Caitlyn's Treatment Ch. 05

"That's a pretty bra."

"Oh, thank you. It's ...it's new." I felt a little funny telling him I'd worn my new bra for the appointment, but hey! He'd asked. I think John knew I was still sort of nervous – despite drinking all that special water that Kim gave me when I first came in – and was trying to calm me down.

"And the panties? They..." He flipped up the back of my pleated skirt, which made me giggle, and could see the blue polka dot panties. "Yup. A match. Very nice."

I still felt pretty nervous but I liked that he liked what I had worn. Important to feel very feminine around a man like John.

"My Mom bought them for me – the set I mean. Vic's Secret. I love their things."

John was behind me and kind of massaging my breasts over the bra cups. He'd pulled my little top right off at the start but seemed to be waiting to undo the bra and start his examination.

"Does she surprise you with lingerie often?"

"Yeah, sometimes I mean. Just wants me to look nice I guess. Herself too." I laughed. Mom was a sucker for VS stuff and almost always bought me something nice when she went in for herself. And she still looked great in nice things at the old age of 37.

"And Julian? Does he appreciate that you wear nice things for him?"

"Yes. I mean I think so. He doesn't really mention it often." He was running his thumbs across my nipples. Yikes! They would be erect by now, I could feel it. The polka dot bra was pretty sheer and my nipples really respond easily.

John popped the bra cups over my tits without bothering to unfasten it from behind. He leaned in from behind and with his arms around me cupped each of my small tits in his rather large hands. I felt a ping in my tummy when I saw my girls all covered with his hands – how they disappeared under them. It was nice!

"He should be more sensitive. Girls need that kind of approval."

I moaned out a little "Yes" without trying to sound like too much of a slut. I think the exam was underway now. It could be hard to tell with John. But he was massaging my tits, feeling for the places where he and Janice had found the T-nodes just a few days earlier. He squeezed and played with them for maybe a minute and I just knew the nipples would be like little rocks then.

He released me. "OK. All done. That was easy, no?"

I could feel the pinging directly in the nipples now that the cool office air hit them. "Oh....yeah....very. But what did you...I mean the T-nodes....are they..?"

"Are they still present? Of course, it's only been a couple of days on the GT. I did tell you it would be at least a week, probably two, till we saw improvement. Hopefully next visit I'll feel something different. Did I not tell you two weeks?"

I blushed and stammered. "Oh yeah. Sorry." I was crestfallen. Not just because of the T-nodes but because I'd let him down again. John was a stickler for me remembering everything he told me about the treatment and here I was on my first return visit with totally unrealistic expectations. I liked it a lot more when he was complimenting my undies and just holding my breasts. At least with the breast thing I felt like I was helping him with his science.

John is one of the pioneers in this whole field of T-nodes and how they relate to girl's sexual phobias. So it was definitely an honor to be working with him.

He was walking back behind his desk and I took the bra back down over my breasts before he corrected me. "No, don't bother. Janice will need to check as well. Always a good idea to have 2 sets of eyes on a problem." He laughed. "Or 2 sets of hands I should say. Here let me help you."

Well it's not like I can't take off a bra myself. But then again it's not every day a handsome man offers to do it for you either.

He walked behind me again and this time undid the clasp of the bra so it fell into my hands. He looked over my shoulder at it. "Yes, very pretty." And it was! These skinny little cream colored straps that only work on bras for girls with small boobs, the soft cups that plunged to advantage the disadvantaged (titularly disadvantaged so to speak), the beautiful little lace fringe, the cute little polka dots and the little floral design on the band right in front. When Mom gave it to me I thought Julian would be the first man to see me in it – but I'd put it on for the appointment without thinking. Airhead that I am! Mom got the same set for herself even though her breasts are much larger than mine.

John went to his desk and sat, letting me stand before it with the bra in my hands. I didn't know where to put it.

He let me wait as he made a notation on my record.

"Oh, yes. You can put it on that chair – panties and skirt too of course. Would you like a jonnie?" John was smiling at my discomfiture but in the nicest way, the way he smiles a lot at me. I blushed and nodded yes for the jonnie. I stripped then and put everything neatly on the chair and when I looked up there he was with the jonnie.

