Calculating Nemesis

"The lady with the veil, I think I recognised her."

"Oh yes. Mrs. Martin. She lives just round the corner, comes in every day."

"Why the veil."

"I think she has a skin condition. I'm not exactly sure; I've only been here four weeks."

"You don't know the address?"

"No. I know its Hathaway Road, but that's all."

I came out in two minds. It was one of those brain and heart battles. No said my brain, she's no longer in your life, remember what she did. And then the part of the brain that governs curiosity stepped in. What skin condition? Lily didn't have that when she was with me, her complexion was completely healthy. Then my heart jumped in on the side of curiosity, reiterating the words of Terry Dax. I found Hathaway Road.

It was one of those long roads you would find within easy reach of the town centre everywhere. Long terraces of Edwardian homes built for those who were called artisans in the years before the First World War. Bow front sash windows with an angular slated roof jutting from just below the first floor windows. They had once been popular and well proportioned homes. Now they seemed to be divided into flats and bed-sits. The local council provided wheeled bins for rubbish, ignoring the fact that as terraced houses there was nowhere for the bin to go except the front gardens. The Edwardians had not envisaged a time when almost every family would have a car so hadn't provided for garaging space. The road was lined with cars parked either side, some appeared to have been there forever judging by the flat tyres, the dirty condition of grime mixed with pigeon droppings and detritus underneath them. I slipped into the first space that offered itself.

Choosing the nearest door I knocked. After a while a woman's face peered round as the door opened to about six inches.

"Yes?"

"I am sorry to bother you. I am looking for a lady, a Mrs. Martin. Do you know what number she lives at?"

"No." The door was shutting when I added quickly.

"She wears a hat and veil." The door opened slightly again.

"I've seen her walking down the road. She lives somewhere down there." She pointed to the right.

"Thank you." The door shut before I had even got those words out. I got back in the car debating whether to drive further or keep the parking space I had. I drove further hoping to get lucky with the parking.

I drove about two hundred yards and then started looking to park. Again I was lucky as a space appeared. I was dubious about parking there as there seemed to be a lot of broken glass in the road. However I couldn't see another space so backed in. I chose another door at random and knocked. I waited for a few minutes and getting no response went next door. This door did open and a Pakistani gentleman glowered at me. I explained my quest. The description of the lady with a veil again brought a response and his face became less aggressive.

"I don't know her name, but she lives just over there at number three one six. I think it's the ground floor flat." I thanked him and crossed the road to find three one six. At some time the front wall to the garden had been knocked down presumably to provide a parking area. Now it was just used for the wheelie bins. There were two bell pushes one labelled 'top flat'. The other had no sign and I assumed it was for the ground floor flat. I pushed the button. As I waited my stomach got that fluttery feeling. Why was I nervous? The door opened and we stood looking at each other. She was wearing the hat and veil. It seemed like five minutes before she spoke.

"Well. Look who the wind has blown in."

"Hello Lily."

"That's it? Kick me out and after all these months just turn up on the doorstep with a 'hello Lily'?"

"It was just a greeting." She shrugged.

"I suppose you had better come in." She said ungraciously then turned and walked away. I followed allowing the door to close behind me. The door to her flat was the first on the right and she held it for me to enter. The place was furnished after a fashion with what looked like second-hand furniture, but little of it. One chair, a small table and an electric fire where the chimney breast used to be. To one side, its back to the window was a portable television on a low table. I looked around then turned to her as she took off the hat and veil. I was shocked beyond belief.

"Bloody Hell! What happened to you?" Her face was a mess. It looked like a plastic model of a face that had melted. Great areas of angry red tissue covered her forehead and the left side of her face. Her lips had almost disappeared. She stared back challenging me. I could see the anger.

"Come to see what you had done, Chad. Well have a good look. You only have to see it once; I will see it in the mirror every day for the rest of my life." The fury in her voice was unmistakeable.

"Lily. What happened?"

"As if you didn't know." She sneered. "This is the result of acid being thrown in your face. Did you think it would look like this?"

"What are you talking about? What did you mean when you said as if I didn't know?" The challenging stare slipped a little.

