...But Your Enemies Closer

"You never seemed to have the same attitude when I was bringing you coffee every day." Rebecca stated.

"No, but you barely ever gave me the chance seeing how you always beat me to the punch." Emily shrugged her shoulders, "You always got something out of coming down here for me too. And like I said before, he drinks tea."

"Why Emily Frazier! It sounds like you're being a nice and fair employer for once!" Rebecca exclaimed with mock surprise.

Emily chuckled, finding no offense in the joke whatsoever. "Thanks for teaching me how."

"I don't recall doing anything of the sort."

"Trust me on this one. You really did."

Rebecca found her cheeks tingeing pink for some reason at the compliment. She had no idea why Emily's nice words affected her so much, but somehow they really got under her skin. In a completely positive way for once.

"Can I be honest with you about something?" Emily asked, setting her eyes on the table and not on Rebecca for the first time in this exchange.

Rebecca was afraid of what the blonde was bound to say but it didn't stop her from uttering out a quiet, "Sure."

"I really miss you. Not in the way that you probably think, well I mean I do miss that, but that's not the point..." Emily drew in a big breath and recollected herself before trying again, "What I'm trying to say is that I miss seeing you every day. I miss talking and laughing and just spending time with you overall. Does that make any sense whatsoever?"

Rebecca was definitely caught off guard by this admission from the stubborn blonde. Never in a million years did she expect Emily to admit how much she missed Rebecca's presence so openly. The brunette would have bet money that it would never happen in fact.

While Rebecca was making imaginary bets, she didn't expect to have similar feelings about Emily -- but somehow through all the hurt of their recent 'break-up' she still did. Rebecca had a moment of debate on whether she should bring this up or not. Seeing how Emily had been brave enough to open up, Rebecca knew that she had to as well. She was no coward after all.

"I miss you too." Rebecca confessed finally.

They considered each other silently and drank their respective coffees after this. Rebecca absently wondered if Emily had somewhere that she needed to be and was shirking her duty in order to spend a little more time with the brunette. Not that she was complaining at all. In fact, Rebecca might have to thank Amanda for the little nudge that she gave Rebecca in reconnecting with Emily -- begrudgingly of course.

"I probably should go." Emily said, confirming what Rebecca had just been considering.

The brunette was somewhat pleased to see that Emily looked a bit sad at the prospect of leaving her. She did her best to mask the emotion and not to break out into a victory jig right then and there. It could wait until later.

"I understand." Rebecca responded with trained stoicism, before offering Emily a peasant smile. "It's been nice catching up though."

Emily chewed on her lip and searched the face across from her. Rebecca had been around the blonde long enough to know there was something going on in that pretty little head of hers. She only hoped that it would spill out instead of staying locked up as it usually did.

"Do you think you would maybe want to see each other again?" Upon seeing Rebecca's eyes widen Emily held her hands up and clarified her proposition. "I mean, like this. Completely platonic. For the sake of, you know, catching up or hanging out. Whatever you want to call it."

"Oh." Rebecca uttered a bit lamely. She hadn't seen this coming, but it wasn't an unpleasant prospect. "Um, sure. I don't see why we couldn't do that."

Emily's face broke out into the biggest grin that Rebecca had ever seen the girl wear. She was authentically happy by this response and for once, she was showing it on her sleeve. This caused Rebecca to smile a little wider unconsciously.

"Great. Well, I'll give you a call later and we can figure something out. How's that sound?" Emily couldn't hide her giddiness at the thought of seeing Rebecca again soon.

"That sounds wonderful." Rebecca answered in utter truthfulness.

"Okay then." Emily said and stood from the table with coffee in hand. "I'll be seeing you then."

Rebecca nodded, "See you Emily."

They traded one more lingering glance at each other and then Emily headed out the door with a defined pep in her step. Rebecca sat back, just realizing now that she had been leaning forward to get closer to Emily as the conversation had drug on. She uttered a sigh and twisted the cup in her hand, thinking on what had just happened. Surprisingly she felt quite excited to see the blonde again as well. It was likely that her personal life might be taking a turn for the better as well as her vocational life. It was nice for things to be on an upside for once.

