Caroline Ch. 13.03

So, anyway, downstairs to face Lena's machinations. I threw on a dressing gown and pants to hide my erection, and went downstairs to the kitchen. I hugged and kissed Lena then looked at Gianna. What should I do, kiss her, hold her, or just say 'hello'? I was uncertain, bloody hell, I felt like a teenager on my first date. This was ridiculous. Lena wasn't going to stand idly by however. She pointed me in Gianna's direction and said, "Don't forget to kiss Gianna." So I kissed her on the cheek. She looked at me coyly. God she was beautiful. The look was almost like that of so many years ago when I first started courting her.

Now I had to say something.

"Morning Gianna, it's good of you to stay with Lena like this," I said with a silly smile. What a stupid thing to say, I thought, as soon as I said it.

"Thank you Mike, I've enjoyed myself. It's been nice to get to know her better." This seemed to have a hidden meaning. Have these two been planning something, I thought. I wouldn't have put it past Lena.

Breakfast was a quiet affair. Lena and Gianna chatted away but I couldn't think of much to say. I was stuck in this sort of no man's land of not knowing how to treat Gianna, so the best thing to do was not to say a lot. After breakfast I followed Lena up to the bedroom to get dressed. Being alone with Lena drove everything else from my mind however, and I pulled her to me and held her close, "God I've missed you," I said and kissed her. Lena has written about this time in the bedroom so I'll pass and just say that I was confused, bloody confused!!

We went downstairs to the lounge afterwards and I immediately noticed that Gianna looked different. She was obviously wearing one of the dresses they'd bought on Wednesday. It had 'Lena' written all over it. Gianna generally dressed in darker clothes. Clothes that didn't really do her justice. This dress did just that. It was tight at the waist showing off her lovely figure and, especially noticeable for me, accentuating her delectable bottom. The colours, light pastel shades, much lighter than normal for her, made her look even younger. She was also wearing make-up. Only a tiny amount but it was something I'd only seen on special occasions.

I had to complement her, she looked so lovely. "You look lovely this morning Gianna, is that one of the new dresses."

Her response was a demure smile, taking me back twenty five years, "Yes," she said much more confidently than normal, "do you like it?"

I smiled at her, enjoying a slight flirt, "Yes, very much. I'm looking forward to seeing the other things." That made her blush. They have bought something special, I thought, underwear? It's something that she wants me to see her in but doesn't, if you know what I mean!

"Plenty of time for that," Lena butted in, "what shall we do today? Look at this bloody weather." It was bad, teeming down but it was our first really bad day at Mimosa so we couldn't complain this late in the year.

Trying to lighten the atmosphere I said laughing, "Music, food and drink. A long lunch and an even longer dinner!"

"Sounds good to me," said Lena laughing too, "how about you Gianna?"

"Yes," she said smiling, "music, food, and drink, and good company."

I spent the morning telling them both about England, the house and the factory site. I told them about Jon and Angela, and about Chloe, I'm afraid that she knows me too well and her eyebrows were raised as I described the three of them. I suppose I did take a little longer over Chloe! I told her we'd offered them all jobs and she smiled knowingly. I could tell she was going to probe a bit more.

After a long lunch with a lot to drink we chatted some more and listened to some music. Gianna likes opera, she'd been brought up in a household that was slightly musical with access to Italian radio which broadcasts a lot of opera. After a while Lena manoeuvred into her favourite position, me sitting on the sofa and her laying down with her head in my lap. I liked that as well. I could look down at her face and stroke her hair. Gianna was sitting on the other sofa and she looked quite lonely over then on her own. My emotions, difficult to control still, were becoming clearer and I wanted, very much, for her to feel at home with us.

"Gianna," I said smiling at her, "why don't you come over here and sit with us?" and I held one arm open in invitation. I felt Lena turn her head to watch Gianna, who seemed a little bit unsure of what to do. I suppose she looked like me earlier, wanting to but not, if you know what I mean.

"Oh do come over Gianna, he's nice and warm," said Lena, trying to persuade her finally. In the end she made up her mind. Looking back I think that was the point at which she decided to put her marriage to Silvio behind her and live her own life. I don't think she ever decided to leave him, that was a no, no but to have some joy in her life again. Thankfully, that joy was with me!

