Buck

"Oh that's lovely," Sally said. "My feeling is Buck is so right for you darling."

"I'll trim 50% off the rent," Frank said expansively.

Capri looked at Buck and he frowned.

"That's generous of you Frank but business is business. Let's say 20% and no rent rises for two years. Fair enough?"

"Fair enough," laughed Frank and I'm tossing two grand towards furnishing it."

"And I'll match that with $2000," Sally said. "You two have to get yourselves established so need help."

CHAPTER 3

Almost three years later Buck took his wife of six months to Carolyn's wedding. His parents had refused to attend his marriage to Capri but had allowed Carolyn and Danny to go and their parent's were amazed to learn from Carolyn that Buck and his new wife lived in a luxurious apartment and had top jobs at a large hotel built on the site of a former wharf.

"His wife must be keeping him," Beryl said.

"I don't think so mom," Carolyn smiled. "Buck is Capri's boss and he runs the whole show of 900 rooms."

"You mean ninety."

"No, it's huge mum -- almost a thousand rooms."

"Danny you go to Auckland twice a year to see your brother. Why haven't you told us he's moving up in the world."

"Buck made me promise not to paint the true picture mum. He says you expected him to be unable to make a success of himself so he preferred to keep you happy and keep on thinking he was a failure."

"B-but why would he want to do that?"

"As I said mum, to keep you happy."

"He's always been a rotten sod to me, ever since he got a mind of his own, always defying me, refusing to let me win."

"I recall you beating the shit out of him attempting to make him back down," Carolyn giggled, sending Danny into laughter.

Her father said, "I won't have you talking to your mother like that; it's all lies."

"Shut up Roger. It's the truth and we both and Carolyn know that."

"I won't be spoken to like that in my house."

"What are you going to do about it Roger, slap me and get your teeth smacked down the back of your throat," Beryl snickered, looking at the children but neither was laughing.

Two days before the wedding the Roger, Beryl and Danny were watching Carolyn and her chief bridesmaid Cathy opening presents when Cathy said, "Oh I can believe it." She turned white and handed the contents of an envelope to Carolyn.

"What is it -- a nasty reply from someone complaining about not being invited?" Beryl asked.

"Holy fuck," Carolyn screamed. "It's a check from Buck and Capri Orr for $20,000."

"Ohmigod," Beryl groaned, and slumped to the floor, almost in a faint.

Buck and Capri were now in the money, big money. Three weeks after starting their jobs at the holiday apartments they'd sat down with Frank to go over their business plan with them.

He complimented them on the new marketing initiatives, and Buck said Capri was mainly responsible for that. Frank thought the budgets appeared rather optimistic and Capri smiled and said Buck was mainly responsible for that but they were tied into marketing forecasts.

"Frank," said Buck, "we are prepared to work hard to increase bed occupancy but invite you to provide incentive for us to go even harder at driving up performance."

"Oh yeah, like diamonds and gold watches?"

"No, a three-year program and then that's it because our venue will be bedded into the minds and hearts of travel agents sending people to this part of the world."

"Shoot."

"The first 12-months Capri and I share 15% of revenue for every bed occupied over 50% of house occupancy. The second 12-months that becomes 15% for every bed occupied over 60% of house occupancy and the final period we get 15% for every bed occupied over 70% of house occupancy."

"I see. It's progressive as your marketing bites in. What occupancy are you thinking we'll settle at, providing if travel stays stable?"

"We should settle at 80-85%," said his daughter.

"Fifteen per cent is a big bite. Some would call that my profit."

"It's how you look at it Frank. You have huge fixed costs and mostly remain whether or not you have even one bed occupied. You are lucky to get the house half full at present and all we are asking is for a cut on all beds sold above 50% occupancy and remember you'll get 85% of that additional business and then at the end of three years you revert to raking in 100%."

Frank pursed his lips for a minute while Capri and Buck studied the ceiling quietly.

"All right -- it's a deal. I'll have a contract drawn up so we establish a paper trail. We start on the first of next month."

