tagCelebrities & Fan FictionCelebrity Jerk-A-Thon Ch. 02

Celebrity Jerk-A-Thon Ch. 02


It took about a good three months of solid planning for the Jerk-a-Thon to finally come to fruition. The delays in staging the event were caused mainly by conflicts resulting from the various female celebrities who had to rearrange their ever-demanding schedules. The male performers themselves presented no such problem; all who had accepted the Olsen sister's invitation did so without reservation.

"You know," Mary Kate said to her sister, "I'd rather deal with guys any day. No whining, no complaining, no bullshit." She had just finalized arrangements with the audio/video company who was going to stage their event and had just now hung up the phone with the caterers. "I mean look at this. The guys don't give a shit what they eat as long as there's pizza and beer. But the women! Dom Perignon champagne, caviar, steak... You'd think the greatest show of beefcake on this earth would be enough for them. No. They want to eat like gourmands."

Ashley looked up from her computer screen and shrugged. "So what? The money's all going to charity anyway. What do you care what they eat?"

"I care because it's more work for me. If it were just pizza and beer, it would be easy. Now I have to arrange it like a fucking wedding reception."

"Oh, stop complaining. We should be lucky that most of them are coming in the first place. How many are there anyway?"

Mary Kate threw herself down on the sofa and grabbed a bunch of papers from the coffee table in front of her. The living room looked sparking clean, as did the rest of the house, in preparation of tomorrow's event. She quickly glanced out the rear window overlooking the vast estate and smiled to herself, knowing that the platform put up by the Jerk-a-Thon crew earlier in the week would soon be exhibiting the finest in male flesh.

"So?" Ashley repeated. "How many?"

"Three hundred and fifty-three".

"Are you kidding?"

"Nope. I told you this last night Ash, but you weren't paying attention."

Ashley laughed nervously. "Sorry, I had other things on my mind."

"Yeah, like jerking Justin off. You still won't let him fuck you, will you?"

"Not until I'm married. I told you that."

Mary Kate shook her head. "You are so square."

"Three hundred and fifty-three women," Ashley pondered this figure in her head, ignoring her sister. "How much money have we raised so far?"

"Just over 7.5 million dollars."

"That's fantastic. And we would've been happy with half a million. Holly is going to be thrilled."

"It's a shame she can't make it. But she has an infant to care for now. At least she had no problem with sending Craig over."

"I think next month is their one-year wedding anniversary. We have to get them something."

"Make a note of it on your 'To Do' list. Meantime, let's get some dinner. I think we should both get to bed early tonight. We have a ton of stuff to do in the morning before everyone gets here."

Ashley turned off her computer and she and her sister headed out the door.


Logistics had always been Ashley's strength. She was the organizer, the planner. The more staid and demure of the two sisters, she was the one who kept meticulous notes on all aspects of the twins' business enterprises. Nothing escaped her attention. Born only a few minutes before her sister, she nonetheless took on the mantle of the older sibling, with its attendant sense of responsibility and protectiveness. Mary Kate looked up to her and admired Ashley's constant devotion to their burgeoning empire, leaving her with the freedom to pursue her acting career with which Ashley had grown disenchanted. Ashley's interests centered on the fashion world and this is where she now hoped to make her mark.

So it was with no small effort that Ashley now took over the final arrangements of the Jerk-A-Thon, seeing to it that the entire entourage of male performers had been met at LA airport by chauffer-driven cabs and delivered promptly at her doorstep. The first to show up was none other than Joey Balls, who had flown all the way from Wellington, New Zealand in his own private jet. He arrived at the estate just after 10:15 a.m. looking rather happy and refreshed considering the amount of time he had spent flying. And then, almost like clockwork, the line of limos started appearing at the front gate within minutes of each other.

Craig Lundquist and Barney Cole were the first to arrive after Joey, followed by Tom Murphy, King Matumba—with two male and six female tribes people—and the Semenov Septets: Russian dwarf ballet dancers who had become world famous under the tutelage of their stern mistress, Ms. Olga Yeltsin. The last to arrive was Johnny "ET" Adams, a young man of 22 years of age whose moniker had nothing to do with anything extraterrestrial, as Ashley and Mary Kate would soon find out. He had been recommended by Teri Hatcher because of the freakish mutation he possessed. Teri refused to tell the sisters what Johnny's physical peculiarity was, but she assured the girls that they would not be disappointed with his performance.

