Candy's Fashion House Ch. 15

Thanks to Charlie for the guidance help and wonderful editing skills.

*****

I dressed quickly and left for work, it was going to be a big day. We were getting close to completion and we had the big party to organise. Siobhan and I worked on the invite list and gift baskets for all who attended.

I organised the band, security, lighting and caterers. I left Candy to organise the models. I worked with the construction team finishing the runway in the new area. I ended up driving the forklift for a while because they were a man down. That drew a few whistles and cat calls as I raced around on the forklift. The laughter and jeering stopped though when they saw that I could actually drive the thing.

It was a long day and I hung around the office for as long as I could. My phone rang; it was Lauren wanting to know what time I was going to be home. I lied to her. "Sorry baby I'm going to be a bit late tonight, got lots on at the moment."

"OK then." she sighed. "But don't be too long, I love you."

I sat at my desk trying to hold back the tears, fuck, why can't I stop fucking crying all the time.

By the time I dredged up enough courage to go home it was late, very late. Lauren and Alecia had ordered in pizza and had eaten by the time I got there. Thankfully they had ordered enough so there was some left. The girls watched quietly as I ate in silence, I could feel their stares boring into me, but it was silent, no conversation, and definitely no laughter. It felt cool and tense. It was like we were all afraid to say something in case it ignited another fight.

Later after eating I murmured. "I'm going to take a hot bath." They both watched me climb the stairs.

I sank into the hot sudsy water and reclined back letting my muscles relax and soften. I closed my eyes and drifted off into a mild meditation. I felt the world stop and my mind slowed down.

I don't know how long I was out for but when I came to the water was getting cold and I could hear the girls tittering in the bedroom.

Alecia watched me as I came out of the bathroom. "God how did you do that, I went in to see if you were all right and you were in some sort of trance or something."

"It's called meditating, an art I learned a long time ago. I don't use it as much as I should these days, but it is very refreshing and great for relieving stress."

The girls were getting into bed as I dried myself. I glanced at them. This is normally one of my favourite times. The girls take as much trouble dressing for bed as they do if they're going out. As it always is the bed was awash with lingerie and lace. They are two very sexy ladies. "I'm going downstairs to get a drink, do you want anything?"

They both shook their heads. I got a beer out of the fridge and turned on the TV, I flicked through the channels settling on some motor racing channel. I watched it mindlessly for an age hoping that the girls would be asleep when I got to bed. I had another couple of beers and when I checked the time it was well after midnight. I snuck into the bedroom and they were both cuddled up tightly together. It's a sweet sexy thing watching them like this. I slipped beneath the covers and laid on my back staring blankly into the darkness. I couldn't put my finger on what made me feel this way. All I knew was I felt weak and feeble, like I used to feel when I had run away from the bullies at school. I felt ashamed.

I woke early again and escaped before either of the girls got up. It was another busy day and I had a string of appointments and meetings. The day was gone in a flash. I couldn't blame the girls. It was my fault. I just needed to be firmer. I stayed at the office until much longer than I needed to. It was late again when I got home I was hoping maybe the girls had an early night but they were up waiting. "Kelli come into the lounge baby we want to talk." Lauren called. "Come on stop hiding from us."

I complained. "Sorry but I need to take a shower I will be down in a moment."

After I had come back down, I noticed the girls were still sitting in the lounge waiting and Lauren didn't look happy. I walked into the kitchen, hunted through the fridge, and I decided that it would have to be simple as there wasn't much in there.

Lauren had a nervous look on her face. "Baby what's wrong? You are not yourself. It is because of the other night isn't it?"

I couldn't really deny it. "Yes I am uncomfortable with what happened the other night. I feel like I should never have let that happen."

Alecia came over and cuddled up to me from behind. "Babes why are you so upset, we had a fantastic experience and we all loved it."

"I just don't feel comfortable with myself for letting it happen." I was swallowing back tears that were slowly breaking through the dam.

