By Air Mail Ch.04

So you went down to the river right over there, not two hundred yards from here and washed off."

"Yeah," Craig said, "I remember. So?"

"So," Amelia said, "You remember that I was waiting for you back in this hangar with our picnic style supper when you came back?"

Craig thought back and he nodded again, "So? What can you see at two hundred yards?"

She smiled, "So, I got here but you and Tad weren't here anywhere. I set everything down and ran to the other hangar. You weren't there either. So then I got to thinking about what I'd do, so I went to the river. I didn't get very close because it's open on the near side with no trees to hide behind. All I saw was enough to know that you were naked - that's it. I swear."

Craig knew Amelia - at least the way that she'd been back then. He looked hard at her, "You swear?"

She rolled her eyes again "Jeepers, would you just die right now if I DID see anything? That was six years ago."

"No," he nodded.

"Good," she smiled, showing him her crossed fingers and they both laughed again.

"How close did you get?" he asked her.

"Just to the other side of the taxiway. I'd planned to use the binoculars in here from there, but it was too dark to see anything through them by then, and you looked like you were about ready to come back, getting your clothes on, so I ran all the way here and never said a word about it.

And anyway," she said, "It's not like it was exactly educational. I wasn't close enough to really see much of anything anyway, though I thought that you had a cute bum, if it means anything to you. That was all that I'd really wanted to see anyhow."

"Really?" he asked in surprise, "I'd have thought that - "

She shook her head, "The river's really cold, remember? I'd have probably needed the binoculars to see ANYTHING from ten feet or less! " She smiled and they both laughed.

"And if you really want the truth, I was so happy that I was hanging around here all that day before I hiked off to get our supper. I got to see you and Tad with no shirts on all day and I liked that, just because I did and I was a little proud to have two guys like you around. I just wasn't all adoring and everything about it. That kind of thing just gets you tossed into rivers when you don't have the smarts to keep your mouth shut like I do.

And the best part to me was after you got your shirts back on and we all sat together and ate our dinner. I've always loved just hanging around with you.

Two - "she held up a second finger as her expression grew serious, "You smell like shit - bad shit. You smell worse than outhouse shit, to be honest. I mean, you almost knocked Marjorie over, and she comes from a mining town where all they HAD was outhouses, for Pete's sake.

I'm hoping that most of it is in your clothes. You ought to be thankful that I'll move them out of here for you, but I can tell you right now that I'm gonna do that with a stick and not touch them if I can help it. I won't look, if you're all squirmy about it.

Though personally, I think that I'm a little entitled to at least a look seeing as how I had spare clothes all packed for you.

Three - "Another finger came up, "You'd better get a move on and stop fussing about something unimportant - at least as unimportant as that, when you could be in there under that hot shower right now getting clean - and you'd better hurry, Miss September Morn, 'cause the longer we stand here arguing about me seeing your cute bum, the less that I'll even want to, AND..."

She drew a breath and held up her last finger on that hand, "The longer that you take being all Craigishly-shy, the bigger the risk that Rosa will get done doing you a favor like she's doing. She'll come in here and you'll still be fidgeting and then she'll want a look too.

I know her, ok?"

Craig nodded and began to take his clothes off. Whenever he did look at Amelia, she just looked like she wasn't trying to look - even though she was - and was making a lousy attempt at hiding it on purpose. Craig actually had the damndest time even beginning to feel shy for the way that she held her hands up in front of her face and then peeked through her fingers. It was like the old Amelia to him. When he took his pants and all off, she just made sounds like she was going to faint in happiness.

"What the hell now?" he asked over his shoulder.

Amelia giggled, "I don't know. I didn't think it was possible, but your bum is even cuter now. Oh, I want to just..."

Craig hurried to the shower curtains.

Just after he got into the shower, groaning at how good it felt, he heard Amelia through the shower curtains.

"Craig?"

He stopped washing for a second, "Yeah?"

"I forgot and there's... well there's another finger to hold up - only I ran out of them and using my thumb to make a counting-your-fingers point just doesn't feel right. Can I tell you anyway?"