Capri worked on having new videos shot and establishing other marketing tools and then disappeared overseas for a month to six weeks at a time and a fortnight to three weeks later would be off again, taking Buck with her or having him make short-stay trips to join her to meet major clients who arrogantly wanted everything for the payment of practically nothing. Capri's attitude was, "We only have to win some." With structures set up she then commenced her own advertising campaign mainly in magazines in countries in which New Zealand was a favoured travel country amongst her targeted market segment. As expected, the results slowly began to appear and then accelerated and further improved when they hooked into a like-minded promotional cost-sharing network in Australia.

* * *

The front door was open and the wedding photographer was taking photos of the bride dressing when the visitor arrived.

"Come in," someone shouted.

A middle-aged heavily-built although not unduly fat woman in a smart lilac tailored suit said, "Who are you?"

She looked at the young blonde dressed in a moss-coloured French lace and chiffon layered maxi skirt with a slightly lighter coloured French lace camisole top. The shoes were dyed to match the top and a wispy hat of moss coloured French lace appeared to be woven into her hair stacked high. The make-up was impeccable and the 'intruder' was truly beautiful.

"Oh good morning Beryl, I believe you are my mother-in law."

"Joan!" Beryl screamed, clutching the door for support and her sister came running.

"Oh good morning Joan. I'm married to your nephew Buck. Please call me Capri."

Joan stared and swallowed and said good morning before yelling, "Carolyn -- you better come to the lounge."

Carolyn dressed in white, mostly silk, came quickly, carrying her tiny hat. Her face radiated in delight when she recognized the visitor and rushed up the two young women kissed very delicately.

"Mum, this is your daughter-in-law Capri Orr."

"Ohmigod, I can't believe it."

"Mum, please be on your best behaviour today. You did promise."

"Welcome to our humble home."

"Thank you Beryl. That is a tailored costume isn't it? Although I don't wear it lilac is one of my favourite colours."

"I went up to Auckland for two fittings."

"Oh, you should have called on us and we'd taken you to lunch."

"Call on you?"

"Yes, that's what mothers and mothers-in-law do."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

Joan and Carolyn exchanged a smile, both probably wondering where Beryl had found that word; it had never been heard from Beryl before.

"Please come through to the bedroom Capri and see if you can land this hat on my hair so it looks right. We all have failed, even the photographer who's up himself as a pseudo fashion consultant."

"Would you like a gin or a sherry dear?"

"Thank you Joan but I put down a couple of bottles of champagne at the front door before I knocked. I thought this part of the day was worth celebrating."

"Champagne -- how do you open those wire things."

"Bring it through with the glasses and I'll open the bottle Joan."

"Beryl only has wine glasses."

"They'll be fine Joan," called Capri as Carolyn pulled her into the bedroom.

"Jesus," the photographer gaped.

"Jason this is my sister-in-law Capri."

"H-Hi Capri."

"Hi Jason, you look manly with those big cameras around your neck."

Jason blushed.

"Sit please Carolyn. Ah, I see the problem. Pass me a comb Beryl."

"Are you going to change Mrs Black's hair setting? She's been doing hair for neigh on thirty years."

"I wonder why I'm not surprised."

Carolyn's giggling relaxed her. "Hold the hair spray mom, Capri will need it."

Capri pulled out and up the sides of Carolyn's hair and fixed it into place. She then hitched up her skirt and sat across Carolyn's knees. "Hat please Beryl."

"You're putting in on back to front."

"It's the way it's designed to go," Capri said, bending in close to adjust the left side until she had the slight rake to her satisfaction.

"Darling, is that horse liniment you're wearing?"

"A Christmas present perfume two years ago, made in England."

"The it probably has a liniment base. Would you like..."

"What you are wearing? Oh yes, it's divine."

Capri stood up and her assistant Beryl passed the handbag without being asked and Capri took out her Dolce & Gabbana fragrance Sicily and applied it to green-eyed Carolyn with her dark, sultry looks.

They and the photographer, nodding approvingly at the hat that was now sitting well, sipped their champagne while in the background Beryl was ordering husband Roger to have the church ushers now seat Buck and Capri in the family pew and she wanted Capri seated next to her.

"Who's Capri?"

"God you are thick. She's your daughter-in-law. And call reception and have Joan and Evan replaced on the top table with Buck and Capri."

"Is Buck suddenly back in favour""

"God you are thick. Go!"

