Calm Ch. 01

She closed her eyes, she didn't want to see any more. Why hadn't she tried harder to stop him from going out in his condition? Why didn't she go with him? A ten year old shouldn't even be going out on his own. It didn't matter if he'd been going to school on his own since he was six. He was just a little boy. She lived for his happiness. And now he was gone.

Ellie couldn't hold back her tears in the morgue. When the mortician solemnly revealed the little face she knew so well, she collapsed. She screamed out her grief. The two men were uncertain about what to do, but they let her weep in solitude. They waited patiently and didn't say a word. Ellie was grateful for that.

They didn't ask her questions, instead she filled out the forms in silence. The officer gave her the papers they'd need and delivered her back home. When he walked her back to the front door, Ellie suddenly hugged him. He was surprised, but he hugged her back. She clung onto him and drank in the simple gesture of kindness. "Thank you for being kind, officer."

"You're welcome, Miss. I do what I can. I'm very sorry for your loss."

Ellie watched the squad car leave. A normal man, probably a father. She wondered if he would've taken her away if he'd asked her to.

***

The crowd at the funeral was as small as the coffin. It wasn't large enough to absorb the sobs wracking Ellie's body as her father sat stoically next to her. They had few relatives, but there were some colleagues from her father's work, and the boys from the soccer team had come to pay their respects.

When Ellie saw their little faces as they filed into their seats, she burst into tears. She just couldn't shake off the memory of Jef running and laughing with them. He wasn't even good at soccer, he just loved it. He had friends there. Friends he didn't have at school. Boys who treated him like a normal kid.

She'd never hear him say 'I'm okay' again, and she was torn about what to feel about that. Should she be happy that he'd never hurt again? She didn't know, her pain was too overwhelming to think about his suffering. There was no need for her to buy games with her allowance now. She'd have to wait forever now for him to ask anything of her for the first time. She would've bought him everything he wanted. If he'd just asked. But he never had.

All that was left of her family now was her father. And she'd seen the looks he cast her way change. It used to be either fatherly pride or twisted lust. Now the anger born from guilt over the death of his wife was slowly being aimed at her. There was no one else. He'd driven his wife to the edge, and just about shoved his son under a bus. He'd kill her as well, she was sure of it.

And why would she stay? Jef was... It was too much.

Ellie went numb and silent at home, unable to do anything. Her father couldn't get her to respond to him so he left her to herself. He excused her at her hobby clubs and made sure she fed herself while inside the desire built. She looked so much like the woman he wished her mother had been. Sara had been the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid his eyes on and it had thrilled him to conquer her. It took her some time after they'd married to realize he wasn't normal. She tried to stop his affairs but nothing worked. Their child didn't keep him home. She no longer interested him.

So she covered up for him, ashamed that anybody might find out. She drank. She fled to whatever hobby club she could find. Anything to get away from the prison of her life. And then the bomb shell hit. Six years into their marriage she was pregnant again. She didn't even remember fucking him. She didn't want the baby. Didn't want to be pregnant and bloated. Even more unsure about herself and unable to drink any more, she fled even further into hobbies. They became her life.

Near the end of her pregnancy, she caught him again. Her control broke and she got drunk. On her way to bed she fell down the stairs and hurt her leg bad. When little Ellie found her, Sara had gone into labor. Ellie panicked and ran all around the house to find her father, but he wasn't there. Sara almost fainted before she could calm down the hysterical child and have her bring a phone.

At the hospital they performed a C-section, the baby had priority. They caught the embolism caused by Sara's fall too late. It caused a severe bleed and they could only save the baby.

Ellie pieced the story together as she grew up. Why her father hated Jef. He couldn't handle the guilt. He'd killed his wife, and now he'd killed his son, and if Ellie stayed too long he'd kill her too. Her tears stopped as she realized that it was time to leave. She had to get away from the monster that had ruined her life. The disaster that had destroyed her innocence and had now swept away the only thing she cared about.

As she stood before Jef's grave, Ellie laid a beautiful twig of white lilac on his cold tombstone with a promise she'd do what he no longer could. She'd live. And she'd be happy.

