Brown Eyes, Blue Smile Ch. 07

Eric had camped outside Shanice's apartment for more than an hour now waiting for her to arrive. He'd thought after her meeting with his ex-wife that she would head for home with crying eyes. It had never occurred to him that she might have anticipated that he too would drop by her apartment to try and see about explaining things to her and instead decided to head someplace else. Eric might have thought about stopping by her friend Michelle's place if only he knew where it was. He was resigned to sit out by her front stoop and wait for her return. He'd tried her cell number a couple of times and though it rang, it went unanswered. There was an anxious pounding in his heart; obviously he was going to have to do a whole lot of explaining when he saw her.

Why hadn't he ever thought of telling her about Tara in the first place? He couldn't believe the thought had never stumbled to the forefront of his mind all this time until now. Sure, he ought to have told her about his past marriage ... but he'd figured it was much too early in their relationship. Besides, his stint with Tara was a part of his life he'd hoped to forget—aside from her getting pregnant with his baby. But there was nothing he could do about that. The judge and the court system had firmly made sure of that. Thus he was an absentee father, and he'd had no choice but to live with that burden to his name. That part of his life had been over and done with ... at least that's the way he'd always figured it to be. Still, that notwithstanding, he should have told Shanice about it. But then again, whatever had prompted the bitch to come searching for him all this time they'd been away from each other.

He shook his head at just how surprising his day was starting to turn out. Surprises just seem to come when you least expect them.

He stood up from the side of the stoop where he'd been sitting for some time now and stretched himself, watching commuters stroll past him. His ass felt cold and clammy as a rock. His car was parked less than a block away. He could drive on back home and come back some other time ... but what good would that do?

Just when he was about to give up on whether or not to continue his stay, a taxi drove to a stop less than three feet from him in front of the apartment building. His heart jumped to his throat when he saw the two familiar faces come out of the backseat. Both women's features clouded into a frown the second their eyes focused on him.

"Hi, Michelle," he nodded at Shanice's friend.

"Hi, Eric," Michelle replied, though the coldness in her voice indicated it wasn't a happy greeting.

His eyes turned to Shanice who too was staring at him as if he didn't exist. Probably wishing that he didn't too. "Hi Shanice ... how're you doing?"

"I don't want to talk to you anymore, Eric," she said. "I don't ever want to see you anymore either."

"You have every right to say that, but first of all hear me out—" he tried to hold her hand but she flung it away from him, wanting to get past him. "Please, Shanice, at least just hear me out ... it's not what you think—"

"What the fuck do you expect me to think, Eric?" she yelled at him, immediately regretting it as a couple of faces walking the street turned to look at them. She was standing here by her front stoop creating a scene and that was something she never desired to do. Except she just couldn't help it. "We've got nothing to say to each other. Just go back and keep living the lying life you've been living—"

"I've never lied to you, Shanice—"

"—how could you look me in the eye and never told me—"

"—it wasn't like that at all—"

"—you've just been using me all this time—"

They would have stood there for a long time trading words back and forth at each other had Michelle not come to their middle to push them aside and thus make them avoid further embarrassment from staring commuter's eyes.

"Enough, you two!" said Michelle. "Eric, I don't think Shanice's listening to you. I think you'd better leave it for another day."

Eric saw the look in her eyes, looked back at Shanice who'd suddenly turned and gone up the stairs into her apartment building and realized it was a no-win situation. He swallowed his pride, turned around and went in the direction of where he'd left his vehicle. Michelle stood there and watched him walk away before going up the stairs to join her friend.

"How dare he come down here to apologise," fumed Shanice after she'd let herself and her friend into her apartment. "Bastard must think I'm some kind of fool or something."

"I don't know, girlfriend," said Michelle. "The lady you met when you were over at his place, you said she said she was his wife?"

"No, she said she is his wife. How could the bastard never mentioned such to me?"

"You mean he never gave a clue that he was married?"

"Mich, you know me well enough. You thinking I knew about this but still went along with him?"

"No, no, I know that ain't you. Just wondering how come he'd pull a stunt like that. But all this while you've been to his place, you never saw anything that indicated that he had a wife, right?"

