...But Your Enemies Closer

For the second time in Rebecca's time knowing the girl, she compared her to Emily -- or more accurately, she compared their hair. It was true that Amanda was a pretty girl, but the blonde that she dyed her locks was unappealing to Rebecca, at least when in contrast to Emily's natural color. Of course, Rebecca knew she was probably just being biased in this opinion.

"We established that earlier." Rebecca muttered trying to shake off the distraction of Emily that was dancing around in her head now.

Not that it was unpleasant by any means, but Rebecca found herself unable to shake the blonde from her thoughts anymore. It was as if everything reminded her of Emily in one way or another. On one level it was kind of cute how infatuated she was -- especially now that she was being honest with herself about her feelings -- but on another level she wasn't sure if it was a good idea to get tangled up with Emily ever again. They were quite a volatile combination together and surely there was bound to be explosions if they got too close -- and not just the happy, feel good, make your toes curl kind of explosions either.

"Thinking about her again?" Amanda asked and took a deep drink from her cup.

"Huh?"

"Emily. You were thinking of Emily again."

Rebecca's brows pulled together in a tight line and she instantly became defensive at the mention of the other blonde, "Of course not. What would give you that idea?"

"Because you get all spacey when she comes up in the conversation. Or when you see her. Or when you're thinking of her. Like right now."

The brunette could have tried to deny it but instead, she just mumbled around her cup, "Shut up."

Amanda smiled deviously in her obvious triumph, "So how is your girlfriend anyways?"

"She's not my girlfriend!" Rebecca answered much too quickly -- and aggressively -- for her words to be taken seriously.

"Uh-huh." Amanda replied in a very unconvinced tone, "So she's well I take it."

"God, I hate you."

"Now that's the real core to this friendship. Mutual hatred. It's kind of wonderful isn't it?"

"You see, this is exactly why I have a hard time thinking that you would ever want any pep in your life." Rebecca said with a scowl, "I think that if any amount of pep crept into that black heart of yours you would simply keel over and die."

"Fair enough." Amanda replied, completely unfazed by Rebecca's words. "It doesn't mean that I don't want to be happy though -- and let's be honest, we both know that I'm not happy."

"I just thought that this was your normal state of being." Rebecca replied. It wasn't a shot at Amanda; it was simply how she believed the girl truly was.

"Ignoring that ignorant outburst." Amanda said with a wave of her hand. "I can't believe I'm going to say this, and if you ever repeated it I would deny it to my dying breath, but...well I want what you have with Emily. Even if the thought of it makes me want to puke my guts up. Like, she doesn't even care that you're a giant loser, she's still willing to stand by you."

"Okay, let's get a few things straight real quick. First off, I am not a loser. Second, Emily and I don't have anything."

Amanda blinked a few times as if she was staring at something that was very hard to comprehend. "You're really fucking dense aren't you?"

"What are you talking about?" Rebecca asked, the scowl on her face deepening to the point where the frown lines were in danger of permanently etching into her skin

"You're aware that she really wants you right?" Amanda quirked a brow, "Or are you actually that oblivious?"

"No I knew..." Rebecca muttered under her breath. "It's just not a good idea."

"Why not?"

Rebecca's mouth was a tight line as she asked, "What's with the third degree Amanda?"

"I thought that what you did with your friends?" She asked in a sickeningly sweet voice.

Should have known that was going to backfire at some point. Rebecca thought bitterly and sighed, "It just wouldn't look good."

"Again I ask, why? It's not like you're working for her and whatever bullshit history you have obliviously isn't relevant anymore. So what the hell would look so bad?" Amanda waited for a response from Rebecca, but when she didn't get one she simply just laughed, "Oh I see. This is a pride issue or something, right? How silly."

"You wouldn't understand." Rebecca replied, but even she didn't sound convinced by her lame excuse.

"Sure I wouldn't. It's so hard to understand two prideful bitches not wanting to be the first one to bow to the other. That's impossible to grasp. How could I ever begin to know what that would be like?"

"Okay captain sarcasm. I fucking get it."

"Do you?"

