Caught by the Tide Ch. 07

Caitlin's eyes softened. "You're not though, are you?" she said gently, coming into the room. She nodded her head towards the empty chair beside mine. "Is your sister still here?"

I shook my head. "She and Graham went home while you were on your break."

It'd had taken a while to convince Sarah it was okay to leave Mum in the capable hands of the intensive care unit staff. But as the hours had ticked by, hours during which we'd watched Caitlin moving endlessly around the bedspace, checking monitors, taking blood samples, writing down observations on a huge wall chart and administering medications, it'd become clear that Mum was stable. She certainly looked peaceful enough, seemingly oblivious to the clicks and whirrs of the machinery around her.

Sarah on the other hand, so very heavily pregnant, had seemed far from at ease during our bedside vigil, repeatedly standing up then sitting down again in a bid to find a comfortable position. Eventually, we'd all pointed out that Mum--who'd been anxious enough about Sarah and the baby as it was during the days after her heart attack--would hate the idea of her daughter suffering needlessly, particularly as she didn't appear to be in any immediate danger. So after I'd made a solemn vow to call them if there was any change in Mum's condition whatsoever, Sarah and Graham had left.

Caitlin looked relieved. "Oh, good. I know she would've liked to have stayed a bit longer, but poor thing--I felt so sorry for her." Then she frowned slightly. "So you're here on your own now? What happened to the other guy who was here--Daniel, wasn't it?"

"Oh." I drew in a breath. "He--er--he had to go."

Daniel hadn't taken the news that our relationship was well and truly over particularly well. In fact, when I'd broken it to him, as succinctly as I could, over a pot of tea and a cheese and tomato baguette, I'd thought he was going to cry, he looked so wretched. It certainly hadn't done much for my appetite but mindful of Luke's threat to have me admitted as a patient, I'd forced the soggy sandwich down anyway.

"But I love you," he'd said mournfully. "I love you, and I love your Mum--"

"I know you do," I'd interrupted. "To be honest, I think you love my mother more than you love me. And she loves you too--despite everything, God knows why. But whatever it was that we had--it's gone, Daniel. You cheated on me and I can't get over that--I won't get over that. Because I don't want to. I don'tneed to. I don't love you any more."

He'd spent a short while trying to persuade me I was wrong but eventually he'd seemed to get the message. And much to my surprise, I hadn't had to ask him to go. After he, like Sarah, had extracted a promise from me to call him if anything happened, he'd left.

I'd expected to feel better afterwards but I didn't. Instead, I felt hollowed-out inside, strangely empty. But then, the job wasn't fully complete, was it? There was still one person I needed to tell...

"Caitlin?" I looked up at the nurse and then back at my mother, dismayed to find my bottom lip quivering. "How's she doing? Please--be honest with me. Is she going to be all right?"

"Oh, hey..." Grabbing a box of tissues, Caitlin came around the bed, dropping down into the chair next to me and putting her hand on mine. "She's doing fine--certainly as well as can be expected, sweetie. Obviously, it's early days, but there haven't been any complications so far and that's good."

"Really?" Taking a tissue, I made a swipe at my wet cheeks, embarrassed.

"Really. Besides, Mr Foster did her surgery--and his patients nearly always do well. Though to tell you the truth, you're really lucky he was here today. He wasn't supposed to be."

I stared at her, puzzled. "He wasn't?"

She shook her head. "He was supposed to be on annual leave this week. His sister got married at the weekend, you see."

Of course--Julie and Tim's wedding would've been on Saturday...

"And he was the best man," Caitlin went on. "I keep meaning to ask him how his speech went. He really wasn't looking forward to that bit at all. Anyway, goodness knows why he was here. You wouldn't catch me working if I'd booked a week of leave. No wonder he's not married himself. Married to his job, that one." She sighed and shot me a conspiratorial grin. "More's the pity. Easy on the eye, isn't he? Bit short maybe, but hey, you can't have everything." Her grin widened. "Not that he's ever shown the remotest interest in me. Or anyone else for that matter."

"Right," I murmured, not sure how else to respond. So Luke really had been telling the truth when he said it'd been a while...