Shanice shook her head. "No, I never did. If they were, then he sure took his time putting all her stuff away. But the woman told me they'd been separated for a while, having a rough time of things. I just can't believe it, Mich. Really, I'm so sick of men right now."

"You're not alone on that, sister," muttered Michelle who then dropped herself on a couch, her thoughts filled with her slowly dying man back at her pad.

* * * *

Saturday came. Eric's eyes came awake to the sight and sound of the new day, though the memory of Shanice was still knocking on his mind and thus he found no solace in the day's morning sunshine; all he saw was dullness and a cloud full of grey sky. He got up with a groan and went into the bathroom to clean himself up.

An hour later he was dressed up in a tee shirt and jeans and was about fixing himself a cup of coffee when there came a knock on his door. A look of hope came to his face as he pictured it was Shanice standing there coming to hear his side of the story as he went to unlocked the door. The look of hope evaporated immediately from his face when he saw who it was—Tara. She stood there leaning by the side of his door with a smug smile on her face.

"What do you want, Tara," he said, feeling exasperated already with just the sight of her.

"How about a 'hi there, Tara. Nice seeing you again today.' That's sounds like a better way to start the day. Why do you always have to be so mean towards me, Eric?"

"Is this a trick question?"

"Try the truth on me for once at least, Eric."

"I'm not mean to you, Tara. I just know that you're poison and I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore."

"Are you going to let me into your home, or would you like me standing here by the corridor all day, and perhaps wait till your landlord sees me." She flashed her eyes at him.

He really didn't want to and against his better judgement he pushed his door further open and made way for her to come inside his apartment. Tara's eyes went everywhere, trying to find if anything had changed or had moved since last time she was here. But most especially looking out for any indications that he'd had someone over the previous night. Maybe that bitch she'd met last time.

"So now you're in, tell me what exactly can I do for you, Tara?" Eric's words cut through her search.

She sat down on the arm of a couch to face him. "Did you get a chance to think about what I told you yesterday?"

"About you wanting me back in your life?"

She nodded.

"There's not a chance of that happening, Tara. You know that just as well as I do, so why don't you stop dreaming and wake up to reality."

"No dream, Eric. I really am being serious. I want you back, and Gloria too wants you back."

"Well isn't that sweet," he couldn't help but smirk. "You using your daughter to your selfish purpose. I thought you were smarter than that, Tara."

"She's your daughter too, Eric."

"So you say," he retorted. "But that wasn't what came off your mouth that day at the courtroom."

"That was a different me, Eric. Can't you for once try looking past all of that and instead think about the future ... at least for just once."

He knew that if he allowed himself to be swayed by her words that he would quickly fall into her clutches. It wasn't the first time she'd done this to him and he was very much aware of just how persuasive she could be when it comes to her getting whatever she wants. He told himself that he wasn't going to fall for a similar trap this time.

"Tara, I'd love to continue with this line of conversation, but I've got stuff to do. Why don't you just go play with some boy-toy, or better yet, drive around the block till you stumble onto one and just leave me alone."

"I didn't come all the way out here alone, Eric," she said. That seemed to grab his ears. "There's someone who'd like to talk with you too. Someone you haven't seen in a while, whom I know you're just dying to."

"Let me guess—your mother?"

"Very funny. Try guessing again seriously this time."

He knew who it was even before she mentioned her name, though he was just as afraid to hear her say it.

"Gloria's waiting in the car downstairs," she said.

"Why ... why didn't you bring her along with you?"

"I needed to know if you're in the right mind to see her. Now that I know, I can get her for you."

"Wouldn't that be against what your court order said against me?"

"Fuck the court order, Eric. This is just two adults talking, and not the system. Do you want to see your daughter or don't you?"

"Of course I want to see her," Eric said without hesitation.

Tara opened her handbag and took out her cell phone and dialled a number. "Ollie ... could you please bring Gloria upstairs with you. Thanks." She switched off her phone. "She'll be here soon."

Eric felt like laughing. "Who's Ollie? Is he your English butler or some new boy-toy you found recently?"

She looked at him coolly. "I don't have to answer that question, do I?"

"Wouldn't bother even if you do."

