Caroline Ch. 06.01byVitorio©
Caroline – Part 2, Ch. 6.01: Joanna's Tale: 01
If you are new to this series please read the intro to Ch 01 so you'll know what to expect. It isn't strictly necessary to read the earlier chapters but some of this won't make sense if you don't so I hope you will!
Jo begins to tell her tale here and fills in some detail.)
Joanna and Mike alone.
Hello, I'm Joanna. Lena has asked me to write about that Wednesday. This was the first time I was alone with Mike in the house and, especially after what had happened on Tuesday, she was certain that I would want him. Well, she was right, I did, and wanted him badly. I ought to explain.
When Lena suggested 'sharing' him I was never too sure about it. I went along to please her, out of curiosity and, mainly, because I needed to get Steve out of my mind. He had really turned me off men. He was marvellous at the start, not as nice a Mike but still charming and apparently caring. That changed however, as he became more sure of me. Like a fool I had fallen for him. All the advice I later gave to Lena when she started going with Mike I had completely ignored myself. I knew virtually nothing about him other than he was handsome, charming and, in the early days, a tremendous lover; well perhaps not that good but certainly better than all the men and boys I'd been with before.
As Lena has told you, our relationship started going bad when he became more demanding sexually, oh not frequency or anything like that, just what he wanted me to do, how to behave. He seemed to like hurting me, humiliating me, making me do things he knew I didn't like, wear clothes for him that I found degrading. He called me names, slut, whore, bitch, that sort of thing. Then the films, not bad at first, and the anal sex. That was OK initially but he always insisted on cumming on my face, not in my mouth which I didn't mind, but on my face, in my eyes, that sort of thing. Then the films got more disturbing and he got more violent afterwards. It was as if they set him off, he got off watching the films then hurting me. The final straw, at least the first one, was that terrible film that Lena has described. I didn't realise but, by this time I had begun to enjoy the pain, almost expected it, I suppose, and felt it was my 'job' to give him pleasure through my pain. I realise now how silly that was and is. Sex isn't about pain, it's about pleasure and love isn't about submission, it's about sharing. That's what Lena and Mike have and I was loathe to risk ruining that.
When his wife finally turned up and explained everything I was shattered. My whole life seemed to ebb away. I realised that in a strange way I loved him, loved the sex, the pain, the humiliation. I knew I had to break with him, I didn't want to face what she had described. I was scared stiff. Then the dreams, they were horrible. I would wake up feeling sick at what I had imagined, how degraded I felt, but how much pleasure there was in that feeling. Even worse, the pleasure at the pain inflicted on Lena in my dreams. This was even more intense. I know now that, because I love her so much, in the perverse way that this sadism/masochism works, the more pleasure I got from hurting her.
This is a bit long winded, I know, but it's important to explain how I felt on that Wednesday: important to understand what loving him meant to me.
So I went along with Lena's plan for several reasons but primarily I was frightened of what I was turning into. My lovemaking with her was becoming more demanding, I would experiment with hurting her a little to she how she dealt with it. Of course she loved me so she went along. We were on a dangerous road.
The events on my birthday which Lena has written about made me go along with her idea. It was really his reaction to that and the way he treated both of us, but particularly me, afterwards that changed my view. He was so nice. Lena had told me about him of course, but I assumed she was using rose coloured spectacles. She wasn't, I realised, everything she said about him was true and, over those few days, I came to understand him, I think. So I came to terms with going to bed with them both. I hadn't really thought of going to bed with him alone, you know just the two of us. I had assumed that that was for Lena, not for me.
It wasn't until Lena's terrible upset over his health and all that followed that I realised she meant for it to be a true three way arrangement, you know, all three or any two from three. I fell in when she said that I would 'have to look after him' the weekend after our first threesome. I was quite worried by this. I really didn't want to come between them, to risk damaging what they had, but they both seemed happy with it so I said nothing. I really got bowled along by both of them about Italy and the flat and everything. Oh I didn't mind. To be honest I wasn't looking forward to being without Lena, she's sister, daughter, and lover for me and we've lived together for nearly five years. I think we loved each other even when we were little so losing her was going to be a big blow. It was all rather rushed but I didn't really mind, I was quite looking forward to it. Then Sunday!
