played across her face when she said this. So she did remember me!

"It's Jace right? How are you enjoying your man date?"

"It's not a date! Okay well maybe it is. I am having the time of my life actually. This place is incredible. But you probably already knew that. And I have never seen more beauties than at the track." Her eyes flashed at this. Anger? "Cars. Beautiful cars, I mean. But I am glad to be able to hang out with Ben. We both have been really busy lately."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I'm an architect for Jameson & Breck and he is an engineer. Our schedules are so different. His are more regular than mine. Mine are based on my clients I have. Plus he has this girlfriend, who is incredibly demanding."

"Demanding girlfriends can really damper a relationship." She chuckled. Such an amazing sound. I must make her do it again sometime.

"Girlfriend. Just him. I don't have one." I looked at her as I said that. She didn't seem to react. Ouch. "She's is actually really an amazing women for putting with him for long. Just a few months shy of two years. I think."

Just as I was about to ask a question, Ben came running in.

"Jace! We have to go. I just got a call from my mom. My dad is in the hospital."

I looked back at Sutton. No way I wanted to leave, but Ben needed me.

"Sorry, I -" I was cut off as Ben grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the bar.

"Sorry man. But we have to go. Trips been cut short. Dad had a heart attack. Mom says he's fine, but..."

"No. You're right. Let's go check up on your old man.

I gave Scott a quick smack on the arm and walked out to the bar when I heard a chair move. Jace. Oh God. Did he hear us? There is no way he knows I was talking about him. Right? No. No way. But did he hear me telling Scott about my shower? Scott gave me a look. I blushed. Please let him not have heard anything. Please please please.

"Hey." I looked at him. Act normal Sutton, act normal.

"Hi. Did you want to see our snack menu? I know it's around dinner time." Some emotion flashed across his face. I quickly kept myself busy by making him a drink. He ordered a Jack and coke last night. Would it be weird to remember that? Too late because I was placing the drink in front of him.

"Oh. Um, no. I just ate. I'm waiting on my friend to get here. I don't know what's taking so long. We were at the races today. Guys weekend. We were actually in..." Why did he stop talking? Did I weird him out? Wrong drink?

"Jack and coke. It's Jace right? How are you enjoying your man date?" He picked up his drink and took a sip. Thank God. This got him talking. Good. Let him do all the talking. His voice was amazing. It was almost husky sounding. I was looking at him. No staring. Quit Sutton! Act normal! I berated myself for acting so needy. He said something, I'm just not too sure what. Something about the races?

"Oh?" He continued talking. Those lips looked so soft. I bet the stubble would feel amazing against my skin. Pay attention! Architect. He is an architect? Wow. The firm he works at is the top firm in the nation. That's impressive. Friend. Engineer. Girlfriend. Those lips. Wait...girlfriend? Demanding?

"Demanding girlfriends can really damper a relationship." I laughed. He was being modest. She probably was a high maintenance bitch who whined about everything.

"Girlfriend. Just him. I don't have one." Did I hear him right? No girlfriend? There is a God! Another emotion flashed across his face. What did I miss?

Just as I was about to ask him how long he would be here for, blue shirt guy came running into the bar looking frantic.

"Jace! We have to go. I just got a call from my mom. My dad is in the hospital." Oh no! I hope he is alright! Jace looked back at me. Regret in his eyes. But also something else, longing? He started to say something but was quickly hauled out of the bar. I sighed in defeat. I was probably never going to see him again. And that made me sick to my stomach. I felt as if my heart was being squeezed.

Bens dad was fine. Well he did have a heart attack, but the doctors said it was a minor one. After I stayed at the hospital a bit, I called for a cab. I just wanted to go home and be in a foul mood. Once I got home, I booted up my laptop. 20 new emails. Great. Pretty much all of them were from Mrs. Breck. Most likely complaints, so I ignored them. A few were just junk, one from my aunt ,and one of them from my assistant reminding me of all the shit I had to do when I got back. But I still had tomorrow off. Hell if I was going into work just because I was home early. All I planned on doing tomorrow was sleep, eat, and watch golf.

The rest of the night flew by. I was drained by the time our shift ended so I went straight home and crashed. I woke up the next morning still semi tired and feeling not so peaceful as the day before. I groaned. I just wanted to be happy. I walked to my dresser where I kept my knife but stopped halfway there. You know what Sutton? You can be happy. Stop dwelling in the past. Move on. You deserve to be happy. So be happy. I made myself a promise that I would not cut myself again. Ever. I grabbed my phone.

"Chels? I need you. Now."Click. Oops. Maybe I should have explained. She is probably going to freak out. I pulled the knife out of my dresser and went and sat down in my kitchen and waited. She lived 15 minutes away and had a key.

Just as I expected she slammed the front door open and run into the kitchen with a look of panic on her face.

"Sutton?! What happened? What's wrong?" She glanced at the knife on the table.

"Nothing is wrong Chelsea. Just the opposite. I feel better. I meet this guy, but that doesn't matter I'll never see him again. But I have decided to let go and move on. I want you to take this. Do whatever you want with it. I don't want it anymore." I handed the knife to her. She took it and put it in her purse. Then she flung herself at me.

"Oh Sutton I am so happy to hear you say that. I knew you were strong enough to do this! You are an incredible girl and I just know you are going to find happiness! We have to hang out. Like all the time now! I have missed you so much! Wait. A guy? You met a guy? Tell me!"