"Amelia," he sighed audibly even through the shower curtains, "I'd always want to hear anything that you've got to say to me. I always have and I probably always will. This...

I've wanted to say something to you for a long time - years, really. But it was never the right time - I mean, before you got married and then afterwards, well, I just wanted you to feel better, and..."

He drew a long breath, "And I was afraid to make it worse, so I didn't say anything. I've always felt like I was paying the price for not saying what I've felt like a lot sooner - when I had the chance, but..."

He just... stopped then.

Even through the translucent, heavily-PVC-scented new shower curtains, Amelia saw that he was hanging his head under the shower.

Amelia knew Craig and she felt her heart plummet inside of her chest. This was the point - that same God-cursed point where they'd been before already. This was the point where Craig would swallow what he'd wanted to say and turn into a silent and sad young man.

"Craig?"

His voice was quiet and very subdued, "Uh, never mind. It's not really important."

Amelia was almost terrified, yet she did feel some determination that it wasn't going to happen this time. She just needed to be close to him and looking into his eyes.

But he was in there and she wasn't.

"Craig, you just said that you've wanted to tell me how you felt for a long time. That makes it very important to me. I always want to hear what you have to say too. Because I've had a lot of time to wish that I'd get to hear what it is that you've lugged around inside you for so long.

Craig, please don't get shy now. I haven't seen you one-tenth as much as I've wanted to for years. I've always felt bad that I got married at all, because I know that it was stupid. Craig, it's not your fault, ok? It's mine. Only I just kept waiting and you never said anything."

She took a deep breath, "So I'm going to say it now.

Craig, I love you.

I've always loved you since we got locked into the shed with a sack of onions. That day, I knew that I wanted to be more than the little girl who always tagged along whenever I could. I just made a huge mistake later and thought that you'd never see things the way that a stupid girl might want to see them."

"You're not stupid," he said, "I am.

And," he sighed, "I'm still a little asthmatic sometimes and Bobby wasn't. I understood it, even back then. "I'm near-sighted, and I can't see more than ten feet without my glasses. He wasn't any of those things."

"Stop," Amelia said, her voice beginning to quaver a little, "Just stop, Craig. You've always done this to yourself when you shouldn't. You don't even know why you do this, but I do. You've never gotten over how somebody didn't want you. It's always been that inside of you. I know it, because..."

She sobbed, and he heard it, and when she began to talk again, she sounded rough. It was a sound that he hated to hear, because he'd heard it at the worst of times. When Tad had gone, leaving a hole in both of them that you could drive a truck through. When a little twisted shit of a man had hurt her and he'd had no idea. It always tore him in two just to hear that sound.

She croaked out what she had to say, "Because I've even caused it once when I chose somebody else when I should have chosen you. Well I did choose you long before that happened. I just didn't know that you needed to be told.

You think that I wanted Bobby because of the things you said? He wasn't a lot of things - like human, mostly. Most of all, he wasn't you, not even a pale shadow of the man that I've always ached for. You couldn't be more wrong, though I understand how you've always felt. You're wrong, dead wrong. I'd take you over any thousand men. I want you.

Me, Craig. You hear me? Amelia Potter wants you!

Craig? Craig, do you still love me?

I need to hear it if you do, because I love you so much. I always have.

I'm holding your glasses in my hand because you put them on your dirty clothes so I picked them up. I like the way that you look with them on. You look so good without them and I know that because I've watched you sleep. You look good with them on because they tell the world that you're no dummy and then you open your mouth and amaze everybody.

I was about to get into a fight a long time ago at school. It was the first day of grade eleven, Craig. You were on that mountain for the first time and you weren't home yet. I was in a lousy mood because I missed you so much. A girl started to shove me around and I was just about to lose my temper and let her have it. But it didn't happen.

