Caroline Ch. 13.03

Then she was pregnant.

It was just too much, I had to get away. I couldn't face it, face her or Silvio. Even face the idea of it. I had to get as far away as possible - but the trouble is you can't run from something like this because it's in your head – you take it with you. There's only one solution, at least there was only one I could see. I've said I don't know how long I was away. I ate when I needed, slept in the car or stopped in a hotel overnight when I needed to get clean, bought clothes when I needed them. I ended up one evening in a car park overlooking Derwent Water. I love the Lake District and I suppose I was unconsciously drawn there because of it's tranquillity and beauty. I dozed off and when I finally woke in the morning, after another almost sleepless night with images of them together dancing around my mind, I knew what I had to do. Simply drive the car off the edge and into the water. I wouldn't have to see them any more. Think of them, face the idea or her, the woman I loved more than anything, pregnant by another man. It was the perfect answer but I couldn't do it. When it came to it I didn't have the bloody guts to carry it through!

That's when you hit rock bottom you know. The only way out of your problem is suicide and you haven't got the guts to do it. Where do you go from there? Well there's only one way isn't there.? You have to manage so I took stock of myself and, suddenly, I didn't like what I saw. I was selfish, self-centred, thoughtless, possessive and destructive. If I was to go on living I had to deal with my life, put things straight, or at least try to.

When I write this it sounds so trite, easy, as if it came to me in some flash of light. It wasn't like that. I spent most of that day sitting there thinking, trying to sort myself out. Well, I managed to, so I drove to a phone box and spoke to Pat. She was worried sick about me and said Gianna was in a terrible state. I told Pat I was coming home, if she'd have me, and we needed to talk. She packed the kids off to her mother's and when I got home that evening we spent the rest of the night talking, patching things up between us. She even made love to me! Oh, I didn't stop her seeing her bloke. I told her I had no right to expect anything from her but she held me and said she still loved me in her way.

Then I had to see Gianna. First I spoke to Silvio. He knew now how much his return had cost me and he was even guiltier about that but I said he had to do what he thought was right and I understood. In a strange way it made our friendship even stronger. Now a meeting with Gianna on our own. I should explain how I felt about her now. If anything my love for her was stronger, deeper even more powerful but I knew she had to be happy, or as happy as she could be. She told me again that she loved me more than anything and she didn't love Silvio, she didn't want to have him back but she had to. I told her I understood and, when she asked my forgiveness, told her that there was nothing to forgive. I said how sorry I was that I'd behaved so badly but she wouldn't have that. I loved her, she said, so it didn't matter. She'd hold on to that love for the rest of her life.

I had to tell her then that, yes I loved her but I couldn't show it, I had to bury it because the pain was too great. All the spectres of the past two months would come back to haunt me. I'd hold her love buried deep inside me like a beacon of light. She understood, bless her and we had one last kiss which ended in tears, and said goodbye as lovers.

……………………….

So here we are today – I'd better get back to the present.

So, it was all sorted out, I would go back with Guy and Jo, and Lena would be driven up to the villa with Gianna. The only other thing that happened was Amy talking to Lena. I was a bit surprised at how Sally seemed to be pushing Amy towards Nardo. He didn't need any help, he was obviously smitten with her from the moment he saw her but I suspected Sally wasn't all that interested in girls yet she said she was. I wondered if there was something going on here we didn't know about. Still, all would be revealed in the end I thought.

There were long goodbyes early on Tuesday morning. I wouldn't let Lena come to the airport, all that hanging about, dragging out the goodbyes. I prefer a short and very sweet goodbye not the long drawn out affairs that airports tend to encourage. The flight home was OK, on time for a change and we got home just before lunch.

I'd phoned Nerys on the journey from the airport and found that all the land purchases had gone through OK, contracts sorted and everything. She had made an appointment with an architect for Jo and Guy to discuss their house. Guy said Jo could do it, she knew what she wanted.

"Just make it nice and big," he said smiling, "room for lots of kids!"

She laughed, "Just because you don't like condoms," she replied.