I wasn't too surprised by it having gone through this the last time. John helped me tie up the back but still it barely came low enough to cover my pussy, and I knew it would not fully cover my ass. Same as before there were big holes for the arms which left the entire sides of my breasts exposed. But I supposed they needed that access. ('Access' – what a nice word!) Janice had done my physical structures last time, but they probably need to recheck them pretty frequently.

John motioned me to the seat in front of his desk as he went behind it. "So let's begin OK? We have almost the full 2 hours left. Janice will be coming in sometime in the 2nd hour to do some more of the physical work. Special work I need her for. But you and I can do the psych part now. Have a long conversation about things. OK by you?"

I blushed at the word 'psych' but nodded.

"Let's go back to the start then, shall we? All I really know is that Julian doesn't care for your blowjobs. Correct?"

I nodded again and sipped some of the water they always had nearby for me.

"So our job, together, is to find out where that problem comes from and fix it. Right?"

I nodded. He was looking through the notes from my last visit, the visit where I'd read the phone notes in which John had suggested, somewhat indelicately I thought, that I had failed at fellatio. My little mantra of 'failed fellatrix' came back to me. It even somehow made me smile. "Failed Fellatrix Finds Failure Funny" read the headline. Plus John had said 'together', which I loved. That we'd fix the problem together.

"Hmmm. From what you told me last time he's never bothered to train you in any way. I mean train you for sucking cock. Right?"

I nodded again but was confused. Is it just me or do all girls find the way men talk confusing? "I mean he didn't, you know, 'train' train me I guess. I think he just thought I would know how."

"Yes. I suppose he did. But then where would you have learned if not from him? Did you ever suck off a guy before him?"

It was tres embarrassing to be asked but I loved how direct he was with me and how his questions made it easy to help in my own treatment. Just like last time it made me feel a part of the team.

"Yes, 2 guys. I mean....not together of course!..." He laughed then. Beautiful smile! "Well yeah but 2 different guys and it was like 3 times with one of them in when I was a freshman and once with this other guy but I was kind of tipsy" I paused to make a face to let him know how stupid I knew I was "and it didn't really work out at all."

"I'm sure you realize that these younger guys just want to get off in the girls mouth and can't be bothered to help instruct a girl, especially a girl who is just beginning."

I nodded glumly. Guys! Sometimes they're sooooo selfish with girls.

"Who then? Who trained you ever? Or taught if you prefer. Or guided you. Or even explained the basics of male sexuality to you? Or the physiology of an erect cock? Anyone?"

I shook my head and cast my eyes down, feeling like somehow I'd let John down.

"Not a big sister? Or a cousin? Or your Mom?" I was shocked that he would mention Mom in this context. Was he being unprofessional or was it just me being a nerd? Should she have told me about it? A crazy image of Mom flashed through my head so fast I couldn't understand it. But I was shaking my head from side to side the whole time.

I drank. John has this special water for his patients. I guess it does something hormonally to girls which is why it's so good for us. Really helps keep a girl calm during the appointment too. Pretty cool!

"How bout your girlfriends? I know you're close with Cindy, who by the way is a good cocksucker for her age. They ever instruct you?"

Wow! Did Cin tell him that herself? What a conceited bitch (even though I loved her.) She had told me that Roger loved her blowjobs so it was true but I still thought it would be kind of conceited to say it to John. Then I was remembering something John had told me about sex with Cindy. Which I don't know to be truthful but I suppose if he said it then it must be. So maybe that's how he knows? So confusing!

Meanwhile, I was still shaking my head. Somehow we girls never talked about it even though we all knew we were all blowing our boyfriends. Even Cin, who tends to have a big mouth about everything (insert blowjob reference here!) would just smile and look shy when someone touched lightly on the subject of cocksucking.

"So not family, not girlfriends, not anyone. OK, ok. I guess I made my point. It's all too common with girls your age. Drink your water. You can take a break to pee if you need to." I didn't. He went on.

"It just burns me. The expectations are high on girls your age, the libido of both parties is high, you're gorgeous" and did I blush then as I sailed over the moon!, "you're more than willing and T-nodes or not someone should have taken you aside for training before you ever met Julian."