One of her friends pulled her away and said, 'Don't you know who she is? She's one of those Fairbairns only she's got her father's name. But sure as hell, she's a Fairbairn and they fight like animals, not people. You won't hit her more than one time, and they never stop. They don't even slow down. They're all the same. Her brother - the one with glasses, he almost put my brother in the hospital for picking on him. I saw it myself. They can fight so fast, like it's not even real.

She won't stop until she's knocked the teeth right out of your head and she's counting on none of the teachers seeing it, because that'll just give her more time. That's what they do.'

The girl who wanted to fight said she didn't care and her friend said, 'Well you'd better. They're half-wild, that bunch, and there's three of them, her and her brothers. Leave her alone.'

So I just went home mad that day, and the next, nobody came near me at all. The girl apologized and said that she just wanted to pick on somebody who was a loner. I guess I must have fit. But it didn't matter to me. I knew what we were then, all three of us. Nobody ever wanted to try me again, probably because we were getting a little old for that stuff anyway.

I want the Fairbairn that she was talking about. I want you - more than anything.

Craig, are you still listening?"

She watched his outline nod once before she heard his quiet voice, "Yeah, I'm listening."

"Well Craig, do you love me - even after... after everything?"

She saw the head motion again, though she had to strain to hear him. "Yes. I always have loved you, Amelia. I just didn't know if it was right. I thought that everybody wanted you to be with somebody else. But I think I've loved you since you gave me your teddy bear. Nobody ever did anything like that where I was from. I... I just didn't know if it was right to feel the way that I always have."

He felt the air change as she opened the shower curtains to step in with him. She was naked. "What are you doing?" he asked.

Amelia smiled softly, "I heard that you can see well for ten feet. I'm not going to need that much. So you still love me? Even though I sometimes feel a little like a used car?"

Craig smiled a little, "Yes, I still love you and that's not the way you look to me, glasses or not."

She put her arms around his neck and began to kiss him the way that she'd always dreamed of doing. Amelia couldn't have held in her happy sigh when he put his arms around her and his kisses threatened to make her float just because he kissed her the way that she'd always known that he could.

"I thought that you always liked Tad better than me," he said quietly and then he sighed, "I just never knew what to do - so I did nothing."

Amelia looked up and nodded, "I like Tad too, I always have, but I like you better - and I've always liked you better because I've always loved it whenever we did anything together, anything at all. We've always been for each other, the three of us, but Tad's always never had time and I've never felt like I was much more than his sister to him.

If you want to hear the woman in me tell of what's in her heart, then yes, Tad's close to me in there, but you're even closer. I've never felt that way about you, like you're somebody that I shouldn't have thoughts of. I've always felt like you're the one that I should have had close to me for years now.

When I knew what I wanted, from that day - and that was a long time ago now, I've wanted this. I don't ever want to let you go again. You're the one that I've always needed. Every time that you left to go on watch for the summer, I cried all over again, because it was like Tad leaving both of us.

But it was worse than that, Craig. It was the boy who should have been mine for so long already and every year, we'd end up in the same place, not once saying what was so important with me left to go on all alone.

She looked as though she was going to start to cry for a moment, and then she fought it down and looked up, "Please Craig,... please don't ever leave me behind again.

Rosa wants to try to be your friend - and that's a lot coming from a girl like her. Without you, all we've had is each other, but she wants to know you really well and I need this - just what we're doing now. I've never needed anything more than to be against you, but I love her too now and that's not the same thing."

She laid her head against the front of his shoulder and she kissed his throat, "I need to be yours like I need to breathe. I know it sounds stupid, but there it is and it never changes inside of me."

Craig held her tightly and she pulled herself against him as much as she could. Craig was astounded - and also a little relieved that the spray of the shower would hide his tears. He cursed himself for always being so self-absorbed that he'd never been able to see what was so obvious to him now.

"I don't understand about Rosa yet, "he said very quietly, "but I finally understand Amelia. I can't even say how I feel. I just know that I love you. What happens when Tad gets home - if he ever does? I'm sorry to ask it, I've always had thoughts of you and I - but I've also -"

Amelia lifted her head, "I know that. I've known that forever. None of us know what Tad's even like anymore. But whether he comes home or not, I want you. We can decide about Tad later and that's gonna need time if he ever gets here."