"Oh don't act the innocent with me. You know bloody well what I am talking about."

"Lily. I have absolutely no idea." She looked unsure now.

"The man who did it said, 'this is revenge'. I think...thought...supposed it was you who had it done." I shook my head sadly.

"How long were we together, Lily?"

"Six years, three months and seventeen days." The answer came so quickly and confidently that I was shocked.

"Did you not come to know me well in those six years, three months and... what was it?"

"Seventeen days."

"Do you honestly believe that I would do something, or have something like this done to you? Something so hateful and full of spite. Was that how you saw me?" Tears ran from under eyelids that would no longer close properly. She shook her head.

"No I couldn't. But only one other would hate me as much as you did."

"And who was that other, Lily?"

"It was me!" She cried. "Me!"

CHAPTER SEVEN

"It was me!" She cried. "Me." Her emotion was real.

"No Lily. I didn't hate you. I hated what you did, but not you, never you." I closed the space between us and took her in my arms. She shuddered with sobs racking her body. I fished in my pocket to pull out my handkerchief thankful that I had taken a clean one from the drawer that morning. I offered it to her and that brought a fresh bout of sobbing as she took it.

Ten minutes or it could have been fifteen, I don't know, she seemed to get herself together. She handed me back my handkerchief.

"Why did you come here, Chad? You know you are bringing back all the hurt again?"

"I saw you in the supermarket. I wasn't sure if it was you, but the girl at the check-out told me it was a Mrs. Martin and she also told me you lived in Hathaway Road. So I thought I would call to see if it was you and if you were alright." She looked at me calmly and I shook my head. "No, Lily. Honestly I don't know why I came to see you. One part of me said no, don't drag up the past, the other said go see her. Even as I crossed the road and rang the bell I was still conflicted and my stomach was tying itself in knots." She nodded.

"Yes, Chad. That sounds more like the truth. I'm sorry for the tears. Would you like a cup of tea?"

"That would be good. I'm as dry as the Sahara." She went to put the kettle on.

"Come through, Chad, that's if you can stand the sight of me." She showed me through to the back room which was her kitchen. "Thank you for the allowance you send me. It's godsend now as I can't get work anymore. They take one look at my face and I can see the rejection in their attitude." She went on. "I had to sell the car. I couldn't afford the running costs and I needed the money." I could understand that. As she waited for the kettle to boil, she took some skin cream and anointed her face.

"Is that something the hospital recommended?" She shook her head, whispering something.

"I didn't hear that. What did you say?" She faced me and squared her shoulders.

"I didn't go to the hospital." I exploded.

"For Christ's sake, Lily. Why?" Tears slid in globules over the cream and down her cheeks.

"I thought it was you. I was so certain that you arranged it and if I went to the hospital the police would investigate and they would come and arrest you. And I didn't want you to get into trouble. I had caused you enough pain without adding to it." The words tumbled out. I was struck dumb. She had accepted the pain and the destruction of her face purely because she thought I would be in trouble with the police. To say that I was astounded and humbled would be an understatement.

"Lily, even if I had caused this to happen, you should have gone to the hospital. You needed treatment. Whoever arranged the attack deserves all the punishment that's coming. If you had gone to hospital at least the police would have a chance of finding the culprit." I had to emphasise my denial. "Lily. It wasn't me. I couldn't do that to you." She looked into my eyes as if reading the thoughts behind them, and then nodded in acceptance.

"Exactly what happened and how did you cope if you didn't call an ambulance?"

"It was a Monday and I was getting ready for work when the doorbell rang. I answered it. There was a skinny man there, tall but very thin and he asked if I was Mrs. Martin. I said yes and he said "This is revenge". I seem to recall a glass bottle in his hand as he swung it around and the next thing I knew was this cold liquid on my face. Then it started to burn and I could smell it. I knew it was acid. He ran as soon as the stuff hit my face. I think I had closed my eyes instinctively. I felt my way back in here and tried to find a cloth to wipe it off, but then some memory about diluting acid came to me. I found my way into the bathroom and got under the shower It was very cold. I think I stayed there for about an hour. I was soaking wet, my clothes, and my hair. I was chilled to the bone but my face was still burning. I opened my eyes and looked in the mirror. I saw a red blistered mass of flesh, all puffed up. I knew then that I would never look pretty again." Remembering and recounting the episode had brought on her tears again. There was nothing I could do except put my arms around her.

