Carnal Knowledge Ch. 15-16

A hot blush burned up her neck. "You are speaking out of turn, sir," she said coldly and started to turn away.

He laid a hand on her sleeve. "Eliza, oh, damn it, I am making an absolute muck of this. Please, wait a moment."

Reluctantly, she paused. "Very well. A moment only."

"This house is not a good place for you," he said urgently. "You may despise me for saying this outright and rather vulgarly, but you deserve better than being forced to share your employer's bed. Eliza, don't you see? A decent man would never treat you this way. And if you are foolish enough to develop a tendre for him..." He shook his head. "They are false feelings you simply cannot trust. I beg you not to remain here. If you will not leave with me, then find some other way. Some other position. Please."

His fingers closed about her elbow as he leaned closer. "Do not think me without passion simply because I choose to act with decorum. You would not be disappointed in the marriage bed with me..."

Eliza jumped backward out of his grasp. "For heaven's sake, John!" She covered her burning cheeks and closed her eyes for a moment. "This is one of the most mortifying conversations I have ever had. I seem to be having quite a lot of them lately," she muttered.

"Listen to me—"

She interrupted. "No, it's my turn to talk now."

A look of chagrin crossed his face as he crossed his arms across his chest.

"I appreciate your...candor." She cleared her throat and sighed, then forced herself to look him in the eye. "I will take your advice to heart, but I cannot marry you. You will find the perfect wife for yourself, I feel certain."

John heaved a sigh. "We would make a good match..."

"Perhaps before I came here, but I...am different now," she said slowly and backed away from him.

His mouth flattened into a hard line. "I can be different."

She smiled, a little wistful. "No, John, I don't think you can."

"He will hurt you! Don't you see that?"

"I should go now," she replied gently before turning away to return to the nursery.

***

John's well-intentioned words stayed with her the remainder of the day. Uncertainty over her decision to return continued to besiege her thoughts.

The children tired early and were nearly asleep over their supper plates. She helped Nanny Goodson tuck them into bed, reading stories and singing the songs they liked.

Restless and anxious over what the night may hold, Eliza made her way back to her bedchamber, deciding to send word downstairs she was tired and would take a supper tray in her room. Earlier, she had overheard the maids whispering that the earl's cousin Caroline Stanley had returned to Verity Hall, scandalously alone.

Recalling the last time the earl's relatives had visited, she shuddered. The thought of attempting polite conversation over a formal dinner seemed more than she could bear tonight.

She entered her room, surprised to see the fire had already been brought back to life. It took her a moment or two to see the figure standing to the side of the fireplace, leaning on the mantelpiece.

Her heart thudded hard before dropping into her stomach when he took a step forward.

"You came back," he stated without preamble, his expression unreadable.

"Yes." She didn't pretend to misunderstand his question and forced herself to remember to breathe. "I—"

"It doesn't matter," Rockdale interrupted. "And I don't care."

Nonplussed by his strange attitude, she faltered, suddenly certain he was going to send her away. Damn him for making her feel so conflicted. She both craved being near him and hated him for the emptiness she felt apart when they were apart. Part of her yearned to immediately tell him about the child they had conceived together, yet she was filled with trepidation over his reaction.

"William, I need to tell you..."

"No," he said emphatically. "No talking."

He stalked closer, and she realized he fairly vibrated with some suppressed emotion. It glittered hotly in his eyes.

"You came back of your own free will," he said in a low tone that caused the fine hairs on her arms and nape stand erect. "That means you have agreed to my offer. No discussion. No debate."

Say something, Eliza, she pleaded to herself. You should at least say something! But the words lodged thickly in her throat. "William," she managed to whisper.

He was on her in what seemed like an instant, pinning her between his body and the door. His hand sank deep into her hair. "I told you, not a bloody word," he growled.

Just as quickly as he had seized her, he backed away. She thought she could see his hands shaking, and she licked her lips, breathing hard.

