Caroline Finds Out Pt. 03

The flight home was unbearable. Any confidence I had on the ground, I lost in the air. I realized as we were climbing how weak a foundation my entire fantasy was built on. I had gone from my sister finding out I'd used her panties to masturbate, to somehow thinking first of all that this would be just fine when I got home and second of all that it was okay that I'd spent the past four nights having orgasms imagining her and I together. In the air, everything suddenly seemed inevitable. I would land. I would deplane. I would get in the car. I would drive to her place. And then who knew.

I decided that the worst possible scenario would see me copping to jerking off in her panties. I could do my best to rationalize somehow, like I was stressed before the trip, I needed to unwind, I made a mistake, I was sorry and can we move past it. That didn't seem bad at all. It wasn't ideal, but it wasn't bad as far as worst possible scenarios go. I could live with that. And inevitably I did land. I did deplane. I did get in the car. I did drive to her place. And I went to her apartment.

Her place was quiet. She was alone, as expected. It was a bit late and it had been a long day. She greeted me with a glass of wine, a slight hug and an invitation to put my things away and take a shower to refresh. I didn't want any of that. I wanted to get this over with right away. I could have said something and initiated our conversation, but I just said thanks and that I'd love a shower. It had been a long day.

I didn't get hard. I couldn't get hard. I was anxious. She didn't walk in. She didn't knock on the door and join me. She didn't watch me towel off. She didn't follow me to my room. I showered, I put on fresh clothes, and I met her in her living room. She had poured for me a glass of wine. I sat down.

"I'm confused, Sean." That's how it started and I suddenly knew it was going to be harder than just a confession that I masturbated in her panties.

"I'm not angry. I don't want you to think that. I'm just trying to process this."

What the fuck does that mean? Trying to process what? It was just one time. Oh fuck what's going on.

"I think I knew before last week, to be honest," she continued. "But there was never really anything I could point to and say 'a ha! I knew it. But there were always little things I would notice from time to time."

Jesus fuck she knows it wasn't just once. This is not good. I sat in stunned silence.

"I'm not mad that you went through my things, Sean. But please tell me the truth. You've been doing it a long time, haven't you?"

"I have," I could only say quietly.

"Okay. Thank you for being honest. Do you know what I thought about the most while you were gone?"

I could only nod no.

"I wondered why you never came to me about any of this. We are close. We always have been. You and I know so much about each other. You were there for me through my divorce, I was there for you when you were having your troubles with your marriage, we were always there for each other in so many ways, but I get that it can be hard to talk to me about things like this."

I wasn't going to say anything. I couldn't. But obviously it is hard to talk about things like this with your fucking sister.

"It is a lot to process. It hasn't been easy. But it is less about what happened and in some ways more about a lost opportunity for us."

Pardon. Wait. What does that mean? I continued in silence.

"Sean, here's the thing. I've always been a bit, well, sexually adventurous. Always. I don't just mean that when I was older and learned more about myself I found myself enjoying new things. I always knew I was different. That I liked different things than other people and it started for me very early. I wondered if it was the same for you. I wondered if somehow we couldn't have become even closer if we had been able to share this part of us. I know it isn't something a brother and sister often do, but who else may know why it is that I like the things I do? Did you always feel a bit different?"

I nodded yes. I had yet to speak since my confession.

"I sometimes wonder if I would have enjoyed a bit more confidence in this part of me if I knew I wasn't alone. I wonder if I would have felt less guilty about being bicurious if I knew that you were too. Or if I'd have been more willing to ask my partners to try things I wanted if I knew someone just like me, who has learned to love me unconditionally thought about those same things."

At the mention of unconditional love I got butterflies.

"But I had to find out like I did. I know I could have said something long ago. I could have asked and started this whole conversation long ago, and who knows what then? Maybe I'd be different today. Maybe you would. Maybe we would be different together."

My worst case scenario guess was way off. I no longer knew where any of this was heading.

"Anyway, it's a lot to think about. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now or if I'm supposed to do anything. Is there anything you think you should tell me that could help me understand this?"

I had to say something. Just not the something I wanted to say. So I went with this:

"I'm sorry, sis. I am different too, but I think you know that. Maybe not as much as you could know, but I have wants that I am sometimes unsure of myself. I couldn't ever explain this stuff to you. I'm not sure I can yet."

"Sean, you didn't just go through my panty drawer, did you?"

"No."

"Did you use something you found in the box under my bed?"

"Yes."

"I think that's enough for tonight," she said. "But I want you to have these back."

She handed me back my underwear. "It was silly of me to do that. I felt like I needed to do something though so you finally knew that I knew. Do you still have my panties? I wouldn't mind having them back."

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Yes. Yes I still have them. They're still wet from the morning probably, tucked away in my bag still. "Yes, I still have them. But I should probably wash them first, Caroline."

"No. I can wash them. Please just get them for me."

I walked in to my room with that same dreaded inevitable feeling coming over me. I got her panties. They were still wet. I walked back to the living room. She was texting on her phone. She stopped to hold out her hand. I gave them to her, looking her in the eyes the whole time not out of bravery or boldness but out of wonder what would happen next. She blushed when she felt them still wet. I think she smiled a little.

"it's a lot to process, Sean." She stood up, she kissed my cheek slowly and went to her room.

My phone vibrated. I checked it right away. It was a message from my wife. She was glad I was back safe, all was well at home. She'd been texting with Caroline while I was gone and she told her she was going through something that she needed some help with and she just got another text from Caroline asking if it was okay if her brother spent a couple of days with her? My wife hoped all was well and said to call her tomorrow if I needed anything but to not rush home.

It was a lot to process.