She used my hanky to dry yet more tears. My mind was in turmoil yet suddenly from those swirling thoughts there was a sudden ray of light.

"Bennington." Lily turned from pouring the tea.

"What about him?"

"Bennington did it."

"How do you work that out?"

"Can we sit down? I have a story to tell you."

She told me to sit in the only armchair and she pulled out a dining chair from the table. I explained the whole thing of Bennington, Haskins and Wellow. What I had done to get revenge and as I told the story I realised that Lily's initial reaction was right and wrong. It was my actions. I had started the sequence of events that injured her. If I hadn't taken revenge on Bennington Lily would not have had to suffer this despicable attack.

"What I did has ruined Bennington. He will probably go to prison. And I had to let him know that it was your husband who did this to him. I needed him to know. Perhaps he decided to hit back and you took the pain. Lily I am so sorry, I didn't think for a moment that it would rebound on you."

"I don't see it that way, Chad. I am pleased that you took your revenge. If it was Bennington then what happened to me was an unforeseen side-effect."

"You seem to take it lightly." Lily smiled bitterly.

"It doesn't matter anymore." She indicated her face. "This happened and there is nothing that will ever make it better." I had made my mind up a while ago. That she was willing to suffer all this agony alone, simply to protect me from what she thought would be arrest and punishment told volumes. Whatever she had done, surely she had paid penance now. To my mind a greater penance than anyone could ask for. She had accepted disfigurement to keep me from supposed imprisonment. I owed Lily a life.

Cautiously I asked. "Lily. Will you come back home? Call it compassion, sympathy, guilt, whatever. It is still love. I told you that I couldn't stop loving you, and I haven't. I wanted you to suffer as I was suffering. I wanted you to feel the pain that I felt. But never in a thousand years would I have wished on you the pain that you have born. We will take you to a cosmetic surgeon and see what can be done. But please, Lily. Come home with me, I want to take care of you." She shook her head.

"No, Chad. I can't do that." She held up her hand to stop me saying anything. "Let me say here and now. Chad I loved you then, and I love you now. I would be over the moon to think that we could get together and it would be as before. But it wouldn't be. I hurt you so badly. It wasn't deliberate, even so I destroyed something. I can't just walk back as if nothing had happened. You would still look at me and see this face and why it is like it is. Then your anger would return."

"That is something we have to talk about. We both have to understand. I have talked with Mrs. Dax and she has told me some things that make me think I didn't know the full story."

"Mrs. Dax?" I could hear the astonishment in her voice.

"Yes. I suppose you could say that I am now acquainted with her and with Lieutenant General Stanley. After all I interfered with their business to get rid of Bennington and they now seem to view me as some kind of business advisor."

"What did she say?"

"It would appear that Bennington was a serial seducer. You Lily, were one of a quite a few. Only once he had been dismissed would anyone say anything about it. I would imagine that he was skilled with words and wove a story that would pull you in."

"He did. He invited me to lunch, saying that it was something he occasionally did with all employees. He told me that the Company was in difficulties. I thought he was wrong to tell me that. He went on to say that he had a chance to pull in a new client who would give us business on a regular basis over months, if not years. If he could get their contract then the redundancies he had planned would not be needed. He told me that I could help him. I wanted to help. The only thing I thought was odd was that he would always insist we went in my car."

"That sounds right. Flatter you that he needed your help, and then lay a guilt trip on you if you didn't come through. You would be to blame if your friends and colleagues lost their jobs. As for the car, I suspect that Jag of his was easily recognisable and if he was driving a pretty young lady around the town it would get back."

"When you say it like that it sounds plausible." She looked at me to see if she had used the right word, something she would do occasionally when we talked at home. That little gesture really tugged at my heart strings. "Tell me Chad, you seem to know the routine, are you a serial seducer?" She had a slight smile. A smile that used to be the fillip to my day. The smile that made my life worthwhile.

