Carson Evolved Ch. 06

Author's Notes:

Welcome back readers! Thank you for coming back for more, especially after a prolonged gap between chapters.

By way of apology, I can only offer that I write when I have the time and energy, and both have been lacking of late. I really wanted to put the finishing touches to "Change," but that's not coming together so well. So, I'm taking a step away to work on Carson's story.

I wanted to offer a special thanks to a couple of readers who have offered some very good criticism, particularly in the last chapter, WretchedMonkey and Ilfen. As they noted, the pacing has been a little fast so far. I think that's due to my original plan of having 8 sections to the series. The response has been so good, and the story has gotten complex enough, I think that may change. I don't know if I'm capable to reaching Telfer-like numbers (how many chapters is 3 Square Meals up to now? 116? 117?), but there may be more to this than I anticipated. In any event, I think I'll do my best to keep timeline skipping between chapters instead of mid-chapter. It's important to me that the story cover some realistic time, though, because there are a lot of events that simply take time to happen, like pregnancy.

This is the sixth installment of the story. If you haven't read the previous chapters, I recommend that you do so before continuing. Little effort is made to explain references to earlier events and characters (of which, there are a lot).

Standard disclaimer: Please, if you like the story, or if you don't like the story, take a moment to comment. If you want to insult me because you don't like a topic, go ahead and file that in your own trash can; mine's full. But if you have something constructive to add, please do. It helps me quite a bit to see the story through others' eyes.

Finally, as always, all sexual activity takes place between adults.

-MB

*****

Carson was lost in quiet contemplation as he stared out the window of his office in the project towers. He'd finally figured out that he was somewhere around the 45^th floor. It made the near-instantaneous travel from the ground floor all the more impressive, given that he experienced only the very slightest of sensations of movement, no matter how closely he paid attention to detecting it each time he entered the lift.

Despite being nowhere near the top floor of the iconic tower, the view from Carson's office window was unobstructed by any nearby buildings. Through clever design and engineering, each floor of the tower was akin to circular leaves sprouting from a central stem. With the outer walls of each office constructed of floor-to-ceiling glass, anywhere roughly 25^th floor and up was high enough to see the distant horizon above adjacent buildings. A single wall split the circular "leaf" on each floor into two broad hemispheres. His office complex further divided his half of the floor into two broad arcs. The central administrative area where Carson had first met Sam was the innermost, while his private office and suite occupied the outer.

In a concession to Tilda after the second attempt on his life, Carson had begun conducting most of his legal business from his office in the tower. Security was much, much tighter at this facility, and the truth of the matter was that he didn't really need to be at his firm all that often anyway. He could just as easily conduct business with clients here as anywhere else, and with the appropriate network security controls in place, he had access to any of the firm's files on demand. Nowadays, he visited the firm's offices mostly for meetings of the board or partners, but was largely disconnected from his colleagues.

From his vantage point, the lights of the wharf, with its surrounding markets and restaurants, twinkled in the early evening light. In the clear night sky, the moon hung seemingly close enough to touch, its light reflected in a million sparkles caused by the gentle undulations of the waves in the bay.

Carson loved this view, and he'd spent an increasing amount of time staring out this window over the past year. So much had changed in his life, both for the good and otherwise, that he had begun to feel his control over his life slipping. The forces at work pushed and pulled him in many directions, seemingly without ceasing. Sipping his bourbon old-fashioned, he thought back maybe three or four months, when he'd first begun to notice his lack of control in his own life.

Mara had delivered his first child, a daughter they named Amelia, on a night not so different than tonight. Seemingly before he'd taken a deep breath after her arrival, her half-brothers, Marcus and Mason arrived by way of Mila. Carson remembered thinking at the time that when he'd thought his life complicated by three wives and assorted live-in lovers, he'd been a fool. The truth of that thought quickly became apparent as he attempted to assist with nighttime feedings, diaper changes, and other new-father tasks while continuing his career as a lawyer. He tried to keep up with the physical needs of the remaining expectant mothers as well, driving himself harder and harder. By the time that Connor, his son with Sam, arrived about a month later, he was wearing pretty thin.