* * *

In the church Beryl was waiting for the second-most exiting moment, the arrival of Capri. She just loved her and Capri had sprayed her, on request, with some of her fantastic perfume. She lifted her glasses on the loop around her neck -- God she hated having to use them now to see long distance -- and saw Capri arrive. She had to resist standing up and waving. Capri had someone standing beside her with his arm around the shoulders of her 18-year-old thug Danny.

Beryl experienced palpitations -- it was Buckley. She peered again for confirmation. Without a doubt and looking so suave. Well he'd have to be, wouldn't he, to hold on to a glamorous lady like his wife? God, they were by far the best looking couple in the church. She thought Danny at eighteen was tall but Buckley was a full head taller. Oh god, he was now blond. Capri would have insisted on that.

They trio arrived at the front row and Beryl said to Roger, unnecessary but she was rather nervous, this is your son Danny."

"Hello Danny."

"Hi dad," Danny grinned and in a deep voice said, "Hi mum." God he was growing up, Beryl thought. Oh for heaven's sake, soon she'd be left at home with just Roger!

"Roger, this is your daughter-in-law Capri."

"Hello Capri. What a funny name."

"Roger," Beryl hissed.

"What? God will really turn you into a shrew if you hit me in church."

Palpitations made Beryl's left breast jingle. She still managed a light kiss on Capri's cheek establishing to everyone in the church that glamour babe and Beryl were oh so close.

"Darling," she said to Roger, palpitations being replaced by euphoria, this is..."

"Buck my son. I know. Christ Buck what have you done to your hair?"

Beryl sighed and threw her arms around Buck and kissed him warmly. She expected him to say 'Hi mom, have you been drinking' but he didn't.

"Him mom, great to see you again. Capri thinks you are great as mother of the bride."

"Sit next to me Capri," Beryl squeaked, wondering if she should rush out for a pee before Carolyn arrived.

But the groom Simon and his drunken associates were arriving. They took their places and then Simon broke out and came over and kissed her, saying she looked so lovely and wasn't it a marvellous day for her. Beryl couldn't believe it Simon only had eyes for her, although he appeared drunk. He didn't even look at Capri!

"Oh he's such a lovely young man," Beryl confided as they watched Simon walk away scratching his butt.

At the reception, wearing her glasses because the damn caterers had everyone seated so far away, Beryl noticed Roger talking to the Master of Ceremonies and wondered what that was about. Capri, sitting on the other side of the bridegroom's parents, another fuck-up, had leaned forward to give her a cute wave so when Roger sat beside her she'd forgotten to ask what was he chatting about.

The wedding breakfast was expensively lovely and Beryl was glad Danny had convinced her to go for thick sliced roast beef instead of pickled pork. The speeches were going along fine and then she heard Albert, the MC, say, and now the toast to the bride's parents.

Oh god, her brother-in-law was supposed to give that and now Evan and Joan could be seated anywhere, another fuck-up. Perhaps the microphone was detachable and one of those than operated on batteries without needed a cord. Then her palpitations roared the idiot Albert called on Buck to give the toast to his parents. God, it was suppose to be a friend of the family, not the family's Black Sheep son. Another fuck-up, a gigantic one!

"The beautiful bride and by far my most favourite sister, Carolyn being my only sister, and my budding brother Danny who's becoming a lot like me, and of course myself, are the products of two disparate parents, Beryl and Roger Orr. You'll notice I put mum's name first, because that is how it is in our house, Petticoat Rule with a clip over the ear if you misbehaved or ignored her. Notice dad's ears. When he married mum they stuck out and now they have been clipped so often they are pinned against his head. Mum taught us those useless things like self-discipline, obedience, honesty and family allegiance. The funny thing is they become rather important when you leave home and begin a career. I chose commerce and am doing well because ingrained in me are what bosses call desirable assets, namely self-discipline, obedience, honesty and company allegiance. For his part dad was, or so I though, a yes man. But after I left home I realized what his contribution was, and it certainly was to Carolyn and Danny as well. He taught us something that I could crudely call, don't let the bitch get you down, only he'd never call her such a name even behind her back. Because you see he loves her. Dad grew up as a 'yes mother' son and had a good look around to find Beryl who, whether or not he knew it, was a disciplinarian replica of his own mother."

