Broken Hearted

What am I supposed to feel? The one person who I thought really understood and cared about me was loving another man in our first marital bed. Wait; twist that knife deeper, He's my cousins' husband. Guess She thought He really was the best man and not just for our wedding.

Having heard her tell him how she wanted, needed and yes, LOVED him much more than me, what am I supposed to feel? After reading through most of the stories here, am I really supposed to be happy for her? Encourage her? No, I'm sorry, but if I don't kill them they will have gotten off easy. (There goes that sick humor again.)

There were no fantasies of sharing each other. No magazines for her to find. No Internet porn for her to have to see. No letters or wrong number phone calls to worry about. I really wanted just her for the rest of my life.

Maybe if she hadn't been my first and only lover, I would not have been so blind. I knew she had had other lovers. When I met her she was just breaking up with one. (Did she really?)

Don't worry ladies. I haven't forgotten the HE in all this. He is after all equally guilty for killing the last thing that will ever be good in my life.

The only thing keeping me from going completely bananas about this is, my cousin. I don't know how to break this to her and not break her.

You see we were always close. (It comes from only being thirteen days apart in age.) Yeah, we were in different circles in school, I was a band nerd and she was a cool chick, but we could always talk. She even helped me get my first high school job, working with her at the local movie theater.

When she started dating Mr. Joe Cool in School, she made it a point to get him to try to get me out of my shell. I sat and held her all night the first time they broke up.

No, we never did any experimenting with each other. You have to realize I was a 20-year-old virgin when I met my wife. Any girl back then could get me to all but faint from too much blood in my thinking head, just by talking to me. I was pathetic.

And look where I am now 22 years old, and still pathetic. I should go back up there and what? Kill him? Kill her? Kill them? Sorry, but I don't plan on ever meeting "Bubba" at the graybar hotel. Try to win her back? For what? "I'll never see any other man again!" BULLSHIT! She probably never stopped. I am so pissed off it's just pathetic.

I guess you want to know how I came to find them up there. Well it's pretty weird. I didn't get a sense of something wrong. I didn't see any clues. Like I said about me, there were no wrong numbers, no late work nights. We only had one car, she would take me to work at 7, come get me for lunch, and I would take her to work at 1. She worked till 7 so I would go home at 4, get dinner started and pick her up. Yes it was tough but we made it work.

I was coming home as usual but had an accident and had to go to the hospital. I didn't think it was necessary, but the other driver insisted for insurance purposes. As it was his fault and he was paying, why not?

Living in an apartment complex, as a lot of young couples do, there was a car in one of our assigned parking spaces. I couldn't help but recognize it. Remember He's family; I wondered how he knew to be there for me. I had only asked my Mom to meet me at the apartment as a coworker was behind me at the accident, and brought me home. Also remember, She's supposed to be at work.

So I thanked my coworker and headed out to find my cousin and see how he found out about the accident. (Now add stupid to pathetic) After entering the apartment and finding out that he was not there to comfort me, I left a lot more injured than from the accident. Sorry, even after all this time has passed, I do not want to recall the details. Let's just say they were very comforted by each other.

As I walked down the stairs to go outside, I realized this was about to get a lot more hurtful for me. My mom had agreed to loan us her car until ours got fixed. She wasn't working at the time. So guess who's coming to dinner? Yep, here I am bawling away like a baby, outside my apartment as my wife professes her love for another and mom holds me. (Just fucking pathetic)

I wouldn't tell her what was wrong so we just sat there on the sidewalk me crying her rocking.

Of course things couldn't get worse, right? Well you don't know my stepdad. He's a damn good person, just a very big and good jokester. He was coming to pick up Mom after she dropped off her car. As he came up not knowing the storm he was about to unleash, he said, "What happened? She upstairs with another guy already?" As I went rigid immediately, Mom knew that in his joke was exactly the truth.

Torn between trying to help me and going to kill Her, Mom almost had a seizure. My stepdad also realized this was way deeper than he ever stepped in before and was trying to help me and stop my Mom.

Some small part of our minds must have still been functioning properly as we saw that this situation was out of control. Plus, She was about to come down to find me here and not waiting to pick Her up from work.

After realizing this, that functioning part of my mind started working overtime. Calming Mom down and getting them to leave was the second hardest thing I had to do today. Mom thought I was going to be in jail within the next few hours. I got her to see that I wouldn't do anything violent, and Dad got her to leave.

I then left to go pick Her up at work. I was amazed that all of this, the accident, hospital visit, discovery, breakdown and semi-recovery, had taken less than three hours.

The ride home and that night was so sickening. When She found out why we had Mom's car, she was so caring and concerned I was all but fooled. (I know I was already a fool.) It was easier to not fall back under Her spell though when trailers of my afternoon matinee started flashing in my mind.

At work in the morning I got what should have been a career highlight. I work for a company that repairs and refurbishes business class security equipment. The owner asked me if I wanted more responsibility within the company. Hey, I may have been a fool at home but I knew what he meant was a promotion and raise so I answered yes immediately. I was made a Senior Systems Engineer. I should have known that I was not just a fool at home.