Eventually, the members of his Pride called a meeting to lay down some ground rules.

"Carson," began Helena, "You can't keep this up. It's not healthy." Other heads nodded in agreement.

Guiltily, Carson was forced to agree. Still, he protested, "This is why I was so skeptical of getting involved in the project in the first place. I'm letting all of you down. You all trusted me and I'm blowing it."

Elsa, a beautiful woman who'd blossomed further in pregnancy, had moved as quickly as an 8-months' pregnant woman could to sit on his lap. Taking his face in her hands, she said, "Big Daddy, you're not letting any of us down. At least, not in the way you think."

"What do you mean?" he asked, suspiciously.

"I mean, even after all these months, you still don't understand us. We love you and all the things you do to and for us. But what you've been doing isn't your role in this house. It's amazing, don't get me wrong, but you are our Lion." She looked around at the other women, seeing some nods and knowing smiles.

Quinn knelt at his feet. "Look around you, Carson. You have chosen beautiful, smart, strong, resourceful women to be your Lionesses. We chose you to be our provider and our protector; that's your role. We love that you want to be involved, but we can handle the feeding and the diaper-changing. We can even occasionally scratch each other's itches, if needed," she finished with a sly grin.

Her words brought about on a fresh wave of guilt that showed on his face. Seeing it, she patted him on the thigh and asked, "Did you really think one man could keep up with all of us?"

Sheepishly, he grinned and said, "I suppose I never really thought about it before. That just proves my point, though." Looking around the room, he said, "All of you deserve better than I'm giving you."

Tilda jumped all over him. "You just don't get it, Carson! There is no better." Sitting next to him, she took his hand. "Sweetheart, you're judging yourself by a very different standard than we are. You are an Orriri man. The project isn't compatible with a traditional family life. And I, for one, am ecstatic with the life I have; I never dreamed or expected to be able to share as much with you as I have. Don't get me wrong. We love every minute we get to spend with you, but we don't expect you to wait on us hand and foot all the time."

Carson settled back for a moment to digest what they'd been saying, as his Pride waited patiently, knowing this was his way of making a decision. He looked around and asked, "Is this really the way you all feel?" When a chorus of confirmations answered him, he was forced to accept that his perspective needed some adjustment.

"Okay, I give up," he said with a light chuckle before turning serious once more. "Listen to me, though," he said, "If any of you begins to feel even the most infinitesimal measure of neglect, I want to know about it. You're my family, and that means a lot to me. I love and admire you all, and I want to take care of each one of you more than the occasional physical intimacy. Okay?"

His request was met with murmured agreement, and then the women in his life took turns coming to kiss him. Elsa, already sitting on his lap was first, of course. But when she went to move, Carson tightened his arm around her, holding her in place. "Not so fast," he murmured. When he moved his hand to rub the side of her pregnant belly, a spot where he knew she frequently developed pains, Elsa sighed and relaxed back against his chest.

Mila smiled at the sight as she leaned in for a kiss. "That's more like it," she said softly. "Keep doing things like that, and we'll all be just fine."

Carson was drawn back to the present when he felt a pair of hands slide around his waist from behind. "You look tense."

Without looking, Carson replied, "I thought you'd already left. Don't you have a date tonight? What's his name...Kale? Kyle?"

"Tyler had something come up, so we postponed," Corinne said. She stepped up next to him, blithely relieving him of his cocktail and taking a sip. When he looked at her in surprise, she simply smirked at him as her eyes twinkled. She seemed to be asking, What are you gonna do about it?

Carson smiled and shook his head. Corinne was another thing that had changed in his life. As Sam's pregnancy had progressed, her energy and interest in contributing to his office at the tower had waned. It seemed only natural, given their already-close working relationship, to bring Corinne along with him when he relocated. It meant, however, that she needed to be vetted and read into the program. The transition between Sam and Corinne had been seamless; the two were kindred spirits, it seemed, and Sam was quite pleased to relinquish her position as his "work wife." Corinne was equally anxious to explore every possible connotation of that role. Recently, she'd begun expressing that interest more overtly, more physically. Her comfort with hugging him or patting his arms or thighs, if their roles were reversed, would probably be considered a form of harassment. But, Carson enjoyed it a little too much to make much of an effort at complaining.