He came and sat down across from her and neither of them said anything or made any motion to. A few minutes later there was a knock on his door. Tara approached the door while Eric stood to his feet, feeling suddenly uncomfortable with this. She opened the door and Eric noted the young man standing there behind his daughter. Tara whispered something to him though he couldn't hear what it was, before then pushing Gloria into the apartment and closing the door behind her.

"Gloria honey, hope you remember your daddy," he indicated at Eric, who still was looking sheepish and uncomfortable as his daughter's eyes sized him up. "I'm going to leave you both to each other." She then turned to Eric. "You still remember where I live, right?"

"I do."

"Good. When you both are done, put her in a cab or bring her there. I'll be waiting."

She opened the door and went out of it, closing it behind her, thus leaving father and daughter together after a long time.

* * * *

A brief moment of eternity seemed to pass between father and daughter before either of them spoke.

"How are you, Gloria?" asked Eric with a slight shakiness to his voice.

"Fine."

"I was about to make myself a cup of coffee before you and your mom showed up," he pointed a thumb towards the direction of his kitchen. "Care to join me?"

"Do you have any cocoa puffs?" she asked.

"Yeah, I think I do."

"I'd like to have some."

He came and took her hand and led her into his kitchen. She took a chair by the table and watched as he opened his top cupboards and took down an opened box of Cocoa Puff cereal and poured some into a bowl plate. He asked her simple questions about herself, how she was doing at school, and her friends while he heated some water in a stove. It didn't take long for him to have her cereal ready and made himself a cup of coffee. He sat across from her and sipped his coffee and watched her ate her cereal. She took a couple spoons of it before deciding she'd had enough.

"You sure you've had enough?" he asked her, taking away the yet unfinished bowl of cereal.

She nodded, and then unexpectedly she asked: "Are you getting back with mommy?"

Eric was totally unprepared for the question and for a second or two didn't know how to respond to it. Finally he managed, "I don't know, baby."

"She told me this morning that she wants you back."

"She told me the same too, but I don't think she really means it."

"Mom's got problems."

"Yeah, I know."

"I don't like any of her boyfriends."

Eric ate the remainder of her cereal then took the bowl to the sink to wash it clean. It burned his heart to imagine Tara bringing her stupid boy toys around to her apartment and carrying about her stupid self where her daughter—his daughter—would see such. He put the bowl away and then dried his hands on a piece of cloth.

"Did she leave you with me so you can try talking me into coming back?" he asked.

Gloria nodded.

"I'm not going to lie to you ... not a day goes by that I don't miss you."

He came to her side of the table and wrapped his arms around her. Tears immediately sprung upon his eyes and he couldn't help it.

"So many nights I wish I'd never left you alone with her ... that I could have put much of a fight to keep you with me."

"It's not your fault, daddy. It's not your fault."

"Still I wish I hadn't. I just wasn't strong enough."

"Mom told me you have a friend."

"Yes, I do." He pulled himself back, wiped tears off his eyes and pulled his chair closer to hers. "She's a very nice lady, and I know you'd like her too."

"What's her name?"

"Her name's Shanice."

"She sounds black," Gloria commented.

"What makes you say that?"

"I have a friend at school who has a sister that has a name just like that."

"Well, yes, she is. And she's nice and pretty too."

"Do you like her?"

"Yes, I do."

"Do you like her more than mom?"

Another tough question to which he was unprepared for. "I don't know ... a part of me does though. Do you think your mommy really wants me back?"

She shrugged at first, and then she shook her head.

"Well then, I guess that just about settles it."

"She's still mad at you," she said. "I heard her talking it with her friend Oliver the other day. She's not happy about you."

"Sometimes I wish I could get through to her, darling. Except your mom can be so ... difficult. I can't understand her anymore than I want to be with her."

"It's not your fault—mom has got issues."

"You don't like being with her, do you?"

Though she didn't give him an answer but the dour look on her face told him all he needed to know—his daughter wasn't happy being with her mom at all.

"How about you spending the day with me?" he asked her. "I'll give your mom a call and try and get her to swing with it."

Her features brightened into a smile. "I'd like that."

Her smile was so infectious he couldn't help but smile with her. He felt as if for the first time since Tara let him in on her conversation with Shanice that the spot of dark cloud was finally lifting off from above his head. Suddenly the day wasn't getting dull like he'd felt it was when he woke up—as long as his little girl was here with him, he reckoned it wouldn't, and that gave him cause to celebrate.