Sunday morning was amazing, simply amazing. I never believed that sex could be like that, so good and lasting so long. Lena had told me about sex with him, in detail, but I'd always believed that she was exaggerating. She wasn't. He was fantastic. How he let us take control in the morning and still made love to us both gently and caringly. I lost count of my orgasms. By the end of the morning I'd had it, Lena can go on far longer than me I think. The last orgasm I had was too much for me, I passed out but it was so, so good, like nothing I've ever experienced before.
In the afternoon came the problem. Look, I was all screwed up then, in more ways than one. Lena and I had made love to each other several times and pleasured each others bottoms. She'd used the dildo on me and I enjoyed every minute of it. Yes, I know he is bigger, but not that much bigger. Deep down I knew I could take him, I wanted to, desperately, to give him everything, just like Lena. I wanted to please him, but I had the 'pain' hang up. I'd convinced myself, wanted to believe, that it would hurt, hurt a lot, so that I could experience pain delivered by someone I loved, or close to loved anyway, particularly a man. Silly really but then that was my hang up, my legacy from that bastard Steve. Of course, I should have known that he would have none of it. Although Mike scared me that afternoon, I must admit that I enjoyed being scared. The look on his face was frightening, I didn't think he would brook any opposition, he would take my bottom whether I liked it or not. Even Lena thought he would, I could tell from her face and, do you know, I wanted him to. I wanted him to hurt me, cause me pain. In my weird world of sex, left to me by Steve, this was love. Giving and receiving pain. I could show my love for him by accepting the pain he got pleasure from giving me. Oh what a screwed up situation!
Anyway, he wasn't playing my game and he made himself cum. Oh of course I should have known he wouldn't allow himself to get any pleasure from inflicting pain on me. Can you imagine any man doing that. To put it crudely, he gave up the opportunity to fuck my arse, a first for him, and make me scream. There aren't many men I've met who would have done what he did. At first I couldn't believe it, what had happened, then I saw Lena's face and felt the pressure on my anus relieved. After she explained what he had done I didn't know what to say, how to feel. Then he explained himself and he explained me. He was right you know, that was just how I felt. I hated myself but I enjoyed the feeling. As to sex later that evening, well he wasn't able or willing, I don't know, and I know Lena doesn't know either, but I think he was unwilling. We needed to cool down, to take stock, and a good night's sleep without sex was just right.
I woke on that Monday feeling so much better, as if a weight had been lifted. I realised that what he said was right, you didn't need pain to love someone. What you needed was care and affection, oh and desire of course, but desire tempered by concern for the other person (or in our case, persons). It was so nice to be part of their love, their caring for each other and now, for me. So it was that I had gained confidence and, when Steve tried to chat me up again, I was rather rude. Well he deserved it didn't he, the bastard, but perhaps it wasn't the cleverest thing to do. It must have infuriated him and I suspect it resulted in his actions on Tuesday. I was also surprised when Mike suggested that Lena and I make love together without him. Can you imagine, here is a man who sends his prospective wife off to bed with her best friend for them to make love. I was coming to realise that this was a very special man indeed.
So, Tuesday! Oh what a day. It certainly sorted my head out but it is a drastic way of sorting out ones feelings. I began to get concerned when Steve was always where I was, there or thereabouts for no apparent reason. This happened three or four times before I started to notice it really. Then the laundry room. We have turn locks on the doors, no keys thankfully, so he couldn't take the key out. Now the strange part, I knew what he was going to do, and this is the bad bit, I wanted him to. It was the same as with Mike, well not quite, but I'm sure my meaning is clear. I knew there would be pain, but I welcomed it. I had to fight him however, otherwise there wouldn't be any pain would there?
What changed my feelings about the whole business was his words to me and, particularly, the way he said them. He was so arrogant, sneering. The words seemed to puncture the bubble of desire for pain and I remembered what Mike had said to me on Sunday. The punch in the stomach didn't help, although by that time after his 'whether you want it or not' line, I had decided that I didn't. All that Mike had said suddenly was obvious. This man was a sadistic little twerp. I got angry and my mind started to work overtime on how to get out of this situation. Well I managed it and got back to the rest room. Once there panic set in and the shock hit me, I went to pieces and the rest is history.
