Business & Pleasure Ch. 05

Finally, she told Matt that should he ever have any doubt at all, Jason was no where as near as good in bed as he was. She told Matt about how she and Megan had seen him recently in the restaurant and how hot he continued to look. In fact, she mentioned that she knew he had spent a lot of time at the gym, and she knew that he must be having a hard time fighting off all of the women who were after his incredible body. Without letting herself spiral out of control in her writing, she told Matt sincerely that even two years later she longed to touch his perfect body and to be touched by it.

Finally, she apologized once more and wished him well. She told him that she would love to talk with him some time in the future if he ever felt he could forgive her enough to speak with her again.

When Matt received Julie's letter, he had already heard about her other letter that his family had received. He was irritated that his parents and his brother and sister had commented about how it had been a good thing for her to finally do. Matt didn't want to hear anything positive about her because he had grown to despise her. And now that she was acting like the Julie everyone remembered from days gone by, he was pissed that family and friends had softened their feelings about her now that she had told the truth. So, Matt's first reaction when he recognized Julie's writing was renewed anger. He took what appeared to be a personal letter to him from her, and he tore it up and threw it in the waste basket. Everyone else could read her lies, but he had had his fill of them. He wanted nothing to do with her. Except he knew that now she was finally telling the truth. But it was too late as far as he was concerned.

That night, Matt went on yet another date with Kelly, a young woman Seth had introduced him to a few months back. Matt liked Kelly, she was cute, bright, great in bed. For Matt, Kelly was great company but was not someone he could ever see himself with long term, at least not yet. Kelly noticed that he seemed distracted, not himself. He finally told her that he just felt lousy because Julie had sent him a letter, and he was irritated that his family had seemed to soften their view of her now. Kelly was sympathetic, and supported Matt's decision to throw away the letter. But she could still tell it bothered him. Matt dropped Kelly at her place without going in to spend the night. He told her he would not be good company but would see her the next day.

Arriving at his new town house, which his parents had recently given him, Matt found he could not sleep, so he made himself a drink. He was still irritated about Julie and her letters. Now he wished he was still living at Seth's place, so the two of them could talk. Finally, after pouring himself another drink, Matt went to the trash and retrieved the letter, taping it together. He hesitated, feeling very strange holding something he knew Julie had touched and crafted for him. But he finally read all that she had to say. Seeing Julie's handwriting again, and reading her words, which he knew were so sincere was too much for him. He was overcome with anger and sadness. He was still angry because of what Julie had ruined for both of them. And strangely, he felt his own anger toward her softening because her words seemed so much like those of the Julie he knew and loved what seemed like many years ago.

Matt cried himself to sleep that night. The next morning, sober, he reread the letter and cried harder. He knew that he was not going to duplicate with anyone else what he and Julie had had; and he hated her now for ending it for both of them. And yet, he knew her sorrow was sincere. He appreciated her honesty, although it was late in coming. And he knew that she could have left things the way they were, but she had decided to tell the truth.

Matt thought that he was over Julie, and he was surprised by the impact of her letter on him. When Seth arrived to go to the gym with him, Matt's eyes were still red from all of the crying. Immediately, knowing that something had happened, Seth pressed his brother to find out what was wrong. Matt couldn't speak. He just handed Seth the taped letter from Julie.

"Dude, I'm so sorry. I know this hurts. I didn't say anything to you about the letter she sent me cuz I knew you would freak. She's moving on, or trying to, and I think she is really sorry. But, I know it's too late for that Bro. Are you thinking of talkin to her?"

Matt started to cry once again, something he had not done in front of Seth for a long, long time. "Seth, I don't want to fucking see her. She pisses me off so much. I am pissed at myself for reading her fuckin letter. She should have thought about all this shit before she fucked her black stud. Suddenly, I am the one she has always loved, and she will miss me always. Bullshit! I am so fucking pissed, I can't even tell you. Why now? Why does she have to feel good about herself now. She fucking lied for almost two years, and now all of a sudden everyone is supposed to feel so good about her. I hate what she did to me. I can still see the two of them together in our bed.