She looked up the two inches of height difference between them, "Let's just try to get ourselves figured out. I want to be your girl, solid. Don't even think of me any other way. No matter what, we need us first. I have a feeling that Rosa doesn't know it yet, but I think she'd feel safe with you too and I'd let that happen if it does. Everything else... we don't know enough to even talk about."

She reached for Craig's face and she looked right into his eyes, "But if you love me, then I love you and we need that, otherwise it's all just like a junkyard with wrecked people lying around like old cars - and I already feel like last year's model because of my mistake."

"Don't think about that at all," Craig whispered, "I want you to forget about it. I've never thought that what happened made you any less to me. I'd do anything for you, Amelia. That's never changed in me either."

He kissed her then and Amelia felt her tears as they came. She was prepared at that point to be whatever Craig wanted - even if that meant that it was only them, though she hoped very much that he could get to really feel something for Rosa.

Rosa came back inside and walked over to the shower stall, trying to see though the haze of the curtains to judge how Amelia's efforts were going. She'd been thinking all day, a little worried at the thought of losing Amelia, though she was feeling hopeful for her all the same.

She thought about it for a moment, remembering what Amelia had said about sharing him. Well, if it worked, she thought, then it would make Amelia really happy again, but she was a little worried that her friend had only had a boorish, mean bastard's cruelty to learn from in her time. If that was so, she'd have very limited experience - not that things looked to be going too badly here at the moment, though she couldn't see to know and she couldn't hear what she guessed was being said.

But she knew what Amelia wanted and that included her.

And if Craig didn't think that she was too bad-looking, Rosa knew that between the three of them, she had more experience in bed than anything in their lives combined. So she could help easily, no matter what the trouble. She asked herself if that was what she wanted, since it involved a man and she remembered Amelia's thoughts.

Rosa hesitated only a little and then she began to take off her clothes.

Amelia was still holding Craig and she was talking to him too quietly for Rosa to hear, "We'll have to hurry a little so that I can get you back to the café. Our mothers know that we might have been apart for long enough this time for something like this to happen, so I'm banking on their patience, if it's ok with you. Is it, Craig?"

He blinked at her, "They... they know?"

She nodded as she pulled back, "Your mother told me that she's always known that you were for me. I don't think that I'd have believed her any time in the last few years over the way that I hurt you, and I'm very sorry."

He kissed her again and after a few minutes, she let him go and slid down against him, all the way down to where she squatted before him, "I just want to let you know how I've felt about you for so long. All I've wanted to be for years now is your girl."

With that, she reached for him and opened her mouth.

Just as Craig was getting over it and really enjoying what Amelia was doing, the other shower curtains opened and Rosa stepped in, turning on the shower and trying to get the temperature right without either scalding or freezing the others.

She looked over and their eyes met.

"Oooh, nice!" she smiled, in that loud voice of hers, "Amelia didn't lie. You're pretty fine, Craig."

Then she wasn't looking at all as she soaped her hands and began to wash, "I didn't notice until it was too late. I got the shit off your bike," she said, still not looking, "But I got a little of it on myself too, since it's all I can smell. Now I just hope that I can get clean before the hot water runs out. That's why I'm not waiting for my turn."

Craig looked down, running his hands over Amelia's hair and looking into her eyes, but after a little time, he saw that she wasn't hurrying this at all - not that he minded especially, and the way that she was looking up at him...

He didn't notice it right away as Rosa slowly turned off the other shower.

What he minded - or thought that he did - was when he felt Rosa's hands on him, though the feeling passed instantly because he'd always liked Rosa and her hands felt so good on his skin.

She moved closer and he could have groaned when he heard her loud whisper in his ear, "She kisses so well, I'll bet that she's making this feel pretty good, huh?"

Rosa soaped her hands, "Turn around, Craig. I know what a man wants - even if he doesn't know it himself. Amelia didn't ask me, but I want to help you both if you'll let me. I can't help my voice, though."