"Besides," she continued after a moment, "Tyler's just a diversion. I think even he knows that."

He turned his eyes towards her, a mildly anguished expression on his face. He took a deep breath and began, "Corinne, you know I think the world of you..."

"Then why can't we be together?" she asked, quietly.

He sighed. "You know why."

Corinne turned towards him and said, "Look me in the eye and tell me you've never thought of me like that. If you can do that, then we'll move forward as friends and colleagues, nothing more." When he hesitated, she stepped towards him. Her voice dropped in volume as she said, "But if you can't, if you sometimes feel the way about me that I feel about you, then tell me why it can't happen."

Carson turned and walked a few paces away. Corinne could see that something was bothering him, but it was as if he was arguing with himself. Finally, his shoulders slumped, and he turned back to her.

"Do you remember the day you came to work for me?" he asked.

With a smile, Corinne nodded. "I was sooo happy when I got the call, because it meant that I wasn't going to be working for Mr. Barrington."

Even Carson had to chuckle at that thought. Sylvan Barrington was about 70 years old and a serial lecher. The secretarial pool had had to look for gay men to be his assistant since none of the women in the pool wanted to work with him. Carson couldn't see Corinne putting up with his crap for long.

"I was happy, too," Carson replied. "You were young and energetic, and it took less than a week before you essentially made me forget Cynthia's name." His smile faltered a little bit. "You have so much promise, so many strong traits—you've been a true pleasure to work with. I've had a lot of fun flirting with you because it's always been just a game to play. I knew you were just playing, and I would never do anything to hurt Mara. Now..." He spread his hands, suddenly at a loss for words.

"'Now,' what?" she asked.

"Corinne, you've seen my life. You know what Orriri expects of me. But you're not in the project. You...you have a chance for something real, a chance to find someone special to share your life with. Why would you want to have anything to do with me? At best, I'd be someone to warm your bed occasionally, because I barely have time for the women in my life nowadays. What kind of a life is that?"

By way of answer, Corinne asked a question of her own. "Have I ever told you about my mom and dad?"

"No," he replied, confused.

"They met their first year of college, and to hear my mom tell it, he was like a lightning bolt in her life. She fell for him hard, and he seemed to feel the same. They waited a year to tie the knot, and by the time they graduated, mom was carrying me. Things were going great, and mom was so proud of her husband and her life. Right up until she intercepted a message for my dad from his girlfriend, saying that she was pregnant and wondering what he wanted to do. Turns out, 'Mr. Perfect' was a serial cheater who had had a series of affairs throughout their time together.

"My mom was devastated, and more than that, she was embarrassed that she hadn't seen the signs. Turns out, some of her friends in college had tried to talk her out of marrying him because of rumors about him cheating, but she ignored them for the 'love of her life.' The point is, Carson, that you don't always know what you're getting into in a relationship. Sometimes the frog is a prince, and sometimes he's just a frog. The problem is, either way, you've still got to kiss the frog to find out."

She moved over to stand in front of Carson and took his hands. "The thing you don't understand, the reason you're always second-guessing yourself, is that it's obvious to every princess out there that you're no frog; you're Prince Charming. Smart, handsome, kind, strong—physically, true, but especially in character—and humble to the point it almost seems silly. You ask, 'what kind of life is that?' I say it's the kind of life I dream about. I'm not afraid of sharing you, Carson; I'm afraid I'll never experience the kind of love that you share with the women in your life."

Her words caused a lump to form in Carson's throat, as tears formed in his eyes. Still, he wasn't certain that he was prepared to add another complication to his life.