One of the things I loved about John from the very beginning was that he's always totally on my side, always totally behind me and rooting for me. And a girl can tell. It's not just him being a doctor or a scientist or whatever he is. It's that he really truly cares. I broke into a big smile then and wanted to help!

"Yeah. Guess my Mom should have."

He stood and walked around the desk and behind me again. He reached down into the jonnie and cupped my tits as he had earlier, maybe though just a tad harder this time. But still so nice. "And then you throw in the T-nodes and what they are telling your brain – that cocksucking is dirty, that men are pigs for wanting it, that good girls don't, that a man's cum tastes bad and all that crap! All the sexual phobias associated with the T-nodes." Now he was really working my tits and I just knew my damned nipples would go off again. "And you probably didn't even totally know that's what your brain was saying, but it was there. And then you're out with a guy you truly care for, someone who is nice to you even if he doesn't compliment your pretty bras" smile at that!, "and your expected to suck his dick like you're a champ. All these women and girls around who know how – like Cindy. Or your Mom – probably been sucking cock for 25 years." Yeah! My suggestion had been a good one! "And no one says a word to help. Burns my ass." With that he let go of my breasts and retreated back to his chair. And did I love him then! Talk about being on my side.

He waited, looking sort of angry, but at least not at me. I hadn't screwed up. I had helped. I so wanted to go behind the desk and hug him or comfort him, but I knew he wanted me to be as professional about all this as he was being.

Finally he spoke. "Well no sense crying over spilt milk. We are where we are. The question is how to move forward. So the GT will begin to take effect over the next week or so – just like I told you before." He gave me that scary look that says better not screw up again – like he did the first meeting when I kept bringing up Cindy's name. Oops! I cast eyes down again. "The GT will work – I'm sure of it. But technique and brain messages are going to need to be addressed too. You know that right?"

I nodded yes and remembered I was supposed to be drinking the water. I took a big gulp, but strangely still didn't feel any need to pee.

"You know that's why I baselined you last time, right?" I gave little jump in my seat. It all came flooding back. Wow!! Had that really been me? But I looked at John then and he had his most loving smile back on to reassure me. "You know that's why I had you suck my cock, right?"

"Yes. Yes John."

"And you remember what I said afterwards?" Now he was testing me, and I didn't blame him after the number of things I'd screwed up here already. I sipped my water and recalled it all.

With a smile I said "Yes I remember. You said my hard suck was pretty good. Or better than you thought it would..."

He cut me off. "Yes. Good girl! I did say that. However I also said a few things that were less positive about your ability to fellate me properly."

I cast my eyes down sadly ("Improper Fellatri Fail to Fellate Properly" as is often said) but he corrected me. "Nope. Not now, Caitlyn. Big girl now. Look right at me as you tell me what I said."

I looked at him as well as I could, feeling deliciously shamed and almost lightheaded. "You said my depth and rhythm were bad. You said I didn't keep it wet enough."

"Yes, and that your finish was weak."

I nodded glumly.

"Now tell me in your own words about yourself as a cocksucker. How do you do it with Julian? Be as detailed as you can be. The idea is that I can match what you tell me with my own experience of your mouth and get a more rounded view of what's going on in that pretty little head when you are prettily giving a little head."

See? How he made me laugh! How he smiled and said the nicest things even though he was leading me to talk about something that is soooooo embarrassing for a girl my age. But he made it safe. So I tried my best.

"Well. I just try you know. Try my best. I really do."

"Be specific. Everyone tries."

"Well I like kneel or lay beside him on the bed. Or sometimes I might be handcuffed to his headboard and he like straddles my breasts. That's the hardest. Like it on my knees best. But I kiss it a lot first. Kind of smooching it, especially the big head of his cock. Then I like try to take it in my mouth but I get pretty nervous cause it's kinda big. Then I just suck. But it's like first I'm trying to open wide to get a lot in me but then I'm like starting to gag and then my mouth is open but I wanna close my lips around it but I get confused and I think I do things at the wrong time, so I gotta like start over and then he just cums in me right in my mouth usually although some times on my tits and then we're done with it."

"Not a very romantic picture is it?"

"No. I know it's not great but..."

"And what do you do with the cum in your mouth?"

