Brownwood: Hedge Funds Ch. 01

"Well, I'm sorry for your inconvenience," I snapped sarcastically. "While, you're worried about your damn pocketbook, my marriage could be falling apart!"

I hung up and sighed deeply. I started going through possible scenarios that could help me save my marriage.

So how did I end up here, especially if I loved my husband as much as I say I do? I've been asking myself that for the past four years. The answer is... I don't know. Well, I do but I'm disgusted with the answer.

I guess the truth is I was an arrogant silly fool who stupidly thought this world 'owed' her. Simply put... I was a selfish bitch. I allowed myself to be seduced by a successful career and a handsome supervisor. Yes, our marriage was going through a rocky time but in the end I simply betrayed the man I claimed to love.

Our marital problems started seven years ago when Shelly started school. I'd taken several years off from my engineering career to raise our children. It's a decision I've never regretted. Then with no more children at home it was time to go back to work.

I signed on as a design engineer with a large corporation here in Dallas. My manager was Mark. He was about eight years older than me but he could've easily passed for a much younger man. Mark Hughes was very handsome, tall with broad shoulders, and had a very distinguished look about him. Unfortunately, he knew it and used it since he had an eye for the ladies.

We ended up working extremely well together and soon we were moving up the company ranks as a team. When Mark became Director of Design, I became the manager. Then about two-and-a-half-years ago, he became VP of Engineering and I became the Director of Design. Unfortunately, our professional success as a team led us to test the personal relationship waters as well.

I'd met his wife several times over the three years before our affair started. I'd been shocked to see pictures of her from early in their marriage. She'd been quite beautiful. But life had been unkind to her and now she was about a hundred pounds overweight, didn't dress well, and was extremely unhappy. It showed.

Mark flirted with me and most of the women in the department but once I became manager the flirting became much more personal. It was at that time we began going to Chicago for corporate training.

The first trip I staved off his advances but was extremely flattered. Yes, I said flattered. Being pursued by an attractive, successful man who respects you, at least professionally, and is willing to share the professional glory can be a huge stroke to a woman's ego. To say I was a little starved for that after spending the past eight years as a stay-at-home mother and housewife would've been an understatement.

I know it might sound like an excuse and that I'm trying to justify what happened... I can't. These are, however, some of the things that contributed to my failure.

Much to my regret and shame, I fell on our next trip to Chicago. That started a brief affair I'll regret the rest of my life.

There's really not much to say regarding my affair. It lasted about four weeks. The sex David and I have is good, sometimes even great. It's really the making love with him that's incredible. With Mark, there was no love but I won't lie... the sex was amazing! Mark is very well hung and wonderfully skilled in bed. The only drawback was he was a 'one and done' kind of guy. But oh my gawd... that one!

That first week in Chicago, I spent most of my nights in his hotel room. We also got together several times when we got back to Dallas. It was then I pulled my head out of my ass and broke off the sordid affair.

I was crushed with guilt when I finally came to my senses. I didn't know how I could've been so stupid as to jeopardize what I had for just the thrill of an hour or so of sex.

I knew I couldn't tell David. Was this selfish? Yes, but it was also because I loved him. I couldn't bear to see the hurt and pain my confession would've brought him. There was also a chance he'd leave me and split up our family. I couldn't do that to my children since I was the one who had already jeopardized our family. In the end, I decided to take my secret to the grave.

I didn't change jobs for several reasons. The first was my husband would've suspected something immediately. I'd spent the last year telling him how much I loved my job. Another reason was the success I was already having and finally it was a pride thing. It was a test for myself to make sure something like that would never happen again.

I knew my boss would look at me differently now. You can't share yourself that intimately with someone and not expect the relationship to change. You can't be around someone you've had sex with and not remember the smells, the sounds, and the sexual excitement. You have to be strong enough to control it. And that's what I did.

I've spent the past four years trying to make up for my foolishness and be the best wife David could ever ask for. I've taken every opportunity to show him how much I love him and how much he means to me. I've given myself sexually to him in ways I'd never done before. Naturally, I've had to be careful because I didn't want him to suspect where some of those things had come from. Even with the struggles over the past eighteen months, I think I've done a good job taking care of my husband.