And when I read this letter, I know she's really sorry for all of this shit, but it's too late Seth. She fucked him, and then she tried to fuck me. The lies she told about me were awful. And, what's worse, people believed her! Now, she writes this shit........where's her black stud now?" Matt was crying and yelling at the same time. For Seth, this was the eruption that he thought was underneath for the past year or so. He tried to calm Matt, but figured he should just let it happen.

"And the worst fucking thing about all of this is that when I read her letter.......I still fucking miss her. I loved her so much. I wish she would just stop." Matt couldn't talk anymore and Seth just hugged him and let him cry it out.

"Matt, you'll be okay. I knew it would freak you if she sent you an apology. But, I think she's sincere, even if her timing sucks."

"You know what Seth, the bizarre thing is that I actually feel sorry for her cuz I know her letter is genuine, and I know she's truly sorry and finally doing the right thing. And I really want to talk to her, but I am not sure if I ever could. But, after I read the letter, I guess I just knew that she's devastated like I was and am, and she's trying to say she's sorry." Seth had never seen his brother so upset, not since the night Matt found Julie and Jason. But Seth and the rest of his family wanted Matt to get his stuff together and move on, and this was his chance. Seth was going to press Matt to meet Julie and put some closure to this. He hoped that Matt would do it.

Matt did not know about it until much later, but Seth left a message for Julie asking her to call Matt directly and ask to meet for a drink and possibly dinner, just to talk. He told her Matt needed closure as she did. He thanked her on her machine, and he hoped it would happen.

Julie was excited to hear Seth's message, and she nervously called Matt's office and left him a voice mail asking him for drinks and dinner on her the following Friday afternoon and evening. She told his machine that she would understand if he declined, but she hoped he would not.

Matt played Julie's message for Seth who said, "Dude, you are fucking divorced. If she wants to apologize in person, fuckin get it over with and then go fuck Kelly's brains out. You won't be able to string that beauty along forever you know. She wants you, and every other guy in Boston wants her. But you have to do this first, Bro. This is eating you up. It has been for almost two years. Get it over with already."

"Maybe I should call Jason and see if he wants to do dinner with her afterwards." Matt said sarcastically to his brother.

"Cut the shit, Matt. You know that's over with her. Do this for you, not for her. You should have done this two years ago. Do it and then do Kelly." Seth said with a smile.

"Seth, you know I am about more than just sex. Kelly is real hot. I mean, she is the closest to matching Julie's body that I have come, but I just don't think the chemistry is right. She's wants to get married in the worst way, and there's no way that even interests me right now. So, the sex with her is fine, but she's constantly pushing the marriage thing every chance she gets."

"Bro, did you just say you are about more than just sex? Did I really just hear you say that? When did you change? And, I have to say, Kelly is definitely Julie's equal in the looks department. She is so fuckin hot. Believe me, being married to her would not be a problem for most guys. That's why you have to talk with Julie, and close that chapter for good. You'll probably feel much different once that's over."

Matt listened to Seth and smiled. He knew that Kelly would be perfect for Seth. She was incredibly beautiful and loved fucking, and those were Seth's first and foremost requirements for anyone he dated. But for Matt, there had to be the chemistry as well, and so far, he had not experienced that chemistry with anyone he had dated. It had been there from the start with Julie. And he knew he would recognize it immediately if it happened again. But for now, he didn't like using someone like Kelly just for the sex. He couldn't say that to Seth, because he knew his younger brother would not be able to process that. If Kelly were just a few years younger, Seth would be all over her.

"Okay. I will accept Julie's invitation for a drink, and I will let her say what she has to say. It won't be easy, and I'm sure she'll probably be crying all over the place. But, my therapist thinks it might be good closure for both of us, and my friend Adele who I've confided a lot of this stuff in also thinks it might not be a bad idea."

Matt was much more anxious than he let on. Seeing Julie after all of this time would be tough for him, but if she could do it, so could he. He had no idea what they'd talk about. He did not want to relive their last moments together. He figured he would just kind of let it happen.