When he felt steady enough to speak, he smiled mildly and said, "Thank you for saying such nice things about me. I really do appreciate it. I just can't help thinking that you're so young. What happened with your parents was tragic, obviously, but that doesn't mean there isn't a 'Prince Charming' out there just for you. You just have to keep looking until you find him."

"I don't 'have' to do anything of the sort," she replied, icily. "I may be young, but it's not like I haven't dated or anything. I know who I want, and I know where to find him. What I have to do is convince him that I'm capable of making my own decisions." Before Carson had a chance to respond, she swept from the room in a huff.

Well, that's probably gonna come back to bite me, he thought.

Later that night he was lying in bed, struggling to understand why he was feeling so unsettled. He couldn't help but replay the conversation with Corinne over and over in his mind. His restlessness eventually caused Mara to roll over and ask what was wrong.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "Go back to sleep, it's nothing. I..." He trailed off.

Mara had been married to the man long enough to see that it wasn't 'nothing,' and she told him as much. Still unsure of what had brought about his general malaise, Carson decided to get her take on his conversation with Corinne. He relayed their discussion, including how he'd apparently offended her in the end.

"Why are you so sure that you can't have a relationship with her?" she asked.

"Honestly? I don't know. When she first started working with me, she was flirty, but it seemed like it was just fun. I probably let it go too far, but it seemed harmless. What it really comes down to, though, is that I still feel guilty about how little time I get to spend with each of you. I'm not good at 'casual,' you know."

Mara smiled to herself. Carson was a lot of things, but he was never 'casual' when it came to relationships. It was one of his more attractive qualities. He lived a life that non-Orriri men could only dream about, relatively consequence-free sex with many partners, and yet he was reluctant to partake because of how easily he felt an emotional connection with each woman he bedded.

"Besides, she's just so young," he finished.

"You know she's 3 months older than Quinn, right?" Mara asked with a smile.

Shocked, Carson replied, "Apparently not. Is that true?" His wife nodded.

As Carson absorbed that information, Mara sat up and looked at him. "What's really going on, sweetheart? This can't just be about Corinne. She's been halfway in love with you almost from the first day she came to work with you. Nothing has really changed there, so what's on your mind?"

Guilty, Carson looked down and quietly said, "I worry that I'm letting everyone down. You ladies and my children are paying a price for my job and my work for the project. I mean, when Xavier recruited me, it sounded so simple. Then I got involved and realized that I'm not cut out to have a bunch of anonymous sex with the hope of fathering a bunch of children that I'd probably never see. And then there's the thing with Sam and her parents. Every time I look in her eyes, it's like this unspoken accusation about how selfish I am, and I can see how disappointed she is."

He's got a point there, she thought. Odd even by project standards, the request from Sam and her father for Carson to impregnate her mother had caught Carson off-guard, and his refusal had not gone over well. He was undeniably attracted to Caitlyn—she was an older version of his wife, after all—but he couldn't reconcile himself to consummate that level of relationship, despite her husband's assurance that he was on board with it. In Carson's mind, sleeping with the wife of a willing cuckold was a task he could accomplish, albeit begrudgingly. But he knew that was not the case here. In fact, through his gift, he could tell that while Caitlyn was drawn to him as a moth to flame, she was terrified what it would do to her relationship with her husband. Carson couldn't bring himself to participate in the experiment.

Mara moved to rest her head on Carson's chest. "She's disappointed about the experiment, but she still loves you as much as ever. You've got to believe that. I think she's working with her father on a different path of research, but I'll let her talk to you about it when she's ready. Now," she said, her voice suddenly husky. With a sly grin as she reached for his underwear, she said, "I've got an idea to help you sleep."

Carson really, really liked her idea, and it wasn't long after she finished swallowing the last of his seed that he fell into a fitful slumber.

*****

"What are the latest projections on the sifting project?"

Watching his father ask the question, Jordan mused that it sounded so innocuous. 'Sifting,' as if discussing the removal of the errant hull from a batch of tzinga nuts instead of talking about the secret biological attack that was sterilizing a wide swath of the male population.