We dropped her at Nerys' office and popped home to pick up a car then on to take a quick look at a couple of possible sites for the factory and offices. Neither of us wanted to travel too far to work so we were keen to find premises as near as possible although we did have to be aware of transport links and the like. We didn't see anything and went straight home to find Jo beginning to tidy up. Thankfully most of the work was finished and they hadn't made too much mess but she couldn't really cook so we went out for a meal then had an early night. I missed Lena like anything. Jo did offer to share with me but, well they'd just got married hadn't they!

I also spoke to the builders that evening and they assured me everything would be finished in a few more days so Jo could get everything ready for Lena's return.

The next day we dropped Jo to do some shopping and then went to look at a few sites in nearby villages. The first couple were no good but at the third we struck lucky. It was a small industrial estate with three smallish factory type buildings and a separate suite of offices. It was just the right size for our needs and only a mile away from a main dual carriageway so transport links were good. Two of the three buildings were empty, the third being occupied by a young fellow, his girlfriend and her friend. They had pooled their savings to try to start a business refurbishing and repairing computers, and installing systems in peoples homes. Jon was about 19. His girlfriend, Angela was about the same age and her friend, Chloe, was just a bit older, twentfiveyish I guessed. I must admit to being quite taken with Chloe, an extremely attractive Afro-Caribbean woman with loads of confidence, I suspected she was the driving force behind the enterprise although Jon supplied the expertise and Angela the back-up.

Guy took Jon into their little office to chat to him while I spoke to the girls. The business wasn't doing very well, people didn't seem to think they could trust these young people to do the job. Unfortunately they'd been tarred with the same brush as the yobs abounding nowadays. I could tell, from talking to Chloe, that she was pretty hot at admin, she'd already worked out a system on their PC for accounts and parts tracking. I thought then that it might be a good idea to employ her if we could. Angela was, surprisingly I thought (mind, that just shows my prejudice), quite a wiz with computers, almost as good as Jon, Chloe said, so she would be a good bet as well.

One of the things Nardo always tried to do was to find good young talent to employ in his factories and development workshops. The company didn't actually make that much, only some very, very high tech items, a considerable amount of the money was made from research and development and then selling on the ideas at vast profits or under licence to the bigger manufacturing companies. So, in these two youngsters and Chloe there could be the basis of our sortie into the English market.

Guy came out of the office and we wandered outside.

"Dad," he said, "they've only got the lease for another couple of weeks then they'll probably go bust so we should get the site lease OK but . ."

"What Guy?"

"Well, Jon is quite a wiz with computers, he told me about one idea he's already had but can't work out how to develop it and it's pretty good. With some polishing it could make a lot of money."

I smiled, "You're beginning to think like Nardo," I said.

"Yes," he laughed, "I think I am. Dad, I don't think we should let Jon go if we can help it, what about the girls. You chatted to them, what do you think?" he smiled, "apart from the fact that Chloe is delectable!"

I laughed back at him. "You noticed as well! Don't worry, I won't tell Jo. Mind," I said, "I will tell Lena. She really is delectable isn't she? Anyway, to business. Angela seems fairly good with the machinery and I sense that Chloe has a good admin brain. I've found that that's the basis of a good company so I think we could probably use all three of them." It was almost 1 o'clock now so I said, "Why don't we take them to lunch at that pub we passed and talk to them about it?"

"Good idea dad. Best to strike while the iron's hot I suppose." So we wandered back into the small factory and got them to drop tools and join us for lunch.

Over lunch we explained who we were, they knew the company of course, and that we were looking to start up in the UK. Guy asked them if they wanted to come in on the ground floor and work for us, help setting up the site and the business, then move, in Jon and Angela's case, into development. Chloe looked just a bit put out until I spoke to her.

"Chloe," said smiling at her, "we need a good admin person in at the start to set things up. Do you want to join us.?"

She smiled back and I must admit she looked gorgeous but mustn't think like that. It was her ability not her looks that were important. "I like admin," she said, "yes, I'd like that but what about when you're up and running. Will you still need me?" she asked worriedly.

