Butch Ch. 01

Kate is silent, smiling. Such a strange night—she thought it would be another evening with Kim, progressing in what she felt was a good relationship. A plate appears before her, a mug of hot tea. Napkins, silverware, syrup on the table.

‘Madame…breakfast is served,’ says Ryan, in a mock French accent. She squints at the clock. ‘At one thirty-seven AM,’ she adds with a laugh.

Kate laughs, then looks intensely at Ryan. Both sitting at the table now, their plates before them, it seems like they’d done this a million times before. ‘Thank you so much, Ryan,’ Kate says. ‘I know it’s been such a strange night, but it’s really good to have you here.’

Ryan blushes, somewhat embarrassed. ‘Powdered sugar?’ she asks, standing up.

‘I don’t think I have any. Please sit, enjoy this with me.’

Between bites Kate compliments Ryan on the food. ‘You moved so fast while you were making this, I noticed. Are you a chef?’

Ryan, amused at the fact that this was the second time she’d cooked for Kate, grinned as she swallowed her sip of tea. ‘Actually…’

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Kate immediately had a look of horror on her face, knowing exactly who it would be. The 6 unheard messages blinking on her answering machine gave a clear indication. The knock resounded a bit louder. She looked at Ryan, excusing herself, pretending to be surprised at someone coming by at such a late hour. She left the kitchen and walked down the hall toward the door. Ryan, somewhat concerned, stood and silently watched from the hallway.

Kate opened the door to an emotional Kim, holding Kate’s forgotten sandals. She immediately began hugging and kissing Kate, apologizing for ‘everything’, begging forgiveness, expressing that Kate was the best thing that ever happened to her and she was afraid to lose her. Kate was stiff and apparently unmoved. Upon viewing this exchange, Ryan stepped into the hallway, preparing to leave.

‘Who’s the dyke?’ Kim said, with an astonished smirk. Though she said it quietly to Kate, Ryan still heard. Upon hearing this, Ryan silently reprimanded herself for getting involved with this girl and her problem.

‘I should go,’ said Ryan, approaching them as she walked toward the door.

‘No, wait. Ryan…’ started Kate.

‘Ryan?!’ said Kim. ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’

Kate flashed Kim a chilly look of resentment. ‘I don’t think you’re in any position to be judging anyone else here.’ Kim was silenced, though her face showed her disdain.

Ryan excused herself as she walked between the women and into the hallway of the apartment building. She heard Kim’s valley-girl voice snap with another remark, but couldn’t make it out. Kate’s responded in a short, harsh tone into the apartment as she squeezed out into the hallway.

‘Please,’ she started as Ryan descended the first flight of steps. ‘I know I didn’t explain the situation, but you were so nice to bring me home and all night I’ve….’

Ryan cut her off. ‘You don’t have to explain,’ she said dismissively as she stopped, without looking up at Kate. ‘Hope everything works out,’ she added, continuing her descent.

‘Ryan…’ Kate called softly, not wanting to disturb her neighbors. Her call wasn’t answered.

At the main door of the building, Ryan passed that same man they saw earlier on the stairs. He winked at her, gliding his tongue over his teeth. Ryan glared, rushing past him and down the steps of the building. It was raining lightly, and little miss art dealer had her favorite sweatshirt. Ryan crossed her arms about her body, feeling the cold drizzle seep through her clothing as she walked toward Market, hoping to catch a cab.

Kate had stood by the banister for a few minutes, looking down at the first flight of steps. She heard the main door open and close, though her heart leaped when she heard footsteps making for the stairs. Was Ryan coming back? She waited until the figure came into view in the dim light, but it was only Vince—that creepy guy that lived down the hall. She turned to go back into her apartment, where Kim was surely preparing for an argument. Kate sighed, walking in slowly and closing the door behind her.

Kim was standing in the kitchen, waiting for Kate.

‘I really don’t have anything to say to you, Kim,’ Kate said tiredly. She felt a headache coming on. She leaned against the wall, a room’s distance away.

‘No? Looks like I intruded on your little slumber party with that bull dyke. But most people who sleep together actually sleep before having breakfast, you know,’ Kim said, glancing at the kitchen table.

Kate just stared, not wanting or having to say anything. After a few moments of silence, she said, ‘I don’t have to explain this scene to you. After what you did tonight, to me…you have no right to assume anything.’

‘Look,’ Kim said, nearly shouting, ‘you and I were never exclusive. And it’s not like I haven’t hinted that I wanted to be with you, how I’m always asking you to stay over. Jesus, it’s like you need it all spelled out in lights or something. I have to take care of my needs, and it’s not like I was expecting…’

‘What?!’ Kate exclaimed. ‘Not expecting me to come by? After we made plans tonight? I had told you about my dinner meeting days ago, and we agreed to meet up afterward,’ Kate was fuming. ‘And yes, I did drop by unannounced. But I certainly didn’t imagine I’d see what was really going on!’

‘I left you another message saying…’ Kim started defensively.

Kate suddenly remembers the unheard messages on her voicemail. ‘Saying what, huh?! ‘Kate, on second thought, I have to cancel tonight because I’m going to be FUCKING MY NEIGHBORS.’’ She began sobbing.

A loud pounding on the living room wall startled them both--Mr. Rafalovich’s response to any unwelcome sound. The room was imbued with silence.

‘I just…’ Kim began quietly.

‘Just go,’ Kate said almost inaudibly. ‘Just go.’

Kim looked at Kate, standing against the wall, her bare foot rubbing against her leg, her arms wrapped around herself in that ugly grey sweatshirt. Without another word, Kim took her purse from one of the chairs at the table, walked by Kate and out the door. As the door closed, Kate slid down the wall onto the wood floor. She held herself for a few moments, still smelling Kim’s perfume in the air. Bowing her head, she cried into the sweatshirt, detecting the faint smell of Ryan’s cologne in the soft fabric.

She looked up, squinting at the kitchen clock. 2:40. Kate stood up, looked around at the dishes and food in the kitchen, and decided to leave it all for the morning.

In the bedroom, she changed into pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. The crumpled sweatshirt lay beneath Kate’s right arm as she slept throughout the night.