When Lena told me how Mike had reacted I could hardly believe her. Oh I know all about the male 'bull' mentality, protect the herd and all that, but it seemed to be so much more. Look, he is a nice man, and there aren't many of them are there, so his reaction was surprising. Then Lena explained him to me and it wasn't surprising, you see, he loved me. Oh not the same way he loved Lena. He said it himself, he believed he could only love one woman that way, but he loved me none the less and he was willing to go to any lengths to protect me. Now, Lena has mentioned it above, but I'll reiterate, on the Wednesday morning I did want him, badly.
I'd gone to sleep on Tuesday night cuddled by him with Lena snuggled up behind. Obviously we didn't stay like that all night but when I woke in the morning, after Lena had apparently got up, I was in his arms. I'd opened my eyes and I was staring into his. Blue, that's all I could think, blue. His eyes were blue and they were full of love, concern, care. I sort of drifted into his eyes and I snuggled up to him. I didn't ever want to leave his arms and I wanted an awful lot more. I lay there, in his arms, and remembered yesterday. What had happened, what he had done. I had to say thank you to him, to reward him for his actions. I don't think he ever expected or wanted any reward, it was what he did for those he loved but I needed to reward him, understand? I needed him to accept my reward as well and, as I had only one real way to reward him (as Lena said, we females have been doing this since time began), I wanted him badly. That sounds silly really, I wanted him badly because I wanted to reward him. The silly thing is, I suppose, that he didn't expect any reward in any sense of the word. All I knew was that, as I lay there in his arms, gazing into his arms, I felt safe and powerfully sexy. I NEEDED HIM. This is all very confusing and it doesn't read very well but it was how I felt.
I also needed to experiment, no not in that way, but to find out whether I was able to put this masochistic/sadistic thing behind me. Could I make love with someone I loved and not want him or her to hurt me, or to hurt them. I felt that I could because of my feelings for him but I was still unsure.
Anyway, he pulled away from me saying, "I'm sorry Jo, but I must get something to eat then take Lena to work. You stay in bed if you want."
I didn't want to but I lay there for a few moments watching him get dressed, taking in him, and, to some extent, suppressing my desire for him which wouldn't be very appropriate over the breakfast table.
He finished dressing and I got up and threw on a dressing gown. He watched me with concern in his eyes. He thought I was still suffering from the effects of yesterday but I wasn't really, well not in that way. I was confused and it shows even as I write this.
We went downstairs together and he said to Lena, "Oh good Lena, you've done some sausages. I'm bloody starving."
"I should think so," she said, "you didn't eat anything last night. Did you know that Jo, he didn't eat a thing last night."
I was concerned, I cared for him, "Why not," I asked him.
"Well," he said sheepishly, "all that aggressive behaviour is not really me you know and the old adrenalin was pumping like hell. Can't ever eat when I'm like that, have to wait until it calms down then I'm ravenous, like now."
This set me thinking and my mischievous side broke through my confusion. I looked at him thinking how much I wanted him, "Is it like that with sex as well?" I said forthrightly. This shocked Lena somewhat. She raised her eyebrows, smiled then fixed him with her gaze.
He looked back at me somewhat puzzled. "I don't know what you mean," he said. And I don't think he did. He wasn't on that wavelength then. He didn't know how much I wanted him. I suppose the signs I was giving out were not the normal ones.
"Well," I said archly determined to let him know exactly how I felt, "when the 'adrenalin starts to flow' is it the same with sex. Can't do it when you're like that but ravenous afterwards?"
He looked embarrassed. "Oh I'm sorry Mike, I've embarrassed you haven't I," I said smiling at Lena. He knew now exactly what I had in mind.
Lena picked up my mood, looked at him, laughed and said, "I wouldn't stand still too much today, Mike, not in the mood she's in. You could be seduced if you're not careful."
He laughed as he caught on to the game then put his arms by his side and stood stock still, "I won't move then," he said continuing to laugh.
