Cancer Ch. 01

"Yes, actually. I really wanted to. I felt such a strong pull to do so that I opened myself up to possible ridicule from you. It worked out okay, though, don't you think? I mean, I distinctly remember you kissing me BACK!" Thinking I'd put him in his place I sat back in my chair with a smile and took another sip of wine, watching for the blush I just knew was coming.

"It worked out beautifully. I wonder sometimes why we have not done it since. It's certainly not from a lack of desire to on my end, Bunny."

The blushing started, but unfortunately it was on the wrong side of the table for my tastes. I felt the warmth creep into my cheeks as I struggled to hold his gaze. What do I say to that? I decided to go with the simple truth. "I didn't think you wanted to, so I never kissed you again." I leaned forward, forearms on the table and looked him directly in the eye, waiting to hear what he would say next. It felt almost like a showdown in the middle of Dodge at noon. I'm a willful women, when I put my mind to it.

My fingertip ran up and down the stem of the crystal wineglass, the only indicator that I was a little nervous waiting for his response. When it came I almost tipped the glass over.

"You were completely incorrect on that assumption, little Bunny. I hope we can recitfy that this evening." And with that he finished the splash of wine left in his glass with authority and made a move to pay the check, no longer looking in my direction at all. Sliding the credit card from his wallet, he gestured to the waiter and handed him the bill and card with a confident flourish and then returned his gaze to me.

"But, I need you to know something."

"What's that?" I asked. Almost sure that he was going to tell me it wouldn't mean anything if it didn't happen.

"You know I'm ill. I want to remind you of that. This evening cannot be everything I want, nor can it be everything you want, I suspect."

He looked so matter of fact that it stunned me for a second. Here he was, reading my mind, confident in what I wanted, when he didn't have any idea.

"Oh, really?"I leaned over the table conspiratorially, knowing the shock value of what he was about to hear, but not wanting to share it with the rest of the quiet restaurant. "what is it that you THINK I want?"

He just smiled and reminded me of our little talks about sex. About how I enjoy the intensity of animal sex occasionally. About how I like to be dominated sometimes. How I love to be told what to do, as long as it fits in with what I *want* to do. About how I wanted someone to be powerful. "I'm just not well enough yet to be an athlete in bed. Like it or lump it." He seemed so smooth. So confident about it. So unfeeling. I stopped for a minute and looked beyond that. I looked into his eyes for several seconds, searching there for the truth. I found it when he had to break our gaze. I saw that it bothered him.

I stood up gracefully from the table and extended my hand to him.It took him a brief second to stand up as he searched my eyes, still trying to put on the air of a man unconcerned with what I thought.

"We'll get your card at the register. I need to show you something." I whispered, and we walked out hand in hand, my nervousness completely gone.

He gathered his card at the front quickly and we again ascended the 4 stairs to the elevator, my arm reaching out instinctively to steady him. It felt so natural there that it just stayed as he swung his arm up over my shoulder.

Not a word was said on the elevator. Both of us just watching the numbers light up as it ascended to the 11th floor. I opened the door and threw my purse on the chair, turning to face him almost immediately. "Is that really what you think I want from you, NG? Do you really think I want you to throw me on the bed and make love to me?" I didn't look away or break his gaze. "Well...yeah..." his voice trailed off as he looked at me with the most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen.

"Well, it's not." I walked over and touched his face, my high heels enabling me to be just enough taller that it wasn't a stretch. "Let me show you," I whispered. "Let me show you what I truly want. What I've always wanted." And with that, I pulled him to the bed, pressing him to sit on the edge. He looked so frail at that moment, as if he hadn't been touched in so long...his beautiful eyes pleading with me to touch him, as if he needed me...

I reached down and slowly slid the first button of his shirt out of its home, caressing gently inside it. When his hands reached up to undo the other buttons I pushed them away slowly, eyes meeting his stare. "No...let me...."

The second button was easier, then the third as I watched my hands work them free. As I got to the last button I hesitated and then quickly grabbed either side of the gray/blue silk and pushed it over his shoulders and down his back, trapping his arms with the shirt before I reached down to kiss his neck. Gently...like a butterfly's wings against his pulse, caught up in the taste of it, feeling my heart beat out of my chest with excitement. I kissed up his neck slowly, softly, tongue flicking in and out like that of a viper's, tasting the slightly salty tinge of sweat as his body shivered and a little moan escaped his throat. When I reached his ear I breathed in the scent of his hair before nuzzling it and whispering "all I ever really wanted was to kiss you. All over. To have you lay back and let me worship at the altar of your body."

I felt him shiver and draw in a deep breath. Knowing that he had not had anyone say that to him before, much less mean it. Of course, I wanted to be touched as well, but that was not for this night. This night was about my fantasies becoming reality...about tasting every inch of his warm skin, about making him feel worshiped, about explaining without words my need to touch him.

Drawing back, I looked into his eyes again, both hands on either side of his face...

"But you have to give yourself to me. Give me everything. And you have to tell me you want it."

He shuddered briefly, still sitting with his hands pinned as if he'd forgotten them and took a deep breath. "I don't know if I can. But I want to."

"That's all I needed, baby." I said, "except one more thing...."

"anything" he muttered.

"Your name."