"So was it just that--or is there something else you're worrying about?" Caitlin asked unexpectedly, her tone softening again. "It's just, you looked so sad when I came in. I'm not meaning to pry, but I'd like to help, if I can."

"Oh..." I heaved a sigh. "It's--it's a long story. I--" Reaching forward, I picked up Mum's hand, taking care not to disturb the intravenous line in her forearm. "I messed up. I did something I really shouldn't have done--said something I shouldn't have said. And I really, really need to talk to Mum about it. But I can't, can I? Not while she's like--likethis..."

As the tears began dripping down my face again, I heard Caitlin taking another tissue from the box then felt her pushing it into my palm. "Why not?" she said simply as I dabbed at my eyes.

"Because she wouldn't hear me," I said, surprised I needed to explain.

"Ah, but she might. Very often patients tell us they were aware of things going on around them during their time in intensive care. And even if she doesn't hear you, I still think you should tell her whatever it is you need to tell her." She smiled. "You'll feel better for having done it and whatever happens in the next twenty-four hours or so, at least you'll know that you've told her. Think of it as a dummy run, if you like."

"Right." I looked at my Mum, her face so familiar, yet unfamiliar at the same time with the breathing tube in her mouth and her hair brushed over to the wrong side. "Maybe."

"I'll tell you what." Caitlin offered me one last tissue then rose to her feet. "I'm going to leave you two alone for a bit anyway because I need to write up my nursing notes. I'll be just outside, so don't worry--just shout if you need me. We can watch all the monitors from the front desk anyway, okay?"

I nodded. "Okay. And Caitlin--thanks."

She smiled. "You're welcome."

When she'd gone, I leaned over the bed and carefully swept my mother's hair back over to the right side. "That's better," I said softly. "Now you look more like my Mum." Now for the hard part...

"Well," I began then hesitated. It seemed odd to address someone who appeared so deeply asleep. "I guess this is worth a shot, right? Because--like Caitlin said--I really do need to do this..."

And taking a deep breath, I started to talk, the words coming painfully slowly at first as I admitted Daniel and I weren't getting back together. That I'd only said that we were because she'd been so ill, because I'd thought she was going to die. But after I'd made that first faltering confession, it was as though I'd opened the floodgates to my jumbled emotions, emotions I hadn't even realised I was experiencing.

Because suddenly, I found myself telling her how hurt I'd been that she'd taken Daniel's side and not mine--her own daughter's. Telling her that I couldn't understand how she could've wanted me to stay with him even though he'd cheated on me, even though he'd been unfaithful to me. How upsetting it'd been that the first words she'd said to me when I'd arrived with Daniel at the hospital after her heart attack were 'just tell me this means you're getting back together'.

"Didn't you want the best for me, Mum?" I choked, letting the tears fall unchecked now--I'd soaked so many tissues, I'd given up trying to mop my face. "I'm twenty-seven, for heaven's sake. I'm not going to get left on the shelf--and hey, even if I did, wouldn't that be better than being stuck with someone like Daniel? Why would you want me to be with him when there are other men out there I'd be so much happier with? Because Iknow that there are now, okay? You see, I met someone when I was in Cornwall, Mum--and he was wonderful. Really wonderful. But I've spent all week feeling guilty about being with him--because of you. Why should I have felt guilty? I hadnothing to feel guilty for!"

I closed my eyes, feeling utterly drained. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea after all. Surely this hadn't been what Caitlin had had in mind? "I'm sorry," I murmured weakly. "I probably shouldn't have said all of that. Maybe I should hope that you didn't hear a word of it. But I meant it. I meant it all. I'm sorry you had a heart attack because of me, I'm sorry you got so upset--because I never meant that to happen. But I was upset, too. I needed you to be there for me--but you weren't. Maybe--maybe you'll be able to tell me why, when you're better? Because I love you. So you'd better get better soon, okay?"

And finding a space on the bed beside my mother's legs, I rested my head upon my arms, looking up at her face as I listened to the soft whooshing noise of the machine doing her breathing for her, its slow rhythm hypnotically soothing...

"You need to go home."