***

Two days after their unexpected meeting, Emily called Rebecca to schedule a time for them to see each other again. Rebecca couldn't stop the giggles that erupted after she had hung up with Emily. Hearing the blonde sound so eager about seeing Rebecca again was absolutely adorable -- it was as if she wasn't even trying to wear her usual stone mask during the duration of their conversation.

They agreed to meet up at Emily's condo this Saturday and the prospect -- while not bad necessarily -- was nerve wracking to Rebecca. She was willingly putting herself back into a position where the blonde held all the power and the thought alone was slightly intimidating to Rebecca. On the flip side though, she would much rather be in Emily's space then the other way around. Rebecca wasn't ready to have Emily in a position to scrutinize and sniff out every little mistake in her apartment quite yet.

Rebecca knew that she was probably over exaggerating in her fears. After all, Emily did seem very authentic about not wanting to push the brunette into anything again -- the blonde simply desired to hang out. This realization brought some comfort to Rebecca about going to Emily's home, but not much.

In the coming days, this initial fear had been all but banished from Rebecca's thoughts as she tackled a new challenge. Her brain -- which was never as active as it had become recently -- began to replay every interaction between the two throughout Rebecca's time at Zendex and that generally ended up with the brunette squirming uncomfortably and trying her best to change tracks in her mind as quickly as possible. It was sort of like trying to change the channel on a TV without having access to a remote.

This was only the start of Rebecca's journey of self-discovery, however. Soon it wasn't just how she was with Emily in her past job; it began to go back even further to the younger days between the two girls. Suddenly, Rebecca started seeing herself in a whole new light in the eyes of her adult brain -- which was arguably more perceptive than her younger one.

How was it that Rebecca had gone from being Emily's daily tormentor in their youth to her personal bitch -- in every sense of the word -- as adults? She felt bad for the blonde and wanted to make things up to her by being a bit of a pushover, okay, sure that was reasonable. How in the hell did she become Emily's favorite fuck buddy without a single complaint or an ounce of resistance though? There was no logic to it.

It was the exact opposite of logic actually, and it left Rebecca with only one answer: she had some serious repressed lesbian tendencies, and they were all aimed at Emily.

What other explanation was there for Rebecca's reaction to her physical relationship with Emily? Not once did she really stop herself from pushing forward with the blonde. In fact, more often than not, she was planning the next time that she could charm her way into the girl's pants -- or skirts as it generally was -- as soon as the current encounter ended. If she were completely straight then her actions made no sense whatsoever.

The way things played out though, made every bit of their relationship seemed to make sense now. Why else was Rebecca so damn fixated on her throughout high school? Had she really deluded herself into thinking that just because Emily had made a simple mistake on their first meeting that it was worth crucifying the girl and putting every bit of energy into torturing her? For a while perhaps, but four fucking years? That was just insane.

Perhaps the whole time Rebecca was doing her best to torment Emily she was simply working even harder to outrun the confusing feelings she felt herself. If she projected all of that bad onto the blonde then she wouldn't have to face what was actually going on inside of her. The harder the brunette considered it, the thought became less of a perhaps and more of a most definitely.

Hadn't Rebecca truly enjoyed spending time with Emily in their senior year for reasons she couldn't even explain to herself? It was only when it came crashing down on her that it may be a little unusual or strange did she lash out violently enough to send Emily into a deep seated depression that kept the blonde away for years. Knowing how strange her peers would find her homosexual feelings towards Emily could make her act that much worse then, couldn't it? Four years of hell for an innocent girl worse, perhaps?

"Holy shit." Rebecca muttered to herself as she realized that perhaps she never truly knew herself at all. She had been wearing a mask for so long that it never occurred to her that she wasn't actually looking at her face in the mirror anymore. "Holy shit."

***

After Rebecca's bout of self-discovery, she seriously considered making an excuse to not see Emily and avoid the girl -- and by extent, her feelings -- for a while longer. The brunette knew that was a terrible decision however and so she stuck it out and concluded that it was something she had to do no matter how hard it was. Besides, as she had to tell herself daily anyways, she was no coward and it was finally time to prove that sentiment true.