Now I don't know what's changed, but something has. I fear he knows or at least suspects something about my affair. Regardless, I have to talk to him and find out.

****

I pulled my black SUV up into my driveway and sat for a moment collecting my thoughts. Staring at our home I realized it was a McMansion. What was once a fortress that protected our family was about to change into a prison or worse... a mausoleum.

That night after the children had gone to bed, I got up the nerve to confront David.

"David we need to talk," I said quietly knowing that particular phrase tends to put every husband on defense.

"Sure sweetheart. What about?"

"I went to see Jeffrey Dawson today. I also took our financial records with me to show him."

His smile faded as he stared at me.

"A little drastic, don't you think?" he said calmly.

"Honestly, I don't know what to think," I said, my voice starting to falter.

"Well, all you had to do was ask me. I would've told you," he paused for a moment then shoved the dagger into my heart. "I mean it's not like we hide things from each other, right?"

"Honey..." I struggled to say. "Most of our savings are gone. Other than our retirement packages and the kids' trusts, nearly all of our other money is gone."

He grimaced as he nodded his head slowly.

"Yeah, I said it had been a bad year..."

"A bad year?" I yelled. "That's more than just a bad year!"

"But Sarah," his voice changed and became colder. "We've gone through hard times before and survived. Remember four years ago? We went through a real rough patch about the time you became a manager but together...we made it through! It took several months but we did it and soon we were doing better than ever, right sweetheart?"

My heart sank as I realized the love of my life was playing with me. He was waiting for me to address the elephant in the room. I fought back my tears and tried to pick my next words carefully.

"David," I said in a hushed voice. "I'm sorry."

"No, sweetheart," he said coldly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I failed you. I really thought those things I'd invested in would someday turn out to be very valuable... I guess I was wrong."

I felt a tear slip out of my eye and begin to slowly roll down my cheek. I cleared my throat and spoke in as calm of a voice as I could muster.

"Honey, I'm sorry for all of the tension we've had around us this past year-and-a-half. I know I've let things come in the way of spending more time with you and the kids. But... I... I need to ask you something important."

His eyes darkened as he stared at me.

"Are you preparing to divorce me?"

"Why would you ask that?" he asked in a flat voice.

"Because of what's happened to our savings. It looks like you're hiding money and that's what someone would do if he were about to get a divorce."

He stared at me, frustration written across his face. His eyes narrowed as his brow furrowed and I could see his jaw tighten as he struggled to speak.

"Are you asking me this because of the money or because of the difficult time we're having right now?" he asked coldly. "Come on, Sarah. You know me better than that. It would take one hell of a reason for me to ever consider divorcing you and breaking up this family! Can you think of a single reason why I would want to divorce my loving wife?"

I couldn't take it any longer. I sat on our bed and fought back the tears. It was a losing battle.

"Because... because of a mistake I made years ago," I finally whispered.

David left the room and went to his study. He brought back a box of tissue and a manila folder. After handing me a tissue, he removed several photos from the folder and began tossing them, one at a time, onto our bed.

"Would this be the mistake you're talking about?" he asked, his voice cold and stern.

My heart stopped when I recognized the photos. They were of me having sex with Mark in Chicago. I curled up into a ball in the middle of our bed.

"No... no... please no," was all I could manage to say as I felt my world begin to crumble.

David began to remove some of his things from our bedroom and all I could do was stare at him as tears ran down my cheeks.

"I'll be moving into one of the guest rooms until we can sort out this marriage. In the morning, I'll call my parents and see if the kids can go stay with them. They were going to spend part of the summer with them anyway so this'll just be a couple weeks earlier than expected."

With that, he left our bedroom and shut the door. I was alone, alone in my shattered little world.

****

David stared at the short, balding, rotund man sitting in front of him. I could tell by his body language he was still processing all the things he'd heard over our last two sessions. Our counselor, Raymond James, repeated his question to him.