Startled to hear Luke's voice, I lifted my head feeling horribly groggy, my eyes dry and gritty. "Wh-what?" My cheek felt oddly prickly too. "No," I protested, rubbing at it and finding tiny ridges there. "I'm not going home. I'm staying here tonight."

"I don't think so," Luke countered as I peered at the cellular blanket on the bed, realising its crosshatched pattern was now imprinted across my skin.

"But--" I stared at him in dismay. "Caitlin said I could stay. She said I--"

"The night shift came on half an hour ago. Caitlin isn't here anymore. She's gone home and that's where you're going too."

Unable to decide whether he was serious, I continued to gaze at him, noticing he'd changed out of his scrubs and was now wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, the same pale blue sweatshirt he'd let me borrow after rescuing me from the beach. The same sweatshirt, I realised as I felt a sudden lurch not far south of my navel, I'd been wearing when we'd had 'meaningless' sex...

"No," I said at last, shaking my head. "I'm not going. I'm staying here. You can't make me go."

Luke rolled his eyes. "Actually, I can," he said rather wearily, as though he'd been half-expecting a fight. "You see, your mother--who's doing very well, by the way--is my patient. Which means I get to pull rank. If I don't want any of her visitors to stay at her bedside overnight then they don't. It's as simple as that."

"You're really going to force me to leave?"

"Hey--" Luke shrugged. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way. You can agree to go or I can call security and have you escorted from the building. Either way, I'm driving you home."

I shot him an incredulous look. "Driving me home?"

"I know, what can I say?" He gave me a sudden grin. "I'm a really wonderful guy." And as I stared at him, the full significance of his choice of words slowly dawning, he moved nearer to my mother and touched her shoulder. "I'll bring her back tomorrow Mrs Ashmore, okay?" he said softly, addressing her as though he had no doubt she could hear him. "I'm looking forward to meeting you properly in the morning."

"Luke--"

He smiled, shaking his head as he straightened up. "Say goodnight to your Mum. I'll wait for you outside." And before I could say another word, he'd disappeared.

I swallowed hard, taking my mother's hand in my own and squeezing her fingers gently. "Looks like I've got to go, then," I whispered. "Please stay strong?" Then I bent to kiss her, closing my eyes for a moment as I rested my cheek against her forehead. "I love you. See you in the morning."

Luke was standing by the front desk chatting to two of the nurses but as soon as I approached he made his farewells and fell into step beside me. "Don't worry, okay? They'll take good care of her," he said, opening the ward door and ushering me through. "They're under strict instructions to give me a call if--"

"You were listening?" I burst out, unable to stay quiet any longer. "You heard what I said?"

He had the grace to look sheepish. "I didn't mean to, I swear."

"Luke! That was a private conversation!"

"I know, I know. And I'm sorry, I really am. But I came up to see how your Mum was doing--and there you were, pouring your heart out--" he winced slightly "--no pun intended."

I stared at him, torn between anger and relief. "How much--how much did you hear?"

He shot me a rueful glance. "Pretty much all of it, I think."

"Luke..."

"But I'm really glad I did. Bloody hell, Becks--" He blew out a sigh. "I thought you were back with him. I thought you were back with Daniel."

"So did everyone else. Well, everyone except Sarah." I bit my lip. "It was such a stupid thing to do. But I thought--I thought Mum was dying..."

Luke slid his arm around me, hugging me awkwardly as we walked. "You do realise her heart attack wasn't your fault, don't you? That was the result of years and years of accumulated damage. A time bomb waiting to explode."

"But all the stress--"

"Maybe hurried things along a bit but it was going to happen anyway, babe. She's probably had undiagnosed high blood pressure for years. I saw her heart this afternoon, okay? It wasn't your fault, I promise."

I saw her heart... I grimaced, trying to chase away the startling image in my mind of Luke rummaging around inside my mother's chest.

"Yeah, probably best not to think about that too much," he murmured sounding amused, apparently reading my mind.

"You mended her broken heart," I said, glancing up at him, wondering if he remembered what he'd said to me that night in the hotel.

He smiled. "Hey, I told you I could."

He remembered. And remembering exactly what we'd been doing--what he'd been doing to me when he'd said it, I suddenly felt very warm indeed... "How--how was the wedding?"