***

Ellie was lost and frightened. Running away didn't seem like such a great idea anymore. Her father never let her wander about in town, instead he'd drive her to wherever she needed to be. She recognize none of the street names she'd come across for the past hour. Her heart went cold at the thought of having to call somebody to come find her. She shook her head and kept on walking.

If only she had somewhere to go. She hadn't dared to look up any places to stay on the internet, afraid that her father would find out somehow through her computer. She regretted waiting until his night out to leave, but that was the only time it would take him hours to realize she was missing. It was dark now. The street lights had switched on hours ago.

Terror shot through Ellie when she felt a hand lock around her arm like a vice and a second hand covered her mouth. She was dragged backwards into a dark spot. Ellie kicked behind her, and she elbowed the man behind her, tried to free her head, anything. It didn't work. The man let her go and gave her a little push to unbalance her before punching her temple with full force. Pain shot through her head and she collapsed onto her knees.

The man pushed her further down on her belly and yanked her jeans down, impatient to get his hands on her. Ellie was too groggy to do much about it. All she really noticed was the sudden cold on her naked legs. Her thighs were roughly spread apart, and fresh pain speared through her. Ellie's mind unclouded and she screamed in agony. The man slapped her and put his hands over her mouth, muffling her constant wails.

More overwhelming than the pain was the horrible knowledge that this monster had taken the last thing she could truly call her own. Her father had always felt the inexplicable need for her to remain a virgin. He fucked her anywhere but her pussy.

Remembering her father made it easier to drift away from the horror and the pain. She'd blanked out so many times before. Ellie's body went limp as she shut out everything happening to her. She hardly noticed when the man disappeared some time later, exposing her to the cold again.

Slowly, Ellie returned to a muddled state of consciousness. She was disoriented and struggled to button up her jeans. She had no idea how terrible she looked as she stumbled away from where she'd just been raped. Her vision was woozy, and she stumbled past some people who gave her disapproving looks. When she felt she couldn't go on anymore, she found an apartment building that had an alcove in front of its entrance. She could stay there, sheltered from the wind. She didn't want to think of what she'd do next.

Ellie startled awake from her exhausted stupor when a hand shook her. "What?"

She saw the face of a man and she shied away, pressing herself into the corner of the alcove. The man looked back at the woman standing behind him and said, "Call an ambulance, Ruth."

"No!"

He looked back at Ellie, surprised at her shout. "Miss, you're clearly hurt, and I think you went through more than an accident. You need medical care."

"Not in the hospital, he'll find me there."

"Who will find you?"

"No hospital, please. I'll go, just don't call, please."

Ellie tried to get up, but the man stopped her with a gentle push on her shoulder. "You're not going anywhere in the state you're in."

She looked up at him, fear evident in her eyes. He quickly pulled back his hand and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. What I'm trying to say is that I can't let you wander the streets like this. If calling the hospital will make you run away, then I have no choice but to take you inside. I'll call a doctor I can trust, and she'll take care of you discreetly. Is that okay for you, Miss? And can you stand and walk?"

Ellie nodded and stared at the hand he held out to her. She moved her legs and a sharp pain forced a strangled sob from her throat. Tom looked down and saw a pool of blood between her legs. His teeth ground together in anger, but he tried his very best to not let it show. He turned around to Ruth and said, "Ruth, call the doctor. Tell her it's very urgent. I'll pay her whatever extra she wants. This girl here is bleeding, and she needs treatment asap."

Bleeding? Ellie felt around with her hand.

between her legs and when she brought them back up there was blood on her fingertips. Her eyes went wide. What the hell had happened to her?

Tom turned back to her and in a very soft and soothing voice he said, "Miss, I can't let you walk for yourself. It might cause you to bleed more. I'm going to lift you off the floor and then I'll carry you to the elevator. We'll go up to my loft and I'll put you in bed. Please stay very still until the doctor comes. Do you understand, Miss?"

Ellie was still staring at her fingers and it surprised her when Tom asked her something. She turned her unfocused eyes towards him, and he repeated everything he'd just said, slowly and clearly. She nodded and he picked her up. Tom could feel her tense up in fear and pain, and he did his best to whisper soothing little words to her. He took one tentative step to check if it hurt her, but she didn't respond at all. Worried, he walked faster and sent Ruth ahead. He hoped things would be all right for the girl in his arms.