We all had breakfast together and Mike finally left with Lena to take her to work. My only concern today was how Lena would feel about me and Mike. She seemed to be OK about it before she left but I hadn't been on my own with him like this. Despite this I knew I was going to try to seduce him. I thought that he was strong enough to say no if he felt it would affect Lena and anyway my need was very powerful. Yesterday hadn't really been that bad, it could have been far worse, he could have raped me and, god forbid, I could have enjoyed it. I'd been very frightened of course and my tummy was a bit sore where he hit me, but all in all, I was lucky. Lucky as well to have two people like Mike and Lena to come to my assistance.
I was still thinking about all these things when Mike came home. Striding into the kitchen he said, "How do you feel Jo? Shall I make some coffee?"
I looked at him thinking how much I loved him now and just answered with "Mmm, yes please. Then I think I'll go and have a bath." I was going to get ready for him, ready to please him in any way, you know, there if he wanted it, although I was still nervous about anal sex with him.
"I'm going into the garage to get on with some work." he said. "I've got you a paper and some magazines to read. Are you OK on your own?"
"Mmm," I said, "yes, I'm all right now. Yesterday wasn't too bad, and nothing really happened did it. I was lucky. And, spending the night in your arms has done me the world of good," I added smiling up at him.
"I enjoy cuddling you," he said smiling back.
"Perhaps you should try it some more later on then," I said gazing up at him coquettishly.
"Mmm, now there's a thought," he said smiling and bending to give me a little kiss.
"I hope there's more where that came from," I said.
He smiled and went back to making the coffee. He wasn't ready yet and I don't think I was. I wanted to pretty myself up, be at my best, for him.
We sat drinking our coffee and chatting before he went off into the garage.
"I'll get some lunch ready about 12," I said, "is that OK?"
"Mmm," he said, "give me a shout before it's ready and I'll have a quick shower." Oh good, I thought, you're not getting away this afternoon! And off he went into the garage.
I spent the morning having a lovely bath, the great big tub all too myself, bubbling away. The I 'prepared' myself for him. Do you know, I actually thought of it like that, I was giving myself to him. Sort of like an offering, I suppose. I prettied myself up, not too much makeup as I know he doesn't like too much, and chose my clothes carefully. I gave myself an enema just in case he wanted me there. To be honest, I didn't really want him to take me there today. I wanted today to be romantic, like those occasions Lena had told me about, you know, where he recited poetry, or something like that. I felt that, although I knew he would do it with love, taking my bottom would not be quite the same.
I wore a loose blouse in crimson. I knew from Lena that he liked these dark, vibrant reds on a woman, especially from a sexual standpoint so I thought this would be nice. A simple matching skirt, knee length, and in a matching red. Simple underwear, red as well. I wanted him to want ME not the clothes. No stockings and a simple chain round my neck with his pendent. Only a little waft of perfume and I was ready. I felt like a vamp. Lena makes much of this feeling of power that we get when we go into a situation looking for sex. It does have an effect on me. It makes me feel powerful, knowing that I'm about to manipulate a man. Not quite the same with Mike. I always felt that he could control himself and, if he wanted to, rebuff my advances. So I was still a bit apprehensive about how he would react.
Anyway, downstairs to read the paper and just lay about until time to prepare lunch. He'd brought a few things in with him, ham, rolls, cheese, so I put these together ready to toast when he came in. About 12 I popped in to the garage and, giving him my biggest smile, said, "Lunch is all ready to go when you want it. What would you like to drink? Fruit juice?"
"Mmm, yes please." Then he looked at me in that way of his. "You look fabulous Jo, absolutely fabulous. Who's the lucky man?" Well the way I was feeling, that was almost enough to make me wet my knickers! As Lena says, he has this was of looking at you. It's certainly sexy, but it's more than that. He doesn't 'undress' you with his eyes, it's more of a caress. A caress underneath you clothes. You feel as if his eyes are touching you.
I smiled at him, "Thank you," I said, "it's just for you, and you alone. Are you coming in now?"
"Just give a minute to tidy up and I'll be in to have a shower. About 20 minutes, OK?"
"OK," I said then very suggestively, "I'll have everything ready for you."
He smiled, "I look forward to it," he said.