"What do you say we go out and get ourselves a pretty big snack with some ice cream," he said. "You still love chocolate?"

She grinned and gave a hearty yes.

"Alright then, let's blow this joint."

**********

It was getting onto 11:25 a.m., and Lincoln was still asleep. Michelle sat on a chair not too far from the bed knitting a sweater at the same time keeping a close watch on him. She herself was tired; she'd never been as tired as she currently was in a long time. The previous night hadn't been an easy one both for her and Monique too. Getting to the pharmacy yesterday evening, she had only been able to purchase few of the drugs noted on the list he'd given her. The rest were either too expensive or way too important for the lady behind the counter to dispense to just about anyone. It would have required her going to the hospital and filling up a doctor's prescription ... and then again, it would have been much expensive for her to afford. Michelle had fussed and fumed and cursed the lady and had it not been for Shanice who'd assisted in restraining her, God knows what she would have ended up doing. She had been boiling way deep inside herself at that moment that she would have ended up setting the whole building on fire ... and she most likely would have done it had it not been for Shanice. Frustrated and downright angry, but feeling much hopeless at the same time, they'd left the pharmacy and gone someplace else. The news there had been much the same as they'd received in the former, and going to another one after that hadn't improved their chances. Shanice had left her afterwards to get back home¬—she needed to wake up early for work the following morning, though she'd promised dropping by her place when she returned. Michelle had returned home in despair and explained what she'd gotten to Lincoln, who'd simply nodded at the inevitability of her result. He'd gulped down the ones she'd given him and things had gone smoothly for all three of them ... until late in the night when Lincoln had another convulsive episode. It had been so sever, scaring her and Monique as well as they both tried to calm him down. Lincoln had coughed out splotches of blood and they'd watched with frightened eyes as he fell unconscious from the bed, slipping back and forth into delirium. Eventually they had managed to resuscitate him. Michelle had given him some Valium that had knocked him out and it was only then that mother and daughter had called it a night ... still that hadn't gotten rid of fear from their minds with the premonition that Lincoln was in a world of hurt and pain and there was little or nothing they could do to prevent it.

Morning had arrived and Michelle had taken her daughter to school and then hurried back home. She had called Shanice on the phone a while ago to tell her about the event of last night as well as let her in on her fears and worries.

"I'm losing him, girlfriend," said Michelle to her friend over the phone nearly two hours ago. "I'm really losing him, and the drugs aren't sure as hell helping much. God knows how long he's got to live."

"You ought to get him to the hospital, Mich,"

advised Shanice. "Really it's the only thing you can do for him right now."

"And where's that going to leave me, Shanice? It'll look more like I'm abandoning him to his fate. Those doctors aren't going to do anything, and you know that."

"Well, neither are you. Right now they're the best bet you can gamble on."

Shanice noted the pained look that was on her friend's face and immediately wished she could take back what she'd just said to her.

"I'm sorry, Mich," she offered. "Linc is a good man and has a good heart. I wish things weren't as bad as they really are."

"Not your fault, Sha. I too wish the same thing," she sighed with despair. "Why didn't the stupid son-of-a-bitch ever thing about getting in touch with me all the while he was sick?"

"I guess he figured he was doing the right thing."

"And look at where it's got him now. My man isn't back in my arms more than a week and already he's dying. Oh God, Sha, I tell you, if there's really a God out there ..." she tried searching for the words to finish with but couldn't find them. In such dire times, the right words are often too hard to come by.

They'd parted ways not long afterwards—Shanice saying she needed to be on her way to work, leaving Michelle with a toneless phone, wondering where her next bout of solace was going to come from. So she took up her solitary watch on Lincoln while at the same time keeping her hands busy with her knitting. Her mind still was running riot inside her head ... and what was most painful was that it was starting to clash with the fervent drumbeat that was her heart. She reflected on the conversation she'd had with Shanice and knew that she was right—there was very little or nothing she could do for Linc. He needed to be in a hospital. She reckoned she would tell him about it once he comes awake. For now, she continued watching at the same time knitting her sweater.