The next thing I was told is that I would have to leave for a technical training convention tomorrow for the next 6 days. He must have seen how shook up that made me even if he was wrong about the reason. He said not to worry about it She can go with you. My next thought is that this was perfect. A company paid working vacation. I could get Her to see that I was still the love of her life. (I know it's pathetic, but how many of you wouldn't get flashes of hope?)

Of course I was still in full fool mode. When we got home and settled that night after a small promotion celebration, I told her about the convention and how She could come with me. I should have known, but I thought that one last chance to see the error of Her ways was warranted. The defecation violently struck the rotating air circulator. She came across with that high horse of how I didn't really care for Her if I thought She would just up and leave Her job like that. I admit that I thought She could quit working if She wanted to since I was going to be making a lot more than we did now combined. She was working part time as a data entry clerk for a bank which I thought She hated. Then I thought just how much was She working if the only time She could see Him was when They were supposed to be at work?

Part of our marriage was She handled the money. I was no good at it. If I saw something that I wanted I would buy it and the bills would get paid when I could. I have grown up about that somewhat since I now own and pay my home, unfortunately alone. So what I'm trying to say is that I didn't even know if She still had a job!

So after the night on the couch, a plan had developed. I was just not fully conscious of it yet.

Arriving at work I got my travel schedule. Leave anytime today and drive a company car, another perk of the new job, and arrive at the conference tonight about 8 to check in. It's only a two-hour drive to the conference that just happened to be in Her hometown! I was free and clear for the day until then. The plan came to full growth right then. I could borrow all the equipment I needed to bring Their lives into my hell.

Which is leads us to about 9:30 in the morning. I had the day off, until 5 or so. I had a trunk full of security equipment and was just waiting for my wife to go to work. (HA HA) I decided to drive home to tell her I was leaving to go early to the conference. Of course you know what I found, an empty apartment. It figures that I haven't even left town and She's gone. Just have to get used to the loneliness sooner than later. Now I haven't said much about the security equipment yet but what we mainly deal in is video surveillance. I set up 2 wireless (one day and one night) cameras and two mikes in each room. These would send their feeds to a 16-channel Digital Video Recorder that I was able to hide in the closet for the air conditioner. This I would be able to monitor and download from in real time over our DSL.

It's about quarter to 1 so I decide to hit the road and clean up when I got to the hotel of the conference. Yes, I know. I spent 3 ½ hours in my apartment where my wife should have been and also where she should have left from for work. It doesn't really hurt as much any more.

Let me say at this point I hadn't really decided what to do once I had the evidence. I mean look at some of the choices:

She apologizes and I give in She apologizes and I kick her out She tells me I will just have to live with it Make her my private whore forever Do nothing

You know how I feel about some of those, and none of them address what to tell my cousin.

So I decided that what I really needed to do was to concentrate on this conference. No matter what my personal life turned out to be I had to take care of MY future.

The conference was a blast. I've always been a technology geek and there was all my dreams come true. We even got to work on home automation that I have not yet seen in public. It worked out to be a 3-day session with a small "graduation ceremony" Saturday night, which was over about 9. I decided to take that night to review the action at home in my hotel room and go see my in laws the next day. I know I'm being real bastardly about this but I didn't start it. I have always said in front of both of Them; "I won't start a fight, but I will fight however I must to win any that I'm in."

I found the perfect scene to show them. They were discussing, while Both where pumping, how with this promotion, and since She hadn't worked for 3 months anyway, If They could wait a little longer to divorce us, They would be set for life. Since my in-laws are Catholic, just not devout since they let Her marry a protestant, I knew this would mean the end of Her in their family.

When I arrived, just after mass, I was of course warmly greeted. After Her Mom found out that I wanted her daughter Heart, Mind and not just Body, we had got along great. When asked about Her, I told them all about the conference and She not wanting to miss work at all. Then I laid the news down. I knew it was just me, Her Mom and Dad, so I said; "This is going to hurt, but I am going to ask for a divorce."

After the stunned silence I thought I was going to die and not from shame but from physical pain as Her Mom started beating me in the chest. Once Her Dad got her off and restrained he said I needed to explain.

I said that this DVD will explain anything you want to know better than I can. So I played the scene I selected.

Her Mom after watching said; "There is no way that is MY daughter! I don't know what your trying to get of this you sick freak, but you need to leave!"

I knew they had high speed Internet so I asked if I could borrow it for a moment to prove myself.

Her Dad who has always been nice to me said; "Yes, but if you are hurting my baby I will kill you before you get near the door."

I said no problem at all. After plugging in my laptop and getting the access program for the DVR up I said call Her and talk as you watch.

I muted the sound, but it wasn't needed. It looked like they about haven't stopped since I burnt that DVD.

Her Mom said as the machine picked up; "Get to the phone now!"

I think she believed I was lying until She moved to the phone on the screen.

I couldn't believe that Her Mom was pushing me around when her daughter was the one on the screen with another man! Yelling at me!

Get up! He'll be home soon!

That's when it hit me this had all been a dream!

My wife wasn't cheating on me. I was safe in bed. Well as safe as you could be when it really isn't your bed anyway.

That was a really weird dream! Whew!

Then I saw it.

I couldn't believe it but there it was.

A camera lens!