I laughed, "Of course we will Chloe, we will need an admin manager, possibly even a company secretary at some time." She looked shocked, "If you come in now you could all go quite a way in the company. Chloe, we'll train you and get you any qualifications you need so don't worry about that. Nardo, that's my partner," now they looked at each other and finally realised that they were actually talking to one of the owners of the company, "is always keen to foster new talent and we make it a policy of trying to train our own people."

I noticed Chloe glancing at me in a more questioning way now, looking me over. I suddenly remembered what Lena had said about me being attractive (honestly, I didn't really believe her – I thought she was seeing me through rose coloured specs) so I tried it out and gave her my biggest smile, "Any company can always use attractive women like Angela and you Chloe and I know we'll enjoy working together."

This brought a slight blush to Chloe's face so I knew that Lena was right, she had been sizing me up. I also caught a small smile on Guy's face – he knew what was going on as well.

"Look," Guy said to them all, interrupting the flirting, "you don't have to make up your minds now. Go away and think about it. I don't know quite how much salary we can offer at the start, Mike what do you think?"

Well, I had to pitch it high enough to tempt them but not too high too soon so I said, "Well, I suppose that about £25 to £30,000 would be about right."

Their mouths opened, I doubt any of them thought we would offer that much. Chloe was the first to speak, "Mr. . . . . . . .?" she said.

"Call me Mike. We don't stand on much ceremony in this company."

"Mike," she said shyly giving me the full power of her eyelashes. She's bloody flirting, I thought, wait till I tell Lena. "Mike," she said again looking at the other two, "I don't think we need to think about it too long do you?" They both shook their heads so the deal was almost struck.

"Why don't you just carry on for now," I said, "and we'll contact you when we're ready to proceed." They all agreed so we took their details and went off home, calling in at Nerys' office to sort a few things out.

We got home quite early and found that Jo was well on the way to having all the mess cleared up. She'd got a taxi back with the shopping and had the evening meal already sorted. We told her all about lunch and our three employees to be.

"I think one of them was quite taken with Mike," Guy laughed, "she was flirting outrageously with him. I think she fancied you Mike."

"Mmm," I said laughing, "she certainly is very attractive but what the heck, I've got Lena haven't I? Hamburgers remember!"

Jo laughed as well, "We've both told you Mike, you are attractive to women. We like men who are confident and powerful. You are both and you're quite good looking," she said with another laugh, "but we can't have you getting too big headed! So don't get carried away."

"I won't," I said laughing, "Lena always says I can look but I can only touch if she says so." Then I added seriously, "And I love her too much to do anything like that."

"I know," she said quietly then, "what about you Guy, any conquests?"

He laughed, "No, I don't stand much chance with dad about do it. They see all his charm, money and power and they don't look at me." He put on a hang-dog expression and we all laughed.

A long evening meal with some excellent wine and an early night, well for Guy and Jo it was, they couldn't leave each other alone. I read, listened to music and missed Lena terribly. I mused on how I'd managed for all those years but I didn't have to now, I'd see her tomorrow.

So on Thursday we went back to the site with a video camera and returned for a long conference with Nardo. He was happy with the location and pleased we had found some young talent to employ. He said he trusted Guy's and my assessment of their ability so he started the ball rolling at his end.

We spent the rest of the morning wasting our time waiting around the local council offices trying to sort out the lease for the site. We finally managed to get all the details registered and, on the way home, popped in to see Nerys with all the paperwork. Luckily I could leave it all with her to deal with.

Back to the Villa Mimosa:

I had a quick late lunch and Guy drove me to the airport. It was a pig of a journey, delayed plane, car mix up at Milan, so I was very late and very tired when I got to the villa. All I really wanted to do was hold Lena, kiss Lena and tell her I loved her and how much I missed her. As soon as I saw her is threw my arms around her and kissed her. To tell the truth I could have eaten her! "Bloody hell, I've missed you. Did you miss me?"

She smiled her lovely smile, "Of course I did silly, even though you did phone me every night."

Then I remembered Gianna. She was standing there with a strange expression on her face, almost coy, as if she was a young woman meeting a man for the first time. I must admit to feeling slightly shy myself. Don't, for God's sake ask me why, I don't know but I felt uncertain how to behave. I became very conscious of her, of her as a woman and as the woman I had loved all those years ago. I had to say hello to her so I walked over and kissed her softly on the cheek., "Hello Gianna, it's nice to see you." She seemed not to want to get too close to me and I felt that way too. There was so much going on between us that I think we were both worried by the possibilities.