The brunette did an excellent job disguising her inner turmoil when Emily greeted her and ushered her through the door with a wide smile. There would be a time and a place to talk about it, but it wasn't in this initial moment -- that was for damn sure. For now, Rebecca was just content to enter the warm house and shake off the night cold from her skin.

"I hope it wasn't too hard to find the place." Emily said and led Rebecca into the living room.

She was putting on that good hostess attitude, which was a far cry to what Rebecca was used to from Emily. It was a nice change of pace from the typical though. Endearing, even.

No sooner had Rebecca sat on the couch as Emily instructed did a white ball of fur bombard her. The cat that had appeared from seemingly nowhere then looked up at Rebecca with wide blue eyes and mewed happily before settling onto the brunette's lap. Rebecca didn't even try to keep up pretenses; she absolutely melted at the small animal's immediate affection toward her.

"Aww, what's her name?" Rebecca asked Emily and began to scratch the pretty white cat under the chin.

"Marie."

Rebecca smirked, "Oh. Like from the Disney movie?"

Emily looked amused at this assessment, "Good guess, but no. I was thinking more of your old friend when I named her."

"As in Marie Ronson?" Rebecca asked with a quirked brow, her fingers still absently scratching the cat's neck. "Why?"

"Because she's an idiot who whines entirely too much." Emily chuckled and motioned to the feline. "Also she's a big suck up to you, so that just confirms that I named her perfectly."

"Well that's not a very nice thing to say, is it Marie?" Rebecca asked the cat, who simply purred in her biased agreement to what Rebecca said.

"Case in point." Emily replied with a roll of her eyes, "I was just going to pour myself a glass of wine, can I get you anything to drink?"

"Whatever you're having." Rebecca replied absently and continued to coo at the cat. Marie hammed it up for Rebecca so spectacularly that the brunette was completely under the little cat's spell.

"You're not helping your case at all Becca." Emily muttered and walked off with a shake of her head and a laugh.

When Emily returned with two glasses in her hand, she found Rebecca with her attention trained to her lap, but without the presence of Marie now. The aura around the brunette was significantly thicker than it was a moment before and Emily had to wonder if she was feeling uncomfortable with being here. Perhaps it would have been better to invite her somewhere more public.

The blonde cleared her throat to propose this very thing but Rebecca held up a hand before she could even get a word out, "Before you say anything, I need to tell you something."

Emily nodded and set the glasses of wine on the table next to the couch before taking a seat next to Rebecca. "Okay. Go ahead."

"Well, first things first I suppose. I'm sorry for senior year. I mean, I'm sorry for high school in general really, but what I did to you that last time we talked...that wasn't right. It was just low. No, it was beyond low."

"Don't worry about it." Emily replied in a low voice.

Rebecca nodded slowly, "That doesn't mean that you accept my apology though. I don't expect you to either, but, well just hear me out here. Okay?"

Emily made a motion for Rebecca to carry on. The brunette inhaled a breath and locked her jaw. Whatever it was that she had to say, the blonde could tell that it wasn't easy for her to admit.

"I think, no I know, why I've been horrible to you for so long. It's been hard to admit to myself, and honestly it was because I had no idea really, but lately I guess I've just started to see things differently and the fact is that...Oh God, I'm rambling like an idiot." Rebecca closed her eyes and ran a hand through her hair, "I think that this whole time I've just been lying to myself about how much I liked you."

Emily blinked in confusion, "Come again?" She finally managed to say.

"I liked you. That's why I was so mean to you. I liked you, and I just couldn't admit it so I tortured you instead." Rebecca tried desperately to make the blonde understand what she was saying. It was hard enough to admit it to herself, but admitting it to Emily ended up being a million times worse.

"You know that makes absolutely no sense right?"

"Oh yeah?" Rebecca asked with a challenging glare, "Then explain to me why little boys tease little girls on the playground and tug on their pigtails."

Emily pursed her lips in thought and Rebecca did her best not to stare at them. It was extremely hard though with how delectable they looked. It would be so easy to just lean forward and push mine against them and... Stop it! Rebecca reprimanded herself and folded her arms across her chest to keep herself in place.