The sisters greeted everybody warmly and for several minutes they exchanged pleasantries before being directed into the mansion so that they could relax and freshen up. Craig was his usual happy-go-lucky self, talking candidly about Holly and how thrilled he was to be father to a baby girl. Barney, too, seemed at ease, excited to find himself in a position of entertaining groups of women once more, which he had not done since he had left Paris.

Both girls had to refrain from laughing when they saw Joey Balls come striding in the room with his oversized sweatpants, which were needed to accommodate his equally oversized testicles. Ashley had recalled that Joey's remarkable accoutrements were once referred to as "two wonderfully freakish specimens of elephantiasis of the scrotum." But where she heard this she could not remember. Suffice it to say, the little man was quite affable and warm to the twins, who despite their shock at observing his abnormality first hand, had the presence of mind to treat him with the utmost equanimity. His thick Australian accent, which captivated them to the point of distraction, endeared him to the twins.

Tom Murphy was a last-minute choice for the Jerk-A-Thon because his teaching schedule almost precluded him from coming. Just when he thought he would have to pass up performing in the show, his plans had changed and he contacted the sisters to tell them that he was now available. They immediately welcomed his participation, having seen him perform at a friend's house in Massachusetts the previous year. But the truth was that his reason for taking part in the event had more to do with his reputation for being multi-orgasmic than for his association with any particular member of the Sisterhood. Not that it mattered to Ashley or Mary Kate. All they wanted was to showcase the most amazing cum shooters they could find from their collection of videos taken during Sisterhood events of the past five years. It was really as simple as that.

Drew had promised that Anthony Riddle would be in the show, and he did indeed arrive only minutes after everyone else. "Big Anthony" was all smiles as he strode up to the twins, briefcase in hands. When questioned why he was carrying it, he explained that his lawyerly duties could not be neglected simply because he had decided to partake in the Jerk-A-Thon. Initially, he had eschewed taking part in the event because he felt that his former stint as a nude stripper would have negative ramifications upon his new career as a lawyer. Drew's assurances that his participation in the show would be kept secret quelled any misgivings he might have had. For even though the show would be videotaped, the twins had signed an agreement with all the performers, guaranteeing them complete anonymity. He now sat across from Joey, briefcase on his lap, glancing every so often at the twin monstrosities that looked imposing even under the cover of the dwarf's baggy pants.

The Maasai warrior, otherwise known as "King Matumba," whom Mary Kate and Ashley had met the previous year, was stretched out on a small, black, leather couch—his massive frame far too gangly to sit comfortably. His two fellow tribesmen were as tall as he was and just as handsome. They stood on either side of their leader, their heads almost touching the ceiling. All three men were dressed casually in slacks and short sleeve shirts; the tribal outfit the King had worn last year abandoned for the sake of convention. Six beautiful women stood behind the King looking pleasant and self-effacing. Unlike the men, they were adorned in their native dress. All of them were rather tall, from about 5' 9" to 6' in height. It was obvious that the women of Kenya were not on an equal status with their male counterparts, and this was reflected in their deferential attitude toward the three men.

King Matumba introduced his companions as Mbatiany, who stood on his left, and Senteu, both of whom hailed from Kenya and Tanzania, respectively. He indicated the women as part of his harem, but he did not introduce them by name. Neither of the men, nor the women, spoke any English, and when they did speak it was only to their leader and in the Maa language, which was the tribal language of the Maasai people. King Matumba himself had only the most rudimentary command of the language, but it was sufficient enough for him to communicate with his hosts. Even scrunched up as he was on the small chair, he looked every bit like royalty. The only thing that detracted from his regal image was the enormous size of his genitals, which created a prominent bulge that was incapable of being effaced by the simple act of posturing. Like Joey, whose testicles consistently drew attention to him, so it was with King Matumba with his ridiculously humongous organ: it simply could not be ignored.

Mary Kate found it difficult to keep her eyes off the handsome black man's crotch. She remembered his cock was an astounding two feet in length, the girth of his shaft at least as wide as her upper arm. And his testicles were no less remarkable: two black cantaloupes, which even now, hidden beneath his trousers, were almost as impressive as Joey's. The thought that his companions may be equally endowed made her shiver with excitement. She tried to picture all three men naked, masturbating in front of her, their thick black tube steaks releasing all their cum at once—three long arcing streams of hot, white sperm colliding in mid air. She put her legs together, feeling a tingling sensation at the thought.