"Take your dress off."

Her hands immediately went to the buttons down the front, somehow knowing if she didn't, he would rip it off. Her fingers fumbled at the fastenings. Already her body clamored for his touch, and she let her eyes drift closed a moment, battling between her mind and her treacherous desires. Was this to be her destiny? To forever jump at his every demand?

"All of it," he hissed. "Get it all off."

She didn't even try for neat or orderly. The bodice and skirt were discarded to the floor, followed by her shoes, petticoats, corset, stockings, and finally her shift. Chest heaving, she stood naked before his intent stare.

Lifting her chin, she took a few steps closer to him then slowly lowered herself down her knees before him.

His eyes closed tightly, and she saw him shudder before he sank to his own knees.

"Dear God, Eliza..." he breathed, opening his eyes and skimming a hand over the side of her face. "I thought..."

He grasped her hand and gently kissed each finger before pressing a kiss to the center of her palm. Rising to his feet, he used the hand he held to draw her to standing before him.

With one last kiss to the back of his hand, he released her. "Go kneel on the bed," he said gently. "Hands and knees."

At his words, she felt an answering pulse of arousal between her legs. She positioned herself on the bed as he had instructed, pressing her thighs together to assuage the ache.

"Face away from me, that's right, sweeting. Spread your legs apart so I can see all of you."

Shamelessly, she complied, quivering with anticipation when his warm hand slid over the curve of her bottom.

"Naughty girl, I see your petals glistening," he murmured, lightly caressing her sensitive flesh.

She sucked in a breath when he penetrated her with a broad finger and slowly thrust it in and back out.

"As gladdened as I am by your unexpected return, there is some savage part of me that aches to punish you. You made me think you couldn't stand to be with me another moment."

She moaned in reply and felt the sudden sting of his hand against the cheek of her bottom.

He forced a second finger inside of her and slapped the other cheek of her bottom. "Why is your cunt so wet, Eliza?" he growled. "Is there something you need from me that you can't get in Lancashire? Is this why you decided to return to Verity Hall? Did you need one more hard fucking before you left me for certain?"

"Why must you be so crude? That is not why came back!" She shivered when he withdrew his fingers, and she heard the sounds of him undressing.

He moved to the side of the bed near her face, his hand fisting over his erect cock. "I've heard they have cocks in Lancashire; I am certain of it."

She angled her head up to see his face. "You think me some hussy only needing a hard cock to satisfy me?"

He continued to stroke himself. "Who knows what women want? I've never been adept at figuring this eternal mystery out. God knows, my own wife wasn't happy staying in my bed. Apparently all she needed was a suspicious bulge in a pair of trousers, and she was off and salivating."

"I am not like Isabelle!"

"Are you sure? Perhaps you just haven't had sufficient opportunity to spread your...wings, so to speak."

Drawing her knees up under herself, Eliza cocked her head and considered him. "You truly are angry with me, aren't you? Did it hurt when I told you I wanted to go back home? You have to care about someone before they can hurt you, William."

He leaned closer and slid the head of his cock over her mouth. "What really hurts me is that you aren't already sucking on my cock. Open your mouth."

She leaned away from him and lifted an eyebrow. "I think you missed me."

He sniffed. "It's been what—a day? Hardly long enough to miss someone, I'd say."

"I missed you," she said softly. "Is it so hard for you to admit?"

"By gad, woman, you're talking me flaccid." He abruptly turned his back to her. "What is it you want from me, Eliza? You want to hear that it felt like a knife stabbing into my chest every time I thought of not seeing your smile again? That my coat still carries your scent from that evening you sat in my lap out in the garden, and we named the constellations in the sky? How about the way my breath catches when I remember they way you mew like a kitten when my cock is deep inside you? Or when I think of some other man touching you—"

Eliza stood and laid a hand on his shoulder. "William."

"I don't know how to maneuver through this...lunacy between us."