I must admit however, that now I had invited her in, as it were, I wasn't quite sure of just how to treat her. Look, deep down I wanted to hold her as close to me as I held Lena, love her, kiss her but I was still afraid of these strong feelings and how they'd effect Lena. As she sat beside me, primly I thought, I decided to put my arm around her properly and hold her to me. She allowed her head to fall in my shoulder, just like she used to and like Jo did and relaxed.

What with the drink, the whole atmosphere of relaxation that had finally descended, I nodded off for a while then I heard a whispered, "Mike, Mike wake up," from Lena.

I smiled and looked down, suddenly conscious that Gianna was asleep on my shoulder. "Shusssh," I said to her, "she's asleep."

"I know," she said," and she looks happy."

"Does she?" I said, "I can't see." Then I felt the need for Gianna. It's difficult to explain really. Here she was, asleep on my shoulder. I could feel the warmth of her, I almost felt I could sense her love for me in her sleeping position. Could I love them both, could I?

"Lena, Lena it feels so good to have both of you like this." I needed her confirmation now, "Could I do it?"

She sat up and looked and me and said with a great big smile, "Of course you can," and she kissed me, "you can do anything!"

That made me laugh, "Lena, you are priceless!"

"I know," she said laughing, "but you love me don't you?"

Well I did, "Yes, more than anything," I said but now the dangers resurfaced. How would letting my feeling for Gianna show affect my feelings for Lena? "Lena, I'm scared," I whispered to her, "the feelings are so strong and they're waking up."

She is a rock my Lena. So much love and understanding in one person. "Don't be worried, I'm here to help you. I love you as well you know. I can help," and she rested her head on my shoulder and held me to her. We sat there like this for quite a while. I was enjoying the feeling of Lena holding me, having confidence in me, and I was enjoying the soft breathing of Gianna as she continued to sleep with her head on my shoulder. Now and again she would move slightly and her breathing change as though she was dreaming. I was trying to establish my feelings for them both. When I loved Gianna all those years ago it was a total love, absolute in every respect. I wanted her, needed her, desired her with a passion almost uncontrollable. That's why I hurt her so much when Silvio came back. Afterwards my love, still passionate and deep, turned softer, more forgiving. Much like my love for Lena but not the same. Lena is my life now. I know it's silly for a 56 year old man to talk like this but she is. It's impossible to really explain in words what a difference she had made to my life. I felt younger, it was a joy to be alive, to be with her, to feel this way about her. I've said before, I loved her truly, madly and deeply – soft I know, but true. I don't think my love for Gianna was quite the same. Of course it was older, more mature (that sounds silly doesn't it, especially after talking about Lena!). As if it were aged, like an old wine. It was rounded, complete and total.

I was awakened from my reverie by Lena and I woke Gianna by softly calling her name. I felt that now, and with Lena's help, I might be able to deal with my feelings for her. At least I hoped I could. Gianna woke up, looked at me, and blushed a deep red. I suspect her dreams had been interesting. Not surprising I suppose, snuggled up to the man she loved. I quickly took my arm from around her waist and said, "Lena says it's time for dinner," then I laughed trying to ease the sudden tension," who's cooking tonight?"

"We'll do it shall we Gianna?" Lena said.

"Mmm, let's do something special," and off they went into the kitchen. I suspected that Lena had an ulterior motive here, keeping Gianna apart from me and wanting to chat some more. I didn't mind really, as I've said, by now, I was used to Lena's planning. So I sat in the lounge thinking about them both. How lucky I was, I thought, a women who loved me, who was willing to share that love with a rival, and who allowed me to go with other women as well. I closed my eyes and imagined loving them both, Lena and Gianna. How would it feel. My reverie was interrupted by their laughter from the kitchen so I popped in, ostensibly to get some wine, and swept Lena into my arms.

"What are you two chuckling about, I could hear you laughing?"

"Nothing," she said obliquely then, "aren't you going to hug Gianna as well. You can't leave her out." I felt this was a dangerous time! Should I risk it, should I risk my love for Lena? So, still a bit unsure, I went over to Gianna and held her. I couldn't bring myself to totally commit to her just then and hold her tight but she thought otherwise. She pulled me close and held on tightly.

"That's better," she said laughing and she snuggled up to me. I was surprised. She'd never done anything like that before and she didn't laugh like that very much. I was a bit flummoxed and I didn't really know whether to pull away or grab her even more tightly and kiss her passionately. My feelings were becoming unmanageable now and that was creating a state of confusion. Lena saved the day.