"No Lily. The only girl I ever wanted to seduce was you. You seem as if you knew what he was doing." She shook her head.

"You were the only man I wanted to seduce me." She gave me a sad smile. "But in answer to your question no I didn't. Not at the time. He said he was going to entertain these two men from this company to lunch, and asked me if I would act as hostess. Making drinks being nice to them. Well that was the sort of work a receptionist would do. That was my job, only it was at a hotel rather than in the office. I had no idea if he planned what happened. I have had months to think it over and still can't understand why I was so stupid."

I needed to ask the difficult question. On the DVD she seemed quite happy to take the lead in her own seduction.

"I'm sorry to ask this, but you seemed to be quite happy at that lunch."

"I think I was. The talks with Mr. Haskins and Mr. Wellow were going well, although I won't pretend that I understood it all. It looked as if we were going to get the contract. I was happy as I remember, very happy and I suppose flirtatious. They had been very nice to me, complimenting me all the time, telling me that my smile had made their day. Women respond to that. I don't know where the idea of taking my clothes off came from. I suppose I did it to say I appreciated their behaviour and make them happy. I didn't think that they would take it as a sign that I was ready to have sex with them. How stupid is that? Women know that if they take their clothes off for a man he will get aroused, Yet it didn't occur to me, it didn't ever enter my mind!"

"I believe he did plan what happened. I have been told he used a drug on many occasions. Probably slipped into your drink. I suspect your euphoria, lack of inhibition and fuddled brain was down to that." Lily shook her head.

"No Chad. I was making the drinks. That was why I was there."

"Not all the drinks, Lily. Just after Lunch. He poured the drinks."

"I don't think so, Chad."

"It was on the DVD, Lily. He poured the drinks on that one occasion."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"I don't remember that." The full import of the possibilities obviously opened her eyes and understanding arrived with her. "The bastard!" She suddenly screamed. In all the time I had known Lily, she had never sworn. I wanted to clear up the suggestion that she may have gone to a room with him on another occasion.

"Was that the only time?"

"Yes. Thinking back I believe there was a time when he was going to try. One of the girls told me after that Friday that he had booked a room a couple of weeks before. I couldn't go as I was filling in for one of the secretaries who had gone home feeling unwell that day. God! I wished someone else could have been unwell that Friday." Lily's tone when telling me that was so matter of fact that I was in doubt that she told the truth.

Re-telling the story was quite emotional for her and she wept again. I went to comfort her. She muttered imprecations and called Bennington all the names under the Sun. I said nothing as the extent of his manipulations came home. Suddenly her arms clasped me.

"Oh, Chad. I am so very, very sorry." My sodden handkerchief came out again to dry her tears. I raised her face and kissed her. Her lips were thin remnants of those she had before, yet I kissed her lips. Lily was shocked. "How can you do that? I am ugly and scarred."

"You are still the Lily I fell in love with. Yes, you were pretty, but I fell in love with the person you were, not how you looked. You are still that person. That person is beautiful and I still love that person." The tears still ran down her face at odds with the smile she now wore.

"Can I change my mind? May I come home, please Chad?"

"I want you to come home."

CHAPTER EIGHT AND EPILOGUE

Lily had not taken all her clothes with her when I made her leave, and her wardrobe was just as she left it. Her expression was wonderful to see as she ran her hands over the dresses and suits. One dress and one suit she picked out throwing them angrily on the floor.

"Those go in the rubbish." I had wanted to throw them away, but could never bring myself to open Lily's wardrobe. It would be like opening the box of sorrows. She replaced her cosmetics in the bathroom, although remarking as she did so.

"I won't have use for them, but I am happy to see them back on this shelf. She stopped suddenly as she came out of the bathroom. "Chad. Would you prefer that I sleep in the spare room?"

"No I wouldn't." I replied firmly. "I want you back where you belong, in our bed sleeping next to me. This is no halfway house situation. We will make it together or fail together. But I don't expect failure. As far as your make up is concerned, I am glad it is back on that shelf. I have had all too much space there for the last months. We will find a good cosmetic surgeon too, so you never know you may have use for them again."