Lauren held my head in her hands and lifted my head until I was looking her in the eye. "Kelli that is just so wrong. Stop being a drama queen. You gave us a gift the other night and it was wonderful. Now you have an understanding of the pleasure we get. We have shared things that a lot of couples don't. I think we are stronger for it."

Alecia kept holding me gripping my arm tight. "Babes the question is did you enjoy it?"

What could I say they knew the answer I couldn't deny I enjoyed it. "Yes Alecia I can't lie, you already know the answer."

She giggled. "Yeah we sort of got that impression. So if you enjoyed it and we enjoyed it how could it be wrong? Honey I love it when you put that beautiful cock in me, so why shouldn't you enjoy the same thing. We have to stop thinking about specific gender roles and just enjoy being with each other."

Lauren was giggling as well. "Baby why are you so upset about this?"

"Because I am scare that you will lose even more respect for me, because you won't see me as a man anymore."

Alecia kissed me with a big grin on her face. "Baby that ship sailed a long time ago. You are no longer a man. That doesn't mean we don't love you or respect you. You are still our rock and we depend on you but you are not a man in the normal sense of the word."

They were making sense but I couldn't shake off the feeling that it was wrong. "But what will people say if they ever find out, god I would be a laughing stock."

Alecia kept nuzzling on my neck. "Baby you can't spend your life hiding from who you are. OK you aren't a normal boring man, you are so much more. Kelli, it's who you are, enjoy it and accept it."

As she kept nuzzling Lauren snuck in and started kissing both of us and we ended up in bed making wild passionate love.

It was the start of a magical period in our relationship, we seemed to find another gear if that's possible, we made love like rabbits and I was starting to wonder if I would survive. They were wearing me out.

The big difference was in my head, I really started to feel comfortable as Kelli. I looked forward to going out and getting dressed up. I spent hours in front of the mirror trying new makeup techniques. I took great delight in raiding the girl's wardrobes. It was definitely first up best dressed in our home. What's more I was taking great pleasure in teasing the construction guys. Life was pretty good.

The longer I spent in my new persona the old Michael was becoming a fuzzy distant memory. The deeper I went into Kelli the stronger the attachment was. I started to consider what the future would have in store. The more I thought about it the more I realised I couldn't go back to being just Michael and I didn't want to which was the strong point. I only had to think about how Maddison treated me. As Kelli she couldn't get enough of me, as Michael she didn't even want to talk to me. As much as I had fought this weird journey, Kelli is who I am. I loved Kelli. I loved the clothes, the attention and I loved Candy's. It was my company.

Kelli was so deeply imbedded in my everyday thinking and planning. One day while I was putting my makeup on I reflected on my appearance, there were a couple of things that stuck out for me. As I looked in the mirror the two things that I didn't like was my Adams apple and boobs, I hated the fact I had to wear breast forms to appear like a normal woman. I was always self-conscious about the fact someone would notice. I also hated the fact that when I dressed in lingerie I lost my bust. If I was being honest with myself and I was going to become Kelli for real then breast implants were a must. But if I did go down that route I also knew there would be no going back. No running away. For days I wandered around seemingly lost and in a daze as I reflected and contemplated what to do.

In the end I made the decision, yes I wanted to be Kelli. That moment of acceptance seemed to release me and I felt free, like a weight had been lifted. I smiled broadly inside. yes it was true I wanted to be Kelli. My relationship with Lauren and now Alecia was stronger than ever. We seemed to be getting on so well and they both loved Kelli. In fact everybody loves Kelli. I think as much as Alecia says she loves me I think if I was to slip back to living as Michael she would leave. What would happen after that is anyone's guess.

I contacted a local surgeon who specialised in plastic surgery and made an appointment. I didn't talk to the girls about it. I was going to make it a surprise and do a big reveal. That would get the girls going.

The surgeon did a full examination including a full screen of blood tests. He was amazed when I told him I wasn't on any hormone treatments. He asked lots of questions. He said it was truly remarkable that a man would have such smooth skin, I had breasts developing and he did some body fat calculations. The look he gave me was one of disbelief. He kept asking about the hormones. Still he booked me in for the procedures, I decided on a small implant. I didn't want to be one of those false looking woman with breasts way to big and firm for their body. I went for a B cup size. The doctor congratulated me on common sense. He smiled, "it will save your back in later life."

