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Click hereAfter assuring myself she was comfortable, I quickly showered and returned to the bed. I crawled in, and when I was settled she snuggled into a spoon position while still asleep.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 6 years ago"Syncopation" is the *opposite* of what two canoeists would want -- I believe you meant "synchronization"
https://www.google.com/search?q=synchronization
rhpbfhalmost 10 years agoRe the word "caneing" in the title: I don't think that word means what you think it means. This error alone was enough to discourage me from actually reading the story. Judging by the previous comments my first impression was correct. Get a cowriter knowledgeable in English to help you.
Calliciousalmost 10 years agoI rarely bother giving stars if I don't give five. However, I gave you four for a nice story, but as others have commented, please edit. If you are not comfortable editing your own, and most are not, volunteer editors are available who can polish a fair story and make it into a good one for which I could give it five stars.
I liked your premise and development. You did a nice job of creating characters and developing them, although you have some detail that doesn't really fit the story unless you intend to bring some of the other girls into it at a later date.
Don't quit. I think you have potential if you will work at it. Writing is not as easy as it sounds at first blush. :-) It is one of the most fun and rewarding avocations/vocations you can choose though when you start to get it right.
Anonymousalmost 10 years agoWas bored before I got to the end of the first page, and you really, really need to edit, missing words, missing punctuation. Half the time instead of 'hand' you had 'had'.