She pressed her cheek against his naked back. "I'm confused, too. I never know how I'm supposed to feel when I'm with you."

"Why did you come back?" he asked hoarsely. "People always leave me, but they don't come back."

"I had to come back," she whispered.

"God help you, then," he said, face grim as he turned back around and stooped to scoop her off her feet and into his arms. Laying her gently back on the bed, he crawled over her on his hands and knees, caging her in with his arms and legs on the outside of hers.

His body hovered tantalizing close, his naked skin almost, but not quite, touching hers. "It wasn't very smart of you to return," he said gruffly while staring down at her. "You forced me to release you from our agreement, which I did, and the next thing I know, here you are again. One might get the strange notion that you want to be in this bed with me, Miss Lockhart. Perhaps even enough to risk the consequences..." His head slowly lowered as he spoke until the last words were breathed against her mouth. "What do you have to say for yourself, hmm?"

She licked her lips and fought the urge to close the scant distance between them. "I must be soft in the head."

"Be still my heart! Your honeyed words of longing and tenderness are almost more than I can stand."

"Is that what you want from me?" she asked, reaching up to touch his cheek. "Longing and tenderness?"

He insinuated a knee in between her thighs. "I'll settle for you spreading your legs."

"What if that's what I want from you?" she pressed, resisting for a moment when he added a second knee between hers.

He pushed back on his haunches and paused. "Then I will try to give you what you want," he said, pulling her knees wide. "And you will give me what I want." With a slow smirk, he bent and flicked his tongue against her now exposed labia.

She hissed a moan when his tongue delved deeper inside her mons. "Wait," she said through gritted teeth. "I can't think when you do that!"

His answer was to lap at her pearl, swirling around it in circles with his tongue.

Desire arced through her like an arrow of tiny flames. She gasped and arched her hips off the bed before growling and thrusting both hands into his hair. "Stop!" she insisted.

His eyes were narrowed, but he finally lifted his head to meet her gaze.

"There will be no more bargaining, William. What happens between us in bed or otherwise will not be because one of us feels obligated. I don't want you to pretend to feel anything for me if you do not. Let us just be respectful and honest with one another."

Her thoughts turned to the baby but was distracted when he quickly adjusted his position so that his cock pressed hard against the softness of her center, penetrating her slightly before she could gather her thoughts.

"You'll stay then?" he asked, suddenly seeming urgent as he loomed over her once more, winding a hand into her hair.

"N-no bargains?" she asked, voice quivering as the thickness of his cock sank another inch inside of her.

He bared his teeth in a facsimile of a grin and shoved himself the rest of the way into her body. "No bargains," he agreed, sliding out and thrusting back inside.

She was startled when William captured her hands and bought them up near her head.

"Tell me you're going to stay," he ordered.

"I'll stay," she whispered. "Only not as a mistress."

He made a noise in the back of his throat and glared down at her fiercely. "Woman, I have my cock lodged inside you as far as I can shove it, and you think to tell me you will not be my mistress? Are you attempting to drive me to a state of complete derangement?"

Her eyes closed for a moment against his ire. "I am not saying we cannot..."

"Fuck," he supplied succinctly with a definite edge. "I believe the word you're looking for is fuck."

She returned his glare, but her lower lip wobbled suddenly. "I don't want to be your whore."

He dropped his forehead so that it pressed against hers. "Never a whore," he murmured. "Never that." Gently, he eased them over to their sides, drawing her leg up over his hip.

Face to face, they regarded one another silently for a few moments, his hardness still embedded within her. He smoothed her hair back from her face, and she took a ragged breath, feeling like she would easily shatter into a million jagged pieces.

"It doesn't matter what we call it," William said at last. He reached for her hand and laced their fingers together. "Only that we are together. You can be whatever you like, just let me be near you."

"Yes," she whispered and leaned closer to press her trembling mouth against his. "Yes."

He began to move inside her while their kiss deepened, hands roaming over bare skin in a sensuous slide.