"Mr. Jennings?" he asked calmly. "You've been very quiet since our last session. What are your thoughts about what Sarah has said?"

I held my breath. I'd tried to be honest and open about my affair in the last session. I didn't go into great detail but I hadn't shied away from any of the embarrassing facts. I'd done that because I was tired of living with the deception but also because I didn't know exactly what David knew.

Although I'd tried to soften it, the facts were simple and painful. I'd had an affair with my boss. He was more skilled and better endowed than my husband. The physical sex with Mark had been better than with David. I'd lied to my spouse for years by not telling him and hoping he'd never find out. It was those 'facts' I knew he was struggling with right now.

I could see each word, each emotion stab into his heart and mind. I sat and watched as the man I loved was being eaten alive from the inside. The anger, hurt, and doubts that my betrayal had caused, and the pain of hearing me admit I'd lied to him for years where like poison to my once strong husband.

I'd pled my case to him several times during the past two weeks. But today, it was as organized and straightforward as I could make it. I fought with everything I had to present it with as little emotion as possible.

"Well," David began, choosing his words carefully. "I know she regrets her affair and she's sorry it ever happened. But then, I'm sorry it ever happened too. I guess that makes us both... sorry.

"I also realize it happened during a bad time in our marriage, a time when she was weak," he paused gathering his thoughts.

"But?" Raymond asked softly.

"It was a hard time for both of us... but I didn't seek comfort in someone else's bed. While I was busting my ass for her and our family, she was taking a little break from our marriage. I was the clueless, faithful husband while my wife was playing around with her boss' big dick!

"Then..." he paused struggling to keep control. "Then when she finally feels guilty enough about it, she breaks it off. Does she tell her husband? Oh no! He might get mad and make her do something she didn't want to do like quit her job! So of course, she put in for a transfer so she wouldn't have to see her lover every day, right? Oh hell no! She lies to the one she says she loves and tries to make it up to him. So what's her punishment? She has to bear her guilt in silence. That's it? You must be joking!"

I watched as he clenched his jaw tightly, grinding his teeth. His anger was so intense I could feel it. I wanted to say something, anything that would take his pain away but there was nothing I could say or do. The love of my life was in agony and I'd caused it.

Slowly he began to control his breathing. His flushed face began to return to normal even as he glared at me.

"Well Sarah," he sneered. "Did that about sum up the bullshit I've been listening to for the past week?"

"David," Mr. James interceded. "Remember the rules. Talk to me if you get angry, not to Sarah. There's no arguing or name calling, only talking."

Raymond's distraction allowed me to find my voice.

"Honey, you're right in most of what you said. I acted horribly and betrayed both you and our family. But I do love you and I know I hurt you. I would do anything to take back what I did but I can't. All I can do now is try to show you how much I really do love you.

"Since I've fallen and had that affair, I've tried to be the best wife I could be. I wanted to be able to prove that I could be faithful again and show you I could begin to regain our trust.

"I've also tried to be the best lover you could ever ask for. I haven't denied you anything and have worked to give myself totally to you, even in ways I hadn't before."

He peered at me with his cold gray eyes.

"You wanted to show me I could trust you by lying to me? Really? Sarah, surely you can't be that stupid.

"So you were faithful for the past four years, what do you want, a medal?" he sneered. "I was faithful longer and what did it get me? All I got was shit on by my supposedly loving wife!"

"Oh gawd David," I said softly my voice starting to break. "I'm so sorry."

"As for giving yourself to me..." he said grimacing as if he was in pain. "Why did it take you having to feel guilty before you would do those things with me? Why wasn't it out of that love for me you claim to have? Why did you give it to him before you offered it to me?

"How can you possibly know how I feel? Until your love is betrayed, you'll have no idea the pain you've inflicted."

I sat silently, fighting back the tears, knowing his anger was justified. I'd done all those things. I knew there wasn't anything I could say that would take back any part of my betrayal. All I could do was allow him to vent his anger and wonder how long it'd been building. I knew he couldn't have known for very long since his anger was still so intense. I also couldn't imagine him not divorcing me or at least confronting me as soon as he found out about it.