"Come on you," she said, "out. We've got a dinner to cook." Somewhat relieved I escaped back to the lounge to return to my reverie. I took to examining my feelings for them both. Were they the same? Well, as I've written above, I wasn't sure now. I loved them both, of that I was sure, and I wanted them both sexually, of that there was no doubt, but were the feelings of love the same. Perhaps they weren't quite. Similar and strong but one was fresh and new, with all the joy that brings, and one was old and mellowed, bringing different but just as joyful pleasures. I don't know, perhaps this is all just a rationalisation but it gave me a possibility; I could do it.

Soon enough dinner was ready and we enjoyed a nice meal. Gianna is a good cook, so is Lena really and between them they had prepared a delightful repast. We sat chatting afterwards, finishing the wine. I noticed that Gianna was staring at me quite openly, as if calculating something. Could she be considering Lena's offer to go to bed with me. Surely not, I thought but I kept glancing at her, longingly Lena says but I wasn't aware of that feeling at the time. I kept a tight hold on Lena, who was sitting next to me, just to anchor my feelings.

Then she suggested coffee, "Come on Mike, time for you to make coffee. We made dinner, it's your turn." Well, it was so I left for the kitchen. I couldn't help but think that something was going on here, I was being manoeuvred.

It only took a few minutes to make coffee and I returned with the tray which I put on the coffee table. Before I could sit down Gianna was in front of me. She put her arms around my neck, just as she'd done a thousand times before, pulled my head down and kissed me. Not a chaste kiss either. This was 'I love you' kiss and it was filled with yearning. I was surprised, and scared again, but the kiss was working its magic. To continue the metaphor, the fire was beginning to blaze again inside me. I had to put my arms around her but they went in slow motion, conflicting desires coursing through me but, finally, my love for her won.

I held her tightly to me, so, so close. The feeling was wonderful. Her body moulded to mine just as it had so many times before, and I began to kiss her back. My kiss said a million things, well a few anyway! That I loved her, that I was sorry, sorry for all these lost years and sorry for treating her so badly, that I missed her, oh loads of things. My emotions began to get the better of me and I buried my head in her marvellous black hair and gloried in the smell of her. But part of me was filled with apprehension. I closed my eyes to try to control the avalanche of feeling that had suddenly hit me. Then Gianna pulled away.

"I want you," she said looking deep into my eyes, "and Lena says I can. Do you want me again?" This last with such longing that I almost screamed at the power of my feelings. Conflict, desire, longing, need, want, selfishness, love, Lena; all these ideas and emotions coursing through me. I knew what I needed to do now. I had to know that Lena was OK about this and I had to know how I felt about her. I could only do that by looking at her as I held Gianna so I turned my head in her direction.

Lena was smiling, smiling a calm happy and satisfied smile and it was for me. Then I started to believe, believe it might possible to love them both because she nodded, 'yes' to me and her smile became even broader.

I looked back at Gianna, an arms length away and the floodgates opened, the fire blazed – even now it's difficult not to mix metaphors! "Want you, want you," I said, "oh my love, deep down I've never stopped wanting you, loving you," and I held he so tight I must have hurt her. I wanted to make her part of me, part of my love for Lena, to try to make up for everything. Then, eyes tightly shut, I started to cry. My emotions had got the better of me – men don't cry eh? Let me tell you if I hadn't I think I would had exploded. I didn't really want to open my eyes, in case I'd lost my feelings for Lena and then I felt her hand on my cheek.

"Mike, Mike," she whispered softly, "look at me. "Don't be frightened, everything will be OK."

I was terrified now, desperation had set in. I knew I loved Gianna just like before, could I still love Lena? Was there room for them both? I opened my eyes and looked at her. Almost instantly a joyous feeling coursed through my bones. My feelings for her hadn't changed at all, I still loved her with all my heart? How could I because I loved Gianna? Well, I wasn't about to question my feelings or to rationalise it, I knew how I felt so I released Gianna with one arm and swept her to me, holding her almost as tight. She started to cry, Gianna was crying and so was I so the three of us were standing in the middle of the lounge crying gently. Crying with happiness I might add, and released emotions, some of which were immensely strong.