He called her apartment when he figured she would be at work, and he left a message saying he could meet her Friday afternoon at about four. For the rest of the week, Matt was totally distracted and nervous. His secretary asked him what was going on, because he was not focused the way he usually was.

When Julie heard Matt's voice message, her heart raced and she simultaneously burst into tears. She was overjoyed that he was going to meet her, and she was terrified. She had to tell herself that it was just a chance for her to apologize and nothing more. And she did sincerely want to apologize to Matt for ruining their marriage. She didn't know if she could do it without dissolving into tears and breaking down, but she was going to give it her best effort.

When Julie arrived at the bar just a few minutes early on Friday afternoon, she was the object of many a look from the patrons at the upscale watering hole. She was dressed conservatively in a business suit as she had had a presentation earlier in the day at her law firm.

Matt was right on time and Julie felt her heart race again as she saw her former husband up close and approaching her. As she looked at the somewhat thinner, but incredibly good looking young man approaching her, Julie could not believe that she could have screwed things up with this remarkably hot guy. His hair was longer now, not quite shaggy, and it looked fantastic. His cheeks had a natural redness that almost looked like make up. The cleft in his chin, the dark eyebrows......she so missed fucking him. She knew the instant she saw him that she was still very deeply in love with this man whom she had hurt so much.

When Matt spotted Julie, he checked his watch, afraid that he had kept her waiting. He hadn't. Looking at his former wife, Matt was taken with how totally stunning she was. She looked absolutely beautiful in every way. He felt his heart in his throat. He had loved her so much, and she had hurt him so much. As Matt came toward her, he felt a little awkward, but he bent down and kissed her lightly on her cheek. "You look great Jules."

"Thanks Matt. Thanks for agreeing to meet me. And you're the one who looks great. You look like you've been doing some serious working out."

"Thanks, do you want to grab a drink?" Matt asked and motioned toward the door of the bar. He figured he would have one drink and be out of there. He felt uneasy, and wasn't sure what she had in mind. But now that he was here his feelings were a mixture of missing her all over again, and hating her for what she had done.

"Sure." And, they went in and sat at a table near the corner and to the side.

The waitress was at the table immediately and took their order. Julie ordered a glass of wine, and Matt ordered a scotch on the rocks. She had thought about having something non alcoholic, but figured she needed something with alcohol to get her through this.

When the waitress left the table, Julie and Matt's eyes met. Matt realized that this was the first time he had looked her in the face since before he had found her with Jason. He was once again taken with how beautiful she was. Her skin and coloring was perfect. Her hair was a soft sandy blonde. It fell at her shoulders perfectly. Her eyes, lips, and nose were flawless as he remembered them. Matt was tempted to look away, but decided not to. He said nothing. Julie returned the look at her incredibly handsome former husband. He was so hot she thought in her mind. Seeing him immediately rekindled memories of hot sex with him. She recalled how she had loved his perfect body. And now, it seemed to be even more perfectly defined if that was possible.

Julie smiled warmly and her eyes seemed to tear just a little. "Matt, I am so grateful you decided to meet with me. This is kind of therapeutic for me, and I can tell you honestly that I am doing it partly out of selfishness because I really do have the need to express my sincere and deepest apologies to you for how miserably I failed you two years ago. Not only did I hurt you with Jason, but then the awful lies I told were just the worst." As she talked, Matt could see her eyes starting to fill up. For his part, he just stared at her and said nothing. He figured he would let her talk. His anger was more manageable now, and he found he could listen to her, whereas a year ago he could not have.

"But finally, while I know I cannot undo the terrible things I did, I can take full responsibility for them. Matt, I can't express to you deeply enough how despicable I view my actions as being. You did not deserve it, and I have no idea why I did any of it. You were nothing short of the perfect husband for me, and I screwed it up. And, when I lost you Matt, you cannot imagine how horrible I felt. In fact, you may have a hard time believing this, but I still feel horrible, and I miss you every day, even now. And what's so hard is that I am completely to blame for all of this." Julie's eyes were about to spill tears, and Matt could feel his own eyes starting to tear, partly because of the memory of how he had felt when he found her and Jason, and partly because she was sitting in front of him clearly demonstrating how sorry she felt for her actions.