She shivered when his exploring lips suckled slowly down her neck to her breast. His thrusts shifted her backward as the heat of his mouth enveloped her nipple, his hand kneading and holding the mounded flesh in place.

Restless, she shifted under him and threaded her fingers into his hair. "William, I need you," she pleaded.

He rolled to his back, hauling her with him. "Then take me, dove. I'm yours."

***

Their ardor had finally been sated after she had ridden astride him like a woman possessed, shameless in her desire for him. After she had collapsed, he had only allowed her a brief respite before penetrating her once more, this time from behind. Her body felt slightly sore and languorously tired after their vigorous and thorough lovemaking.

She huffed a bit to herself for calling it lovemaking. There was no love between them, only...something. Something she wasn't ready to name, not yet. Perhaps not ever. She held no illusion that Rockdale would someday fall in love with her like a mythical hero in the books she had grown up reading. But like it or not, their fates were now forever intertwined.

She laid a gentle hand on her abdomen. Her brow wrinkled to think of the difficulties that lay ahead for her and her babe. The child would be born a bastard in a world where such a sin was not kindly looked upon. She sighed, knowing her mother would be so disappointed to see her daughter disgraced in such a fashion.

But what had been done could not be undone. Her life ahead seemed very uncertain and more than a bit frightening. Putting one's trust in a person who, by his own admission, was not a very good man, seemed a daunting and sobering prospect.

William mumbled something in his slumber and pulled her closer against his warm body. A slight smile drifted across her face, imaging his face when she told him about the baby. She hoped he would be pleased. With a sigh, she allowed herself to fully relax in his embrace and floated off to sleep.

When she awoke some time later, the fire had burned down, leaving the room chilled. She crept from the bed and stoked the embers back to life, shivering a bit as she slipped her nightgown over her head.

Her stomach rumbled, reminding her that she had gone to bed without any supper. A glance at the mantle clock told her that everyone would likely be abed at this late hour. No one would mind if she sneaked quickly downstairs for a bite or two, she reasoned.

She gravitated back toward the bed where William slept, his handsome face peaceful against the pillow. Softly, she stroked a hand over his dark hair. What a confusing man he was. When would she ever learn what went on in that head of his?

"Never, most likely," she muttered.

Quickly pulling on a wrapper and slippers, she slipped out of her bedchamber, treading the quiet hallway to the stairs and continuing down. She hesitated at the second floor landing, hearing some sort of rustling or stirring nearby.

Could it be the children out of bed and roaming the house at night? Eliza frowned and pondered. It was unlikely, but after a moment of thought, she decided she should investigate.

She made her way silently toward the dining room, eyes widening at hearing a muffled curse. A figure appeared around the corner, causing Eliza to stumble back a step in surprise.

"Mrs. Biddleton!" Eliza exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

The older lady's face appeared almost ghostly pale in the low light. She hefted the bulging cloth bag she carried higher upon her shoulder and lifted her chin.

"It's none of your affair!" she growled. "I'm only here to retrieve some of the items Lady Rockdale would want me to have."

"You're stealing them, you mean!"

Mrs. Biddleton sneered at her. "Getting fucked by the lord of the manor doesn't make you lady of the house, you stupid slut. Now, get out of my way."

"I'm seeing you straight to the door, and you will leave that bag of the earl's belongings right here," Eliza ordered, raising her voice in hopes someone would hear.

A large hand slipped over her mouth as she was roughly jerked backward against a hard figure.

"Not so loud, hen," a man breathed into her ear. "We don't want anyone to spoil our fun before we've had any, do we?"

Immediate recognition ignited a surge of fear and loathing that had her kicking and bucking violently against Rockdale's former footman, trying hard to sink her teeth into his hand.

George growled in warning, and there was a swift, hard blow to the side of her head that jerked her head viciously to the side.

The last thing she glimpsed were black spots dancing over Mrs. Biddleton's smirking face before the world went dark.