I sensed their need to sit down but I didn't want to let them go. I kissed them both, mouths, eyes, cheeks all over their faces then the joy of the occasion got to me and I just had to laugh. A laugh of happiness, deep and satisfying that I could feel like this.

"Oh, Mike, Mike, what are you laughing at?"

"Nothing," I said having difficulty stopping, "I didn't realise that I could feel this happy so I felt like laughing." I looked at them both, "God you're lovely, both of you." Now I had to be serious, "Lena, Lena what can I say. Hell, I love you." Then I turned to Gianna, "I love you both. Oh God, what have I done to deserve this," and I hugged them both again.

Then Lena pulled away, feeling the need to calm things down I suppose, and said, "Come on, coffee's going to waste," and began to pour the coffee. I feasted my eyes on them both. Lena, young, pert, pregnant and unbelievably lovely. So calm in the face of us two older lovers rediscovering each other. And Gianna, mature, beautiful and, now that she was able to show how she felt, glowing, smiling, eyes wide as she returned my gaze. I was beginning to see that loving these two women would be difficult. When I fixed my gaze on one I was conscious that I wanted to look at the other, so it was as if I was a spectator at a tennis match, head going from side to side.

Then I wanted to kiss them, but I could only kiss one at a time, or stroke one cheek at a time. Lena must have notice my confusion. She kissed my cheek.

"Silly man," she said, "there's only one of you and two of us. Don't worry, we know you love us both. Anyway," she added showing why I love her so, "you concentrate on Gianna, she's missed you," she paused, "you can show her how much you love her in bed tonight!"

My heart started to race at the thought and I tensed up. After twenty years what would it be like, how had we changed? I looked at Gianna who gazed back with and open invitation. Her eyes told me she wanted that more than anything.

"Yes I can," I said surprised at the realisation that I could, "Lena, Lena!"

"Yes you can," she said softly, "and afterwards you can both come and cuddle me." After this we all sat quiet for a while taking in the feelings of the moment, so important in our lives. I was tense however, tense at the thought of going to bed with Gianna. Look, it was twenty years ago we last made love, well, you know, how would I be with her? Would it be like she remembered? It's silly I know, but I felt like a schoolboy again on my first date. I had my arm round Gianna and I could feel her tenseness as well and I could feel her hand on my thigh. It wasn't making me feel any better as I imagined it moving slowly to hold my penis.

Lena must have sensed all this, she was like that, and she whispered in my ear, "Relax Mike darling. Be good for her, she needs you, you know, needs you to be kind and loving. I don't think she's had that from Silvio." As ever, she made me feel better.

Then she leant over to Gianna, "Bed time?" she asked.

Gianna smiled, turned her head and kissed me, "Bedtime?" she asked.

This was almost too much. Taking a deep breath and trying to control my feelings I said, "Yes, yes darling, bedtime."

"I'm going to get ready caro mio," she said smiling, "I'll be waiting for you." Then she turned to Lena, "Will you come Lena?"

"In a mo'," Lena replied smiling, "I'll join you in a minute."

I turned to Lena and held her tight, "I love you," I said, feelings so strong for her, for her goodness. "Oh Lena, are you sure about this," I added in another moment of self doubt, "I'm still scared you know, scared of my feelings."

She cuddled me, "Everything will be perfect," she said, "love her Mike, make her feel loved again. I know you won't forget me."

"No, no, never," I said, my voice full of my ardour for her, "never." Now I felt OK. With her support and confidence in me my feelings lightened. I was going to enjoy the woman I had loved for many years, and I was going to make sure she was loved again but there was another cloud on the horizon.

"I don't think I'm gong to last long though," I said with a smile, "it feels like a dam about to burst!"

She smiled back, "I wouldn't worry, you've got all next week haven't you?" I looked at her questioningly. "She won't go home now," she said laughing at me, "she'll stay until we go back, you see."

I hadn't thought of that, "You think she'll stay with us?"

"Oh yes," she said, "with YOU. Now I'm going to her to try to calm her down." She touched my cheek and smiled, "You know you are both very difficult!" she said as she left to join Gianna.

OK – I warned you! Lots of angst but, finally, happiness. God, there's too much despair in the real world so a bit of joy in the manufactured one doesn't go amiss. Next chapter, as you probably guessed, deals with the SEX.