The drinks arrived, and the waitress could see that Julie was upset. She put the drinks down quickly and left. Matt had the urge to take Julie's hands and tell her he was over it, and not to get herself all worked up. He could see she was upset, but he also felt she deserved to be. He refrained from taking her hands and just tried to calm her a bit.

"Julie, I decided to meet you today primarily because of the letters you sent to our families and to me. Almost two years later, I was surprised to see you did that. But I am glad you did, because a lot of people saw that I was not the monster that you said I was. While I was pissed that you said that stuff about me, I was also happy you finally set the record straight.

But, Jules, you don't have to do this now. This is kind of therapeutic for me too, and I am glad we are meeting, but I guess I should tell you that you don't have to say all of this, because you already did in your letters. I don't want to sit here with a beautiful woman who is crying her eyes out. People will think I did something to you. So please....you've already said it once. And I appreciate that you did. Since we're here for at least one drink, can you at least tell me what you've been up to for the last two years? You look terrific today, so some of the time must have been okay for you." Matt managed a smile as he said this.

Dabbing her eyes, she said: "Thanks, you always had a way of making tough things easier for me. Besides regretting the biggest mistake of my life, I have been working lately on trying to reconstruct the ruins I had made of it when I lost you. At first, I think you know I left school for a semester, then I lived with my sister for a short time while I worked. Finally, I was able to get the school thing done, and now I work for a tiny firm, hoping to climb out of the trenches and get a career going. You probably don't know that I have a tiny efficiency on Beacon Hill. High rent for the prestige, but I have loved it there since we lived there.

Dating wise, I have done some, but not a lot. I've been too busy with school and now work. Maybe that will happen sometime. I have not been out with a guy for months, and I just don't have the feeling that I want to. You want the truth? I can't find anyone even as remotely good looking or as nice as you. That's the truth. And I kick myself for it every day. Really." Julie looked into Matt's eyes and he saw that hers were starting to tear again. "You on the other hand have been really busy from what my sources tell me." You've got a new place, and are going out with some really hot looking woman I hear. I am not surprised by that. When we first separated, I knew there was a long list of women who wanted you."

Matt smiled. "Who is kidding who? Julie look at you. You must have had guys coming from every direction after you." He was surprised to hear that she wasn't dating, and wondered if that was really true. She seemed like she was telling the truth, but he just didn't know if he could trust what she said. He did know one thing while he was looking at her, she was absolutely stunning, and he felt a stirring in his loins and stomach that surprised him after all that had happened. He did know that he missed the hot sex the two of them had together. And seeing her up close once again, he experienced that same sexual excitement that he had always felt around her. Plain and simply, she turned him on big time. He wondered mentally how many guys she had had sex with over the past two years. He felt a little jealous, almost like she was still partly his woman exclusively.

"Anyway, I have done some dating, but to be honest with you, it's been just okay. I guess after we split, I got into going to the gym with Seth to keep my mind off of things. And then I really got into work and so I guess I just have not been into the dating scene like we both were ten years ago. Must be the age!" Matt commented with a smile.

Julie's stomach tingled when Matt smiled. It was a relaxed smile, genuine, not artificially put on for today's meeting. And she felt the familiar tingling she experienced when she looked at him and realized how hot and handsome he was. Julie was puzzled by what Matt had said, because her friends had told her that Kelly and Matt were very seriously dating and it looked like it was a pretty hot relationship all around. She wasn't sure if Matt was just leaving that out because he thought it was none of her business, but she had to know.

"My sources must be wrong Matt. And, I don't want you to think that I am checking up on you, but my friends feel the need to report to me what you are doing. Of course, they don't know that I hate hearing about you with someone else. But they tell me that your latest squeeze is someone who's really hot and that the two of you are really into one another. I think her name is Kelly. And, Matt, I hope that you have found someone who will be better to you than I was. You deserve that, really!" As she said this, Matt noticed that more tears started up in Julie's eyes. Matt blushed a little as he looked into her eyes.