"Well I do know what guys like but I ....I just ....you know can't... can't do that yet."

"So you..."

"Yeah. I spit it out in some tissues."

"So then you're 'done with it', to use your phrase?"

"Well yeah, with that. I know I sound negative, but I'm trying to be accurate, the way you wanted me to be."

John smiled and said "Go on."

"Well we are done then. I mean with that time. But then after we rest a bit he might want to fuck me or if he's too tired just have me blow him again."

"And you enjoy that? I mean if he fucks you after?"

"Oh yes!"

"But you don't cum?"

"Well no. I mean yes, but not from that. I told you he uses some toys on me sometimes. Usually when I'm cuffed to the bed. And then it's like..."

"Yes, yes I know." He was getting impatient with me, so I thought I must be telling it wrong, but I was truly just trying to be accurate. Still if hadn't stopped me I would have been off on a story about how he uses the vibrator on me – totally off subject. We waited as he thought about things. He made some notes on his record as I sat quietly. Letting him have the quiet space to think was the best help I could give the team at these moments.

He looked up at me. "Let me read back to you what I heard. OK?"

Nods, but pretty nervous about what I was about to hear.

"Or rather, it's what I didn't hear that concerns me. Concerns me quite a bit actually." His eyes were boring a hole through me and I kind of shivered then. "Didn't hear that you were making love to his cock, that you were burning with lust for it, that you wanted to please it and him in every possible way."

"I know."

"That you worked at keeping it wet. That you drove through the gag to get deeper, that you kept your eyes on him for a reaction, for direction, that you varied your mouth speed and worried about keeping the seal tight. You with those beautiful full lips and not using them to advantage! Or that you played with his balls, or feathered his anus or perineum, that you lapped and licked and swirled his cock instead of just kiss/suck, kiss/suck. That you wanted a blast of cum in your mouth, that you were proud and turned on when he gave you his semen. That you wanted more than anything for him to be pleased with you as a cocksucker."

"I know. I know, believe me I do." I was crying now hearing back from John, from someone who was truly looking out for me, how inadequate I really was.

"So when you sucked me off last time I experienced all the same things."

"I know. I'm so sorry." As I blubbered away fat tears began to fall on the jonnie.

"But if you recall one thing was different. Different and better than what you have described to me."

"The hard suck?"

"No. Different."

"The.....I don't know...." And then suddenly I did know. "Wait! I swallowed your cum!"

"You did indeed. And believe me I had jacked a lot of cum into your mouth that day. But why was that? Why did you swallow for me when you just told me you're not ready for that?"

"I don't know, I really don't" The sniffles were letting up. I felt like I was being helpful again. And then I got this one right too. "Because you told me to?"

"That's right. Because I told you to. And one of the best tools we have for fixing female sexual problems is for the man to be very specific and very demanding and clear about his needs. Too many of us guys hold back from demanding the specific thing we need a girl to do and then we get mad at them for not figuring it out. When they demand then the woman's submissive nature can take over. See? Can you see how submissive you are at heart? Can you see how you really do try? Cause you certainly did last time when you swallowed my cum."

This time I was nodding happily. At least there was one positive! Wow! I'd actually done that. Me!

"See. You want to be good. Want to be submissive and do all the things you're not doing now. But the combination of the T-nodes, the phobias, and the lack of training – well these things are screwing up you up inside. Pretty little head indeed."

John paused, examined me with his eyes and went back to writing some notes. I felt happy again. We were making progress on this case!

"Now you mentioned toys. And I thought it would be a good time for us to explore that further."

"I....I....I like them. I cum sometimes...."

John reached into his desk drawer and took out a black rubber dildo/cock and placed it on the desk between us. "No talk on this one. Let's see you in action."

He stood and walked towards me holding the cock. Raised me up from my chair and led me to the couch behind it. "Lay here on your back and show me how you would pleasure this cock. Just a role play with toys this week. Keep in mind what I've told you. Do your best. I don't want to see how you've done cocks in the past. I want to see you really think hard and do this cock the way your body wants to do it. What we're seeing is how you respond to instruction and to constructive feedback. I told you to swallow last time and you did great with it. Now I'm telling you to make love to this cock while I watch. Got it?"