Sitting on a chair next to King Matumba, and looking rather wistful, was Johnny "ET" Adams. He was a thin, good-looking guy with sandy blonde hair who had only recently been drafted into the Sisterhood as a manservant to Teri Hatcher. He had come alone and looked a bit nervous until he struck up a conversation with Joey, whose outgoing personality helped make the young man relax. Ashley found him rather cute, and as she wanted to discover his particular hidden talent, she address this issue first, using it as a segue to begin her speech.

"Okay, I need to know what this 'ET' stands for," she said looking straight at the young man.

Without the least hint of embarrassment, he replied casually, "Extra testicle".

The fact that such an abnormality in itself was extremely odd hardly compensated for the matter-of-fact tone in which he replied, and the entire room erupted into laughter.

"I don't think it's very funny," he replied, highly offended.

This caused even more gales of laughter.

Barely able to contain his amusement, Joey's hefty scrotum rolled from side to side, his body shifting position in time with his rollicking nuts. "Fuck me!" the jovial dwarf exclaimed. "If that ain't a ripper!"

At first King Matumba had no idea what was going on. He looked from one face to the next demanding to know what had caused everyone to start laughing. His companions stood by passively, even more befuddled at the intense outburst.

"Someone explain, please!" the King demanded.

It took a few moments before anyone could respond to his question, and it was Ashley who spoke up first. Pointing to Johnny's crotch, she held up three fingers. "Three," she said, laughing so hard that her head fell onto the shoulders of her equally amused sister. The King looked puzzled.

"I don't understand," he said, now looking directly at Johnny's crotch.

"Three balls!" Joey exclaimed. "She means, three balls!"

To emphasize his point, the dwarf fondled his own two huge nuts and then indicated a third imaginary one by employing hand gestures.

Suddenly the King threw his head back and bellowed vociferously, finally realizing what all the fuss was about. "Three! Three!" he shouted joyously, stamping his right foot on the floor. He then said something in his native tongue to his companions who also started to emulate their leader's response. This caused another huge eruption of laughter from everyone.

Johnny looked as if someone had slapped him in the face. "I think it's really rude of all of you to treat me this way. I'm out of here."

He quickly rose from his chair and headed for the door.

"No, wait! Please!" Ashley shouted after him. "We didn't mean to insult you. It just took us all by surprise. We're sorry, really. Please don't go."

Johnny turned abruptly to face her. He could see that her response was sincere. "Well, all right. I'll stay. But no more jokes."

"We promise," Mary Kate assured him.

Once the laughter had subsided, Johnny explained to the group that he had recently been the object of fascination to Teri and some of the other Sisters because of his unique abnormality. Johnny, or "ET" as he was sometimes called, claimed that the addition of this "extra testicle" allowed him to keep ejaculating for long periods of time as compared to men who only had two balls. This admission was not lost on Mary Kate.

"I'd like to put that theory to the test," she said in deadly earnest.

Craig and Barney were still chuckling amongst themselves, both men finding it difficult to believe Johnny's claim.

"Do you really have three testicles?" Craig asked Johnny.

"Yes, I do."

Barney shook his head. "Can you tell just from lookin' at your sac, man? Cause you ain't gonna fool no one once you get them clothes off."

Johnny stood his ground. "When you see what I can do, you'll understand."

"And you can produce tons of juice because you have a third nut?" Anthony asked him.

"Probably a lot more than you can," Johnny stated with confidence.

"I don't think so, kid. I don't think so," Anthony replied with a hint of sarcasm.

"Anthony is multi-orgasmic," Mary Kate said to Johnny. "I've seen what he can do."

"And you'll see what I can do too!" Johnny replied with conviction.

Mary Kate smiled coyly. "I'm looking forward to it."

Craig laughed. "Well this is going to be one hell of an interesting show!"

Tom Murphy had remained quiet during all this time, sitting close to the twins but declining to engage in the conversation.

"What's wrong, Tom?" Ashley finally asked him. "You're so quiet."

Tom looked her in the eye, admiring the young woman's astounding beauty. "Don't get me wrong, Ashley," he replied. "It's just that I'm kind of new to the Sisterhood and all this show business stuff. I don't mind telling you all that I'm a little intimidated."