Rebecca set Amanda with such a glare that the girl physical reeled from it. The blonde held her hands up in surrender and averted her eyes from Rebecca's death stare. Let it never be said that the brunette couldn't tap into that old Becca Knox attitude when she wanted or needed it -- except in the case of Emily who seemed to have grown immune to that superpower.

"Can we just drop it?" Rebecca asked, softening her voice to offset her attitude from moments before, "For now at least?"

"Yeah." Amanda mumbled and set her eyes back outside the window.

Rebecca watched her odd little friend for a while without saying anything. She knew that it wasn't very nice to unleash her frustration of the situation off on Amanda, but it was still touchy enough that she didn't even try to think about it most of the time. When it came to Emily, Rebecca was just winging it until she found some clarity about things.

"You know what?" Rebecca asked the girl softly.

"Hmm?"

"I don't doubt that you'll find whatever it is you're looking for, and I don't think it'll take you nearly as long as it took me. You're a lot more driven than I've ever been." Rebecca admitted, "So don't get hung up on it. You're not a giant loser."

Amanda pressed her lips together in a tight line and looked at Rebecca's in a sideways glance, "Neither are you."

"Okay then."

Another beat of silence surrounded the two before Amanda spoke up again. "Do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

"Just...think about what I said. About Emily I mean."

Rebecca nodded, "I will."

Oh yes, I will. Because the truth is Amanda dear, I can't stop thinking about the girl. The damnable woman won't leave my mind for two seconds, so I'll be sure to add the fuel of your words to the Emily bonfire that's already burning in the back of my brain. Don't even worry about it for a second.

"Cool." Amanda replied, "Oh, and this conversation never happened. None of it."

"Agreed." Rebecca nudged the blonde's cup with her own and then drained the rest of her coffee, "I've got to head out. Night classes."

"Good luck." Amanda said and focused her attention back to her own little world. Rebecca nodded and stood from the table. She threw her empty cup in the trash and headed towards the door. Before she could make it out Amanda's voice rang out once more. "Oh, and be sure not to let your mind wander."

Rebecca froze with one hand on the door. She contemplated turning around and giving Amanda a piece of her mind. In the end, she just pushed the door open and made her way out into the breezy afternoon with a single word on her lips.

"Bitch."

***

Rebecca was having a bad day.

She had broken a heel on her way into work. One of the guys in the office wouldn't get the hint that she wasn't into him and so she had to put up with a barrage of his cheesy pickup lines again. Her boss chewed her out for the stupidest shit and to make it worse it was something that she had no control over. She had to suffer through math and the over-the-top professor that came with that territory. It didn't help that math was her least favorite subject but it was necessary for any degree that she was going to get so it was a must. On top of all that, she was an hour late getting to Emily's -- and that was the one hope for a little bit of relaxation she had today.

"Sorry I'm late." Rebecca said as she walked through the door and right past Emily on her way to the living room. "Stupid professor kept us twenty minutes later than he was supposed to and then I almost ran out of gas on the way over and...well let's just say it was a bit of a shit day."

She flopped down on the couch and let her head fall back against it with a groan. Emily handed her a glass of wine without being prompted and Rebecca seized it gratefully before taking a deep swig. The blonde sat next to Rebecca and laid her head on the brunette's shoulder with a content sigh.

"I'm sorry Becca. I hate it when things don't go as planned."

"That's 'cause you're a control freak."

"I like to think of myself as an astute planner actually." Emily corrected.

Rebecca chuckled and took another drink before setting the glass down. "Whatever makes you happy."

Emily was on the verge of saying something along the lines of 'you do' but stopped herself at the last moment. There was more honesty and openness between them, but when it came to the super intimate stuff it was still like treading across a barren wasteland with no water in sight -- better to not brave it if you absolutely didn't have to. Maybe that meant they were both cowards but in this instance Emily was fine being blissfully ignorant about what could be in exchange for what they had. Someday it might change, but that day was not today. At least not for Emily.

"You know I'm surprised it took you this long to go to college honestly." Emily said in attempt to change the course of where her thoughts were taking her, "Not that you were ever an academic by any means, but you were hell of a cheerleader. Didn't you get any athletic scholarships?"