Almost as if he could read my mind, he continued.

"Sixteen months ago, Rachel Hughes showed me the slut my wife had become for her boss."

I heard myself gasp at hearing him refer to me that way. David had never spoken of me in any other way than with love and respect. I guess I had my first real epiphany regarding the future of our marriage. I knew the words he said were true but they still hurt. Then I realized he'd been dealing with this for over a year!

"But why... why didn't you..." I stammered.

"Why didn't I confront you then? Several reasons actually. I didn't know if you loved him and if you were planning to divorce me. I didn't know if I still loved you. After the initial hurt and anger, I needed to figure out what was best for the kids and me.

"However, the main reason was that although Rachel showed me the proof, she wouldn't give it to me until she'd protected herself. She was afraid what I might do with it."

"The divorce settlement," I whispered.

He nodded, as Mr. James looked at us confused.

"Rachel destroyed Mark in the divorce," David explained. "She had proof of several of his other affairs and cleaned him out financially. He agreed to a huge alimony settlement for two years. I guess he figured being poor for two years was worth getting out of their marriage. So, Rachel needed to protect her alimony check. The last check is due soon so I wasn't surprised when she sent me the actual proof earlier this month. As of now, I doubt she cares what happens to her ex-husband."

"And what do you plan to do to this man?" Raymond asked cautiously.

"Hurt him as much as I can, of course. A lot depends on what happens to my marriage but I'm definitely going to destroy his career. Basically, I plan to kick him while he's down by stealing whatever hope of his I'm able to."

"No physical revenge?"

David ignored his question and continued.

"I've spent the last year trying to determine what I wanted and what was best for my family. I decided a divorce wasn't the right choice, at least for now."

"Then why are you hiding money?" Raymond asked.

"I haven't hidden any funds," David smiled. "I've unfortunately had a run of bad investments."

"Bullshit!" I blurted out surprising everyone including myself. "You're better than that, David."

He never took his eyes off Raymond. "Contrary to how professionally talented my loving wife believes I am, our financial records show otherwise."

"If you had decided not to divorce me," I said quietly, trying to calm myself, "then those decisions should've been made by us together."

"Together?" he sneered. I felt my blood run cold. "I'm sorry sweetheart, but I thought the rules had changed."

I stared at him confused.

"When I found out about your affair with that bastard," he answered sarcastically, "I was positive the rules had changed. I certainly wasn't asked if that son-of-a-bitch should screw you. I'm even more positive you didn't question me whether or not you should lie to me or let me know I was a cuckold. So yeah... I thought the rules had changed and since we weren't asking each other about important things, I made some decisions for us on my own."

"And these bad investments?" Raymond asked, studying him carefully.

"Mr. James, my world is finances. The best way I can describe my actions is by using the terms of my trade. Are you familiar with the term Hedge Funds?"

Raymond nodded as David continued.

"That term originally described secondary investments someone would use to try to protect themselves in case their primary investment failed. Same thing as when someone 'hedges their bet.' What's happened with our finances could be considered exactly that, protection in case this marriage ends in divorce."

"But," I said, my voice trembling. "I don't want a divorce. You said you knew that."

He paused and then spoke very slowly.

"Yes, but until everything is fully confronted and all the facts exposed, divorce is still a possibility."

"David, I've tried..."

"No," he growled. "No... You've only been open about your affair with that asshole after it was exposed! Don't try to make this into something it's not... something like you being faithful or honest with me. You've lied to me for the last four years. These past two weeks haven't even begun to restore my trust in you."

He glared at me before he turned towards Raymond.

"Raymond, you asked me earlier about me seeking physical revenge. The answer is simple... I'm not a violent man. While I've entertained those thoughts, in the end it was my loving wife who spread her legs for him. It was her choice. She could've and should've continued to say 'no' but she didn't. She got infatuated with the excitement of her affair and the thrill of his 'huge' cock."