I headed home feeling pretty chuffed with myself.

Work was keeping me pretty busy the expansion project was nearing completion.

It was a couple of days later when the doctor called me and he sounded upset. "Kelli why did you feel you had to lie to me about taking hormones?"

I was nonplussed. "I'm sorry doctor but I don't know what you're talking about."

"I have received the blood test results and they show very high levels of estrogen, the levels are commensurate with a male who is taking female hormones."

"But I haven't taken any."

He sounded unsure. "Well do you take any medication of any kind?"

"No." I replied. "The only thing I take is a vitamin supplement every day."

He asked. "What sort of vitamin?"

I went and got the bottle out of the cupboard and read out the label to him.

"No that wouldn't do it those are just an over the counter vitamin supplement." He was silent for a moment and I sensed he was deep in thought. "Kelli can you take a tablet out of the bottle please and describe them to me, see if there are any markings on them."

I emptied the contents and got one of the tablets, and described it and read out the tablet marking.

"Kelli, those tablets are birth control pills, who gave them to you?"

"What." I yelled. I could hear the anger in his voice and I didn't want to drop Lauren in it so I lied. "A friend at work suggested that I take them because of the diet I was on."

He was noticeably agitated. "This is a serious matter. There are a lot of side effects and dangers you need to be aware of. Taking female birth control pills is like taking female hormones and it does some things to the male body." He went on to list some of the effects.

"There will be a loss in bone density and muscle mass."

"The testicles and penis will shrink."

"There is also an increased risk of suffering an enlarged prostate gland and this may lead to prostate cancer."

"There are also the psychological side effects to consider. You may suffer from severe mood swings and feelings of sadness."

Fuck that explained why I was always fucking crying. Thank god at least I wasn't going crazy!

"I strongly recommend that you stop taking the tablets immediately. If you would like to talk about hormone replacement therapy there are far better options with much reduced risk."

I didn't know what to say.

The hard edge in his voice was plain. "If you want to you could lay criminal charges against your so called friend. In fact I would go so far as to say you damn well should. This so called friend has misled you badly."

I thanked him for his assistance, and promised to consider the legal issue. He also suggested that if I wanted to continue taking a proper hormone then I should freeze some of my sperm because after a while the female hormones will make me sterile. Fuck!

As we talked he asked whether I still wanted to go through with the procedures.

Although he had scared me and I was angry the answer was still yes. He went through further explanations about recovery and booked in the operation for two weeks time.

I collapsed back in my chair, what the fuck. Lauren had been tricking me into taking these fucking tablets for over a year now and I was stupid enough to go along with it. When I thought about it I realised what a fucking moron I really am. It was fucking obvious as hell, why didn't I see it everybody else did!

As the day wore on I got angrier and angrier. Shit she had actually put my life in danger all because of her fucking fantasy. By the time I got home that night I was ready to explode, I felt like strangling her, what about Alecia did she know?

They were in the dining room when I walked in. They were having a glass of wine and chatting about their day, and work. They both smiled when I walked in although I saw the look change on Lauren's face as she saw the stern look on mine.

"Baby you look terrible, what's the matter?"

I slammed the pill bottle down on the table. "What can you tell me about these?"

She looked horrified. "Oh shit." was all she said. It was the look on her face a look that told the story she looked scared.

"So that's all you have to say for trying to fucking kill me?"

She was sniffling holding back the tears. "Baby please they are harmless they are just to help with your transition."

"Harmless." I screamed. "Fucking harmless my arse. Here are some of the side effects of taking these things Lauren and they come directly from the doctor."

I angrily spat out the consequences. "Loss of bone and muscle density, the bones become porous and brittle, increased risk of prostate cancer, shrunken testes and penis, erectile dysfunction and sterility. Not to mention the psychological harm, not surprising I have had such wild mood swings and I cry all the time."