"I did, but the summer after senior year I broke my leg and it was never the same again. So my cheering days flew away like dust in the wind after that." Rebecca put on a fake smile as if it didn't affect her at all.

Emily saw right through that face though. "You can wax poetic all you want, but that must have been hard for you."

"Like you wouldn't believe." Rebecca admitted with a sigh, "It may seem stupid, but I loved it. Flying through the air as if I was weightless and putting together intricate routines, hell I even miss the backbreaking practices. I always figured I would take it somewhere since it was all I had, but then I fucked it all up."

"I'm sorry." Emily linked her fingers with Rebecca's without really thinking about it. The brunette accepted the gesture just as automatically. "What do you miss most about it all? If it's not too painful to talk about that is."

"No I can talk about it. Just because I'll never do it again doesn't mean I can't remember things fondly." Rebecca shrugged, "Besides that was so long ago now, I've had to get over the sad fact you know?" Emily nodded. "I suppose I could say I miss it all but that would be a bit vague wouldn't?"

"It would still be true."

"Yeah it would, but I'm guessing that you wanted something specific." Rebecca grinned at Emily who nodded again. "There's so much there that I could say, but I think the thing I miss the most is the ambition. Cheering was the only thing in my life that I really put my head into a hundred percent. Like, I could give a fuck about math or English, but when it came to learning a new routine it was all or nothing.

"I would stay up until two in the morning watching videos of old performances to get an idea of the next big thing for the girls and me to do. Coach Aldrich and I would spend hours going over the logistics of what could be done for our next tournament until we had created something of utter perfection -- because neither of us would accept anything less. The drive I had for the sport was intense and it created such an adrenaline rush that I would get high just thinking about it."

Emily untangled her hand from Rebecca's as gently as she could and picked up a pad of paper and a box of pencils that sat on the end table next to the couch before she began to sketch while Rebecca spoke. The blonde wore a funny little smile as her brunette companion told stories of the past and what she had missed most about it. To Emily's pleasure, Rebecca didn't speak about the endless barrage of pranks or the bitchy companions she once had surrounded herself with, but only of her love of cheerleading.

Rebecca looked to her left as she continued her story and watched Emily's hand move across the page with determination. She spoke quieter than before, observing as the blondes face would scrunch up right before she erased something or how she would quickly swap her pencil out for one of the colored ones in the box with such enthusiasm that the previous tool would rattle around for a moment only to be picked up again seconds later. Eventually Rebecca's words trailed off as she became so engrossed in watching Emily in her natural element. She wasn't playing businesswoman or hard ass right now, she was just an artist -- and as Rebecca had recently found out, this was how Emily had dove into advertisement in the first place, through her love of art.

"Can I see?" Rebecca asked softly.

Emily glanced up with a timid expression and chewed her lip. It appeared as though she were internally debating over showing Rebecca what she had been working or not. Eventually though, the blonde nodded in agreement and handed the pad over.

Rebecca looked over the sketch of a young girl flying through the air, her arms held straight out at her sides with pom-poms in hand, her legs tucked underneath of her and a dazzling smile plastered on her face. The brown hair was pulled up in a high ponytail and it was one of the only colored details of the sketch. The other color, the one that stood out so much it popped off the page, was the bright purple of the girl's top and skirt.

"Is this...me?" Rebecca asked with an awed expression. Emily nodded shyly and Rebecca glanced down at the picture once more.

She could make out the resemblance to her younger self in the drawing very clearly, but it was still a surprise to see herself staring back from the page. Especially since there was no example for Emily to work from. Yet every detail was there as a mirror image to Rebecca's eighteen year old self. Even the small tuft of hair that fell into Rebecca's eyes -- despite her constant attempt to pin it back in the tight ponytail she always wore on the field -- was present. Just seeing that little feature made Rebecca feel a mixture of longtime frustration at her wild locks and amusement all at once.

"Is this all from memory?" Rebecca asked and vaguely recalled how Emily had the knack to do great work from just thinking of things that she had once seen. It didn't amaze her any less now than it did back in their senior year of high school.

Again, Emily nodded. "Yeah. Hearing you talk about cheerleading made me think of how happy you used to look back then."