Pausing to take a sip of water, Buck continued. "Dad taught us the elements of guerrilla survival -- how to keep out of mum's way; how the way to please her was to surprise her, how to read her moods. At first I thought he was talking crap, acting like a scoutmaster attempting to teach a kid a reef knot. But gradually I learned he was a cunning sod, and his counter-revolutionary tactics in most cases were successful because it never occurred to mum than any of us had the brains to outwit her. Carolyn had defied dad's tutelage but when I also began working on her she adapted and lost her fear of mum and mum was pleased to find she had such a compliant daughter that she heaped on her the support daughters expect from their mother and didn't mum do well?"

The guests cheered and clapped.

"That allowed mum to concentrate on me and because of that I learned the qualities of defiance, doggedness and to feel unafraid in the face of the enemy. At university those qualities in me were identified and I learned to develop them even further. After I graduated I continued living with them so that should tell you I was in no hurry to leave my family home and my parents. I learnt a lot at university, that's undeniable, but I attribute the basis of my success in the business world today to those foundation basics ingrained in me by the actions and attitudes of my parents. I also must acknowledge that having Danny attempting to role model me encouraged me to take a straighter line and my beautiful sister taught me to find my emotions and how to deploy them and until I left home, aged twenty-five, honestly still believing she was the loveliest female on this planet. So there we are, our parents Beryl and Roger or if you prefer Roger and Beryl who shaped and nurtured us to make us into the people they thought we should be. Looking at this lovely bride before you I just have to say, you've done a brilliant job mum and dad. Please stand and toast the bride's parents, Roger and Beryl."

There was a thunderous toast "To Roger and Beryl." Beryl wept when looking at her son, the overhead light above his fake blond hair appearing to almost give him a halo and she openly cried as she watched Capri go to Buck, kiss him, and lead him back to their seats.

When the tables were cleared and taken away the dancing began. Bride and groom danced off first and the music paused to allow them to pick their next partners. Beryl was happy to see Simon choose his mother and Carolyn choose her father. Then Simon invited Beryl to the floor and Carolyn put out her hands in great happiness to dance with her father-in-law who'd she found to be an incorrigible tease, almost as bad as Buck had been.

Beryl chose as her brother-in-law as her partner as Carolyn had raced in to snaffle Buck.

"Evan I must apologize again for shunting you back a pew to make way for Capri and Buck."

"That's fine, it was where those two were meant to be and as for Roger asking me if I would mind Buck making the toast to his parents I was peeved, until I heard Buck get into his speech. He was magnificent."

"I thought so too; it made me cry. I was unaware he had that perspective of Roger and me."

When general dancing began Capri came over and invited Beryl to dance with her.

"Can we do this... what will people think?"

"Fuck what other people think Beryl, this is Carolyn's and your show. Buck and I want Roger and you to come and stay with us for a few days and bring Danny if he's interested. I'll find him a lively tart..."

"Er, could it be a homely girl?"

"No way, I'll find him a classy date with instructions to hold back because he's girl shy."

"That sounds a lot better. Yes Capri, I'd love that and will we have the opportunity to meet your parents?"

"Yes of course; they are anxious to meet you guys. You know of course I was born illegitimate and my father is married to someone else?"

"No, oh dear how sad that must have been for you. Rest assured it makes no difference to me whatever the complications."

"Good, I'm going to love having you for my mother-in law?"

"Who me?" Beryl said, hugely surprised, sending Capri into peels of laughter.

A guy carrying four bottles of beer leered at them and said, "You two must be lesbians dancing together."

"Apologise or I'll kick those bottles so hard up your backside they'll emerge out of your mouth," Beryl said, breaking away and crouching slightly, hunching her shoulders.

The guy paled and said, "Lady, I apologise and mean it."

As he scurried away Capri laughed and said, "God Beryl you're priceless. That guy was big enough to send you into Sunday."

"Yeah, but he'd have to find his courage to do that and I would have walloped him by then."

"Don't you ever change Beryl, I agree with Buck. You are one of a kind."

"Buck said that?"

"Yes of course Beryl. And he said it affectionately."

"Well, well. I think I've misjudged that boy. I suppose he told you why he left home?"

"No," Capri lied.

"Well you'll not hear it from me," Beryl said. "That's water under the bridge."

THE END