Luke's smile broadened into a grin at the abrupt change of subject. "Good. The weather was fine, the bride looked pregnant--I mean, radiant..."

"Julie's pregnant?" Why did it seem as though every woman in the world was pregnant right now?

"Hey, it's a family tradition. My grandmother was pregnant with my Dad when she got married. My mother was pregnant with me when she got married."

"And your speech?"

He shot me a curious look. "Who have you been speaking to?"

"Caitlin. She said you were worried about it."

"Did she indeed?" He rolled his eyes, holding up his hand and flapping his fingers against his thumb. "Nice girl, but boy, can she talk. Don't tell her any of your secrets."

I hesitated. "She also said you were supposed to be on leave this week."

"See what I mean?"

"So why were you here?" The question had been whirling about in my head ever since Caitlin had told me. "You shouldn't even have been here."

There was a slight pause. "No, I guess not. Lucky coincidence, eh?"

I stopped dead in the middle of the hallway, something about the lightness of his tone giving him away. "It wasn't a coincidence," I breathed, staring at him in frank astonishment. "You knew."

"Becks--"

"How on earth...? Youknew? You knew she was my mother?"

"All right, babe. Stay calm." And gently taking my shoulders, Luke gazed into my eyes. "Yes, I knew."

"But how?" I shook my head in bewilderment. "I don't understand."

He drew in a breath. "That Saturday morning at the hotel--when I went back to your room, you'd gone. The cleaners were in there. And when I asked at Reception and they told me you'd checked out..." He frowned. "I couldn't believe you'd left without saying goodbye."

"I was going to leave a message--"

"I know." His eyes softened. "The girl on the desk told me. She said there was a guy with you but she didn't know who he was. But it turned out she'd only just started her shift. The girl who was on before saw Daniel. He'd told her that your Mum had had a heart attack and she was the one who told him which room you were in. He told her he was your fiancé."

"Right," I murmured. And then I frowned. "I still don't understand. How did you know Mum was here? How did you know where I lived? Did they tell you? Because that shouldn't have--"

Luke shook his head. "Oh I'm sure they wouldn't have told me. But they didn't need to. I already knew."

"What?"

He gave me a rueful smile then glanced down at my right forearm. "I put those stitches in, Rebecca Marie Ashmore, remember? And by the looks of things, I'm going to have to take them out again, too."

I stared at the use of my full name, finally comprehending he'd seen that and my home address on my notes at the Minor Injuries Unit. "You knew all along?" I said slowly. "You knew we lived in the same city?"

He nodded. "When I got back on Sunday, I contacted Admissions and asked whether a Mrs Ashmore had been admitted with a heart attack--and lo and behold, she had. I was down in the Cath Lab on Friday and just happened to notice she was on the list for an angiogram today. I've always got a mountain of paperwork to get through anyway, so I thought it wouldn't hurt to be around, just in case. Besides, the guy who's covering for me this week--well--" He grimaced. "He's an okay enough surgeon, but..."

Luke the perfectionist. I gazed at him, my mouth suddenly going very dry. He'd done all that for me... "It reallywasn't a coincidence, was it?"

He shook his head. "Nope."

"So when you came up to talk to us after the operation--you knew you were going to see me?"

He grinned. "Well, there was always the chance it was a completely different Mrs Ashmore, I guess. But yes, that was the plan."

"And there was I--"

"--all wrapped up in Daniel's arms." He grimaced. "Seeing that was bad enough, but when I realised your Daniel wasthat Daniel--"

I stared at him, my sense of euphoria dissipating. "Chloe," I faltered.

He nodded slowly, his gaze remaining steady on mine. "I know. There are things we need to talk about. But not here." And letting me go he dropped his hand into mine, tugging me into motion. "Come on. Let's get you home."

*

Thanks for reading me--thanks for all your comments and votes so far. You guys are great!

Okay--the wait for Chapter 8 (hey, that rhymes :-)) may be a little bit longer. I've got to get cracking on some revision for my exam--grrr. But I promise faithfully not to keep you waiting for ever--I'm really looking forward to writing the next bit...

As ever, your votes and comments on this latest instalment are very much appreciated.

Thanks again

Lily -x-