"I wasn't aware that you ever watched me cheer actually." Rebecca rubbed the back of her neck, her cheeks tingeing pink. "I mean, besides that one time."

Emily grinned, "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course."

"I used to hide under the stands and watch you practice." Emily's skin flushed in a way that was noticeably darker against her pale complexion as she admitted to this fact. "I hated myself for it, but I couldn't stop. There was something so magical in the way that you did your routines. It was so effortless compared to the other girls on the squad. I always kind of wished that you were a different person than what I knew and maybe that's why I kept coming back."

This tidbit struck Rebecca right in the heart on so many levels that she was rendered silent. She was happy to hear how highly Emily thought of her despite the nasty attitude Rebecca had all throughout high school -- however, she was equally ashamed of that behavior as well. Rebecca couldn't stop thinking about how stupid she was that it took her so long to see how special this girl really was.

Then Emily spoke again.

"Look I'm not gonna lie and pretend that you weren't a bitch in high school. I mean, you were a HUGE fucking bitch." Emily stressed to the discomfort and embarrassment of Rebecca who instantly began to rethink her wonderfully sappy thoughts of Emily from a moment ago. "But that didn't mean you were rotten to the core. I think maybe I liked watching you back then because I saw the potential for good somewhere buried deep, deep inside of the bitchy outer layer. Because when you were doing something you loved," Emily tapped the page with her pencil, "there was a whole different side of you that was truly wonderful to behold."

"You really deliver it straight don't you?" Rebecca muttered at the harsh words Emily had slung at her about her past behavior. "Still, I appreciate your faith that there's more than meets the eye when it comes to me."

"I think you've proven that there definitely is more than meets the eye Rebecca." Emily uttered a short chuckle and then fixed the brunette with a curious glance. "What have you been studying lately? Have you picked a major yet?"

"No, just been doing pre-reqs mostly. Why?"

Emily shrugged, "No real reason, I was just thinking. Maybe you should consider coaching yourself someday. You would be much better at it than Aldrich was, and I'm sure you wouldn't encourage your girls to conform into a horde of demons to do her bidding."

Rebecca laughed along with Emily at the mere thought of Lillian Aldrich's teaching methods. There was something that lingered with the blonde's words though and it got Rebecca thinking. She had loved cheering more than anything else in her life after all; perhaps it wasn't such a bad idea to fit it into her life as an adult. It was worth giving it a shot at least.

Emily had pulled the sketchpad from Rebecca's lap and began working on the drawing of the younger cheerleader once more as the brunette mulled over her words. The blonde wanted to make sure she captured the scene from her memory just right so it would be cemented on the paper. Emily was nothing if not a perfectionist.

Rebecca stood up from the couch abruptly with a crumpled box in her hand. Emily quirked a brow in silent question and Rebecca held up the half-empty pack of cigarettes for her to see. This action was followed up by a solemn shake of the brunette's head.

"I'm still trying to figure out if I should thank you or spite you for getting me back into this fucking habit." Rebecca muttered.

Emily's gaze went back down to the pad in her lap, "All I did was make an offer on one occasion. No one forced your hand."

"No one had to. I needed a good smoke then and it apparently hasn't changed at all as the days have drug on." Rebecca sighed and stepped out on the terrace.

Emily kept on drawing while Rebecca took her leave. Despite it just being a whim that she had originally, Emily was really getting into the sketch now. Adding more color and definition in every moment her hand moved over the paper.

Rebecca came in from her smoke break almost silently, and with Emily in her magical little world, she didn't even notice the brunette enter the room once more at all. She was accurately aware when Rebecca cleared her throat and waited for Emily's attention however. The blonde looked up from the sketchpad slightly and raised a brow at Rebecca and the sudden disturbance.

"I was out there thinking and I just wanted to say something while we're both being honest." Rebecca cleared her throat and glanced at Emily warily, as if she was sizing up the consequences of her impending words. "You're kind of a bitch too. I'm not saying I haven't deserved everything you've thrown at me, but there's plenty of folks that don't. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I hope you won't let my shitty behavior in the past dictate who you are now. I don't think we need another bitch like the once great Becca Knox running around in the world when there's such a great Emmy Frazier that's just begging to come out."