"Okay, that makes a little sense. Can I ask you something though?" Emily proposed as she chewed on her lip thoughtfully.

"Of course."

"During senior year, was all that time we spent together just to pull a really cruel prank?"

Rebecca drug a deep breath in before expelling it roughly, "That's how it started but by the end...no. By the end of it all, I was really happy to be around you. Then I panicked and did my best to hurt you as much as I knew how. It's one of those moments in my life that I look back on and find that I'm not very proud with myself."

Emily examined the sullen brunette for a silent moment before she passed over the glass of wine, which Rebecca took without a word. She couldn't stop looking at Rebecca from the corner of her eye. The way that she twirled the stem of the glass in her fingers, the pulled brows over scowling eyes, the usually plump lips pulled into a tight line.

As ironic as it was, the blonde couldn't stand watching the other girl beat herself up. She leaned closer to Rebecca and whispered, "Do you know what I'm proud of?"

"Hmm?" The sound came out like a growl from Rebecca's throat.

"Your ability to admit when you're wrong." Emily smiled and put a reassuring hand on Rebecca's arm. "I think that's a very admirable trait that we don't all have. I know I struggle with it from time to time."

"But I thought you were perfect?" Rebecca asked, the teasing clear in her voice despite how small it sounded to her own ears.

Emily grinned, "Only compared to you."

Rebecca rolled her eyes and delivered a light shove to Emily before flopping back on the couch. "Is there any way that we could just, I don't know, start over? I understand that you can't just forgive and forget, but I really would like a new beginning if it's at all possible."

"Eventually the bad blood has to be put to rest right?" Emily asked, more to herself than Rebecca. "Perhaps it would be best for both of us."

One of the brunette's perfectly sculpted brows rose in question, "What do you mean?"

"You want a chance to show me the new you -- which you completely deserve after everything I've put you through in these past months. While I need to just get over it, as you've put it so many times." Emily shrugged, "So let's make it happen. No more allusions to our past and the people we used to be -- a completely fresh start."

Rebecca grinned, "I like this idea."

"Me too." Emily lifted her glass and held it up to Rebecca, "To a clean slate."

"I'll drink to that." Rebecca said and touched the edge of her glass to Emily's before taking a sip. She set her glass down and fiddled with the hands in her lap, not exactly sure where to segue from here. "So, uh, what now?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." Emily replied.

She said that instead of uttering the chuckle that wanted to bubble up at Rebecca's sudden shy nature. The girl really was adorable without even trying. Some things never really changed she supposed.

Post High School: Emily Frazier

I had no idea how much I had truly been oppressed until I started college. There was a definite idea of how bad it was between home and school, but strolling along the campus and breathing the fresh air without a care in the world -- or anyone to tell me what to do -- was the most freeing feeling I had ever experienced in my life. Sure, I had classes to go to, but I didn't have to if I didn't want to. That would definitely upset my potential future if I didn't, but that was my choice to make now.

There had never been a time in my life where anything was my choice, and now everything was up to me. What classes I took, what places I visited and what people I gave the time of day. All of it was wonderful -- simply and truly wonderful.

It was incredible -- and admittedly scary -- to realize that surviving high school had all been a test to see where the rest of my life would go. If I would have let Becca Knox and her idiot bitchy friends get to me, I would have never been able to experience the crazy, chaotic life that was college. Still, it was my choice to embrace this crazy and chaotic life.

That's not to say that it was all sunshine and roses of course. The classes were backbreaking and the study hours were horrendous sometimes. Most of the professors had a stick up their ass that had been lodged deep since the eighties, which gave them an air of pretention to the likes that I had never known before. However, despite all of this, I didn't have to share that little bit of hell with the likes of my neglectful parents or my high school tormentors. The good evened out with the bad for the first time in my life -- and after the bad winning by a landslide for the past four years or so, I could deal with a couple of stuck up assholes and long nights cracking books.

So college was good for life, and surprisingly it was good at getting me out of the shell that I had encased myself in for so long. Before I knew it, I was actually socializing with people and having a good time at that. I was invited to my first party without it being the butt end of a joke. People wanted me around for once.