She was trying to hold my hand but I snatched it away.

She was shaking her head."Kelli I think you are over exaggerating it a little. I don't think it's as bad as that."

I reached into my bag and threw down all of the research papers I had downloaded off the internet. "Really, so all of these doctors have got it wrong have they?"

She honestly looked shocked and broke down. "Kelli I didn't know. You have to believe me. I read an article in a woman's magazine about how men transitioning use them to ease their transition. I thought they were harmless honestly. Baby I would never give you something on purpose that would harm you."

"For fuck sake why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you at least talk to me about it?"

"Baby I am sorry, at the time you weren't even dressing as Kelli and you were being so hardnosed about the whole thing I knew you wouldn't take them, that's why I didn't tell you."

"So you just made a Q1 decision and decided you knew what was best for me? You put my life in danger without even consulting with me. I can't believe how selfish you are Lauren. I am so angry right now I feel like slapping you."

Alecia had sat through the whole thing without saying a word. I watched her face intently. "Did you know about this Alecia?"

She was shaking her head, but remained silent.

Lauren jumped up from her chair. "Baby no one knows except me. I did it. Alecia wasn't even living with us then. You can't be mad at her. You have to take it out on me."

She walked up and hugged me. "Please baby please, you have to forgive me? I didn't know about the side effects. It was stupid I know, I should have done some research but the article made it sound so simple. Michael believe me I am sorry." She was bawling.

"Fuck you Lauren you selfish self-centred bitch. All you care about is what you want. Don't worry about the fact you could have harmed me. The doctor wanted to know who gave me the tablets. He wants me to lay criminal charges against whoever gave them to me. I lied to him, I lied to save your arse."

She looked across at Alecia looking for support but she was saying nothing.

"I have had it Lauren this is too much. I can't live with you at the moment. I am going to move out."

"No baby please don't leave, we can't work it out if you leave. It's not fair on Alecia she didn't do anything wrong."

"No, I can't stay here otherwise I am going to say things or do something I know I will later regret."

I packed a couple of bags. While I was packing Alecia walked in behind me and wrapped her arms around me.

"Shit babes, I am sorry. I don't know what to say. Lauren has done the wrong thing but moving out? Do you think that will help? Don't you think that you are overreacting? Wouldn't it be better to stay so we can talk this through and see what happens?"

"No this is the last straw for me. Every other time I have forgiven her but this time I don't think I can. It's her disregard for me, her lack of trust in me. I mean I hadn't even decided to go down this path. If I had stayed as Michael what sort of freak would I be?" The tears were flowing and I was crying again, fucking tears. I have become a wreck.

I walked out got in the car and drove away. All day I had been thinking about how this would play out. Where to live was the top priority. One of the seamstresses had been talking about an apartment down on the waterfront that she had moved out of because she had moved in with her boyfriend. I called into the office got her details and gave her a call.

I didn't tell her everything but she was happy to meet me there in an hour and show me through it.

It was pretty nice, a balcony looking out over the ocean. And the price was right although I had to sign a twelve month lease. That bit was hard, it was like I had already made my decision. My hand shook as I signed.

The only problem was it was empty, no furniture, oh well at least I could smell the ocean.

I went down to the department store and brought a camp stretcher, sleeping bag, a kettle and a toaster.

That night I slept out on the balcony with the sound of the ocean ringing in my ears.

There were numerous calls from Lauren. Thank god for messagebank.

Work the next morning was hard, Candy was chasing me around trying to find out what the problem was.

Eventually she cornered me and there was no escape. I told her what had happened, she nodded her head. "Yeah I can't say I am surprised. Remember back to our first meeting I said I had never seen anyone transition as easily as you. I thought then that you must have been taking hormones. I am sorry sweetie but it's not the end of the world you know. It really has helped your transition you look fabulous and you can stop taking them. It takes years for some of the effects to happen anyway and I am guessing that the dose rate is fairly low."

I glared at her questioningly. "So you take them Candy?"