Lena got me something to eat and I chatted as I filled my stomach. I couldn't take my eyes off her. She was so lovely, just as I remembered. I drank in her beauty with my eyes but, as I did so, I was conscious of Gianna watching me. It was like Jo that Wednesday and Amy. She seemed to be actually enjoying watching me eat. I must admit it made me a bit self-conscious so I turned to her and said, "Gianna, thank you for coming up here with Lena. Has she made you welcome?"

Fairly mundane and not very sensible really but that was all I could think to say. You know what it's like when you're emotionally entangled, you tend to say stupid things or, if it's the right thing, it comes out wrong.

She didn't seem to be bothered smiling at me and replying, "Yes, we've had a good time haven't we Lena?"

"Mmm," she said smiling that sexy smile of hers which told me something was afoot, "we've even bought Gianna some new clothes haven't we?" For some reason this made Gianna blush.

"What sort of things?" I asked innocently.

She became even more embarrassed and prevaricated, "Oh lots of errrrmmm, things. You know, clothes." Well, he embarrassment and Lena's sexy grin suggested that they had bought more than just clothes so I raised my eyebrows quizzically and looked at Lena.

"Yes," she said, "I wanted to buy some new clothes for Gianna. Is that all right?"

I thought there was something going on here. Surely she hadn't bought sex toys to use with Gianna. I didn't know whether Gianna was into other women, I wouldn't have thought she'd ever had the chance but I knew Lena too well. Then I remembered our meeting before the blessing. Was she up to something, could it be sexy stuff for Gianna to wear? Anyway, I was too tired to really think it through so I said, "Of course darling, of course. Now you two lovely ladies," I fixed them both with my eyes, "I need to go to bed," Then I looked at Lena and smiled, "And I need to hold my beloved," I said emotionally.

She grabbed me tightly and rested her head on my shoulder, crying softly. "Oh, I've missed you so."

"Mmm," I said, "I've missed you," and, for a few moments, we were alone together. Then I remembered Gianna but the moment was all Lena, she was all I had room for then. I think Lena felt a bit unhappy about Gianna watching us. I'm sure it must have been difficult for Gianna to see us like this. Lena grabbed my by the arm and dragged me upstairs to bed where I quickly cuddled up to her and fell asleep. I had the most fabulous dream about her that night, although it was interspaced with a sudden feeling of yearning for a much older woman with black hair and brown eyes!

When I awoke in the morning Lena was gone, fixing breakfast I assumed. I was conscious of a very great desire for her, I was as hard as a rock. Piss-proud I know but, remember, I hadn't had any sex since Amy. I know I went years without a woman but when you start again, and you have so much, so good, you begin to miss it. Laying there I suddenly realised that, very possibly, Lena was playing her games. I remembered again the discussion after her and Jo had calmed Gianna. Lena had said I could love her, even have her again. Was that her plan now? Oh, of course I didn't mind, I was used to Lena's plans and they always had pleasant outcomes, but this was different. I thought that my feelings for Gianna were dangerous, dangerous to my relationship with Lena. I honestly felt I couldn't love two women like I loved Lena and I had loved Gianna like that twenty years ago. Awakening those feelings could have disastrous consequences for my love for Lena. So I was wary, unsure of myself.

Finally I realised that the situation had to be faced. The difficulty here, at Mimosa, was that sex with Gianna was possible. At Nardo's and at home it wasn't. Add to that the sexual chemistry of the villa itself. So much had happened here, so much that was good and enjoyable. There was an air of sexual enjoyment about the place. All this made me feel very, very confused. Look, I fancied Gianna, wanted her of course. She was a very lovely woman at the peak of her sexual attraction and she was frustrated. That was obvious for anyone to see. I knew that Silvio was seeing other woman, much younger as usual, and that he had had a number of liaisons over the past years. He never really hit it off sexually with Gianna. I just think he didn't press any of her buttons.