"There's absolutely no reason to be, believe me," she said. "Not everyone here is a real professional, so don't sweat it."

"There ain't nothin' to it, mate," Joey assured Tom. "You go out there with confidence and just do your thing. Er, what is your thing anyway?"

Tom grinned. "I guess I do pretty much what everyone else here does: shoot never-ending streams of cum."

Everybody laughed.

"That's what we want to see!" Mary Kate added emphatically.

"So you've got no routine then?" Joey asked him.

"Not really."

"Well then," Joey replied warmly, "you see you fit right in! And the women out there are already half past drunk, so you got the lot of 'em in your pocket already!"

With assurances coming from all sides, Tom finally relaxed and joined in the fun.

For the next half hour Ashley and Mary Kate handed out flyers to all the performers, explaining to them what was required of each of them and what position their act would occupy on the lineup.

Olga Yeltsin sat on a chair opposite the twins, her seven dwarf ballet dancers positioned on the floor in front of her like pawns on a chessboard. They refused to sit on chairs, preferring instead to sit by their mistresses' feet. The septets were 25 years of age and all of them had dark brown way hair, gray-blue eyes, and stood three feet, nine inches tall. Ashley and Mary Kate thought them very handsome. Boris had been born first, followed by Vladimir, Pavel, Sergey, Nikolay, Pyotr, and Aleksandr. Like Olga, each of the dwarfs could speak excellent English, and Joey wasted no time in making their acquaintance.

"Well, for once it's nice to have guys my own height on the same bill," Joey said to Olga. "It's kind of refreshing, if you know what I mean."

"I suppose it must be Mr. Balls," Olga replied, eyeing his ponderous scrotum with curiosity.

"You don't get to see many dwarfs in show business these days unless they're part of a circus. Damn shame too. There's a huge pool of talent out there if these stupid producers could see the worth in hirin' little people."

"Maybe they will someday," Olga replied. "I can tell you that in Russia we have a long-standing tradition that includes hiring people of all ages and sizes in our theatre and ballet productions. We do not discriminate to the degree that they do here in America."

"That's why we were surprised when Mary Kate and Ashley invited us to perform here," Boris added. "Maybe we will start a new trend in this country."

Craig agreed. "Leave it to Mary Kate and Ashley to lead the way," he said raising his glass to the twins. "Cheers, guys!"

"Yes," Olga said. "Cheers to the two most beautiful twins in the world!"

Mary Kate and Ashley smiled graciously and joined the rest of the group in the toast.

In contrast to Joey's outgoing and nonchalant persona, Olga projected an image of seriousness and professionalism. She had trained the dwarfs for many years until they had become the most successful, if not notorious, ballet group in Russia. She might have been called pretty if not for the asymmetrical shape of her nose, which gave her face a hardened appearance. She treated her charges with great respect, but demanded complete loyalty and respect from them, which they gave in abundance. The twins noted that the dwarfs always deferred to her in all matters in which protocol was an issue. It seemed to be a relationship built on absolute trust.

"Do you understand what is expected of you?" Ashley asked Olga.

Olga replied in the affirmative.

"Good. If you need any assistance or have any questions, just see any of the party planners. That goes for all of you. They're all dressed in pink shirts. Or you can see our housemaid Anna if no one else is available. She's helping to coordinate things. My sister and I want to thank you all for being here. It might interest you to know that we have over 350 celebrities coming today, so you're going to have a fantastic audience to cheer you on. Go enjoy yourselves and have a great time."

After all the instructions had been given, the twins excused themselves to attend to other matters.

The caterers arrived just before 11:00 a.m. with vans full of food and drink. Mary Kate directed them as to where everything was to be placed and then left the job to Anna and Maria to oversee. Shortly thereafter the 50-piece orchestra hired to play for the event showed up in their own huge bus. Ashley and Mary Kate laughed aloud when they saw the words "The All-Male American Nude Orchestra" emblazed in giant red letters on the side of the bus. A friend of theirs in Hawaii had written to them months earlier about the band, recommending them highly for their excellent musicianship and for the special antics that comprised their spectacular finale. When the twins found out that all the members played in the nude, they couldn't book the orchestra fast enough. Mary Kate was so turned on to the idea that she coaxed Ashley to hire them on the spot without an audition. Ashley hardly needed any coaxing.

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